The Rhos Herald

FUN AND FANCY. TJrisfjg Skolotoa (President of Freaks' Secret Society): "Our organisation, ladies and geatlsraen, In about perfected. It will be necessary, bowever, to select a treasurer. Who ahau it bet" Chorus of Membero: "The bgtem wonder!" Miranda (sobbing): "It is better in every w*y tfoat we should part, dear Ferdinand." Fexdiaaad (in a choked voice): "Only in one way., devresfe. Miranda: "Yes, beloved?" Ferdinand (overcome with araotioua)-. qt is «he»par, darling." "5 think the zouutry is just sweet!" said the town young lady. "I love to see the pOMitmt. Tet-wrning to his humble cot, his •tardy figure outlined against the setting sun, his faithful collie at his side, and hia pWugk upon hill shoulder!" Mrs. Byram. Daly: "Why, Bridget, I didn't. know you could write!" Bridget (proOOly): Tis. mum. Me writin' has got me nosy a place. Oi wroite all av me own ricoaugandetio=. I Pa.t: UTile,. do say that young Dr. Calla- han ia aw good." Mike: "Perhaps; but Oi'll say fcltis lor young Dr. Callahan—he hasn't killed annybody yit but phat wud hoy died omnywsy, some toirase." Kind Friend: "Henpeck, let me introduce you to ProfeiHH»r Giaas, the great hypnotist, who can put anyone to sleep within two xninntes after starting," Henpeck "Glad to meet you, professor. Come, let me intro- iae# you to inj wife." Customer; ul bought tbÚJ cane of you yes- feerday, and you said the handle was genuine ivory; but I find it's imitation." Shopman: "Indeed? Why, I order my goods direct from Cevlon; but it's not impossible, of course, that the elephants there wear false tusks." Short; Hello, Long Where are you goingf" Long: "To the post office to com- plain about the nciserable delivery service." "What'¡J the trou hie P" "Why, that cheque you promwed to SCTI(I me ten days ago hasn't jpeachsd m* yet!" Visitor (calling on friend in hospital): "Sorry to find you here, old chap; badly hurt?* Patient; "Ym, I am afraid I am. I ltelU'd the doctor say I was a beautiful I. •ase. s Applicant: "I underhand that you want » reporter?" Editor: "Yes; I waat a man to do the verbatim work. Are you a steno- grapher?" Applicant; "No, sir; but I use4 to be an actor, and have had experience in writing stage letters." Editor: "Ah! you're just the mau we want." I —,— Coster (who thinks hie moke is having A eheap feed): "That's right, little boy; always be kind to aninmle. But who gave on those apples?" Small Boy: "No one; took "em from your barrer." Dissatisftsd Matron: My daughter says you don't understand harmony as well ae eho thought you did. I may as well tell you, too, that she hIllS. & cultiyatt-d ear." Musio.; Teacher: ,tt'sa cultivated ear, is it, ) madam? Well, that accounts for the extra- J ordinary »i*« of it." A bertaia cottage and ite old mistress had improved so greatly in comfort and appear- J ance that a visitor tybrewdly aurrnised that the son of tlie house, a lazy ne'er-do-well, had j turned over a new leaf. He inquired about 1 it. "Yes, air, my eon's in work now," said J the smiling old mother. "Takes good money, j he does, too. All ho has to do is to go twice a day to the circus and put his head in the t lion's STOISIB. The rest of his time 'e 'J»S to himself 1" ¡ A well-known novelist was touring through I Lancashire in order to learn something of the lives of th# inhabitants. He came upon an old man breaking stones on the roadside. "How far is it to Fleetwood, my manf" asked the writer. "YouD see a milestone a bit farther on," was the gruff reply. "What's the use if I can't re&d?" said the novelist, eager to draw the old man ink* a. conversa- tion. "Then ifcH just it you, for there's Ila.'t oa it!" rejoined the old fellow. A traveller, recently returned from India, WM chins his impressions. "What a