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"'FUN AND FANCY. .
FUN AND FANCY. "Do you like waltzing?" asked a girl of her partner, at a ball. "I am charmed by it! "Then why llavo you not learned how to do it?" v- Urumcoessful Sportsman (to gamekeeper): erWhen I was in Australia I shcfc the biggest kangaroo the natives s-aid they'd ever seen." Gamekeeper: "Hindeed, sir! What was you •-iaaimin' at? "I never give to beggars on the road," re- markedi a young man to a tramp who had asked him for help. "If you'l1 oblige me with yer name and address, sir, I'll call on yer was the retort. "Ma," exclaimed a boy to his mother, "may I play make-b'lieve that I'm enter- tainin' another little boy? Certainly, dear!" replied the parent. "Then gimme some cake for him! said the little chap. "Do you know, dear," said a lady to her husband, who was lamentably "close-fisted," "last night I had such a delightful dream! I dreamt you gave me a five-pound note." "Splendid!" exclaimed her spouse amiably. "You may keep it, dear Louie: "Uncle, what's chagrin?" Uncle: "Well, it's what a stout man feels when he runs his hardest, and jumps on a tram-ear tkat doesn't start for half-an-hour." "I appear to have made something of an impression on that man over there," re- marked a young lady at a wedding-party. "He has been looking at me ever since I arrived." "If you mean that one with a black mous- tache, he's the detective engaged to look after the presents said a friend. "'What's the difference between vision and sight?" asked a man; and this is how the question was answered by a friend: "See those two girls across the street?" "Yes." "Well, the pretty one I would call a vision, but the other one—she's a sight!" "At last," said the ambitious young novel- ist, "I have written something that I think will be accepted by the first magazine it is sent to." "What is it?" his friend asked. "A cheque for a year's subscriptions." Mistress: "Why, Bridget, it seems to me you want very large wages for one who has had so little experience." Bridget: "Sure, mum, ain't it harder for me when I don't know how? Stubb: "'Yes, the fancy gardener named his special radish after his wife." Penn: "Rather a compliment. Did he say why he did soP" Stubb: "Yes. He said they never agree with him." Mother: "Where is that lovely ring your Aunt Mary ga\f- you, Nettie?" Small Nettie: "I lost it." Mother: "i might have known it. Did you ever have anything you didn't lose?" Small Nettie: "Yes, mamma. I never lost my appetiter" Suett, the famous actor, was one day alight- ing from a coach after a long journey in the pouring rain, when a gentleman, who had come to meet him, asked: "Are vou Suett?" The immediate answer was, "No I'm drip- ping 1 A Northampton schoolmaster has received the following^ note from a pupil's mother: jionoured Sir,—Johnny can't come to school to-day. Yesterday another boy threw a stone into his eye, and he can't see out of it. Will you see into it?" "My mission -in life," said the satirist, "is to put the dunce cap on the heads of other people." "Be careful," replied his friend. that you don't catch cold." Fortune-Teller: I see by vour hand you'll die when you're twenty seven." Willie: "But, my dear woman, rrm twenty- nine mow." Fortune-Teller: "Why, my good man, you should .nave been dead* two years. You're living under false pretences '• "There's just one thing I wanted to say to you," began Mrs. Acid to her husband. "Only one, M'ria?" queried he, solicitously. ".Aren't you feeling well?" First Passenger (at suburban station): "I wonder why we are making such a long stop at this station,.P Second (a traveller of ex- perience): "I presume it. is because no one happens to be trying to catch the train." First Suburbanite "I see they have taken the 7 a;m. train off this line. Do you miss it?" Second Suburbanite: "Oh, rotiiing like as much as I used to miss it when it was on." They were talking about the strenuous life of the Suffragettes. "Most people," remarked the thoughtful thinker, "take lite seriously." "Well, there's no reason why they should not," rejoined the matter-of-fact person. "Taking life is a serious matter." I Bessie: "Oh, Mabel! I am in an awful dilemma. I've quarrelled with Harry, and he wants me to send his ring back." Mabel: "That is too bad!" Bessie: 'That isn't the point. I've forgotten which is his ring Little Girl: "My mamma, is awful strict. Is yours?" Little Boy: "Orful!" Little Girl": "But she lets you go anywhere you want to, ami ?" "Little Boy: ."Oh,'she ain't strict with me." Little Girl: "Then who is she strict with?" Little Boy: "Pa." "I tell you," said one. man to another as they emerged from the corridor of a concert hall, "I envy that fellow who was singing." "Envy him!" echoed the other. "Weil, if I were going to envy a singer I'd select somebody with a better voice. His was about the poorest I ever heard." "It's not his voice I envy, man," was the reply; "it's his tremen- dous courage!" A man had sat for some time in a restau- rent, looking thoughtfully av his glass of r lg ice-cream. At last he left his chair T.'1 made his way to the proprietor. "I see anounce that you make your own ice- he said, in a confidential tone. "I r," said the proprietor. "Well," said t an, "would you permit me to give you n little advice? I won't charge you a farthing, ând be money in your pocket.' "Glad +.7; hear, it, I'm sure What is the sugges- tion said the proprietor. "Get somebody els.e to make it!" replied the customer.
