Rhyl Record and Advertiser

FAREWELL TO THE OLD YEAH, Farewell, Old Year, farewell to you: .,A You've been for many a day A friend most tried, a friend most true- And as we bid you our adieu, We give our heartfelt thanks to you, And speed you on your way. 'Ye've had full many a merry time Since first we met Old Year. You ve sung for us the Christmas rhyme, And rung for us the Christmas chime, And many a joy at Christmas time You brought with hearty cheer. You crowned the woodland banks with bloom Of roses red and sweet— You gave the violets their perfume, Ripened the cornfield's tasseled plume. .And filled the mill-wheel's running flume, To grind the golden wheat. You brought the yellow daffodil To blossom in the spring— Strewed cuckoo-flowers on every hill, And cat-tails by the rippling rill— u And taught the lonely whip-poor-will His vesper song to sing. You turned the ivy's green to red, The maple leaves to gold; Purpled the clusters overhead, And showers of ripened nuts you shed. When fallen leaves lay thickly spread I Above the forest mould. And if you gathered some fair flowers That blossomed on your way, You bore them to a fairer clime, Where neither cold, nor care, nor Time "CbUld blight them in their golden prime, Or touch them with decay. 4 And ah! you brought, Old Yeai; Old Year! One tiny baby liower To nestle on its mother's breast, And close its blue eyes into rest, Wlien song-birds seek their cradle-nest At twilight's shadowy hour. And now, Old Year, farewell to you! We grieve to lose you so- You've been a friend both tried and true, And as we bid you our adieu, I We give our heartfelt thanks to you. And sigh that you must got

A NIGHT OF HORRORS. It was a most'un seasonable New Year's Eve that found me seated before a bright and cheerful fire, in the cozy drawing-room of the Hepworth's. Mr. Hepworth was a prosperous merchant in one of our Midland towns, and 1, John Collins, bache- lor, manager of the local branch uf the Producers' Balik, was to snd the niy'lit with him and watch the old year out. Our circle consisted of Mr. and Mrs. Hepworth, their only son Georgt,, and Jessie, their youngest daughter, wliiii I would gladly have persuaded to follow the example of her sisters Kate and Maggie and help a lonely bachelor to make a lioiiie. We were cozy, as I said, but we eould not forget what sort of weather it was out of doors. The gale whooping along the verandah and booming down the elkiiiiiiey, tite splashing of sleet oil the shutters, effectually reminded us that this was a winter's night. And our talk insensibly took its tone from the notes of the windy orchestra outside. It was. of course, in order to talk of ghosts, and we began with that subject. "Do you know," said Hepworth, "that they have begun to see ghosts again in that old Sol Fisher house about two miles out of town ? You remember poor Fisher was crazy for some time be. forehedied, and they said his wife kept him chained up for weeks till she got tired of caring for him, and tlien poisoned him. No one saw him for a long time before his death at any rate. After he died she left the house, and there were strange stories of lights and screams and clanking of chains being seen a.nd heard there at night. This nonsense spoiled the sale of the place, and it's vacant yet, though 310 one saw any ghosts for years till a fortnight ago. Since then several parties have told me that they liad certainly seen lights in the house at uncanny liours, and heard wild laughter and shouts, but had not investigated further. It was so far back from the road they said, and they were in a hurry! "More like tramps than ghosts," said George. 4. There have been a lot of small burglaries lately a few miles north of here—farm houses entered through the windows, and loose change, food, and' liquor stolen—nothing that could be identified ill fouiid-regiiiar tramps' work—no 'Science' about it Likely enough they sleep in the haunted liotise' all day, and liave L blow out there, when they return from business towards morning." "Have you never feared burglars here, Mr. Hepworth ?" I said. "Your house is far enough out of town to be rather lonely, and they would naturally suppose it held something w rth stealing." A natural association of ideas made me glance to- wards Jessie, as I remembered that verse of the old .Irish song:— "The cruel watcli-dog, love, is snarling; He takes me for a thief you see- For he knows I'd steal you, Mollie (larlitig- And then transported I should be! Mollie Hawn—Molly Astli are!" "Oh no," said Ilepworth, "they would know that merchants don't keep much caslf in their houses —and they probably would not know that the tea service and spoons are solid. I believe I've more money in the house to-night than I've had for years. I drew out Katie's and Maggie's dividends—about X2, 000 in all—and brought them up, so that 1 could hand them the ctsli when they drive in to-morrow, as the bank will be closed." A slow, stealthy creak