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FACTS AND FACETIAE. 0 A shark was recently caught off the Australian ceast, the stomach of which contained a snake and a cheque-book. This is the only time we have heard of a shark carrying a cheque-book about with him. We have adopted the eight hour system, says an American paper in this office. We commence work at eight o'clock in the morning and close at eight in the evening. A curious article appears in one of the papers- "Rump steaks off everything." The gastronomic article describes steaks of lions, tigers, and elephants among others. The criminal records of England show that only one actor was ever hanged here. This was in the 17th century, for highway robbery. A contemporary says several of the present generation ought to be, how- ever. First class in geography, come up. Bill Toots, what is a cape F" A thing that mother wears over her shoulders." What's a plain p" "A tool used by carpenters for smoothing off boards." What's a desert ?" It's goodies after dinner." That'll do, I'll give you goodies afi;er school." The Rev. Paul Hamilton, on receiving the presen- tation to the church and parish of Bcoughton, near Edinburgh, preaqfied a farewell sermon to the ladies of Ayr; and not a little to the surprise of his fair auditory, gave out hia text—"And they fell upon Paul's neck and kissed him Mr. Spurgeon, preaching on theological panics, exclaimed—" Never be afraid, my brethren truth will bear threshing, and lose nothing but the husk which surrounded it. Good will come out of evil. Shake away, sir! Sift away! Not one grain of wheat will fall to the ground." "Mr. Smith," said the counsel, "you say yon once officiated in a pulpit. Do you mean that you preached ? No, sir; I held the candle for the man who did. H Ah, the Court understood yeu differently; they supposed that the discourse came from you." No, sir; I only throwed a light on it." A beautiful countess called on a popular manager for some tickets. Excuse me, my lady, when you reach home you will find your wishes for6- stalled." True enough-on her malachite table there was a managerial letter and inside it four stalls! Nothing could be prettier. High Time.—It seems that a class of prudes in arising in Paris to shame the much too 3Bi?y-taannwsd times into propriety. An example is given m a French paper of a Miss Z-, who, being offered an orange by a gentleman of easy manners, drew herself up an said, "No, sir, I never will accept anything but from a husband." A Vatentire. Dear Jim, miss is says .1he 'von't let me go out; but I will, and no mistalra. so, if you H have me, I'll you, and there's ar and of that. And now it's all out, and so is the fire, and she may light it herself, and clean master's boots, too; but don't forget my new bonnet,Yoa- loving BBTSY SNAPP." Drunken Happiness. The question, does getting drunk ever advance one's happiness ? would seem to be put to rest by the Irishman who went courting when drunk, and was asked what pleasure l't found in whisky. "Oh, Biddy, it's a trate intirely, to see two of your swate purty face!' instead of one." Ladies and Persons.-Toward.s the end of last year crinoline had reaohed its failest breadth iu Sydney, and I was much amused one day to see « notification pasted on the door-port ef a servants' agency office, worded as follows: Li/Mes coming oo this establishment to be hired, will greatly oblige Mr. S. by sitting as near together as possible, as for the last day or two many persons desiring to eng3 £ e domestics have found it impossible to admittl\n'e. A Farm Servant's Retort.-It iF. not everycpe who can shut up a scolding master aa coolly as Vre once heard done by a farm servant whoa sharpb reproved by a worthy but rather hot- tampered employe for overloading a favourite mare with atones whi :h were being carted off a field; the ropriciar.d win&sg up with a reminder that "fcttonea ;vera very he:*VY That's a fact," replied Joe; Solomon, says, 'Stores are heavy, and sand is weighty, but a fool's wrath heavier than them both I'" An American critic thus combi ies buaiiess with the doing of a good turn to a friend:—" The era' o o on Thursdy evening was a grand success. The 80!E were performed with surpassing sweetness and effect while the choruses, with the majesty of the cc y.