The Rhos Herald

FUN AND FANCY. r T **I say, old man, what's good for my com- SlaintT" asked a sufferer from insomnia. "I aren't closed my eyes for five nights!" "Go in for boxing," replied his friend. "The first, time I tried it my eyes were closed for a week!" "Suppose," hissed the villain, "suppose plot should leak out?" "That's all jrig&v' said bis accomplice, oonsolingly. "It •aa't.4 Don't you remember telling me five ninvtas ago that it had thickened T Jinks: "I am always embarrassed when I want to say the word v-a-a-e. I don't know whether to my vase, vase, VMS, or vawse." JBinka: "You might take a hint from our oer- Tant-girf. She simply speaks of all ornaments AS I then them"" Husband (shaving): "Bother the razor I Wife: a What's the matter nowT You're dreadfully illi-tempered." Husband: "The ttusor is so abominably dull! Wife: "DuUt Why, I ripped up an old skirt with it yester* day, and it cut beautifully." Scene, a chemist's shop.-Mother: I want a bottle of oastor oil, please." Chemist: **Yea, madam, it will be a shilling." Mother: "Can't you make it a little cheaper?" You see, 1 have to give my little boy threepence to take it. First Tramp: "After all, it pays to be polite, pardner." Second Tramp: "Not •hnraysu The other day I was aefcin' deaf and rfumb when a mm gave me a threepennybit. I says, Thank you, atr, and he had me arrested." "I can't understand why my second hus- band is eo fastidious/' confessed a Glasgow lady to her bosom friend. "He scarcely eats anything. My first husband, who died, used to eat everything I cooked tor him." "Have you told your present husband that?" "Yes." "Perhaps that's the reason." Boarder (on leaving): "Madame, you are one of the most honest persons I have ever met." Landlady: "I'm glad to hear you say that, ear," Boarder; "Yes, your honeaty is conspicuous on the very front of your estab- lishment. Your aign says, Boarders taken ini "I bean! that Ranter broke down in the middle of his speech the other night," said the maa who was kept at home by illness. "Not exactly," replied the man who was there. "The meeting broke up right in the Middle of his speech!" said the fair maid, "my parents want ate to many Mr. Oldgpkl, but I m not going to do it. I shall starry whoever I please." "Then name the day, rejoined the young mam, "for you certainly please me." "lixeww, asaaM the absent-minded pro? feasor, "bat haven't we met before? Your face fa. strangely familiar." "Yoo," answered the yowag lady, "our hostess introduced ua just dinner." "Ab, yes." rejoined the pnelessor. "I was positive I had seen you snmswlwre; I never forget a face." I Mother: "There! You have a black eye, and your nose, is- bruised, and roar coat is torn to bits. How many times have, I told you not to play with that bad Jenkins bort" lbby-- "Goodamet Do I look as if we'd i been A gtafiifeinan had an Irishman in his em- Jtifoy who was noted for having dirty boots. One day the gentleman asked him why he hadn't cleaned them. "Well, sorr," said Pat, "Oi quite forgot. Y<*r see, sorr, wan'a i mimory is situated in wan'a head, in' it's a j powerful long way to remember from yer head to yer feet." j WI was going- to ask you for a new bonnet, dear," said the loving wife, but I won t, because I see you can't afford it." "How did -von And out that, dear?" asked her huw- baiuf. Well," the tady MpHed, "I took a took into four cheque-book this morning, and I aaif you had only one cheque left." Could anything exceed the of the Irish cabby? An old lady called for a cab, and said to the driver: "Help me to get in, my good man, for I'at a very old lady, you we-" Begorrah, ma'am, was hw you II "orraJa,a.: W", bu, reply, "no matter what age ye are, ye don't look it." 4 melodrama of tho most stirring kind was being given ia a theatre in a small provincial town. IN one of theorital scenes the hero suddenly became aware of the fact that he had com* upon the sta^o minus his