on the floor of the veran- dah near the French window—a slight start by all —a movement by Ilepworth towards the window- then Mrs. Ilepworth said, with a forced smile- J-)<)Il,t open it, John. There are all kinds 0) noises abroad to-night—besides, it would blow ouf the lamp!" Jessie led off with a rush in a new direction. Did you ever see any of what the mediums call manifestations,' 1\11'. Collins. -1 Yes, J've seen and heard the usual things— 'furniture moved, shawls taking flight through the air, rappings and scratchings all over the room. • I've even witnessed a 'materialization,' felt 'spirit hands,'and had my pockets filled with something so Iieavy that I could hardly rise." "I hardly know," said she, whether it would be more grewsome to feel a spirit, or to see inanimate things moving of their own accord. I believe either would send nie into hysterics. "They would be awful enough if they happened under circumstances that did not smell so strongly of imposture. Mediums are only clever jugglers- but not to be compared with their Indian rivals These fellows put a boy in a basket, run a sword -tliivsugh it, and soak the floor with blood—then -open the basket and show it empty, while the boy appears from the hack-ground unhurt. IYIIlt WOUI(I you think If such tlllngs happened in this room without the presence of medium or juggler ? "Probably, that I was g-ng crazy, or else that miiul can really influence matler even at adis- lance." Jessie mused a moment—then, as the wind re- joiced in the discovery of some new cranny—"What a war-whoop that was! One could almost fancy the ■spirits of slaughtered Indians- „ "Come, come," said her father, "Hus is growing too dismal, give us some music. So Jessie threw her knitting 011 the piano a big ttilll" soft shawl it was, of that fleecy Shetland Wool- and drove away our mystical fancies with lively Scotch airs and a few of the old" ( hal/sons du (Unuidn:" Then the clock struck twelve—we ex- changed seasonable wishes and adjourned to the din- ingrooni, where we found a well equipped tray tor iUS men folk, and a pitcher of milk for the ladies, who wore the blue ribbon. That picture caught my eye at once, for I like "pJd pieces." It was one of those quaint German ^greyt-eard iugs "—very squat and solid—the front 'formed bv a "broad Silenus-face with flowing beard and impish expression. Jessie told me it had been rriven her bv old Count B who had come to Birmingham to make his fortune, and was now lad to take a clerkship in her father's works. He said it had a history but seemed unwilling to tell ,t" Now," said I there's the face of a medium for You you don't know when lie will be getting up some 'manifestations. And I started, forlfancieC tli;tt I!ei-r (,r(,yi,eLl.,l ,Olellliily (.-losed liis left eye tlrat word! We soozi relired, and neither thoughts of Jessi_; spirits, or burglars kept me from dreamless sleen Dreamless, but not long, for I woke suddenly With a strong impression of having heard a noise what, I could not recall. Then I became conscious of a pungent, depressing smell that seemed to con- fuse my ideas. While trying to get them in order I did hear a noise, apparently made by a chair smartly jammed against Lhe table in the dining room directly be lew me. I understood at once-burglars and chlorofor:n--tJlongh ,I had not recognised the smell when I woke. 1 lighted my lamp, and was scrarablinu- into iliy. IIloSt necessary garments, when quite an uproar broke out in the room below—plate jingling, crockery smashing, a scuffle, and a rattling of chairs! i].ul'they sat down to the liquors and come to blows over the spoil? But then there were n°n°ushed out on the landinc. to find the family .lliar- ii¡li'èrll!û.:=:. it :i.\rust-'r-S:li(í--nepworït¡¡-r- I money's nowhere in my rooiii must have chloro- formed me. Come on, we're tr.o many for them. Jessie, stay with your mother!" "'Oh, we'd die, papa; do let us come with you! "Go in there and lock the door. Come, boys, leave your lamps we only want this one." ho down we went, Ilepworth in advance, revolver in one hand and lamp in the other. As we descended there was a crash of glass and the fall of a hard body as if a stone had been thrown through the window. The dining-100111, as the source of the noise, was ptir first ctre. Entering cautiously we found the chairs in disorder, eatables scattered, decanters up set, a broken pane in the 1'rench window, but no trace of the missile we had heard falling 1 Tliera was silence while George and I armed ourselves with the weapons of the fireside. Tllen our luLir bristled for we heard in the library, which opened off this room, a scuftie, a blow, a thud, and a faint moan! While we stood petritied there came from the hall a sound as if something was being dragged towards the drawing room door. jj We rushed into the library—nothing wrong ap- parently-no one visible. I stepped forward, and recoiled in horror, for I had wet my stockinged foot in a dark red pool that lay beside Hepworth's library chair! There was some liquor left in the decanters and we "fortified" before attacking the drawing-room where we knew the enemy to be hidden. That blood and the "dragging" sound that nearly done for 11s. Meanwhile the enemy were silent But aswej entered the hall, a wild horrid discord rang out from tlie piano, followed by a scuffle and a rap or twoJ We I)-ttised-tlieii, shoving each other along, we' landed all together in the drawing room-and all [covered witli .,g,,ose-skiii." j But the drawing room, all clearly visible, was empty and undisturbed. I'lie curtains JIUIll fl,Lt.