USEFUL RECIPES.
USEFUL RECIPES. BROWNED POTATO SOUP,-Peel and cut I into quarters twelve potatoes. Put three table-spoonfuls of_ beef dripping in a saucepan, and fry in it the potatoes and a sliced onion. When brown, add two quarts of water, and simmer until the potatoes are soft and broken. Rub through a colander, and return the puree to the saucepan. Thicken with two tablespoonfuls of browned flour rubbed to a> paste with a tablcspoonful of butter- Stir until smooth, and then add a tablespoonful of chopped parsley and salt and pepper to taste. VEGETARIAN PLUM PUDDING.—Mix to- gether lib. each of finely ground wheaten flour, Sultanas, shelled Brazil nuts, and wholemeal breadcrumbs, SUM. of stoned i each of sugar and scraped carrots, lb. each of mixed peel and sweet almonds, one dozen bitter almonds, 2oz. of soaked sago, and four eggs. Moisten with milk until it is of the consistency of porridge, and mix well. Grease some pudding basins, fill with the mix- ture, cover with wholemeal crust, and boil for six hours. MILK SCONES.—Boil a quart of milk, and when boiling take it off the fire and stir into the pan sufficient oatmeal to make a thick paste. Roll out very thin on a. pastry board and cut into circles or triangles bake on a hot griddle for a few minutes. The scones should be put into a warm napkin and sent tc table at once. BATH Bu-xs.-Grate the rind of one lemon into I-lb. of flour. Melt {lb. of butter with half a teacupful of cream, add a teaspoonful of yeat and on egg. Mix with the flour and add tlb. of caster sugar. Set the dough to rise. 4 Make into about 20 rough-looking buns, strew wi'th carrr.way comfits, and bake in a quick oven.
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TEA. TABLE TALK. !
TEA. TABLE TALK. Seeking is a -compulsory subject is x -JfeBxei-ioan schools. LdJ leather beljts are to be worn withi of nearly .aill shades. Is British -Isles there have been recorded the last hundred years saven flta& bride marrying the best man. by mistake. A lady in Wilkesbarrs, America, coughed up & fu the other day. It is, supposed' that sho an infant frog while drinking impure Wafer, An. attempt is being made to revive the, wear- ling of beauty spots, or patches on the face, ^^perieaced artists contending that small black fe or s{ar« on the certainly enhance ,Aa;turnl beauty. « (Mass teapots are being used in the United "States, one advantage, in addition to their <W»mentaJ appearance on the table, being that 5' reveal the quantity of made tea.. < » Bridal bouquets with & chiffon-covered wire »oo.pi> provided for the purpose, are worn on 't416 w-rist, thus obviating the fatigue of harid- -carrying. Qimen Helena of Italy writes short poems topics of national interest, and some of faliere are being translated' into other An envelope-flap moistener and an indicator iaor medicine bottles to show the time when the iSiexfc dose of medicine should be taken, are two fjssoettfc successful inventioFi3 of American, » MMame Patti (Baroness Cederstrom) is, it ia ^tgg.eisted, -at once Italian, Spanish, French, British. ag?in French, and Swedish nationality, reason of, respectively, her parentage, her first marriage, naturalisation, her Second marriage, and her third marriage. I I w NO garments that sweep the pavements art jj *4ldwie(i to be worn outdoors in Nordhousen, j Saxoisy. Any person thus arrayed is forbidden "Cvalk the streets, and' a violation of this ^clintajtce entails a fine of thirty marks. «- *■ I "Bessie Heffron, of South Manchester, w^° ^°6lt ^er voice some time ago, •ttecottefc so excited o»ver a baseball game that recovered it during the contest, and, much ~&o tb'fr surprise of everyone, began shouting like foghorn. < Souje ladies when, say, on a railway journey, with them a small, co-ft, chamois leather, with which to freshen personal appearance, the face being gently but thoroughly rubbed. By £ t is claimed that this "massage" process &m> benefits the complexion. "tlte Archduchesses Isabella and Marile Josefa e,,ssp-,g are interested in a ac-heme for estab- Protection stations for infants. These ,.íifitrt;ít.ui;s wiu supply poor mothers with i- fl f(Kjd for young children, also clothing Q<1 instruction as to how best to rear infants. <vv est.Irna!led that, at the present time, of '•A (tArl ?kildren born every year in Vienna, ~0,(J0Q before they are twelve months old. < i the average* height of Frenchwomen is 5 feet 1 inch; American women, 5 feet 3' inches; KiiglwA women, 5 feet 3t inches. Investiga- 'lifWtiS show th.srt American women usually weigh mow than Fuench or English women, it being iound t'Jiat, in many instances, the American weight is equal to that of an English '"Woman .one inch taller. The, seasons given by a lady labour authority ■ Why many wdmeii workers earn low wages are: Nof titiderstandin,g that if they tried they could: g<êt tetter pay; because they can only give inferior work they take low pay provided the Work mil be done at home they become, eay, simply because the- life offers and, taking a smaill salary, some to back to work after marriage, because life at tg ACdull." All this tends to lower Hornsea's wages generally. Wjorr'ies and mushrooms, by law, are not jpha')? property when growing. A person may prosecuted for trespass on land where they but not for theft in taking them. PhB vocalists are said to be rare in countries fish and meat diets