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AGRICULTURE. ! ---I

SPORTS AND PASTIMES. -+--

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THE REFORM LEAGUE. ) !

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TRIAL AND ACQUITTAL OF THE…

OLD BUYS.

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OLD BUYS. A married old boy is a painful and humiliating ob- ject. He is often, without knowing it, affording as much amusement to his wife as to any one else, for as no man is a hero to his yoke-fellow, the effort of the old boy to figure killingly in strange eyes must strike those of his lawful spouse as singularly ridiculous and ineffectual. Old boys are the last to comprehend this; they are not aware of the hopeless, dreary con- tempt which women entertain for the husbands who prove false to their love, or their ambition, and how quietly they can enjoy the dishonest airs and grimaces which the elderly fool puts on for others in their pre- sence. Often, too, when matters grow notorious, the slighted lady has consolations of which the world and the old boy are ignorant. What does she lose in him? We have nothing in our social state so contemptible as the married old boy. He is so utterly, and so irritatingly at variance with Gur notions of what an old man ought to be, that if we were not accustomed to the character, we should regard it as positively monstrous. The horrible anecdotes one of those dotards will tell you after dinner or in the smoking-room will disgust you more with humanity than if you rose fresh from reading an account of Swift's Yahoos. When he has grown sons or daughters he is, if possible, more revolting. Before them we will not conceive him offensive, but we have seen a married old boy positively order his eldest son out of the way while he sat mumbling before a young girl, and picking out doating compliments, which, it may be remarked, are current coin with old boys. To note those fine fellows doddering about the freshest flowers in a ballroom is an amusement calculated to try the temper. We are not to be misunderstood, there are old gentlemen with wives and without, with whom the spark of real chivalry is quick, and who are ready to fetch, to carry, to run, or to bow, with a faithful and touching deference, which may fairly challenge the youngest squire of dames to a rivalry at least for a place in a lady's good graces. In them we read a lesson which our generation might profit by; in the others we read a lesson too, but it is a lesson like that which the Greek child learned when the Helot was made to illustrate the warning addressed to him. To be an old boy is really an awful fate. The very name implies an un- natural conjunction, to be old without the wisdom of age, and young without the attractions of youth. There is a weird story repeated by Addison from Plato. Accounting for ghosts appearing in church- yards, the Spectator used a supposition of the pbilo. sopher's, who conceived that those who died with fierce and unsubdued desires, when freed from the body, were punished by a perpetual longing, and an utter impotence to repeat their pleasures. In the miserable effort to possess the body they haunted the urns and graves. We can hardly imagine a more dreadful torture than this, and it fifeema to have been specially invented for the punishment of old boys. We may take it for granted that the condition of old boyhood is the sequel of a misspent manhood. Earnest workers or thinkers become quiet family men, who wait calmly until the scene closes on them. And even amongst those who are of the bachelor persuasion, there are not a few honest trumps who never exhibit old boyism. Old boys are mostly shallow-pated, to add to their other charms. They never care for music or painting, although they may pretend to go into ec- stacies over Faust or My Second Sermon." Books delight them not, but they depasture on newspapers and club gossip. It is they who mostly buy those evil pictures which are advertised, we regret to write it, in English journals. Old boys slink into "Finishes," and patronise Cyder Cellars. They take private boxes for ballet performances. They hear the chimes at mid- night. It is for them chiefly that loose songs are com- posed. They are an ungenial, selfish, disreputable race, and the women should set their faces against them. They ought to know that an old boy seldom marries, and that if he does, and retains his old boyism, they are in for a wretcnea existence. To those who are ready to accept any old boy with money, we have nothing to say; and to those who permit the innocent attentions of sucn a juvenile with a view to making him pay for them, we need only say that their taste, Dot 10 mention self-respect, is ques- tionable. But ladies ought to give the old boy the cold shoulder. He assumes tneir tolerance as a licence, and basks in it. For his own sake he ought to be stirred up and sent on. ^He ia living in a day- dream, to which a sorry awakening is in store for him. If a lady wants to rid herself of an old boy, let her ever so slightly press the corn of lug ag0j an(j the thing is done. Let her speak at the top of her voice to him, as if he were deaf, beg of him to rest frequently when ascending a hill, of bira to sit out of the draught between the key-hole and the fireplace, inquire after his cough, or exercise any other cruel kindness, and the old boy will disappear. We present our fair readers with those Simple recipes, but would not limit their ingenuity to them.-London Review.

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FACTS AND FACETIAE. .

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HIlTS UPON GARDENING. --