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FACTS AND F ACETI Paradoxical.—The less a woman has on, the more dressy she is. worthy alderman, captain of a volunteer r13 80mPariy to fall back in order to PC, £ -LS.i-i8crt,w arM nn^n^a;kee editor> speaking of a large and fat must beafnJArefmfrked«^hTat « all flesh was grass, he man fro^+1 ■, I am," said the fat a r way the donkeys are nibbling at me." • i — A certain minister ffoinsr to w iv.sick parishioners, asked him how he rested durmgthe night. Oh, wondrous ill, sir," replied nights'" not °°™e1to^ether these three Alas' sir^savs he «'rKaS°n °f that f" said the sther. tham." oaeaU £ 8 miJ nose was betwixt cf>\o Jerinh^0 kf tilS fashion to tell people to 5 f t0 1° t0 Bath 3 we tel1 them to go to a day. Servants l°r horse and groom may be had for tlL a m a one dollar and fifty cernta. the Same time £ or who was on a tour, attended by an Irish servant-man, who drove the vehicle, was several times puzaled with the apnear- ance of a charge m the man's daily account, entered a3. Refreshment for the horse, 2d." At length he asked Danms about it. Och! sure," said he "it's whtp-cord it is, a s "I wonder why it is," remarked our tailor the other day, that people who are fond of running up bills never seem to come down with any money." We were so much struck by the philosophy of the remark that we immediately ordered a gorgeous coat. "My brother," I sed to a cullerd purson, "air you aware .that you've been 'mancipated P Do you realise how glorious it is to be free P Tell me, my dear cullerd brother, does it not seem to you like some dream, or do you realize the great fact in all its lovin' and holy magnitood P He said he would take some gin.— Artemus Ward. Pighting by Measure.—The usual place of re- « ?f Dublin duellists was called the Fifteen Acres. ^„alv>rney of tliat city, ia penning a challenge, StflH likely ha wa3 drawia!? a lease, and in- vited his antagonist to meet him at "the place called r ifteen Acres—• be the same more or less.' An Ugly Dog.Terrold had a favourite dog that toiioweU him everywhere. One day, in the country, a lady who was passing turned round and said, audibly, •sn ? little brute whereupon Jerrold., addressing the lady, replied, "Oh, madam! I wonder what he thinks of YOt at this moment." Good Advice.-Talleyrand once said to one of his acquaintances-who. had been detected cheating, and who asked the Prince what he should do, as the man who had found him out had said if he saw him cheat- ing again he would throw him out of the window- Always play on the ground floor." We find the following in the editorial columns of the New York Herald Wanted, a Head Centre for the Irish Republio. Wanted an Irish Republic for the Head Centre." ^adar, who is known for ballooning propensities, nas had a wound implanted in his susceptible boBom. A Yankee has at Boston ascended in a machine made of iron and driven by steam, and, if it is only true, here is an end to Nadar's schemes. Thoughtful.—A country gentleman, dining with a party at the Maison Argents, was overwhelmed by the size and number of the glasses placed before him. After soup the servant offered wine, and the gentle- man held the smallest of the six to be filled. Pardon, sir, said gar§on, "it is a small wine." "Just so," replied our oountry friend, I keep my big glasses for the great wines. Philosophical Dietetics. Sfr Riehard Jebb being called to a patient who fancied himself very ill, told him ingenuously what he thought, and decimal prescribing, thinking it unnecessary. Now you are here," said the patient, I shall be obliged to you, Sir Richard, if you will tell me how I must live-what I may eat, and what not." My directions as to that point," said Sir Richard, who abominated this sort of question, will be few and simple: you must not eat the poker, shovel, or tongs, for they are hard of diges- tion; nor the bellows, because they are windy; but anything else you please." A Fall Serenade.—By a Lover with a Cold in his Head:- Oh! ask be dot to blow by dose, By charbing one, by owd; You bay dot know de barn I feel— 0 It dever cad be dode; Oh! bight we fly to other soedes, Or dwell in yonder star, Oh! ded, by lubly baid, in bliss I'd strike by light catarrh! Chorus.—Oh! ask be dot, &c. The widd that blows across the boor, Had it a dose to blow, With such a code as I hab got, Ah! would it blow it? Doe! But see, de rays of cubbing dawd Are gleabing on de dew; T>ar.. "0rry.bugle hord, By baiden fair—At-tichieu. Wonders of the English Language. The construetion of the English language must appear most formidable to a foreigner. One of them, looking at a picture of a number of vessels, said, See, what a flock of ships!" He was told that a flock of ships was called a fleet, and that a fleet of sheen was called a flock. And it was added, for his guidance in mas- tering the intricacies of our language, that a flock ef girls is called a bevy, that a bevy of wolves is called a pack, and a pack of thieves is called a gang, and a gang of angels is called a host, a. host of porpoises is ealled a shoal, a shoal of buffaloes is called a herd, and a herd of children is called a troop, and a troop of partridges is called a covey, and a covey of beauties is called a galaxy, and a galaxy of ruffians is called a horde, and a horde of rubbish is called a heap, and a heap of oxen is called a drove, and a drove of blackguards is called a mob, and a mob of whales is called a school, and asohool of worshippers is called a congregation, and a congregation of engineers is called a corps, and a corps of robbers ia called a band, and » band of locusts is called a swarm, and a a warm of pe?" ple is called a crowd, and a crowd of gentlefolk is called elite, and the élite of the city's thieves and 11 rascais are called the roughs. Loss of time in Sha.ving.-A remarkable in. stance of longevity recently occurred—that of a man named Robert Bain, age 107, who still shaves him- self; whereupon it is pointed out by a contemporary that if Bain began to torture his face, and cultivate sore throats, and mar that image which his Maker gave him, at twenty years of age, he has daily devoted ten minutes to this cruel task, and, has given 5,220 hours of his life to his shaving. Taking his working day at twelve hours, here are no less than fourteen and a half months of hIs active life thus spent. It is a New Year's reflection. Can even Fashion justify herself for demanding so much of us ? This is very good reasoning on the part of our dear brother literary man, but we would reply that as we do not, as a rule, intend to live so long, it is not, as a rule, of so much consequence as he makes out.

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