prevail. Naples and where' much fish is eaten, give few of it&lyV. wingers and the sweet voices of Ireland •lap6 i1- the country, not in the towns. In Norway, too much fish is eaten for the produc- of singers, but Sweden is a land of grain âincl 1Oftg. « Th^-suf made from the spider's web is lighter etvon^&r than that which\comes from the In France, there is a factory d&- io t%e manufacture of spider thread. The «* £ arranged in dozens before a reel. JWjMk withdraws the delicate threads, each folding from twenty to thirty yards. -Elizabeth Hunt, living in Brooklyn, ^er 105th year recently. Her birth 1'" %'fell authenticated. old lady, who m health and excellent spirits, cele- J Ui W birthday by travelling to Menden, 'Hcut, where she has some relatives. She to the railway station in a motor, -sfciaae she had ever entered such a
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[No title]
When pipes are leaking, and the services of a plumber are not immediately available, make a stiff paste from yellow soap and whiting with water, and apply to the defec- tive joint or burst. This will stop a leak for some hours. Never clean the nails with a sharp-pointed I instrument, and never cut them without first soaking the hands in warm water for at least five minutes, If the finger-naits are stained, try dipping them in a cup of warm, soft water, to which a teaspoonful of leiuon juice has been added. When washing green material, put into the rinsing water one teaspoonful of vinegar and oiae teaspoonful of methylated spirit, and the colour will be preserved, looking as good as new. Iron as scon as possible after washing. Sponges should always be kept in a wire or wicker basket. Tliey should always be placed in the air so that they dry thoroughly. After using a sponge, it is best to rinse it in clean water, and do not fail to squeeze it dry. When a sponge requires washing, it should be "ut into hot water to which a little salt has been added and then rinsed. All housekeepers do not yet understand that what goes on in the kitchen on washing days affects the condition of the clothes if, as of happens, laundry work and kitchen work must be done in the .same room. The smell of broiled or fried fish, or even broiled steak, or those odours which come from strong vegetables while cooking—such as onions, cabbage, and the like—cling to the clothes with great pertinacity even after they are ironed and sent upstairs. This is espe- cially true if the smells are absorbed during the sprinkling of the clothes, and when the latter are quickly rolled up tight, and are opened to have the odours ironed into them.
Two FACTS FOR COOKS.
Two FACTS FOR COOKS. One is that stewing and simmering are not synonymous terms for boiling. Boiling point is not reached under 212 cleg. Fahrenheit, whereas simmering requires only 180 de- grees. Meat, once it has been cooked, should never, no matter how heated again, be allowed to reach boiling point. Fact the second is that frying means boiling in fat in- stead of water. To fry anything, it should be covered with boiling lard, which must be kept at boiling point. This is not extrava- gant, for the same fat may be used many times over. VALUE OF LITTLE THINGS. The girl whose manners are pleasing knows the value of little things. She is not satisfied with omitting glaring rudeness; she is polite in trifles. She answers an invitation the day it is received, and does not change her mind later when something more attractive turns up. She does not take attention as a matfer of course, but expresses her gratitude of the smallest kindness by an appreciative word. She does not consider it good manners to be pleasant with the special friend and -indiffe- rent to the other members of the family. She is thoughtful of the feelings of old people and inferiors, and full of sweet little i atten- tions to the sick and feeble. Kiss BABY GOOD-NIGHT. Whatever a child's daytime naughtiness may have been, at nightfall lie should be for- given, and go to rest with the mother's kiss on his-lips. Hardly anything can be worse for a young child than to be scolded or punished at bedtime. Children should never be Allowed to carry with them in their thoughts the mental sufferings which, too many parents seem to think all absolute necessity in the careful bringing up of children. All too soon will they have to face the world and its sorrows. WhVe children should be taught to stiun all equivocation and lying, still we ne.ednot fear to satisfy the vivid "baby imaginations with the literature of fairyland. They early learn to find the truth wrapped up in the husk of the story.. r DELIGHTFUL BATH-ROOM MIXTURE. An excellent provision for every washing- stand is a perfumed flannel soap bag, which C, cm be hung up on a nail or in a string sponge bag over the washing apparatus, and can be meti for cleansing the hands. The bag should I be filled with a mixture of a pint of bran, half an ounce of almond meal, half an ounce of orris root, and a little pure white soap shredded down finely and sifted well through, the powdered ingredients. This makes a de- lightful mixtgfce—■-deliciously perfumed and wonderfully soft for the hands..The bag must be tied up when filled and dipped in the warm water in which the hands are washed and water in which the hands are washed and rubbed over the backs and palms till a soft glow is experienced. $ I