-I no one hidden then. The piano stood open as it! was left with Jessie's sliawl in t lieap oil the corner I but no fleshly performer was there. This began to seem worse than burglars. We sidled towards the piano—Ilepworth raised his lamp—and then an aw ful piano—Ilepworth raised his lamp—and then an aw ful thing happened. The shawl was lifted bodily by some invisible force, and hurled straight at the* lamp ex- tinguishing it with a crash of the chimney—and then falling on the floor with the same blow, thud, and ( moan we had heard in the library and which certainly came from no material source! > Hepworth fired instinctively and we retreated with uncontrollable cries of horror—for now we' knew that we had been face to face with no mortal visitant The scuffling and knocking were ie«) peated for a second or two, but nothing followed us.) The first necessity was to hurriedly "fortify" again-tlie second, to re-assure the hysterical women upstairs who naturally thought there had been serious casualities. We brought them down to tho dining 100111 now that the burglar theory was exploded—and told them our blood-curdling experi. ences. After that, even our blue ribbonites did not refuse a little spiritual comfort. And it was then that we first noticed something ominous. "Herri (h-eybeard" was gone! He had not been knocked, off the table or upset—for neither lie, nor any spilt milk, lay on the floor-lie had simply vanished! Ai chill ran through me as I thought of his mysterious history and his fancied leer. What mediaeval spell lay upon him? Of what malignant personality was he the instrument? We men soon decided that, under the asgisof our, womenkind, we could even face the drawing roont again. We did, with all the lamps we could carry, I and found it exactly in statu quo with one awful exception. The shawl had disappeared. <| We shrank back an instant, and then resolved that we would find that shawl if we had to move every piece of furniture in the room. Soon there was a good imitation of an auction room in the middle of the floor-but no shawl. Come boys," said Hepworth, "there's nothing left but that corner ottoman. If it's not there, it's gone to slieol. (Hep- worth's whiskey was seven years old.) Out came the ottoman—and there lay the slittwl! Hesitatingly he stopped-pulled at a corner of it—and sprang bllck- My God—it's as heavy as lead! A shuddering pause, and then—" Well we'll have it out anyhow:" A jerk—a thump—a rumble—and out it came. And out of it rolled, Herr Greybeard —with the same leer on his face that I had fancied before! And then there burst from all our throats an un-I controllable shriek—for lIerr Greybeard was not alow—hebroia/ht with him a body! But it was a shriek of wil(I latigliter for the "body" was the body of a cat! Poor pussy had "t her head jammed in his narrow neck while try. ing to get a drink, and was now, after so many fear. ful antics, stone dead, drowned in the milk she had tried to steal! We need not explain the "manifestations in detail. Anyone who knows the ways of a cat with her heatl stnck fast in a pitcher that wont break, can fill in the particulars. If she hadn't jumped on the piano and got tangled ill that shawl, she might have lived to explain it all herself. litit tiio I)ool of bloo(l? Well, I thought of that myself, and hurried into the library, where I s IIbbed my toe against the heavy bottle that used to hold the purple copying ink. As for the pungent, depressing smell," we found that the back damper of the hall stove has been closed to> tightly, so it was only coal gas after all. And the stolen money? Why of course that was in Hepworth's pocket-book, in the breast-pocket of his overcoat. And his overcoat was where it should be—on the clothes rack in the hall. As we had a g'.ied about the N.P. all the way home the night lie fore, it was 110 wonder he IULlI forgotten to take the cash up-stairs. We breakfasted rather late on New Year's Day, and felt rather seedy. And we had plenty of things to talk over among ourselves and with the married daughters, though neither Mrs. Katie nor Mrs. Maggie, nor their husbands, had any similar tale of ghostly visitations to relate. JSO Jessie and I agreed that we would not dare to face another New Year's Eve without that protec- tion against the "powers of the air" which matri- iiioiiy evideiitly afforded.

