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The Situation of Austria.





I SXTKACTS FJSOM "PUNCH" & FUN." "Derby, Dizzy, & Co." (A Card); or," Rather Hard Lines." (S m Lord Derby's Speech, Monday, July 9th.) Here's a task to put temper and tact to their'mettle, In these heats of July to hi worked off our legs, While, betwixt men and places, the problem we settle Given more pegs than holes, to find holes for our pegs." For Cabinet-making was always hard labour, E'en with good stook-in-trade and one's toolslwell on edge, Bat to take up the business, when dropped by a neigh. bour, With one's stuff all unseasoned, one's tools' all in pledge- With the cramp in one's limbs, and one's hand out of practice, One's old shopmates rusty, one's young 'una untried- We'd never have opened the shop, but the fact is, There's a party behind us as won't be denied We've done all we could to enlarge our connections, New capital into the firm tried to bring; But the party from over the way had objections, And we're forced to fall back on] the old style of thing. So here goes for a venture: put up the old fixtures; Set out the old show-glass; display the old bills; If we've only old stock, we must try on new mixtures, Let's hope, if old firms go, we'll get their good-wills. Carol by a Country Bumpkin. Loramassy, there now, look'ee, That comparison's a rum 'un; Yon young lady wi' her bouquet- Wi* her bundle, yon, old 'ooman! Them two differs, as to shape, In their looks and in their feeters; 'Most as Christian do from ape, Yet they both be human creeters. You med call this here 'un Pot, You med name that there 'un Kettle. Ees, and come, I tell 'ee what, Both them two be all one metal. How Truly Sweet! The Dunmow Flitch is offered to happy couples this year, Charles, love," said Emma to her young husband. I don't care," said Charles, gravely. I could not in honour compete for it. You have to swear that for a year and a day you have never wished yourselves unmarried." And you could not say that, Charles ? said Emma her large blue eyes preparing for a swim. "Certainly not. I have often wished it." Oh, Charles! "Yes. Because then I could have married you again." fThe rest would not interest a cold-hearted public. Dialogue. Broivn. Oar friend Jones's new great coat was stolen the very night; it was sent home from the tailor. Robinson. Do you know that I don't think I much care P Broivn. Probably not. Bat Mr. Home, the spiritual- ist. was advertised to appear as Lord Oakley." Robinson. I don't think I care much about that either. Brown. No ? But why was Jones's coat like Home's Oakley ? Robinson. I do not know. Broivn. Because he never came out in it. Robinson. What an ass you are! Guardians Indeed!—The Whiteohapelguardians are sternly determined to prove their right to that title. Perfectly conscious at last—now that it has been clearly proved to them and everybody-that they ca.nnot claim to be guardians of the poor," they have proved themselves" guardians of the national honour." Would our readers know how ? By refusing to allow M. Huskion, director-general of the Parisian hospitals, to inspect their infirmary, although he was the bearer of an official letter of introduction. Their jealousy for England's reputation is the first commendable quality we have observed in them. No SHAVE !-Our soldiers are petitioning the authorities for permission to wear beards. We hope, in the interests of the nation, that they will be suc- cessful, for we are convinced that, in this age of beards and comfort, the razor of our regiments is a bad re- cruiter of our forces. A COI(G)N OF 'VANTAGE.—A threepenny bit- when there's a collection.