Welsh Newspapers

Search 15 million Welsh newspaper articles

Hide Articles List

17 articles on this Page



I; —-——-—-———————--— S. WINDELL"…














) FUN AND FANCY. 'Visitor: Whyr do you inaks some of your pies round and some of them square?" Wife: "Because my husband has been com- plaining of sameness of his diet lately." "I can take 100 words a minute," said one shorthand writer to another. I often take more than that," remarked the other, in sor- rowful accents; "but then I have to. I'm married." Professor (lecturing upon the rhinoceros): I must beg you to give me your individual attention. It is absolutely impossible that you can form a true idea of this hideous ani- mal unless you keep your eyes fixed on me." Papa," said a little boy, ought the master to flog me for what I did not do?" Certainly not, my boy," replied the father. Well," said the little fellow, he did to- day when I didn't do my sum/' Sentimental Boarding-House Landlady s "Ah, yes, this world is indeed a vale of tears; there is dew on the grass, thorn on the roses Unsentimental Boarder: "Yes, and hairs in the butter and hairpins in the soup." Diner: "What have you got?" Waiter; I've got calves' liver, sheep's brains, pigs' feet-" Diner: "I don't want a list of your physical peculiarities; all I want to know is what you've got to eat." Lady: "I do so like it when you preach, Mr. Lecterne." Mr. Leeterne (much pleased): "So glad you appreciate my sermons." Lady: "Yes, you see when you preach I always get such a good seat." "Why does Mr. Jinks have ouch a hang- dog, uncomfortable look about him? Is it be- cause he is in financial trouble?" "Oh, no. It is because he is the father of children of school age, and they have begun to ask him to help them with their arithmetic." "How has WHson been doing?" asked the yeoman who had just returned from South Africa. "Well, he has made a good deal of money, but- "Getting on well, is he?" j "Yes, he seemed to be getting along (irst-mte until be tried to pass som: of it," I "It's so hnrd to gay re- marked an infatuaio4,1 young man at the front door, I find it in my heart to I say 'Good-night' I simply Look here, IT?'m iKan," inter ai^ted the girl's father ""if you wait a little longer 1, abl«i to my ''Oop^-r-ir.rni^g' I A statement mads in good faith, but diffi- cult to accept, was recently offered to his congregation by a country pastor. He had been holding forth on the advantages of plain !Ijeo,kitig, "lvby, brethren," he said, bring- ing his hand down upon the pulpit with great vigour, "there's no need of these JDng words and high-sounding terms; pot$<bjt. Look at St. Paul, I any f His words were ifulj of the meat of knowlv4ge wd help., and he didn't make use of any Bve-iSyil&ble t-aik. No, he always spoke i vlj, English, civ brethren Jioddy wm the elerevma;Ws and his favourite resort was the barber's shop. All of a sudden Boddy ceased visiting the barber's, and the clergyman asked him the reasoo. "Well, sir, I've quarrelled with him because he said things about you." "indeed, Roddy? And what was the barber saying about me?" "lis said, «ur, that your bead was cracked." "And I'm siure you contra- dicted him," said tfas mfristcr, for he knew the barber's love of jioki,,g. "Nc,, I couldn't. do tlint, bir, when h.s had your head in his bands so often. I thought, he ought to know, out 1 was so angry at him telling everyone." The headmistress of a high school for girls took her pupils for a trio to the Lake District, and sent fkem on b}- themselves to view a famous waterfall in the vicinity. She ex- peeted them to b, enraptured bj the beauty of the fall, and was amazed when, An less than half an hour, they ail came trooping back, looking ^ry much disappointed. '"Why, giris, how's this?" she eried. "I didn't expect you back for hours yet," $I Oh, ma'am, we couldn't stay there, really," was the plaintive answer. II It's so shockingly primitho and out-of-date; would you believe it, there isn't a picture- postcard shop in the wuo.it. pjaee!" He was romantic, but bashful for his age. At 25 it is expected nowadays that a man obo, Id be matter of fact.. Sjie was his equal in A urn, » ij-ioc oia enongn iii- deed to be a widow. The conversation had turned on the over important subject of mothers-in-law. There a lull in the argu- ment. Gazing far. she sighed and said. "Ah me! I ■shall ne .er have another mother in-law," He looked st Lei with interest for a moment and then suddenly blurted out: "My mother died whuo 1 w very yoiuug," It was an inadvertenee, but lie could not draw back. She threw herself into his arms and thy have lived to now.. Jinks; "How did you come to lose so much money ori the Meed" Winks: "Got ioomany. tips before I started." A West-end bookseller, teUstbc following amusing story of a conversation he held re- cently with a well-to-do, but illiterate, client. "lsnutrthave some booko," the latter re- marked, and went on to explain that he had found an empty library ina house which he toad purchased in Kensington. His only con- dition was that thfc volumes should be hahd- some.. The bookseller .suggested that half should be bound in" kussia and half in Morocco. "What's to hinder you from having tue lot bound in London ?" wAb the unex- pected response." "Jobson, I do believe that if you were giveu the choice between me and your pipe you would hesitate." "That's where you make a mistake, Mrs. Jobson. A pipe soothes and comforts a man in his old -r-- She was an oicononiieal, industrious, and ambitious y!>Uii^ v ife, and often tried to per- suade her hus'iawl to ftjtvt; up smoking. One day she 1" 4 wtft to Jinï. in exact figures, how much he spent i^ "tobaeeo in the course of a year. "And you would be better off," she si4d, "mentaUy ? «wd physically, as well as financially, without your pipe. "'But all great men have smoked he urged. "Well," she sai4, "just promise me that you'll give up j^meiing till yotfre great. Ill he quite ThM feliow rejoice* la the name, of Slob- iNMivpefcy." ^I AotJ t behere it." "Honestly, tit*^dh»>4»fee. "Ok, I d«te?l d<rai>t that,* Bat I don't Win. he rejoices."