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---_-_.__. PERSIAN REVOLT.…














FUN AND FANCY. "You say, Wyndeigh makes friends wherever he goes?" "I said 'whenever. "I don't understand why women want to vote." "I do. It's because they can't!" "That man must know all about the Stock Exchange." "What makes you think eof" "He never speculates." They say your brother used to have great luck as a fisherman." "Yes, he did. Nearly everybody used to believe him." She: "You know, Mr. Jones, I thought you were much older than you are." lie. "Oh, no; not a bit, I assure you!" "My wife has that awful disease klepto- mania." "Is she trying to cure it!" "Well, she is always taking something for it." Foofelight: "What do you think was the best thing I ever did!" Sue Brette: "That piece where you died in the first act." Customer: "Are you sure this is real Ceylon teal" Well-informed Young Assis- tant: "Certainly, sir. Mr. Ceylon's name is on every package." Tom: "It was a case of love at first eight with me." Jack: "Then why didn't you marry her?" Tom: "I saw her again on several occasions." Prison Warder: "We try to give every in- mate work with which he is familiar. WhaV# your tradef" New Prisoner: "I'm a profes- sional pedestrian," "I admit," said Mr. Roodley, "that I can't keep my eyes off the ladiea Ex- cept," put in Miss Pert, "wbenyou happen to be sitting in a tramcar and the ladies ace standing!" He: "But I tell you what it is, Maude; if your father is at all unreasonable I shall put my back, to the wall and er-er" She: "And keep it there. That would be the safest position." Kind Lady: "How did yon become so lame?" Tramp: "Over-exertion, mum." Lady: "Indeed! In what way?" Tramps "Movin' on every time a perlieeman tole m* to." Scribbles: "My new book will soon be published., I hope you will lose no time in reading;, it." Miss Cutting: "Indeed I won't. I lost several hours reading your other one." j "Father," said tittle Rollo, "what to a speculator?" "Anyone, my son, who goes OD the Stock Exchange and loses. "And what is a financiert" "Anyone who goes there and wins." The saddest instance of misplaced eonfi- dence on record is that of a man who res- cued another from a I watery grave, only to find that instedd of his long-lost brother it ( was a person to whom he owed a five-pound note. "You can't spell long words like hippopo- tamus and parallelogram," said the little boy f who, wore spectacles and a sailor suit. "Well," answered the boy who was leading a dog by a piece of rope, "dat's where I'm lucky. I don't have to," j ) Chippy: "I was not at all up to the mark last nrght—tried to say something agreeable, but couldn't do it, somehow; so at last I bade them good-bye." Nortoii: "Ahl Then vou dfd manage to say something agreeable after all!" Motorist's Friend: "Oh, I say Good- ness gracious, well be smashed up il « minute." Motorist: All right, my dear fellow, don't excite yourself., The firm I bought this motor from have agreed to, keep it in repair for a year, —■ ■: I Cumso: "The doctor says I must talcs plenty of exercise. I don't know whether to try Indian clubs or dumb-bells." Mrs. Cumso "I wish you; would come out with me, and wheel the perambulator a little way." Cumso: "Um! no, Maria. I don't want to overdo the thing at first, you know." Tradesman (wearied by the importunity, of commerical traveller): "For goodness sako j take yourself off! Your everlasting persist- ence is enough to make fellow cut his throat." Irwpiewifck' Traveller "Ah, now, sir, we shall do a bit of business. I. i addition to other things, I represent a nrst- ( class firm of cutlers. Let me show y»u i samples of my razors." | A Paris shopkeeper wrote to one of his. > customers as follows: "I am able to offer ibel "One you cloth like the enclosed sample at 9fr. the metre. In case I do not hear from you I shall conclude that you wish to pay only 8fr. In order to tos6 no time, I accept the last-mentioned price." Mr. do Style "Why don't ftm invite Mr*. Firetflat to your reception?'' Mrs. de Style: "I do no& associate with such valvar people." "Vulgar!" "I should say so. She wears commonplace bpme-grgwu teeth thai wevm cost her a penny." "Well," said a "pevring governess, "I will pnt in another form. If it takes enb servant nine houns to do the entire honse- work of a family, how long will it take three servants to do it?" Tommy: "Oh, I know, teacher. I heard mainma.,speak of U only this morning." Governess: "Well, how long will it take, then?" Tommy: "Three tunes as long." A Halifax weaver .was going to get mat' ried. Be wenicto the clergyman and. said: "Aw've corned tellin' sou as Aw'm gettin' wed." The parson smiled, and .remarked: "Ten mean you've come to give notiee for the »"Nay, that I haTen't," said the budding Benedict. "We're 'aban* havin' ony bands .we're on'y havin' a «ono«tin after^ tea. ■ ■-■.>, > Husband (arriving isith his wife at t* ths station jusV aS the train *st«am4 out) i "Them! H yon had&& lakes' siwh fnl tiaie dwwwmg we shouMn> mtih to irait mt