The Rhos Herald

j FUN AND FANCY. Father: "Why did you run away, Funk r" Frank: "Because mamma. was so unkind." ( Father: "That is no reason. Do I rua .away r "This jtore," said the clerk to his Irish customer,, "is the best stove in the house. It ia the stove of economy. It saves half the coal." "Give me two of thim," replied the Irishman, with a broad grin. "I'll save it all. Prestca Photographer (to young man): "It will make a much better picture if you put your hand on your father's shoulder." The Father: "Huh! It would be much more natural if he had his hand in my pocket!" Mr, Misfit (savagely):" Before I married you was there any doddering idiot gone on 0 iyouf" Mrs, Misfit: "There was one." Mr. I Misfit: "I wish to goodness you'd married him!" Mrs. Aiisfit "I did." "How realistic your painting is! It fairly makes my mouth water!" "A sunset makes your mouth water r "Oh, it is a sunset is it ? I thought it was a fried ecr,, 1 "Rettlly," said the callous youth, HI'm no 'longer a mese boy. I've got a little hair on my lip now" "Yes/ replied Miss P.cpprey, "and pevhaps iu ii few weeks you may have another one," "Yon don't know how mireh ymtr book has helped me.. My. Scribbs." Mr. Flribbs: "You flatter me." "I mean evovy word of it. Whenever I am reeUes-s I go and get your book, and inBide" of fifteen minutes I'll be asleep." The pi"ofe«s'-)r WRS in a 1-od and his class BUCL. f! "U-entle;■■u." id he, "it has been f\- ?4 is ^XH! brain food. If that is tr«v», I advise kcnte of the men in this class to tr-v a V, ale." Prison Visitor; "Who- i«? tliaf distin- gnishod-'Iooking individual? Warder "He is known -is No. 1.147. "He scens-a to hold. hictsalf aloof fro:n his fellows." Warder: "Yes; you hrvrtlly expect him to associate with tjv: ct jtrs. His trial cost the Gjovoramenit £ 5,C<KV They have got a new junior reporter on a certain provincial newspaper, which boasts of its large circulation, and this is a specimen of his style when set on to write up an an- nouncement on the subject of a charity con- cert: "We advise all our readers to secure their seats in advance, on account of the smallness of the hall, which only holds about fifty persona." An eminent scientist and his wife were travelling to the North, where the former was to fulfil an engagement. The professor utilised some of the time spent in the train in rehearsing his speech in a low voice, using his hands to emphasise certain passages. A country woman who had been watching and listening presently leaned forward, and, tap- ping the scientist's wife on the shoulder. whispered, feelingly, "You have my sincere sympathy, poor woman; I have one just like him at home I" Employer (severely): "I heard you tell the lady she would find the ribbons at the third counter to the left." New Shopwalker: "That's where they are." Employer: "Y <,s; but you should have told her to go to the right past the necktie-bargain counter, turn to the left past the stocking-bargain counter, then three counters to the right past the counter where the millinery bargains are, and so on. You'll never make a shop- tv'alker." An Edinburgh man had gone to London on his way to India, and for a few days had time to amuse himselt by sight-seeing before his departure. He had been much struck with the appearance of the mounted senti- selg at the Horse Guards, Whitehall, and bore them in remembrance during his Eastern sojourn. On Ms return, after a period of 30 years, on passing the Horse Guards lia looked up to one, and seeing him, as he thought, unchanged as to horse,, position, and accoutrements, he exclaimed: "Od, freend, ye hae had a long spell on't sin' I left/' Sohnwm likes to have a joke at his com- panions' expense while journeying into town from Clapliam. The other morning Simpson was the victim. "Ah, I see the newspapers are speaking about me again this morning," Aid Johnson. Simpson: "Indeed! In what connection?" Johnson: "Well, they say that at the close of last week there were over five millions of people in London. I am one of them," 1 "That, sir," said a jeweller, triumphantly, pointing* a marble timepiece, "is a mag- nificent specimen of the clockmaker's art. That clock will go for eight weeks without winding." "And how long," asked the cus- tomer, "will it go with winding?" HUpon what ground did you arrest this man?" the judge asked the new policeman. "On the ground of suspicion," replied the policeman. "What was the evidence?" in- quired his Honor. "I suspected everybody, and this was the first one I met." A few days ago a recruit was taken to be wwmm an by the magistrate. Everything was going om swimmingly till the "magistrate asked the man the following question: ""Have you ever been in prison?" At this the man looked startled, but quickly recover- ing himself, he blurted out: "No, sir; but I don't mind doing a few days if you think it Hecessary/' weerwary. I