poniard. Without • moment's hesitation he made a dawh at the traitor, exclaiming: ]Die, villaio. I meant to strike thee with my AaggMr/bnt I Mit the weapon in my dressing- I room, and will. tlkorofors, strangle thee in the pnmM of this indulgent audience." AJB «ld millionaire refused point-blank to fend fifty pounds to a bosom friend. Well, I dfl a«» soEpoct that of you," said the would- be booseer, rising and preparing to leave indignantly. "I will never forgive you for ttus refusal." "Of course you won't my dear fellow," replied the old screw, with the utmost calmness; but if I'd lent you the fifty pounds you wouldn't havp, paid mo, and wo should hine quanoled about, that, so it's as well to get the row over at once. Good morning." Bssfc ClsrSt: "You will have to be identi- fied, ma'asa." Lady Customer i My friend he" will identify uae." Bank Clark: "Bat I dfcon't k»ow her." Lady Cnstomer: Obe well, IPJI introduce you. "TSaMs aw bad," despoadsd^ a gaxrulotta eommercial trsvoflw to his train oompeniea. "Bad—-very; bad." "Not boen making many nalea?" inquired the other. Not made a sale for two weeks, bust it!" exclaimed the first. His companion stared vacantly. Two weeks?' Why I consider myself fortu- nate if I make a sale once in two yea.N! This time the despondent one stared. "Well, I'm blowed! he exclaimed. "What's your tine JI Lighthouaes." A good many stories are told about the mistakes of nervous brides and bridegroom*. Here is an example of how a prospective bridegrooaa scored with the clergyman of his parish. When the banns are put in it is cus- tomary to ask, "Do you sleep in this parisbf" One applicant replied: Cer- tainly, sir; I've slept through scores of your "320ow 2

HOME HINTS. Fresh raw meat is the best bait for mice traps, j -J. Lime-water will sweeten jars and jugs- which soap and water fail to cleanse. It is admirable for cleansing inilk vessels and nur- sing bottles. 0 Rug3 should not be shaken, but hung on a line in the open air and cr.refully beaten with a cane beater kept for the purpose. If you want to renovate a black chip hat, ake a little salad oil and a fine brush. v\ n-h a clothes brush ;.]! di st, and then pply a little oil all over (he hat, brushing it well. Nej?t rub the .straw with a of black material, and the hat will be nearly to new at the coat of about a penny. Parisian French Boaiis.—This is a most popular vegetable course, and greatly appre- ciated, by vegetarians. Take ooe pound of *hreddvid and cooked French Beans.: Melt half an ounce of butco- in « stewpaa, add two int-need shallots. a of chopped parsley, and a few ch: ■. a. Put. in the beans, sauson with salt, pepper, nutmeg, and lemon juice. Tosa the vvnok. over a clear tlre till the beans are thoroughly hot. Garnish with uvoutons and serve. To take a spot' from light cloth put some flour into the oven, Mid when thoroughly hot (but not discoloured) rub it on the soiloj part using a piec< of e'e t;. flannel for the purpose.' When the flour is discoloured, brush it off and apply fresh. 1 no or three applications may ba necessary. Carrot Soup.-Dail some carrots, drain and :cash through a colander. Add them to a iabloaoooniul of butter, which has been cooked with a tabl^spoonful of arrowroot or flour. Add a pint or more of hot stock, half a teaspoonful of salt, mid a blade of mace. I in ally, add one egg, barton siightly, and a cupful of hot milk. Hie curative effects of salt, have never been | known as thoy should be. bore and inflamed | ayes are relieved by bathing with salt water. Sore throat 7ieldq to a gargle of the same. The most obstinate oases of constipation can be absolutely cured by the persistent use of half a teaspoonful of salt, in a glass of water taken just before going to bed, or the first thing in the morning. Baths of salt and cold water will rouse a sluggish skin to action, and W I co^ fftflt. Halt u«<h1 occasionally as a dentifrice keups the teeth