-M wave, would rise in height and grandeur, and seined to bear everything upon their tide of sound—the». iis away into the softness of the evening zephyr n alternate inspiring and soothing effect of such ir asic reminds one of the pleasing effects of laughing-g&e 11>" administered by Dr. Gillespie, at 45, Fourth-stref V A wise man hath his foibles as wall as the difference between them ia, that i.he f:' of the one are known to himself, and conoealecl iron; tYJ world; the foibles of the other arc known to tbi world, and concealed from himself. The wine iron sees those frailties in himself which others eaanot; but, the fool is blind to those blemishes :n his charaot-'1- which are conspicuous to everybody else. vVhence ?• appears that self-knowledge is that which makes thJ main difference between a wise man and a foe, in the moral senae of that word. I A Fragment.-The following appeartii in a Francisco paper:— When fierce Orion ploughs the Wiitrirg And labouring crews their stormy vigils kafe-p When Boreas blustering through voidlai*,pJ»"»> Pours forth his hosts, a wild turn ■ train Then let the student burn the oil, The weary labourer slumber from H toil; Let lover, fired by Lave's imp^lsi wrna, With ardent speeches woo bis cho-eh Let spinster, burglar hear la ever And pray that locks may keep he, Or, whilst the virgin clasps her tr ailing h inds. Bemoans her sell-boy tost on distaaE sands; The poet dreams in weird-like fanc.ys boncci, And oaptives groan in dungeon-gl profound; Whilst I take down my guu, put on my hat, And brave the storm to shoot tha; cussod cat'" A Gallic M:a.cbeth.-A made application to an English theatrical n:anagol for an engagement. He was asked it he could Jpea^ English as well as French, and to convince the ms naf«r that he could, he struck an attitude and recited the following, which bears an hideous ressmbsncj to the soliloquy of the Duie of Gloster, "Now is she -iintgx of our disoonteufe" The Frenchman ronuerf i it, Now iz ze vintar of our dem oneasinasri made into hot veddare by ze son of York (zat is vat you call ze boy of Mister York); and ze dark i, at Z. ded and buried at za bottom. I hev za !> >rap un Tur back; bandy legs; and for zat ze dowa bow vow-vo<v at mo ven I valk by him." For an ■ temporaueocf translation this was considered good,, out lie WM engaged. A Remarkable Cure.—A youx>e man wanted marry a girl out in Wisconsin, but siob forbade the match. The young mi"J0,me sick" very sick-and had terrible fainting The doc wrs were called, and said he would aooi. die, and ha eft10 he wanted to. The father of the girl viaiteJ tbp. patient, and agreed with both him çh'1 doütor,. The poor fellow said that if he could marry bis M,M1 Ann he would die happily. His dying request netbaipw could not be refused, and Mary Ann having tions, the minister was sent for, and the- s6\a^x11 ordinance of marriage was performed before t',e, :aJ-*t solemn messenger of death should .atop in to away the gasping bridegroom from time to til" regi,-u;11 of eternity. The knot being securely tied, the patrent rose from the bed a well man. It v. -ig a rrreat tlre, astonishing both the cruel parient" and \he do ito^i but the bride acted as though she hac axypoteii it all the time. In the churohyard of Lydford, Dov s, the fO lowing epitaph: I-lere lies in hor uoaition the outside case of George Routlci^- v- to)imaker, whose abilities in that line were an ho o his pro fession; integrity was the main sprir.. prudence the regulator, of all the actions of h:7 Uta; hiitnaiic,- generous, and liberal, his hand, never stopped t,¡;11"¡[j relieved distress. So nicely regulated were all his actions that he never went wrong, ere apt whex. et agoing by people who did net know his key even then he was easily set right again. He had the art of dig. posing his time so well that his houre gMea ir one continual round of pleasure »nd (.eii^ht, fcib »n unlucky minute put a period his existoiioe.. tie departed this life 14 N>-dInber, 18i^, age- ^>- Wound up in hopes of taken m by his Maker, and of be^ ^oronghly cleaned, re oairtti, and set a going in 1.1.9 world to come."