country it no exclaimed. "There everybody koeps dloaseiis of servants. I had four whose I whole bminesrs was to look after my pipe. 0.. brought it to me, another filled it, a I thirst! lighted it for me—" "And tho fourthT' "The fourth smoked it for mra. T "The fourth smoked it for me. Tobacco never agreed with me!" Kind Old Gsntleman: "Well, here's a shilling for yon. Yon say the Town Council I took away your occupation. I sympn.thise with yon 'very much. That Town Council of ours has so many wrong things. But how did ib^y take away your occupation ? Tramp; "Well, you see, sir, they went and pulled down the house I used to lean against." A gonner of the Garrison Artillery, who had auooeesfnlly passed a blacksmith's course, was at home 011 furlough wearing the ham- mer and pincers on his arm when he was ac- eosted by a civilian, who asked what the de- eoratienwas for. "Oh," replied Tommy, facotionsly, "I'm an Army dentist." "I see," said the civilian. "Of course, the pincers are for extracting the teeth, but what is the idea of the hammer!" "Well, you see, some I of the chaps are a bit nervous, so we use the hammer to chloroform them with," was the reply. "Jobs Henry," sharply spoke Mrs. Vick- Seen, there'# a yoang man that comes bore about five nights m the week to see Bridget, and 1 want you to tell him to stop coming." "AJvira," said her husband, "you've running -this house for sixteen years, and I have never disputed your authority in all tliat time, but this is where I kick! I am going to assert my manhood! If you want to stop that big, strapping, two-fisted younar main fromooming here to see Bridget you'll have to do it yourself!" "Don't you," said the earnest young woman, "sometimes have thoughts that are beyond your powers of expression?" Percy: "Ya'ais; I fwequently have thoughts that are vewy hard to expwess, and the worst, of-it is that when I get them ejpwessed I cawn't help wcpyhier-i-ving why I went. to all that twonbk-"

j HOME HINTS. —„— A gargle of salt and water is :1 an ordinary sore throat. j To prevent cheese from »>•>. ■>; m I or dry wrap it in a cloth damjji-oai j %,id keel) i,-i i | Coarse-ground coffee, sj.'rin^icu. <u, r-o.vA- j ful of burning- coals will remove one; odours from a sick-room. I i Kerosene will boots n'id ^hoci | have been hardened by water, and v.iil r:a- j j der them as pliable new. Every saucepan that has been 1;:{ d aiul • finished with should be n. :u -vi! \v?-r r, j a lump- of soda put i.ito it, and &«•'» to irrl | I out. ] Brass trays should bo ?..aHj;cd with' v.rrr. i water and good yellow so«p.. 'Hinso ji, ch :■» j water, dry, and F,E"¡' with a ehanioi < I A litle k>;n stains. j t Xf shelves and floors or o]c>ets r-rw c d with water. which is hot ¡! h eayentio pepper, anti • with bor.'LS itiid alum, roaclic:3 and oiLer vorj);in are t:< pt at hay- j j Alter ironing linea, place it near the fire j or in the suu un.ti] peri'ci.iv dtv, 'ho..ear- n:ents will be sfu;\<y umn ii Joi'c >c> <J.vv { sk'wly. Thia hint i.s e-;>v< iaily utciul with | collars, cuffs, and petn< .vts. < Suited Filberts.- Alter sheliing them, boil the iili,)erl:s foi-sit,- jnniiues. remove the outer skins, roli itlits in clear rndi^d butter, and tii.-a sprinLie them with salt, and, if you will, a .suspicion of cayenne, and brown for two niinutes in the oven" A very good complexion Ü¡ found in butter-milk, L)ut f.ilclli. gruel is I t:ie haitds. and face, allowing it to dry on, aster which the skiri shuuiu bo wiped ovt-r with simplt tincture of benzoin mixed with ■ rose water. Caramel Walnuts. — Shall nnd halve .one of u o.