FUN AND FANCY. j Howard: "And how did that plain widG", Perkins capture the fastidious Mawker?' 'I' Coward: Ohl took him out in her car and showed him a few hundred of her bul ing; plots." Howard: "Ah! I see. A case of love I at first site." "Young man," said the serious person, I "don't you realise that the love of money 10 the root of all evil?" "Well," answered the spendthrift, "you don't see me hanging OIL to money as if I loved it, do you?" Customer: "Have you any gramophone Mo •ords?" Grocer: "Hardly in our line, sir, gramophone records." Customer: "Why not; aren't they preserved tongue?" Bronson: "I understand he painted coll- webs on the ceiling so perfectly that the maid wore herself out trying to sweep' them down." Johnson: 'Tisn't true. There may have been such an artist, but there never was such a housemaid." The Amateur Lecturer: "My misgui&d friend, do you not know that success is onlT achieved by hard labour?" Roving Ike: JB done six months of it once at a stretch, an come out no richer'n when I went in." Georgie: "That ink that papa writes with isn't indelible ink, is it, mother?" Mother: "No." "I'm glad of that." "Why? I've sglt it all over the carpet." Liveryman (to applicant for a job): "Eve* had any experiences with horses?" ApJ>M» cant: "Of course." Liveryman: "On wniclt .-idp pf a horse do you stand when you bar- pess him?" Applicant; On the-er-outsides. fir, j Shopwalker: "Don't Jou hear Miss Sellem calling 'Cash' at the top of her voice?" Cash-boy: "Yes." Shopwalker: "Why don'to calling 'Cash' at the top of her voice?" calling 'Cash' at the top of her voice?" Cash-boy: "Yes." Shopwalker: "Why don'to ▼pu go to her?" Caeh-boy: "'Taint my turfl. It's Jim Jimson's." Shopwalker; Wherd is Jim?" Cash-boy: "He's just fell down the lift." 1. Mrs. Gramerey: "What do we need 1- dinner?" Bridget: "Shure, mum, I tripped over the rug, an' we need a new set of dishes." First Dude: "I've been invited to go shoot- ing next week. What ought I to give the fellow that beats up the birds ?" Second Dude: "Well, old chappie, it depends whfto you hit him, don't you know." "And what did the phrenologist say about little Willie?" inquired the friend of the iamily. A faint cloud obscured for a moment the father's brow. "It was a little curious," he replied. "He did not exactly say any- thing. He felt his bumps. Then he picked up my money, and handed it back to me is silence." "Johnny, why do you spend all your tinw on these stairs?" asked Johnny's aunt, "Stairs weren't made to play on." "Well, where can I go? Papa oends me ulutairo and mamma sends me down. Seems to me I've got to stay half-way, somewhere/' "Sir," requested the young man, entering with a suit on his arm, "I've brought these clothes for you to press. The man next door says you are a gem at pressing rmitø t" "Well, the man next door is right," replied the suit presser; "only this isn't a tailor's shop—it's a lawyer's office "Crows are hardy birds," remarked the boarder. "In cold weather I have known them to go five days without food." "That's nothing," chuckled the comedian boarder, .10 1 c "I've known crows to go five months without food." "Great Scott! What kind of crows were they?" "Why, scarecrows, of course." "Ah!" said Mr. Barnes, the barn trage- dian, "the people are gradually coming to recognise my talent. I have hopes yet of their entire friendliness." "I'd like to know why ?" said the new stage hand as he swept up the stuff from the stage. "This year they are throwing boiled potatoes at me. Last year, my good fellow, they threw them raw." Fuddiy: "So you think Forster an exceed- ingly bashful man?" Duddy: "Eminently so. Why, the other day, when taking bicy,cle lessons, he absolutely changed colour." Fuddy: "Indeed!" Duddy: "Yes; he was green when he began, but before he had finished he was all black and blue." "My dear, I will have to ask you to give me a little money to do some necessary shop- ping-I haven't a thing fit to wear." "All right, my dear. Just, wait a few moments until I run into town and put a mortgage oa the house." Head of Business: "What position do you desire in our establishment, sir?" Aspiring Youth: "Oh, something like confidential ad- viser or general manager." Head of Busi- ness: "Good! You may have both jobs. I will make you an office boy." Mrs. Dorcas: Why did you expel her from the Women's Club?" Mrs. Learnedt "She proposed a motion that, instead of en- gaging a professor of Hindu philosophy, w- should hire someone to teach us how to get into a cab, how to,sharpen a pencil, and how, to carry an umbrella in a crowd." I The Lady of the House: "Why don't 108 go to work? Don't you know that a rolling atone gathers no mONT" Browning, (tho tramp): "Madam, not to evade your question at all, but merely to obtain information, may I be kindly permitted to ask of what practical utility moss is to a man in my condition?" Perhaps few experiences of life are harder to bear than when an appeal to another out of the fulness of one's heart is received with an utter lack of sympathy. A dishonest gar- dener had received notice of discharge from his master, a vicar, and, after an urisuccess- ful attempt to vindicate his character by j plausible platitudes, said mournfully: "Ah, sir, you will miss me before i be gone half an hour!" "I shan't mind that/' answered, the' reverend gentleman cheerfully, "if I miss nothing else!" "What makes you look so blue, old man?" "Oh, Mabel has sent me back my ring." "Has she? What's the matter?" ..We'Te —jwe've had! a quarrel." "But what aboutf" < Y; IJY. I hesitated when she asked if I was sure I'd have loved her just the same if we'd never met."
DR. BODIES WELCOME. SCENES AT MUSIC HALL. When "Dr." Walford Bodie opened his six ,-jjiights' engagement at Glasgow Coliseum, on Monday night, he was pelted wiih eggs and peasenieal by University students and ship- builders' apprentices. Bodie was frequently struck, but he stood bis ground with remarkable pluck. The onslaught only ceascd when his lady ;;jsussi6tant stood with outstretched arms in ,tront of the stage and protected him. The audience numbered over three thou- nnd. They would not permit the manager -to call Bodie "Doctor," and maintained a .constant uproar. When Bodie emerged f^ — the wings he -was bombarded wi h p- ,'al and flour ,done up in balls. The "uoetor" was attired Jn a long black cloak and white waistcoat --with a red ash. lie bowed amid a storm of lbooing and hissing, and before he could start ,tus entertainment his outer garment was eerily a coat of many colours, but mostly pie- bald. The orchestra fled when the fusilade began. At last Bodie, now bespattered from head to jtoot, entered his "cage of death," and, turn- ing «ii the blue squibs, presented an extra- ordinary sight. The audience seemed to become the more ^infuriatfed the longer Bodie remained on the .(Stage. At last a woman came on and was ."met;w..eri6ed." Seated in a chair in front of ■&hc cAge, she effectually shielded the "doc- tor" from the missiles. On the attack being irco4med she stretched her arm in an appeal- fashion towards the audicnce, but the "doctor," seeing it was useless to carry on Alfty attempt at entertainment, withdrew, lifter having braved the wrath of the audi- .nee for eight minutes.