I jB "THE WELSH CURE." J| S Have You Collgh" 1 I or Cold f I II I WillI Win Cure Y OlL 1 INVALUABLE IN NURSERY, i j Cash Prices, 11 or 2/6, ||j

i —*— « Oysters are highly nutritious, and are moat easily assimilated when eaten raw. I Clean frying-pans by scouring with salt ths moment they are done with, then wipe clean with a cloth. Don't bcil potatoes—steam them. When nearly done take off lid of steamer, add salt, cover with cloth. Air the clothes-press i and drawers regu- larly once a month to make sure there is no dampness in them. Borne cooks claim that the flavour of cocoa is improved by a litile cuuiamon sprinkled over the top just before serving. To remove mildew, rub ever the marks a pnTj of raw tomato, sprinkle with 't. ftnd lay in the sun. ilepeat- the process ij neeessurv two or turce times. To remove scratches on furniture mix to- gether equal parts of linseed oil and turpen- tine, dip a flannel in this and rub well inio the scratched places. Polish afterwards with very soft dusters. Unless the scratches are very deep this will remove all signs of them, if the furniture in very much marked it will not be nearly so noticeable after this treat- ment. MODERATION IN EATING. Moderation in eating must ever be of great value as an agent for retarding the advent of senile decay. Large eaters more rapidly bring on ossific deposits by taking in more than is utilised or excreted, naturally result- ing in blocking the vessels and destroying their normal functions. According to the best authorities, the following are the best articles of food as containing the least of earthly salts: Fruit, fish, poultry, and young mutton or beef, because of their being less nitrogenous. THE EDUCATED AND DOMESTIC SERVICE. Even now when women's professions hay. become so many and varied, domestic service has not yet been made honourable for the educated. Some determined effort should be made to class domestic service as one of the professions for educated girls, "Lady Phyllis" in the "The Bystander." It is ah honourable occupation, and one on which much of the comfort, amiability, and con- venience of daily life depend. It is, more- over, pre-eminently suited to many girls of sound common sense and good education. USE FOR EMPTY TINS. I Here is a good way to make use of empty syrup-tins. The 4-1 b. size is perhaps the most useful, but others will do as well Wash tihem clean inside: then. procure a small tin of enamel, any colour you like, but pale blue is very pretty'; give them three coats on the outside, allowing time for each coat of enamel to dry before putting on the next. Cut out from bills or papers the letters you require to make the words showing the con- tents of the tins, such as peas, rice, etc. Stick each letter on separately and as neatly ] as possible, and give one coat of crystal var- nish to the tin. It can then be washed when soiled. TOUR HUSBAND'S IISLATIV.ES. Be as courteous to and considerate with -your husband's people as you would be to your own. Do not think that every fault found, every disagreeable word uttered, is directed at you. Don't gossip to your hus- band about his relatives. Tell him of the pleasant things they do and not of the un- pleasant tilings. Do not try to keep him from them. Encourage his devotion to those of his own kin, arid you can be very certain it will not be gi'eater than it is. for you. Be helpful if you can to them, be hospitable, but do not overflow with confidences that you had better keep to yourself. When you married your husband yon became allied to his family, and you can show no greater love and tenderness to him than by giving and in- viting love and respect from his people.

USEFUL RECIPES. -)A S LIGHT I ,rp..Y.-To ensure pastry being light and digestible, it is better to use the ifolk of an egg and one tablespoonful of emon-juice, instead of baking-powder. The yolk of the egg contains mineral matter which takes the place of soda in baking- powder, and the lemon-juice that of tartaric acid. These answer the same purpose as baking-powder, with the advantage that the pastry can stand for a time before baking, whereas the pastry with baking-powder must go into the oven as quickly as 'possible. STUFFED AND ROLLED BEEFSTEAK.—Take 21b. of steak about one inch thick, salt and pepper, one good-sized onion, two tablpHpoon- fula of breadcrumbs, one teaspoonful of minced parsley, and just a dust, of sweet herbs. Lav the steak flat; on a board and sprinkle with salt and pepper, mince the onion, and mix with the other ingredients. Season to taste and spread over the steak. loll up the steak and secure firmly with atring, put it into a saucepan with a pint of boiling water and simmer very slowly for one hour and a half to two hours. Take off the string and dish up. Remove any fat from the gravy, add a little flour to thicken, and seasoning. Boil up, and pour over the steak. SCOTCH MAKMALADE.—To each pound of bitter oranges allow one lemon, 31b. of cane sagar and 11 teaeupfuls of cold water. Cut the oranges through, taking out mil the pips, then slice very thi,nlv-ilsc) slice, the lemons —and put in a basin, covering with cold water, quantity as stated; leave this for 24 hours. Theii boil for three-quariers of an hour, pour again into the bnfein, and leave for another 24 hours. Finally boil for one hoiir, adding the sugar, and the orange pips tied in a piece of muslin; they should remain in long enough to extract their goodness. If real cane, sugar is uped it-will b" perfectly alear. It is now confidently expected tj a f w days the actual position of the i t'.p.' i treasure ship Florencia at T i U be { located. The di d i at worl li up } much African woea. j