free from tartar. Ta Salt and water used on the hair now and then atopa its coming out. To clean wall paper use the bread that has stood in a dry for a week. As 30im as, the surface is soiled cut it off. Wipe lightly down the ;>»^«r, r.i.out half a yard at each stroke, until r, ij urj- part of the paper is comptetttd.all rou-d. then go round again, oouuaaaoing eacJi suc-jonaive stroko a little higher than where file u[>.y«r stroke finished, till all is done. A household economic authority says: In caring for liaolsam do Lint lisio soapsuds as for scrubbing a itoor.it, atands to reason is 'goijig to. inju»-e-. tha varnish and thj ffniah. On a larni- vviiure thee is plenty I of milk, a cloth wrung n:Ùri' skim milk'is the best means of taking up the dust and brightening the :inou*uin. YVhore milk is secret), or ii«;<fd d :;or iwod. use luke-warm water, to which hai baen added half a cupful of kerosene oil or some >rood furniture polish. Wring the cloth rather cfrv froar this, and go cvei the linoleum, after sweeping, and it will be quite new and bright, »nd the finish un- injured." be quite new and bright, nnd the finish un- injured." I Chocolate Cream.- -Tal;c half a cupful of sugar, one pint of milk, aof cream, half an ounce of. g'^atmo, two ounccs of chocolate,- a .f«aspoonfo) of •«. :ti.d half a cupful of waUr. Allow the to soak until dis- solved. Whip the cream and grate the choco* late. Boil the milk and stir into it the chooo- late and until the latter is thoroughly dissolved ii it is not so already. Tak" from- th Sre. add the susjar and vanilla, and when it b«:vin« to l101 ana thicken, ad4 the whipped creaw. Stir until thoroughly mixed, then turn into" mould and put sway to cool. To promote children's appetites there is a better plan than to give thexa plenty of out- door exercise, fun. tyd froiic; make them regular in their habits, find feed them only on plain. nouriching food, ard the ywill seldfom, if qver. complain of a I" k of appetite. Never, however, keep them overtasked in school, or confine thein, elosely, to tho house after school hours. It children are f-d upon rich or h*gblv seasoned 14waal nuts, etc., or allowed to eat between meals, it in hopeless to expect th-m to have an appetite for their proper meals. Don't alilow them to study too much, and especially keep thm from reading the "penny dreadful." Sickness is the mcst ex- pensive nuisance in the world, and although there mar be cases wh«n it makes people ur children better, it ?eneralty makes then sel- fish, sad. and misanthropical, mean.. and miserable. The beat way to make children happy and good is to koep them well. The following will make a good tincture for a shtay akin Take one ounoe of distilled1 water, eight minims of distilled tiaoture.of Ir^nder, and two grains of sulphate of cine. Mix together and apply four tiMM m 8: CAKES AND PUDDINGS.—Ifa. W. This is a very good and economical pvMwg, and is one of the Cakeossa prize recipea. HANNAH PUDDING. Sont by Mrs. G. G. Watkins, Kwkuarst. I packet Cakeoma. 3 011. chopped Suet or Butter w Lai m Dripping and a pinch of Salt. 1 Rgg (or can bo made without 740. Milk to mix. METHOD —Mix the Cakeoma, Salt, and Suet, add the Egg (well beaten) and sufficient Milk to form a dough. Rollout to about t inch thick. Take half a teacupful of soft Brown Sugar; add to it the grated or finely-chopped peel .of a-Lemon, and squeeze in the juice and' some of the inside and mix with the Sugar. Spread this on the paste, roll it up (like a rdly poly). and boil in ii, floured cloth for 2 or 2t hours. Serve with Lemon Sauce, made of 1* tablespoonful Cakepma, a little Butter, 1 table- spoonful Sugar, f pint Milk, and a pi«ce of" Lemon rindputin to flavour it. Cakeoma is sold in 31d. packete by Groceiw and Stores everywhere. Recipe Book will be sent post free, on re^uosi to Latham and Co., Ltd., Liverpool. S

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