HELD UP BY CROWD. EXCITING SEASIDE SCENES. "There -were exciting scenes-on the Douglas .jpromenade about eleven o'clock on Monday ^morning. A man named Anderson, who gave his age .As twenty-nine, and is believed to be a Nor- wegian, was observed to throw a dog over rihe sea-wall, the animal breaking its leg. ice-constable Stanley Cain remonstrated vlArjfch Anderson, whereupon Anderson, it is alleged, drew a revolver and fired three shots :^pdint-blank at the officer. Two of the shots look effect, and Cain reeled into the arms of passing workman, and was taken to the iitospital. In the meantime his assailant partially re- jjoaded the revolver and sauntered quietly .^long, fingering the weapon so significantly j■Ki to deter people who gathered "and followed from, going near him. After walking for a iew hundred yards Anderson leaned negli- gently with his back to the sea-wall and Jaeed the crowd, the revolver in one hand and > long knife in the other. Armed police were sent to the spot, and Nonstable Charles, carrying a revolver, talked up to the man accompanied by Con- stable Waterson. When Charles was within jive vards of Anderson, the latter pointed the ver at him and pulled the trigger, but -^fortunately the particular chamber was un- The police at once ruslied at Ander- son find bore him to the ground. The crowd ftiade 4 determined attempt to lynch the JSiatt, and before the police could get him i Away he was YE IT roughly handled. The wounded constable is progressing avoúrably. Of the two bullets which struck liitn, one in the head was defkc'.ed by the .«k»U and passed out through the scalp; the "other .e&tered the muscles of the neck and iftas since been extracted.
WAYLAID BY FOOTPAD. The manager of the Chiswick branch of the "Momp and Colonial Stores is lying seriously sill ttii the result of a violent attack made d#Pon him by a footpad during the dense fog -tmich prevailed early on Sunday morning. The victim of the outrage had closed his business premises, and was on his way home ^Carrying with him the day's takings of over j&7Q in a brown bag, as was his usual custom -4m Saturday nights. He had just turned into JL ouiet thoroughfare at the side of the Town JSall, when he received a violent blow behind right ear. At the same moment his .Assailant snatched his bag containing the Tftttoney from his hand and made good his .-fteape. Soon after a constable on his beat found "Ae manager insensible on the footway. After Jte«lical attention he was removed to his where he now lies suffering from con- -« £ tu«um of the brain. It is believed that the iftjuiy was inflicted with a knuckle-duster. ■"The victim recovered consciousness on Sun- day afternoon, but was unable to give any ..4Jt;ardscript,ion of hie assailant.
it SAVED BY HER BONNEt. An accident of a singular character on Sunday night at St. Mary's Jr arisbt Church, Ilford. Mrs. M&bella Lucas, of 164, Norwich-road, Ipswich, was sitting with friends in a pew seat the end of the orgnn when one of the pipes fell out and struck her on the inflicting severe injuries. The lady .fWI taken away in a cab. yoetor. Ogden, Who attended her, taid that for the force of the blow being broken by ;ttriek bonnet which she was wearing, the would have been killed.
FATAL FIRE. In & fire which occurred on Sunday morning tenement building at High Blantyre, near two lives were lost; htenement was composed of single and apartment dwellings, a top flat being •^Cfiupicd by a widow of seventy named McCl«*n her nephew. Harry Taylor, a pit brusher, twenty-eight. When the fire had b?en subdued by a motor from Glasgow the charred bodies of c^^a.n Rnd her nephew wer« found. ^A,ftili«s have been rendered homeless by Are,.
the places which Lord Kitchener will url] tf *• during his private tour throughJapac will JlL of Kumamdto, where during the reb«Uion of 1877 the Imperial Army • Af ieged for OTer fifty days. A l»*g* tabSel ^the castle is to be sent bf th £ Japanese it.n.me1).t to next year's Japan-British Exhi- bition in London.