SEASON FOR WAITING. "Only one thing, I ask, darling!" she whig. pered. Wl,,Lt is it, Illy own sweet"" fie yelled. Let our engagement be a secret for another month." "Why? No, let me tell the world you are mine. Let iiie show them the prize I have won." ">> ot for a month, deare st—one, one little month 1 beg of you." c, Why do you want to keep it a secret? I fear you do lIot lon IIle." 111 adore you. You are the only man I ever loved. But you are poor-lIId-:I.nd But I will be rich. With you, love, I will work for 1, darling, yes. But Harry is wealthy, George is well off, William has plenty and several of my admirers have money." stiii tliiiiiijiig (,f your adiiiirers? "Yes, dear, for New Year's day is near, and they have all given nie handsome presents on previous occasions." "Thoughtful angel, forgive me. Let us wait a year.

A currant event. -Jelly. iii-.tlci iig. An affecting sight,-Barrels in ters. Masters of Free-hand lhawing. -Pickpockets: The habitual di-utiliir,is',tet. -I)riiikijig, of course Hook-keeping taught in one lesson.—Do not lend them. What animal always plays Illeading part in life? -A bliii(i ilitt,s A liar in the river and a bar 011 shore have the same name, because water is scarce in both jdaces. WIIY is 'Lll ]itlf-I)elllly lilie all Ayrshire row? — It has a head, and a tail, and two sides. \Y ho is it who is always expecting qua. i.er, and yet never gives any?—The tax-gatherer, ?

HORRIBLE DISCOVERY. An inquest has be Reigate on the d composod body of an unknown elderly man found by a shooting party in Reigate Park, a wooded valley close to the town. The body was well- dressed and overf.1 was found in a pocket. There was a bullet wound through the head and a fully- loaded revolver, with two chambers discharged, lay near. The date of a newspaper discovered on the body suggests that death probably occurred in June. A card which was also found bore the name and address, Charles K. Heather, Great Titclilield Street." An open verdict was returned.

A SNAKE IN IA COWS EAR. A farmer living near Whitland, Carmarthenshire, has lost a valuable two-vear-old heifer from an extraordinary cause. The beast showed evident signs of suffering as far back as early last spring, and these continued with increased severity until her death. Several farmers well versed in cattle diseases and one professional vet. visited her, but all quite failed to diagnose her malady. When, after death, the carcaso was skinned, the flesh appeared perfectly healthy, but a, large abscess, the size of a man's fist, and filled with matter, was discovered in the glands of the neck, about ten inches from the butt of the left ear, and in the abscess were the head and part of the body of a snake, coiled up: the tip of its tail being just visible through the outer part of the ear.

Amos Bros. for Books and Xmas Presents.

BEWARE of the PATTY offering Imitations of Macniven & Cameron's Pen s. They come as a boon and a blessing to men, The Pickwick, the Owl, and the Waverley Pen. 6d. & Is. per box, at all Stationers. Sample box Is. Id. by Post. IMACNIVSN & CAMBBON, Ltd., Waverley Works Edinburgh. Y NADOLIG.-Cofier am GYFARFOD BLYNYDDOL r Annibynwyr yn ngbapel Queen Street, Rhyl, Rhagfyr 24 a'r 25. Odfenon am 10, 2 a 6 o'r gloch y ddau ddydd. Pregethwyr: Y Parch R WILLIAMS (Hwfa Mon), a'r Parch D. REES, Capei Mawr -ADVT.