Xai&IDXESS Should write to-day enclosing Id. stamp for valuable Booklet ftscl PKEE SS-MR»3L.3E! OJ BLANCHARD'S PILLS They supersede Pennyroyal, Pil Cochiit, Bittet AppJe, fte. Beeommended by Physicians. Sold in Boxes 1/li by alT Chemists, or post free from LESLIE MARTYN, LTD., CHEMISTSJ 34, DALSTON LANE, LONDON, I WHO'S VerJR LBWYER? • j I lavt1!) t recju-red t "S Q*W iSr j LAWTBH," hy A PakB/STER. which repaid it" pnee 20 times !over in i^wveiV fee-. THE ANNUAL LEG A L TEXT-BOOK REVISED YEAR BY YkA R. "A Complete Epitome of the Laws of England." A Handsome Volume of as a WEM-P rioted pHges, Large Crown 8vo, Q/Q NET. | Every Man's Own Lawyer A HANDY BOOK OF THE P R I N C I P l L S OF LAW AND EQUITY comprising THE RIGHTS AND WRO GS OF INDIVIDUALS. By A BARRISTER. Forty-Seventh Edition, Carefully Hev'»sed. including New Acts of Parliament o 1909, TO WHICH IS ADDED A CONCISE DICTIONARY OF LEGAL TERMS. PIT 6s. Sd. SAVED AT BTBIiY CONSULTATION, i "THB LAWYEB." The 47th figio) Edition of this invaluable work, con- sisting of 838 large crown 8\ p»ges, is now ready. It dea's with the Law on the following points :— Landlord and Tenant—Vendois and Purchasel s- Contracts and Agreements- C(H;veyances and Mo' l- gages—Joint Stock Companies—Partnership—Ship- ping Law—Dealings with Money —Suretbhip—Cheq- ues, Bill and Notes-Bills of Sale—Bankruptcy—Mast- ers and Senvants and Workmen—Instances—Copy- right, Patents, Trade Marks, &c.,—Husband and Wife, Dsvorce—Infancy, Custody of Chi I ,Ist- ees and Executors—Taxes and Dealh Duties-Cit-tgy- men, Doctors and Lawyers—Parliaments y Elections- Local Government—Libel and Slander—Nuisances— Criminal Law—Game Laws. Gaming-Innkeepers-Oid Age Pensions, &c., &c. IT INCLUDES FORMS OF WILLS. AGREEMENTS, NOTICES, &C. London: 42R4DS13V & SON, 7 Stationers Hall Court, Ludgate Hill, London, E.C. And of all Booksellers. An Exceptional Offer Do not miss it. A iOGCCPage Medical Book in every hen e for 1/3 w FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY. The People's 7T "Common Seme Medical Adviser," In plain English, or Medicine simplified, by DR. R. V. Pl £ RCif. Sixty-third edition, newly revis, d. loims a veritable gold ledge of the i TIman Frame, iu health and in disease. Over 2,010.000 copies sold. The n ost complete and cheapest Medical Work ever pub- lisshed contains kOO piescriptions for Acute and Chronic Diseases. A book ol ready reference. Several chapters are devoted to the careful consideration of j iseases of Woncin, and their successful home treat- ment. This valuable look, containing over 1,000 pages and 700 illus- trations, vood(t)is. hall-tone ai d colored plates, for the small sum ot Is 3d, bound in J ren<h cloth, and 40d. bound in strong flexible paper cover, sent to any address, postage prepaid, on receipt of price. Write at once to the W oild's 3 ihp« nsary Medical j- si-ociation, 3, Kew xford treet, London, W.C. « THE LIGHTNING BINDER For all classes and sizes of Papers Music Lecture Notes, Sermons, Statements Letters, Magazines. Periodicals: &c Perfectly tight but immediately released. UII" II Hh' 1 IHlltttrlt'tha. U 111.1t "tltlt. "II tl! ft" Uti IIIIHnt ttunllf' II,UII 11I1Utlll¡U"U'HtI ut '1 t 11'1'1 t UI, "n Iln:t 'I- q'UIIUUI.,IPI(f1111t IN" lI¡upr,I!, IIl'tI Uff'c.I"f(m¡; H!tf Itlt"t, sew ACTING 3PMHQ A WoiideiM Office TIDY. Pound in Full Cloth r -.strong-Steel Spring Bucks A .J'!¡¡,,JI';I' '.¡t1tz, 1)'II'ta#t>I'IIII''t;ll'1\.I'II.iI'¡.It. "¡,. 1.111, '.iII1" ,I'j¡, II 11' I. ( 'b" 'It. I) Call and Inspect arn at B.« & S^ias, Herttld. Office F&os