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I* Divide.




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EXTRACTSFXtOM "PUTSCH" &"FUN." Lines to a Young Lady of Fashion. I love thee for thy chignon, for the boss of purchased hair, Which thou hast on thine occiput the charming taste to wear. Oh, what a grace that ornament unto thy poll doth lend, Wound on what seems a curtain rod with knobs at either end! I love thee for the roses, purchased too, thy cheeks that deck, The lilies likewise that adorn thy pearly-powdered neck, And all that sweet "iUttsion" that, o'er thy features spread, Improves the poor reality of Nature's white and red. I love thee for the muslin and the gauze about thee bound, Like endive that in salad doth a lobster's tail sur- round, And oh! I love the for the boots thine ankles that protect, So proper to the manly style young ladies now affect. I love thee for thy figure not; there may, for aught I see, The clothes-frame of a draper's shola inside all that dress be. I do not love thee for thy face, do but thy surface know, The picture 'tis I value not the canvas hid below. I love thee for thine emptiness, thy vanity, and pride; But, oh! too lovely, far too dear, art thou to be my bride. So dear a wife as thou wouldst prove, to marry thee, alas! How very rich I ought to be, and sheuld be-what an ass! Election Rights and NVrongs. It is right to leave no stone unturned to help your friends, but wrong to pull up the pavement and pelt your opponents. It is right to take pains, but wrong to break windows. It is right (if you like thens) to be for sweeping mea- sures, but wrong to throw soot at those who condemn them. At all events, if you must blacken a man's shirt-front, don't blacken his character, especially behind his back. Volleys of applause are right, volleys of stones wrong. It is right to lay down the law, but wrong to floor the police. It is not right to bring forward "a regular stick," but decidedly wrong to bring out a regular bludgeon. A New Trick upon Travellers. After the scorchingly-hot weather we have had, it is really quite refreshing to meet with anything so cool as the following advertisement:— TO LADIES desirous of a THREE MONTHS' -L TOUR on the CONTINENT.—A lady and gentleman, middle aged, intending to travel through the Tyrol, the North of Italy, and the Pyrenees, wish to meet with another LADY, as company, who would pay her own expenses and partially those of the gentleman, who is experienced in economical travelling. Experienced in economical travelling Well, yes, rather so, we fancy, if it has been his practice to travel about partially" at the cost of other people, as his offer seems to show. We wonder what per- centage of expense he means by that wsrd partially;" for the term is so elastic that perhaps it may embrace eleven-twelfths of what he spends. We should re- commend the lady who elects to travel in company with this experienced economist to have this point distinctly settled before starting; for even the society of a middle-aged couple, however economical they may be in their journeys, may be purchased at a price which may turn out rather dear. On Seeing Sir Edwin's Picture of the Worn-out Cab-horse in the Royal Academy. The Academy gained, with its bonours and ease, R.A.'a have a licence to paint as they please And a broken-down screw, all in groggy condition Seems a subject quite fit for a kgtacke;-demician. INDIGNATION. Corporal punishment in the aris- tocratic schools ? said Lord Bright. Don't tell ma that the democratic schools are not just as brutal. There's the Manchester School. I myself had the severest licking there I ever had in my life, and my young brother, Jacob, whom I sent there this half, with orders that he was not to be touched, has not only been soundly beaten, but expelled into the bar- gain. By Barclay's Apology, I'll—I'll—well, we shall see. And his lordship want away, meditating a Public Schools Reform Bill. THE SANDWICH OF HISTORY (kindly communicated by H. M. the Qaeen Dowager of Hawaii, while sitting to Messrs. J. and C. Watkins, for her photograph).— It is a fact that Captain Cook discovered the Sand- wich Islands, but it is equally true that the Sandwich Islands discovered Captain-cookery, SPORTING INFOP.MATIO.N.-The Lyndhurst Races were run the other day. The sport was unusually good. A thief carried off the cup. SHOCKING DEPRAVITY.—A young ox was observed the other day in the neighbourhood of the new Cattle Market playing at pitch and toss in the open streets. Such is the progress of civilisation COMPARISONS ARE ODOROUS.—Our packing-case maker asks what is the difference between a carpen- ter's shop and the main sewer ? In the latter there's a deal o smell, in the former a smell o' deal.


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