LITER All Y EXTRACTS. I To him who knowingly does me wrong will ] return the protection of my ungrudging love; the more evil comes from him, the more good shall go from me. Hatred does not cease by hatred at any time, hatred ceases only by love. How TO BE HAPPY.—There are two ways of being happy--N-ve may may either diminish our wants or augment onr means. Either will do—the result is the same and it is for each man to decide for himself, and do that which happens to be the easiest. If you are idle, or sick, or poor, however hard it may be to diminish your wants, it will be harder to augment your means. If you are active and prosperous, or young, or in good health, it may be easier for you to augment your means than to diminish your wants. But if you are wise you will do both at the same time—young or old, rich or poor, sick or well and, if you are very wise, you will do both in such a way as to augment the general happines of society.—FRANKLIN. AN OBNOXIOUS LABEL.—English merchants are having a hard time in Constantinople, owing to the campaign caaried on by the Turkish cen- sor against trademarks and advertisements entering the country. A firm had the advertisement and directions that accom- padied their goods-a special brand of soap— translated into Arabic. The translation was done in London, and in the phrase which in English read "Soapniikers to her Majesty the Queen" appeared a title which in Turkey is only applied to the Sultan. The censor offered the importer the alternative of returning the soap to England or removing the obnoxious label. In the meantime, British merchants are warned against sending any goods to Turkey bearing trademarks, or circulars which could by any stretch of the imagination be in any way connected with Islamism or the Sultan. NOT EASILY OPENED.—"I bought this um- brella in Germany," said the lawyer, and no- body can open it except myself. Do you notice that little keyhole in the slide ? Hre's the key on the other end of my watch-chain, and until it is inserted and turned the thing is absolutely immovable. Anybody else would and it harder to raise than a Kansas mortgage. On at least a dozen different occasions the umbrella has been stolen, or taken by accident, if you prefer the term, but it always found its way home. You see, my name is cut on the handle, and the umbrella itself is well known to all the attaches of the building. When they see a stranger struggling with it in the doorway on a rainy day they promptly confiscate the property and bring it back. It is such a good scheme I'm sur- prised the idea hasn't been generally adopted in this country.Aiiiericait, Paptr. EMERALDS IN RUSSIA.-Emeralds, some of which are very fine, are found in the district of Ekaterinburg, along the banks of the Tokova River, about fifty-two miles from the capital of the district. Mining for this precious stone be- gan in 1841, and at the beginning gave very good results. The first emerald was found by a peasant named Maxim Kojevnikow, in 1839, while he was examining the roots of a tree which had been uprooted by a storm. It is pretty cer- tain, however, that discoveries of the. same kind had already been made in 1669. It is even possible that finds had been made prior to them, as the Czar Boris Godounow presented the Venetian engraver, Francis Ascenti, with a sable fur and one hundred ducats for having cut a large emerald for a ring. The finest emeralds were found when these stones were being mined for the account of the Government. During this period, that is, up to 1862, fifty-six thousand pounds were extracted. The Gov- j ernment afterward framed out the mines to I private parties, who were not successful. The emeralds of superior quality have been found near the surface of the soil, while those found in deep ground were of inferior quality. GIVES OFF LIGHT.-In a recent lecture before the Royal Society Lord Kelvin vindicated, the correctness of Volta's early theories in relation to contact electricity. He showed that when a zinc plate and copper plate are brought into contact with each other and then separated, one was charged with positive electricity and the other with negative. He further demonstrated that this was not due to oxidation by air or the moisture of the atmosphere, as it stated in the text- books of the dav. Lord Kelvin exhibited other experiments illustrating electrification produced by means of dissimilar metals, and showed some furious properties possessed by uranium. If a plate of this metal was connected with an electrometer and touched by a plate of aluminium positive electrification was produced, gradually changing past zero to negative. He also demonstrated that the rays given off by uranium in a dark room are a constant property of the substance and not a slow radiation of previously absorbed light, as has been claimed, but he could offer no solution of the mysterious action of this metal. BREAKFAST WITH MACAULAY.—Once I had the honour, when I was still very young, of going +- Kro,.irfowf with him in the Albanv. and verv much I enjoyed wandering about the room and hearing his remarks on some old ballads and a collection of newspaper cuttings which he had looked out for our a musement. I cannot now recollect what these cuttings were, but I have an idea that they were critiques on his writings, and that he laughed very merrily over them as he proved them to be as valueless as reviews too often are. After breakfast a huge old fashioned green chariot came to the door, and Miss E. and I drove with him to the Houses of Parliament, where he made himself our showman. I re- member very distinctly that as we passed White- hall he bent forward in the carriage, leaning on his umbrella, and said to me, Outside that window"—indicating the window from which Charles I. was led to the scaffold—" a nice little piece of business was done two hundred years ago and he followed up the remark by one of his animated discussions on the character and history cf the king.