BUDGET BULL'S-EYES. (FROM THE BUDGET LEAGUE.) The country stands at a pause. It is the stillness before the storm. The House of Lords met last Monday, gave the Budget Bill a formal first reading, and then post- poned further discussion of it until Novem- ber 23rd. The House of Commons has for the moment adjourned, and will meet again when the House of Lords have taken the great decision. The very fact of this delay is ominous. It is useful to recall at the .present moment what happened in 1894 when Lord Salis- bury asked for a much shorter delay in order that the House of Lords might con- sider the Death Duties Budget Bill. He was severely rebuked by Lord Rosebery, then the Liberal Prime Minister. "I de- precate altogether," said Lord Rosebery, that the House of Lords has anything to do with Money Bills." He was, therefore, opposed to any delay. That incident is strange to look back upon now, for the utterance of Lord Rosebery on that occa- sion precisely represents the Liberal atti- tude to-day. Meanwhile, the pause is being filled with repeated and persistent rumours that the House of Lords meditate throwing out the Budget, and' accompanying their action with a reasoned amendment. They may reason as much as they like. The real point at issue is the action. That action will be momentous. Once it is performed British politics can never again be the same, V # r For, suppose that the Liberal Party were to acquiesce in the action of the Lords in throwing out the Budget Bill, what would take place? Why, the admission that in finance as well as in legislation the Liberal Party has to be controlled com- pletely by the House of Lords. Once admit such a claim, and it would not be worth while to return a. Liberal Government to power. power. It is quite clear, therefore, that if the Lords succeed it means the death of the Liberal Party. The cause of progress would I be handed over to the Revolutionists, who would aim at substituting stronger mea- sures for the very mild proceedings of the Liberal. Party, now absurdly denounced as "revolution." If that were to happen, the Lords would soon realise what revolu- tion really meant I But it would not be only the Liberal Party who would be involved. It would be the House of Commons. At present the House of Commons discusses the Budget and collects taxes on the presumption that the Houce of Lords will give its assent to j the resolutions passed through the popular House. But, if the precedent of throwing out the Budget were to be established, then what would happen? Why, every year the taxes would be in doubt. There would be two-finance authori- ties, and the taxpayer would have every justification for refusing to pay his taxes until the Lords had agreed to the Budget. As the Budget discussions in the House of Commons last at least three or four months, the executives Government would, there- fore, find it difficult to collect revenue dur- ing those months. In other words, it would be hardly possible to carry on the King's Government. That difficulty would extend to a Tory Government as well as to a Liberal, if one could suppose the Lords to act otherwise than as* a Tory machine. For it is conceiv- able that the Lords migKt not even approve of a Tariff Reform Budget. They might, for instance, declare that they did not agree th.,t manufactured articles should be taxed unless taxes were also laid upon food. The Tariff Reform Budget might just as easily be sent back to the House of Commons as a Free-Trade Budget if once the principle of interference were established. • But the principle will never be estab- lished. The people of this kingdom, how- ever they may differ on other subjects, are at one in the desire to govern themselves. The Unionists, therefore, clearly recog- nise that this is bad fighting ground. They are extremely anxious to get away from the Peers back to any question that comes along—Old-Age Pensions, Tariff Reform, and so forth. « Above all, they are extremely anxious to get the country into a state of violent pas- sion, so that, under coyer of violent lan- guage, they may obscure and cloud the issue to the utmost. That is the reason why they have all taken to shouting Lies at the top of their voices. That is why Mr. Balfour has been so angry with Mr. Ure, and why he sent for the reporters, so that they might see him "tear a passion te tatters. He got totri a bit himself later on; but that is another story. » Well, so long as they are in such a tem- per, it is of no use at all to make any state- ments. So, instead, we I will ask* some ques- tions. They cannot, at any rate, call ques- tióni "lies." The first question we will. ask is, Is it true-that Mr. Arthur Balfoufr) who is now such a passionate advocate of Old-Age Pen- sions, himself abstained from voting on the second and third reading of the Old-Age Pensions Act? :t. The second is, Is it true that the Union- ist rank and file, who now talk ,a £ if they had passed Old-Age Pensions themselves in the face of Radical hostility, voted thus en the third reading (July 9th, 1908): Against the bill." 11 For the bill. 12 Abstained 