Skip to main content
Hide Articles List

11 articles on this Page



[No title]


[No title]



[No title]



FACTS AND FACETIAE. Song of the (Buttonless) Shirt. We extract the following parody of Hood's cele- brated song from a little monthly publication called the Aldgate Magazine. On nightshirt holey and worn, On a c mfortless lonely bed, I A bachelor sat in bachelor rags, Plying his needle and thread- Stitch, stitch, stitch— Surly, and cross, and pert; He sang in a voice of dolorous pit an This Song of the Buttonless Shirt." Work, work, work, Till my brain begins to swim; Work, work, work, Till my eyes are heavy and dim Yet underneath my clothes, So lightly the buttons cling, » That I fear to take a sudden jump, And I dare not take a spring. Oh, men with sisters dear! h Oh, men with mothers and wives! If buttons fall off, and shirts wear out, Ij They replace them with their fives." Stitch, stitch, stitch, Surly, and cross, and pert, L Gobbling" away with a double thread, A fine-drawn front to a shirt. But why do I talk of fronts, A thing that we never wear ? ji I hardly know its curious shape, With its four thin arms so bare! With its four thin arms so bare! i; I mean the strings that would always break, Or if not break, would tear. Stitch, stitch, stitch, It is the fate of wags, And what are their wages ? a hole-y shirt- A puckered front-and rags. That cottonless reel, and this headless pin, Of scissors, a broken pair; A pincushion blank, that my stars I thank, If ever a pin is there! Work, work, work, While the solemn church-bells chime; Work, work, work, I am adding crime to crime. I hem, I fell, [ run, I run, I fell, I hem Till my fingers are pricked, and my needle breaks, And I throw it do wn with a Dam 1 Oh, but to breath the breath Of "freedom from needles" sweet- With a mended nightcap on my head, And hsleless socks on my feet! For only one short hour, To feel as I used to feel, Before I know the woes of want, And saw the hole in my heel! Oh, but for one brief hour, A respite, however sbort- When I watched my ma as she darned my hose, And mended what she had bought. A helping hand would ease my heaxt, But in my aching head, My hopes must lie, for each big sigh, Hinders my needle and thread. With fingers weary and worn, With eyelids heavy and red, A bachelor sat in bachelor rags, Plying his needle and thread. Stitch, stitch, stitch, Surly, and cross, and pert, He sang in a voice of dolorous pitch (So gloomy and glumpy, you never heard sich) This "Song of the Buttonlesa Shirt." How many peas are there in a pint r-One p. When gamblers marry, they rarely announce no cards." Discretion in speech is more than eloquence. A fine coat may cover a fool, but never oonoeals one. When did the greatest rise in milk take place? When the cow jumped over the moon. Stuff and Nonsense.—Cracking jokes while you are eating your dinner. If a family quite fill the carriage, why are they not to be trusted ? Do you give it up, Sambo ?" Well, massa, I Vpects it is beooa dey's got de seat full (deceitful). Yah! ya.h!" A lady in London recently called at the sbep of a maker of chimney ventilators to see if he had any con. trivance which would make her husband stop smoking. "Dear Laura, when we were courting, you were very dear to me; but now you're my wife, and I'm paying your bills, you seem to get dearer and dearer." A correspondent entered an office, and accused the compositor of not having punctuated his communi- cation, when the typo earnestly replied-" I'm not a pointer, I'm a setter." It was once observed to Lord Palmerston that a certain M.P., always in debt, intended to bring in a, bill. "Let him," cried the Premier; "but it would do him more credit, and prove more satisfactory to certain parties, if he were to take up one." Turning the Tables. — In an Auckland (New Zealand) paper, a girl advertises for a situation to take charge of a laundry or dairy. She can cook, and understands housekeeping, and adds, "None but a respectable mistress, who wishes to leave her servant in uninterrupted discharge of her duties, need apply." What a competition there must be among the mis- tresses for the model servant! Definition of a Blush.—A writer gives the fol- lowing clear and concise explanation of a lady's blush; The mind communicates with the centre ganglion the latter, by influx action through the brain and facial nerve, with the organic nerves in the face, with which its branches inosculate." A country paper once said that E. DooliitJe is in the habit of stealing pigs and robbing hen-roosts. If he does not desist, we will publish his name." This is equal to the minister at a camp-meeting, who said, If the lady with the blue hat, red hair, and cross eyes, doesn t stop talking, she will be pointed out to the congregation." Marriage. Mr. Quibble, reading that it has been decided in the Court of Queen's Bench, in Dablin, that a clergyman of the Church of England can legally marry himself," observed that that might be very well as a measure of economy, but that even in the hardest times he should prefer to marry a womrr. A New Wor d-]Fost- voice.- In times not long past, or, rather, only passing, a detailed account of ? contained in bales and boxes waa inclosed and called an invoice. Since the introduction of the penny post such documents have accompanied the advice of despatch, or way-bill, and in some counting-tenses of repute has been named post-voice." Robbing a Church.—During Saturday night some thieves broke into the church of St. Matthew, Leeds. The thieves drank a bottle of wine, and placed the empty bottle on the cushion of the pulpit, on each side of which they hung a surplice or clerical gown upon a gas pillar, the glass globe of which they broke. Many of the contents of the vestry and other parts of the church were strewn about, and a piece of p&per was left behind, with the following words upon it — "Dear sir, we are sorry W8 cannot find your plate." A gentleman of the Stock Exchange, who recently gained heavily by a rise in the funds, invited all who had the misfortune to lose to dinner. The piece de resistance of the dessert represented a bull devouring twelve bears. It was made of pound cake. One of the bears was so indignant that (with a courage wSiefa was terrible to behold) he took up a knife and cut off the bull's head, leaving the room instantly, and the giver of the fete, pale and trembling, apologised to the other bears, feeling after all, what is one bull in the bfmds of a dozen bears of society, if not of the Bourse ?

[No title]