-From "People I have Known," in the Cornhill Magazine. THE CHAINS OF HABIT.—Down from the dark ages comes the story-if memory is true to its charge—of an expert blacksmith, who was such a master of his trade, and withal so proud of his skill, that he often boasted no man could break a chain made by him. In time the blacksmith himself was imprisoned and manacled. With the hope that he might made his escape, he examined the chain to see if it was possible to break it, when, to his horror, he discovered that the chain was one made by his own hands, which no living man could break, himself included. The chain forged by his own hands made the blacksmith a helpless, hopeless prisoner in that vile dungeon. Is it not the same with us ? Each of us are forging a chain we cannot break. Every bad habit be- comes a link in the chain, which will bind, in hopeless slavery, the soul that makes it. Acts form habits. Let your acts be beautiful and Christ-like, and your habits will be likewise.- PAUL S. BIGGS SHIPLEY. THE PICTURESQUENESS OF SPANISH LIFE.— Yes, the real charm of Spain is the picturesque- ( ness of its life. Even commerce here is picturesque. Would that my greengrocer at home kept shop under a, deep archway festooned with hanging clusters of crimson pimientos and pale young onions! A graceful water-jar beside him, of a chestnut colour, and maybe not far off him another jar suggestive of old Majolica. Or that she stood among the kerchiefed market-woinen, behind that im- mensely long narrow board in the plaza, which is as it, were a repeating scale of colour, a scale of softest browns and greys—I know not what nuts and curious dried fruits and herbs -periodically broken into, dominated by the vivid tones of orange and lemon. You smile superior. A cauliflower off an ordinary shop counter must, of course, eat better than one out of so miserably picturesque a place! Not at all. Spanish vegetables are excellent. The garbanzo, or chick-pea, is one which we should blush to be without.—From "Pastels from Spain," in the Carnhill Magazine. 1

The darkest hour in the history of any young man is when he sits down to study how to ^get mmiBv without honestly earning it.

I Epps'sl COCOA ESSENCE.—A THIN COCOA.-The choicest roasted nibs of the natural Cocoa, on being subjected to powerful hydraulic pressure, I give forth their excess of oil, leaving for use a finely flavoured powdet-a product which, when prepared with boiling water, has the consistence of tea, of which it is now with many, beneficially taking the place. Its active principle being a gentle nerve stimulant, supplies the needed energy with- out unduly exciting the system. Sold only in labelled tins. If unable to obtain it of your trades- man, a tin will be sent post free for 9 stamps.— James Epps & Co., Ltd., Homoeopathic Chemists, London.

TIT B I T S, HE HAD AX EASY JOB.—"lean readily see, said the old gentleman. that your task in life tleiiian. is to be easier than miue." In what way ?" asked the young hopeful. Why, I had to begin at the bottom and work up, while you have- started at the top and will slide down." PRODUCED HER TiCKEr.—A raw, unsophis- ticated Devonshire maid answered the bell of the front door. An elegantly-dressed lady in- quires for Mrs. offering her card. The maid simply stares at her, refuses the card, and hunts up her mistress. Please, missus, there be a woman at the door wi' a ticket! COULD NOT PROVE AN ALIBI.—" If you are innocent," said a lawyer to his client, an old^ darkey, who was charged with stealing a ham, "we ought to be alile to prove an alibi." I don' 'spec's we kin," the darkey replied doubt- fully. At what time was the ham stolen ?" "'Bout lebben o'clock, dev say." Well, where were you between that and midnight ? In bed ? "No, sah. I wah hidin' de ham." SERVED HDl RIGHT.—It was a picture re- presenting a young man at the feet of his lady- love that roused the ire of the crusty bachelor. "Before I would ever kneel to a woman," he said, I would encircle my neck with a rope and stretch it." And then turning to the girl who sat near him, he inquired: "Do you not think it would be the best thing I could do ?" It would undoubtedly be the best for the woman," was the quiet reply. FOOLISH FELLOW.—Mrs. Fadde (faith-curist): How is your grandfather this morning, Bridget?" Bridget: He still has the rheu- matics mighty bad, mum." Mrs. Fadde: "You mean he thinks he has the rheumatism. There is no such thing as rheumatism." Bridget: Yes, mum." A few days later. Mrs. Fadde: And does your grandfather still persist in his delusion that he has the rheumatism ? Bridget "No, mum, the poor man thinks now that he is dead.. We buried him yesterday." So SHE LEFT.—" Well, mum, I must be after lavin' yez," announced the cook. What do you mean ? Why are you going?" asked her as- tonished mistress. I am going to be married next week," was the reply. But surely, Bridget, you will not leave me so suddenly ? You must ask him to wait for you a few days." Ob, I couldn't, mum Why not, pray ? Sure, mum, I'd like to oblige you, but I don't feel well enough acquainted with him to ask such a thing." I DOG-FIGHTS His ATTRACTION.