1401 The third is, Is it true that the House of Lords, now the chief interpreter of the mind of the Unionist Party, carried by 77 to 45 an amendment, moved by Lord Cromer, limiting the Old-Age Pensions Bill to seven years, so that if the House of Lords had had their way the bill would have expired on December 31st, 1915? Is it true tluit that amendment was only not supported by the Tories in the Commons because it was ruled out by the Speaker on the point of privilege ? It Lastly, is it true that Lord St. Aldwyn, one of the oldest props of the Tory Party, moved and carried in the House of Lords an amendment that would, if it had been accepted, have condemned, by omitting the time-limit to the disqualiifcation, all the poor old people who have ever accepted poor relief to perpetual exclusion from the pensions ?' It will be difficult for our friends the enemy to say "No" to any of those ques- tions, for all of them are drawn from the official records of the two Houses. Would it not, therefore, be better for them to stop shouting "Lies!" and to observe a decent attitude of repentance on the Old-Age Pen-I sions question? Beaten on Old-Age Pensions, their next idea is to get the fight away on to Tariff Reform But there, I again, they are in a hopeless tangle. There are two wings of the Protectionist Party, and they wish for dif- ferent things. One—the to-.vii- party-wiints to tax goods; the other—the eountry party —wants to tax food. t It is impossible for these wlflgs to agree, because their intergstg fire different,
HOME HINTS. Woollen clothes, etc., should be washed in coapy water and rinsed in clear, and hung •ttt to dry at once, to stop shrinking. Wet tea and coffee stains with cold water aid glycerine and let them stand for two or three hours. Then wash with hard soap and eold water. I When making starch, mix to a thin cream with teaspoonful of, powdered borax, pottl over the boiling water, and stir with an ordi- nary candle until transparent; by this time the candle will have just about half melted down. This will ensure easy ironing, and prevents the irons from sticking. I Medicine should be given at regular hours, and careful attention should be paid to the direction as to time when it is ordered to be given, as, for instance, before or after meals The exact quantity of medicine ordered should be given. Front doors, particularly those in low- rented houses, are seldom well varnished. In such circumstances do not wash them with Jap and water, but take a clean rag, dip it in paraffin, wring out as dry as possible, and rub well over the paint. Then, with a clean duster, polish the door. This greatly im- proves the appearance of the paint. It is equally useful for indoor paint work. To olean lacquered brass fenders, bed- steads, etc., rub with a little ordinary furni- ture polish on a soft piece of rag, and then ?olish with a flannel or old piece of leather. his makes the brass look just like new, and does not in the very slightest degree hurt the lacquer like ordinary cleaning does. It is a great temptation when one enters the house tired to take off one's veil and fling it aside into a crowded drawer, letting it lie there, rumpled and shapeless, until next called into use. Nothing is so easily spoiled, so easily made shabby, as the dainty bit or gauze now universally worn. To preserve it properly it should be carefully stretched on the width and folded, preferably over a bit of cardboard or other stiff material. Lace beots are "much better for young children than buttoned footgear. The shanks of the buttons are apt to press on the instep or ankle, causing discomfort, while a maxi- mum amount of support is afforded to the ankles when it is possible to draw in t1.o laceaatwill.
RBFOOTING STOCKINGS. Knit stocking in usual way till you turn the heel, then pick up your side-stitelies, and knit backwards and forwards, not interfer- ing with your front needle at all till you begin to intake at the toe. Break off your wool, leaving a long piece, and then knit your front needle down to the same length. Knit round and round in the old fashion till you finish your stocking or stock, sew up the side slits, and you will find that when stock- inp want refooting all you have to do is to knit a new sole instead of a new foot. CAKES AND PUDDINGS.—No. 10. A most wholesome and easily digestible family pudding is made from the following recipe. FIG PUDDING. 1 packet of Cakeoma. 6 ozs. fine chopped Suet. 1 pinch Salt. I 6 Figs (cut up). 1 or 2 Eggs. A third to half a glass of Milk. MBTHOD. Empty the Cakeoma into a large basin or mixing bowl, rub in theSue And Salt, then add the Figs. Beat up the Eggs, and add them, together with the Milk, eira well mix; then put it into a well-greased pudding mould, tie a cloth over it, and st< ;wh or boil for three hours. Serve hot with a swe-ot sauce. It is sufficient for about a dozen persons.. For a smaller pud- ding, the quantities, should be reduced propor- tionately. Next week a recipe for Queen Cakes. 1 CAkeoma is sold only in Sid. packets by Grocers and Stores everywhere. Grocers and Stores everywhere.
