Welsh Newspapers

Search 15 million Welsh newspaper articles

Hide Articles List

15 articles on this Page




[No title]





[No title]







FACTS AND FACETIAE. —♦— A Modern Dutch Song Drinking Old Rye,— If a pody dreats a body, Mit some good old rye, Un if a pody dakes his toddy Zometimes on der shly; Or if zome veliow, rader mellow, Trinks dill he gets high, 'Gainst der liquor should he pellow ? No such vool am I. (Qorus—all zing.) Efery pody loves his toddy, Prandy, chin, or vine, Efery von has got his hobby, Goot old rye ish mine. Down der shdreet I ovden meet. Some Dautschmen on der shbree; Un if von of dem shoult shdand dreat, It's goot old rye for me. Of all der trinks, dere's none, I tinks, So goot ven you ish dry; Dere's noding, ven your shbirits zinks, Can raise dem like old rye. Efery pody loves his toddy, Prandy, chin, or vine, Un efery von has got his hobby, Goot old rye ish mine. Ven vunds ish vhlush den off I rush To Shon Horn's lager shdore, Put dere I never trinks too mush- A quart shust, un no more. Ven on der shbree I happy be, Dougn in der shtreets I lie, Un all der vorld is nix to me, Ven trinking good old rye. Efery pody loves his toddy, Den vhy shouldn't I ? Un efery von has got his hobby, Mine ish goot old rye. Duties fulfilled are always pleasures to the memory. One rarely repents of having kept silence; one often repents of having spoken. It is not the height to which men are raised that so often iaakes them giddy, but it is the looking upon those below them. Scandal is a bit of false money, and he who passes it is frequently as bad as he who originally utters it. What is the use in sighing and weeping as we float down the stream of time ? Why make the voyage of life a wailing voyage ? JefF, why am you like de gum tree? "I guvs it up, Sam; I can't tell you."—"Case you stays green both summer and winter." A man that marries a widow is bound to give up smoking. If she gives up her weeds for him he should give up the weed for her. If a man is not tall at twenty, handsome at thirty, wise at forty, and rich at fifty, he never will be tall, handsome, wise, nor rich. A hungry man is unmanageable. To be docile, he must, like a horse, have first had a bit in his mouth. Josh Billings says, "There ia two things in this life for which we are never prepared, and that is twins.' One Fault.—" She is insupportable," said a com- plaining husband of his wife; but, as if he had gone too far, he added, It is her only defect." A traveller, lately describing a tropical shower, wrote to a friend in the following words :-The rain- drops were extremely large, varying in size from a shilling to eighteenpence. A Caution to Tax-gatherers and Overseers. -If a man is to do as he is done by, he may well be excused for soolding when he is rated. Note for Anglers.-Fialiing was called by Izaak Walton the "gentle craft prob!Lbly because, in angling he commonly baited with gentles. An unsophisticated alderman, on being told that the Italians and French have no w in their languages, told his informant that he couldn't fool him in that way," and knowingly asked how they could spell wagon, or wealth, or woman, or wine, without a w. A Description.—She was all sorts of a gal—there warn't a sprinklin' too much of her; she had an eye that would make a fellow's heart try to get out of his bosom; her step was as light as a panther's, and her breath sweet as the prairie flower. As William drew his Snsan near, He whispered to his bride, Though queer it sounds, I love, my dear, To live by Suey's side." A Reason for Everything.—"Pray," inquired one minister of another, "seeing so many ladies attend your church, why do you invariably address your con- gregation as dear brethren ? Oh, the reason is easily given," he replied; the brethren embrace the sisters." In a parish not 100 miles from Hexham there once resided a pastor whose mercenary proclivities were frequently spoken of by his flock. One day an old farmer called to pay the tithes, and on settlement there appeared a balance of one halfpenny, for which the priest proposed that they should toss Nae, nae," quoth the farmer "aw nivver was a gam'lor, an' awl not start noo A California editor, speaking of the complaints by his readers that he don't publish all the local items they desire to Bee, justly observes that it is often their own fault, in not sending the facts. He says he don't like to publish a birth after the honeymoon is over, or the death of a man after hia widow is married again. A stranger in an American printing-office asked the printer's boy what his rule of punctuation was. I set up as long as I bold my breath, then I put in a comma; when I gasp, I insert a semicolon; and when I want a chew of tobacco, I make a paragraph." A Galway bailiff having been questioned as to whether he had spoken to any of the locked-up jury during the night, gravely answered, "No, my lord; they kept calling out for me to give them whisky, but I always said, Gentlemen of the jury, it is my duty to tell you that I m sworn not to speak to you. On a trial for an assault, which took place at the assizes, some years since, a medical witness in giving his evidence informed the court that on examining the prosecutor, he found him suffering from a severe con- tusion of the integuments under the left orbit, with great extravasation of blood, and ecohymosis in the surrounding cellular tissue, which waa in a tumefied state. There was also considerable abrasion of the outiole. Judge: You mean, I suppose, that the man had a bad black eye ?—Witness Yes.—Judge: Then why not say so at once ? One of Palmerston's Jokes.—In the course of th& late Premier's canvass of Hampshire, in conjunc- tion with the late Sir George Staunton, a meeting was held in a long narrow room at the Angel Hotel, dimly lit at each end by two small windows. Daring the noble lord's speeoh he was interrupted by cries of "No, no," proceeding from a little fat man in one of the windows, who was butler to an old admiral in the neighbourhood. There were loud calls to bring him forward, but Lord Palmers ton promptly said, "Pray don't interfere with the gentleman; let him remain in the window. Providence has denied him any intel- lectual light, it would be hard indeed to deprive him of the light of heaven." Ever afterwards, to the day of his death, the butler's appearance was alluded. to as, 'Here oometh the light of heaven." Out on the Spree.—Three persona were brought up at Wellingborough, a short time ago, for disturb- ance at an inn. A part of the charge against them was the order given by them for supper. Solomon took his seat first, placed his hands upon the table, and issued the following Waiter, bring me a dish of fried milestones and two church steeples cold without sugar." George next gave his order:—" A pint of town pumps done brown, with a spoon in it." Stephens was next on the list, and ordered as fol- lows:—" Landlord, bring me a quart of station clerks, two fried contractors, and a bootjack." Mr. Driver came last and made the following request:—" Land- lord, bring the Thames Tunnel stuffed with onions, and a pint of South Sea bubbles warm without." The simple landlord, after considering for a minute, merely answered, "I hain't got 'em, gentlemen," when a row took place. -♦ —

[No title]