—In connec- tion with the recent Royal visit to Edinburgh, a somewhat amusing incident occurred. A countryman who happened to be in the town that day, and not knowing anything of the Prince's visit, on seeing the crowd pressing forward in eagerness to see H.R.H., inquired of those near him what it was all about, and on being told remarked, with a disappointed look as he turned away Is that a' ? I thocht it was a feeght." FAILED TO SAVE HIS BACON.—Jack B is the son of a noted north Irish bacon-curer, out goes to school in England. Instead of going Straight back to school after the summer holi- lays, he went off to stay with friends on his own iccount. As a sort of peace-offering, he brought jack with him a fine ham as a present for the lead-master. The master, who was a well-known tvag, aceepted the gift, and afterwards gave the Doy a sound thrashing, at the same time telling aim to thank his parents for the ham, but to issure them that it had not saved his bacon ONE FRO 11 CAPE TOWN.—The following con- I rersation took place between two Transvaal Boers, who had come to Pretoria from the back iountry to sell their produce and buy necessities !or the coming year. They had heard several people discussing the present crisis in the rransvaal. First Boer: If I could only see Rhodes, who is the cause of all this trouble) I'd shoot him like a dog." Second Boer: "Oh, I don't mind Rhodes so much; but if I could only get hold of that Mr. Fraitchise, who has done all this mischief, I'd wring his neck! HOW THE DOCTOR MADE SURE OF HIS PATIENTS.—He was a country doctor, a keen sportsman, and a good shot. One morning he started on his rounds with his gun on his shoul- der. He was looking forward to polishing off a few rabbits when his professional visits were over. A friend, meeting him, and seeing him with the gun, exclaimed Where are you going, doctor, so early in the day, with that deadly weapon on your shoulder ? I'm off to see a patient," replied the doctor. "Well," said his friend drily, "I see you are determined not to miss him." AND YET IT WOULDN'T MovE.-The bicycle girl certainly does some strange things. One of them was taking a spin lately, when she care- lessly ran her wheel into a hole in the pave- ment, taking what was in the old days known as a "header." A policeman assisted her to rise, and, after adjusting the machine, said: "What in the world made you ride into that hole ? Couldn't you see it directly in front of vnn ? "I knew it was there," replied the weep- ing girl, "and I rang my bell just as hard as I could, but it didn't make any difference." This explanation was accepted, and the girl went merrily on her way. SLOW IN GROWTH.—Recently on a very hot day whilst I was enjoying a light refreshment at a roadside inn, a very shabby-looking indi- vidual entered and asked for a pennyworth of: cider. When the accustomed half-pint was. brought him, he was evidently di-,icontentecli with the quantity, for he gazed very hard at th& cup and its contents for some moments. The landlady, noticing this, remarked "I see you are admiring the cup. Why, mister, that cup is over a hundred years old! Oh, over a hundred years old! Well, he's blooming small for his age!" drily remarked her thirsty customer. GREATER STILL.—At an agricultural show in Dublin a pompous member of Parliament, who arrived late, found himself on the outskirts of a huge crowd. Being anxious to obtain a gpod view for himself and some lady friends who ac- companied him, and, presuming that he was well known to the spectators, he tapped a burly coal-porter on the shoulder, and peremptorily ordered Make way there Garn Who are ye pusliin' ? was the unexpected response. "Do you know who I am, sir ? cried the indig- nant M.P.; I'm a representative of the people! Yah growled the porter but we're the bloomin' people themselves A SCOTTISH JUDGE.—A juvenile culprit was brought before a Glasgow magistrate, eharged with stealing a handkerchief from a gentleman's pocket. The indictment having been read, the bailie, addressing the boy, said-" I hae nae doot ye did the deed, for I had a handkerchief ta'en out o' my oin pouch this vera week, so you maun grwg to the gaol for sixty days." A friend of the boy's remarked that the case had not been proved against him. "Oh, then, in that ease," replied the worthy bailie, I'll just gie ye thirty days." On being again informed that even this moderate sentence was a strain upon the law, he finally disposed of the case by saying—Weel, my lad, the evidence is a wee jimp this time, so I'll let ye aff but see and no do t again. How7 THE WALLS RAN DOWN.—The Irishman I who went up in the hotel lift without knowing what it was did not recover easily from the surprise. He relates the story in this way "I wint to the hotel, and says I 'Is Misther Smith, in ?' I Yes,' says the man with the sojer cap. Will yez step in ?' So I steps into the closet,, alld all of It suddint he pulls the rope, and-it's the truth l'se telling yez- the, walls of the build- ing began running down to the cellar. Och, murther!' says I. 'What'll become of Bridget and the children which was left belony there?' Says the sojer-cap man: 'Be aisy, sorr, they'll be all right when yez comes down.' 'Come down is it says 1. Aud it is no closet at all, but a haythenish balloon that yez got me in!' And wid that the walls stood stock still, and he opened the door and there I was with the roof just over my head And begorra, that's what saved me from goin' up to the hevins intirely!

