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The Liandudno Bazaar of 1863.


The Liandudno Bazaar of 1863. A SEMI-HEROIC BALLAD. BV IHE MAX WITH A KNAPSACK. A copy has been sent for publication of the following somewhat satiric-ail, ballad issued in 1863. There are but comparatively few now diving whoi (remember the sensation created in local circles by its appearance: — God bless the Queen, and save us a'l From taxes, debt aiiot war, At L'anidudno there did befal A mighty great Bazaar. That new and very mushroom place Did want, as will be seen. A va«t increase of Chriat.ian space For prayers and crinoline. And well it might; for who the. D A Paris hat would weax, Unless there was a place to see. In fact, a place to stare ? Then swore the Laclv——not She merely vúw'Ü a "A church isliall be at Llandudno. Where ev'ry be Via may bow." From s" strand to "Little Head" The potent edict flew. And "Church Wa'ks" still the echo sped. Which at "Bodafhn" grew. Quiick did each Lk!.nclu dnov an fly The Lady's cry ao gre>3t; And Celt and,, Saxon cordially Kc-o-too'd in Mostyn Street. Now- hastens each Dundreary swell This project to promote; The case was "Church"—as records fell Expart-e "Petticoat." Then all. on bus'neas being intent, (I woud nt be ironical) Appeard plain advertisement, On wal'is, and in "The Chronicle." ''B-e't known to all our .clansmen bold, Both native and afar." (So ran th- affiche) 'that we shall hoM Three days a great Bazaar. "Three mortal dava. to ■ev'rv snob. Our wares siball proffer'd be;' And whilst we most gentieeliy rob, We'll smc'Jie most graciously." Then :<oop'd Sir Farrant from vile law, To air his ptety, And being Lacjies' Treasuraw, An envied man was he. But vain were Lady's bold intent; Harmless tne jtipe she'd have on, Unless appear'd J most. prominent, Lord Wdliams of Bodafon. So wh. n in solemn qonclave sat The Beaird Hebciiomaciarv To ere hung the "billy-co\kian" hat Of Wi Lams—See/re'jary, Thur rorm'd! the ladies dav bv -clav. Their arduous task pursue; Ar,c1 doubtless they had much to say Though noihing much to Tis s aiI, the mind of wornaaki ad Of time and space no T.hought has And something- -of this truth we find In fair Llandudno's daughteis. Tlie monks of o d did preach and pray. When founding holy placels; But plucky girls, in our fast clay, Church-build, with sermon cases. C'efft toute je merne, twixt I and you, Let no vain words be spilt: "Vaut biten la chandeila par le jeu," So that the Churih be built. The hot. press'd notes, octavo size, And envelopes to match 'ein; The^PastiTustreas did much surprice, Whose task was to ciespatc.h 'em. But who can force cf language bring, In phrase sublime or winy, Of such a tea-pot utorm to sing, As Ladies in Committee 1 Or, what forlorn unmarried man WLlhin his mind can settle, What women wiil, or may, or can; When put upon their mettle. How vain were the attempt to scan What ladies do in private 'lis past the skill of mortia. man, Ihejr se TO'-j to arrive at. But this we know, by Nature's a'o., And may th' assertion handle, For life, and love, and man they're made; Not jealousy and scandal. Yet sometimes bus'ness has mishaps, Though deftly cV>ne by beauties; And sometimes tihe/re is pulling caps, Insaead of doing duties. But let that pars The man's an ass Who thinks that. I suppose The ladies met. In Od b; nd, TIo bandy worcas and blows. By no rowans so: for, toute en regle, Were things in order set-, "Agenda, Minutea." "Bass's Ale, Cold ch ckenis and sherbet. Then Williams-Sec. At Lady's u-eek, To cheer ber fair Committee, A sweet lament Did straight invent, And thus he sung the ditty. THE LAMENT OF PATERFAMILIAS. FaTewel* farewell! domestic peace and joys; A long farewell t to all our social glee; My shil ing novel now gives way to toys, And bab es socks usurp our minstrelsy. Our Broad wood's square is dumb; Erard's un- stru g: Tryphena's si ent, and Tryphosa's wry; Our "nigge molodies are all unsung; My pipe s put out-it makes me pipe my eye. No carefi 1 hand now darns my xuptur'd hose; My shir s, n w buttonholes, are sact to see. We din'd off s ink;'ng shrimps, and, I suppose. We ditto. d ro, may expect for tea. From rosy- neturd morn to dewy eve, My Eve Lice santiy the needle ply; I<i And when I hin that they their toil should leav They sbmg me with the phrase, "It's all my eye." .My quie -■•vurn. fomi'd for letter'd ease: Wh re -n'co m incense wreath'd around Is faced 'v' u. such a congeries As on'y R z vs can ere be found. By hunge I seek my dining room; The tab "pr ad, 'tis true, but.—save the mar With bask he os, beads and bags 'tis -e Of things 'noomgruous, a perfect ark. I Or, if toil worn, my weary length I stretch On boudoir couch, the waning evening hours Sudden, uprous'd. I hear a voice—"you wretch i" "You've gone and -smash'd my artificial flowers In short, ray house, my halls, my hearth, my No longer breath of comfort to the mind. Unheeded, exil'ci, through the sttreets I roam, Or on the beach, I whisfe to the wind, "Be patient, Jon," my -own sweet-heart im- plores Such want of sense does not your age befit. 'Tis for the Church, we turn you out-o'-doors. Be calm."