( sugar, a quarter of a pond oi' ^i<»u«id ;«I- niondls, -and tlie" white of one egg into a basin and mix thorougJtly. ltoli mto inue „\al balls and stick half a walnut 0n t nc.1- i,' Then dip the walnuts into a glaze made of half a pound of brov a .ug«r, jiait ,< i fid of water, and oaJr- a teaM)»jIn 1 of bak- ing p(rwdel" bi>ilod till KjY bLOWK, Tea-leaves are iuvalnable as a me.ans of i cleaning varnished, paint. When sufficient i. leaves have been laid a-»de, thev #bo>i|d- he placed in a tin basi'i full < vv,.i._r, ;>nd soaked for half an ho'IT. I!;E lea. when strained, should be iuste;i oi «oap and water to dean the 'uisljid u.. v a. I Wheatmeal Cake*.—Boil half a pint of new 1 milk with a pinch of salt, aud dissolve ill it a piece of.butter the size of a waluut. Put the butter and milk on to sufficient \vheai?iRi:s,l to make a light, soft dough. Roll out a quarter of an inch thick, and cut into amnil *rom:d cakes. Bake in a (.jiiick oven for unnui-'B. Serve hot with bi;i,t,i- To remove the deposi: from the inside of. tea-kettles fill the kettle. with water sdd to it a drachm of sal-ammoniae. Let it boil ) for ati hour, when the fur, or petriiied Mib* stance found on the ineial, will be dissolved j and can be easily removed. Rinse the ki 'e • out well, then boil out. Ü::C2 or twice, before using the contents. To cook marrow boees ma>e sun:> fleur- i ai)d-witter over ef! is-. .ou ad tic a cloth tightly o«.er, •!». n piun^e i;o j boiling 'wafer and coo. •»}t Take off the p.vsi.<> b"f' bo:o-r-- *<•? »•'>»>t to table and serve upright in a napkin with slick. rk, j lion, a- v | easy to cook and fbrlll a delicious dish. Leather goods, if their appearance is to be p:rtsPf'd. ioIhnnJ,j.Joí tho ""i !II ,¡aet:' 'o.\c. are too dry, as the heat will cause the leather to craek. Nor iii i,lit,-es that will mnko it mouldy. To freshen lea her chair seats, travelling bags, book covers, etc., -th hlne become ainibby or 8p«i!.te«i, the-m \11 the r)f P,!t So1 li-r bags are best cleaned by using ordinary rua- set. shoe polish, cleAiu.,y „i u«e sa*ue [ way that shpes are, cleaned. The best way to remove grease stains from xilk is first to scrape ofT as much, of the grease as possible, and ii. to C:J T.IC sp<> v,o,, a creacti )f iir:e < lavender Water. Next, lay i v.o tiii*. ki-ses of blotting paper over (h- .stain, and iron it with, a uioderatei". !■.<<• i i 'iil (li.> six.is are quite dry, mo-, is, p.f«- twice. i lie pov. >in-.d.i ii it-t li v jt- dusied oft with a clean nan i..i-n:-aief or soft brush. Haddock and Tom at -Sr-v'd a dried liaildoc,k by po-oiag !e.->a-; u r c,r it tl' ;), Ill'r; 1 :i'h.n"i'¡, I, bones and flak-, th;?. ;l.-sh. id s,■ ,(i of butior in a .pari. i; a fin .•Jv- chopp-jtd oiiiiin. leid :i aefd the fish !»nd c«io''< t.in'o-d s,' •" tm •; with popjj.r and :-aii and chopocd p-.rsle.y. Serve with a Word >' >f nicily boil- d rice aiid | garnish :111 CAKES AND P U DDIN G S. -No. M. This recipe belies its name, &8 it caa hs made all the year round., The render wf awarded one of the Cskeoma priaes receatly offered. EASTER PUDDING. Sent by Miaa Savage, Brimiiigtoa. I packet Cakeoma., I 6 0:1. Ine chopped Suet. 2 Eggo and a pinck of Salt. I 1 oz. ground Chocolate or Cocoa. 1 oz. ground Almonds. 1 oz. ground Chocolate or Cocoa. 1 oz. ground Almonds. 1 oz. desiccated Cocoa Nut. Vanilla Flavour. i > METHOD :-Mix all the dry ingredients together with the Suet, Eggs (well beaten), Vanilla Flavouring, and enough Milk to make I a smooth batter. Pour it fnto a large well- i greased mould. and boil for 3 hours and serve | with Custard Sauce. This is #»ong!v for m large family. Either ihe Almonds, Cocoa Nut, i or Vanilla flavour may be dispensed with if necessary. I Cakeoma is sold in 31-d. packets by Groeera aad ^Stores overywhers. p ] Recipe Book will be sent poet, free,«o request to Lathsas and Co., Ltd., Liverpool* j

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