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EXTRACTS FROM PUNCH & FUN." The Crusader's Farewell. When King Dick the Lion-hearted packed his luggage up and started (Vide Hume and Smollett jpassim) for a trip to Palestine, Tall young men, though half unwilling to accept the offered shilling, Left their wives and little children, and enlisted in the line. Wot ye well that there was grieving when those tall young men were leaving; Wot ye well that there was business being done in locks of hair; Wot ye well that rings were broken, and presented as a token By the noblest of the noble to the fairest of the fair Said a soldier, on the shady side of forty, to a lady Who was buckling on his burgonet, his breastplate, and his brand, By my halidom, I'd rather, as a husband and a father, Stop at home than go crusading in that blessed Holy Land." "Yes, I know as well as you, dear, it's the roper thing to do, dear; And I'm not afraid of fighting (as I think I said before); But it's not without emotion that I contemplate the notion, Of a trip across the Channel in a British man-of-war. No, i's not at all a question of alarm, but indiges- tion Not the lances of the Paynima, but the passage in the gale, When the awful cry of 'Steward' from the windward and the leeward, From a hundred lips arises, when a hundred lips are pale!" < « Yea, I know you're very sickly," said his lady,, rather quickly; But you'll take a glass of sherria or a little Mal- voisie, When you get as far as Dover, and when once you're half-seas over, Why you'll find yourself as jolly as you possibly can be." So her lord and master started, just a trifle chicken- hearted, And, it may be, just a trifle discontented with his lot; But whether he got sick, or felt the better for the liquor That his lady recommended, this deponent sayeth not. The Dog and the Shadow. A dog was crossing a wooden bridge with a slightly underdone mutton-chop in his mouth, when he beheld his reflection considerably magnified in the stream beneath. A common cog might have dropped the solid meat with a vague notion of getting the shadow into his possession but this was not a common dog, or I should never have taken the trouble to write a fable about him. Ah," said he, this is evidently an optical illusion, which will be explained some day by Professor Pepper at the Royal Polytechnic Insti- tution. In the meantime, it is clear that although yonder chop is larger than mine, yonder dog is also- larger, and consequently stronger, than I am; there- fore, it would be imprudent in me to stand the chances of a fight." And he went over and calmly ate his chop upon the other side. MORAL. Cultivate the Polytechnic, and never strike a person who is bigger than yourself. A Cannibal Conundrum. The following was picked up in the Strand the other day between Exeter-hall and Bell's Life office. It had evidently been dropped from some one's pocket; but whether it belonged to a missionary attending the meetings at the one locality, or a betting man looking out for the odds at the other, we know not. Nor does it matter—if the missionary's we will hope it be. longed to a good man if the other's, it clearly per- tained to a better. We found it, and hasten to lay it before our readers: "Why is a cannibal exulting after dining off a. missionary's wife like the finest racehorse of the present year ? Answer.-Because he's Glad-he-ate-her!" The original manuscript, with some real Strand mud still adhering to it, as a proof of the truth of our statement as to where we found the above, may be seen at our office. We make this announcemciat be- cause we should be sorry to have it thought that the conundrum was our own. Lifel and Character on the Rail. The official report of the Government Inspector of Railways in reference to railway travelling, contains- the following monitory statement Gentlemen passengers, as well as railway officers of all classes, constantly refuse to travel singly with a stranger of the weaker sex, under the belief that it is only common prudence in this manner to avoid all risk of being accused, for purposes of extortion, of insult or assault." Thus the moral and physical risk of railway travelling are about upon a par. The chances of broken bones and blasted character are even. For the former o £ those chances we may thank the parsimony of directors in sparing proper precautions; for the latter, the folly and injustice of magistrates and jurymen, who allow evidence to be established in the mouth of one only witness, and that witness the accuser. A Stanza from Sydenham. The singers in the Handel choir So well have earned their fame, That each should have, if he desire, A Handel to his name. THE RIGHT PLACE FOR A CHOI P.The Cathedra of Rheims. ALL "DICKY" WITH HIM.—A great sensational newspaper paragraph was made, a week ago, out of the fact that Mr. Richard Bethell was tapped on his shoulder by a sheriff's officer while enjoying the sport on Ascot-heath. His release should be headed in the largest type, "Richard's himself again." PARLIAMENTARY SENSITIVE LEAF. The funny figure which this leaf presents is causing a great sensa- tion. If you take it roughly in hand, or haul it over the coals, it will instantly curl up and show you a decent pair of heels. You may call it a delicate plant if you please, but if you mistake it for a delegate, it will fly off at a tangent or throw a somersault out of the House before you can say-Bernal Osborne. QUERY. —. Please, Sir, do the Black Ball STEAM Ships take away from England the candidates rejected by different clubs ? SING, WHALLEY, SIXG !-Mr. Whalley is opposed to any measure which will recognise the influence of the Masses. THE CANDIDATE FOB STSOTJO.—The Headless Horsman (by the kind permission of Captain Mayne Reid). REUTER ROUTED.-The news so emphatically tele- grammed by Mr. Renter of a great Russian defeat in Kokhan, turns out to be a mere Khok-an-a-bull story. Sic SEMPER TYBANNI Poland is put down by the sword. The Emperor says, mockingly, No dreams!" How can there be dreams, when Macbeth hath mur- dered sleep ? NOTHING LIKE ^Leather.—- A firm of cloth manu- facturers is advertising a new tweed as being "a beau- tiful cuir brown." Those who don't know thediffer- ence between tweed(le), dit in French, and English tweed, '11 dumbfoundered be by this rum colour. ELECTION INTELLIGENCE.—We hear from Devon- shire that Mr. Cave, the ex-sheriff, is about to contest Barnstaple in the Liberal interest. The motto the Tories of that borough will have to adopt is likely to be Cave in." — 4-


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