BOOK.- studies:21 Aiftsfegg iiin*. ferity. ArrilrAPeriT.K.T B.A..IIfrsvw'be GIVEN AWAY. PR Ten Days only.. A MiigaHtaettt EngtiiViiiir, rtwc.ilneod from the prfjfiaT.1 1'tiimixig of ft Celehrsit>>u Art"-t, r. aunftilly p;i liy fcanl fon paper. 5-' by „'4 illl!llt-A 14 stamp for offer to DeliUXttire & Co., Dept. L., (I, Buctlcmuuiy, Loudon, B.C.
RHOS HERALD COUPON INSURANCE TICKET. \ppHcah!e only within United Kingdom. Specially re-loured with tbs General 45t IFisft and Lifd ÅH tiœ XriSlitdd Chief Offwet,Ge.,nerat Buildings, Perth, S.cctisnd. ondoo ( 9-to King st, Cheapside, E.C. Offices: i i$Pail Mail, S.W. F. NORMS MILLER, J.P., fienl. Manager, fo whom, on behalf of the proprietors, Notice of Claims under the iolkwrlc* conditions mcbt be sent within seven days of acctdect. & f f%g% OSE HDSrDEBD FOUNDS will be &iilU paid to ite, nest of kin of any person t))j who Íi1 killed by an accident to the r trais in whch the deoeased nm travelling as a bearing or payicg or who shall have been eat%lly injured thereby, should death resslt within ine calender month after each awident. Provid- ed that the person so kiMed or injured had upon his or her peraoc this page, with his or her usual gigioeltuse, written prior to the aeoMeDt, in the I provided below, which, together with the giving of notice mthin seven days to the above Oorporation, is the emeac* ofthig eontract. This I only spplies to persons over 14 and utder 66 yeam of aw, and iioids good for the | mrrenfc issue only. [ Ho person can coder oo* Coupon Ticket Ij respect of tbe Mm8 risk. Signature This Coupon mast not be cut out, but left intact !n the Rhos Herald as that, being dated, forms the ^gjplj evidence ,ø GENERAL l Aocident Fife and Life Assurance Corporation, LIMITED. t Capital* £ x,ooo,aoo. Chief Oøre. nGenerai sBaildings, PertSi London Oe and 1-G King street, Cheapside, F-.C 13 Pall MaU, S.W; 59-62 Chancery Lane, London, W.C. Liverpool -OtBees^-6 Castle itreet FIRE, LIFB, ACCIDENT comptfcwg Pdrsqa&l Accident (All Aceidet&ff And ail Sickness without madi"l es=ioation) Burglary, Driiag Accidents, Motor Car EmplayetV LiabilitY4 FMeikjr guaraute-e. Monthly Payment Department, All Sickness and aii Accident Paicy. Premiums from !/4 naontfcly AGENTS WANTED Apply, C. It S, S Caatk St., Liver- pooL LOCAL PICT UEB POST CARDS. A apleadld r-tiCCtiCo ot Rhos A District Picture Pest Cards can be seen at ike Herald Office, BENDlTHIAfST GOETO Or MABSYDD (Trefa. R., fel y'i canwjrd Can Ut jam*# Salwage') I I'w cael fin Swrf&gfaY Herald. P4is 10. I. MOURMfNG CAÂeS. Wis have a beautiful ^Lectipa of all the latest d £ &tga», r" execute all orders a ,(ew.hcloU's" aatice R MILI.$ & Saus, Rkos. a 10 a ,,1U}e at tfc j fierzid Offief.