—I am—I grumble, and submit. Now Muse baniign, again inspire My ramblmg them and measure; Nor let my rhyming crotchet tire; Cease not my scribbling pleasure. Oicl Time, the great cunctator's pest. Ne'er lets it be forgotten, That all things once are at their best, I And after ripe com-es rotten. So Lady, like the busy bee. Improv'-cij each .shining hour; Nor lost an opportunity, If offer'd by a shower. With aspect meek, And lots o'cheek. And sat among the rocks, And when Brawn Jones Came picking stones. She pok'd the begging-box. Thus, day by day She stop'cl the way Of gentsi, whooe pence did reach her, And sure 'twas bliss To. hear them whis— -per, "What a lovely creechurl" I'm not the boy Who woud: deery God's work—I'm but humanity- But til's I may Engage to cay Had less of zeal than vanity. Now July heat Did urge retreat From murky Cottonopoiie, And Hebrews grand Did quit the Strand Of England's great metropolis. Then rov'd fat sectors, and perchance. That heretic Coienso; And belies, who talk of La belle France, Whence they will never go. Close cram'd is ev'ry hole and nook With doctors, -clogs, ancl -dioxys, Some to the bathing-vans be-took, And some to railway boxes. Now fiourisih'id Llandudnovia fair, And tradesmen's iikis were bursting. And swells, and belles,, and millionaires Foir novelties were thirsting. Quoth Williams. "Strike! the iron's hot." "A maxim godd," qUia/ell I. "We'd better bag this 'plummy' lot Than fish for 'nobbier' fry." Agreed-nem con. Then with a wiil, A15. ready, ,jut and dried, Down came a pc-ly-something bill, Six feet by three feet wide. In Letters tall, :b"tia, red and golfcl, It briefly tol-cl the million 4 "We mean The Grand Bazaar to hold On fifth. By o-'der—Williams. So August fifth, and two next days, Sweet -iris their stalls did stand by, And much I grieve I cannot prais.e Such modus operandi. There slippers neat For curates' feet, Flank'd Borland's cake and mittens), An-d-Oh the dtears Straightway .appears, A bag of snow-whit,e- kittens Pen Dyffryn came from Derbyshire, And Griff." that vile old sinner; Ap Jones Ap Lluyd. the Bard was there, And Yarn. the "cotton spinner. Came Charley Bloggs, and with him Binks, From Bermdnclsey, the butcher, Who ogles: -Lady M., and. th'jnks, Oh! how I'd like: to touch her. And Robinson, that, vu'igar snob. Motoe befld bv far, than witty. Tellis Mrs F'. he'll "glO five bob With her. because she's pritty." Lord Foodie came from Barley Hall, Who, vests like his non-e. have on; And Feltham, who tlalks very tall When "sawderin" Bodafon. Ap Rhys Ap Morgan SiDooksi was, A self-suffi lent toady. He lives at—We'il, I don't care where, Nor would you if you know'd he. Now fa SIt and furious grew the talk. And little men were seen To bob and surge, like. bottle-cork, In waves of crinoline. "Ten thousand pardons, Ma'-arm. I beg"— "Hallo \v,elLar yer pushin?" "Avast! I've foul'd my woodsen leg Athwart, this welwit cusihin." Nay, ladies dear, I would .not cast One slur upon your virtue; But sure it must be very "fast" To play at ganvas that huirt you ? Else, why prepare To- meet the stare Of Tom. and Jack, and Jerry? And blandly smile, And "chaff" the while You hand them "goets" of sherry ? But e'en suppose the motive right, For every good work wilting. Do p'ous thoughts your mind delight z," When YOIU TeCOIV,3 the .shilling? "The end the means doih justify," Is not unerring truth, And never safely can apply To acts of female yiouih. Oh! when with holy thoughts you're fill'd To honour God, a Church you'd build In memoriam. Them pray "Non nobis Domine. Sed in tuo nomine, Da Glonam. And to the Altar you and vouirsi betake; There let your knees and hearts be humbly hent, i And for the Lord our Great Redeemer s sake Yc-lur prayers a,nct, piously present. Then go and done, and dance, and drink, (In m. -,d .,r,at',on, mind .)u;) And all r ght-mindted fo I-, wi'l think You've lo"t;IC'mego:;d behind you. SÜ, by God's grace and holy wil1. By means more Chris, ian far. Your good intent you will fulfil, Than by a Grand Bazn. New comes an useful Epilogue, An EpisodiUm clear, The new Committee-men to flog, With pickled rod severe. You've had your Fancy-fair, your day, Your vanity, your wishes, And none will- envy or gainsay Your just appijaus-e or riches. But how about the fruit we see ? The end of all your zeal. Where is your Christian charity ? How fares the Church's weal ? Llandudno- gave you from its gains; In faith the offerings paid. Nor grudg'd its money, tame or pains, Its own free Church to aid. But some litigious, factious fools, This plain condition hide; And make, the busy women tcola, And on their shoulders ride. You've job'd the Church of wood and stone; You now would job its right. Contentions bone you clown have thrown, At which your foes delight. Lord Williams doth with Paul agree; And Ford is of Apoilds; And it appears the great D.D. The femalie faction follows. Thus here and there, by hook or crook, The Church is town and mangled; Like illegitimate forsook, Is cast away and strangled. Par iiobile.those scriv'ners twain. Through legal mire" would lead you, And for their own unholy gain Of Church's goods would bleed you. Shame! shame upon you, .genltemen! If gentlemen you be, Respect your trust, be honest, then You'll meet with courtesy. But if you will! God's work subduce, And all your words belie; You'll gain, as you deserve, abuse From ev'ry passer-by. So David told the rebel Jews, In Hebrew song sublime, Which Tate and Brady did misuse By "doing" itito, rhyme. "No traveller tihat passes by Vouchsafes a minute stop To give it one kind look, or crave Heaven's blessing on the crop." God bless the Queen! God bless the Church; God bless the Prince of Wales; May ev'ry man be Iteft i'th lurch, That- one of these assays,