Tommy: Pa, may I ask you a question ? Pa Certainly, my ehild Tommy Well fvhprn IS the wVlPn dr>»c-r>'f hi™- 5 Alter an exrurcnco V» »ITWUU,.U«U Norwich Omnibus Company, Limited, has gone MS Herniation, and its horses V**2™ be sold bv auction by order of the liquidator. The company has had to sustain of late the competition of motor-oars and a network of tramways is also bein" laid down in Norwicb,although some months will elapse before it can be brought into complete operation. f operation. I Printing of every description neitty and promply attended to at the I I Advertiser Office Albums, Purbes, Handbags, &c greatly reduced at Amos Brothers' Stationery Stores. CAMERAS. LENSES. Dry Plates, Films, P.P.O., BROMIDE, and other Papers. A Well-selected Stock of Mounts and Albums. 0 STANDARD BOOKS ON PHOTOGRAPHY H I. ♦ For Beginners and Advanced Photographers. I \IJ AMATEURS' SOLUTIONS CAREFLLY PBKPARKD WITH PURE CHEMICALS. i Tv i -pi -rr T1 T\ T FOR CHANGING AND DARK ROOM developing. f G. R. LAWRENCE, M P S., Pharmaceutical Chemist & Photographic Dealer; 20, High Street, RHYL. Telegrams: BTDB, Rhyl. Telephone No, 3, Rhyi H. A. STEER Wine Merchant, 73, HIGH STREET, RHYL. 7 Gold Label Scotch Whiskey. (Sole Proprietors), John Jameson's and Gaor^eRoe's IRISH WEEISKIES. Henry Norman & Cie, Martell & Hennessy's BRANDIES. Nicholson's London CIN. De Kayper HOLLANDS. Bass' & Worthington's ALE. Guinneees' Extra DUBLIN STOUT & Export Invalid Nourishing Stout. Special value own bottling Californian Burgundy, 15s. per doz.; Californian Sauterne, 15a. per doz.; Australian Burgundy, 15s. per doz. Equal to wicies sold at double the price. Stretton Hills, Ellis & Son, & Schweppe & Co's MINERAL WATERS. GIGARS, Wholesale and Retail, BASS & CO'S LIGHT BOTTLING ALE. Imperial Pints 2s. 6d. per doz. Half Pints. I s* 6. » BASS & CO'S ALES IN 9 & 18 GALLONS CASKS. £ From Is. Od. per gallon lPale Ale .o. Is. Rd." u BURTON ALE & GUINNESS STOUT. In i gallon Screw Flagons at Is. and Is. 2d. each. Cigars held in stock of the following well-known brands and sizes Bock Kohinor and Esplenditos, Jose Morales Reina, Regalia Divinn, Flor de Cab*, Moda, J. S. Muriaa Conchas, Boquets, Diamantes, Por'Lmanaga, Reimtas, La Carilma, Recroos, Villa y Villar, Exoellentes Sublimes, Figurinos, Conchas Especiales, La Eapina, Jockey Club, La Corona Bonitos, Cnpidos, El Rey del Mando, Young Ladies, Indipn, Borneo, Samatra and Dutch Cigars. Cigarettes: State Express, American and Znffire, Egyptian. Pedro Marias Single Cigars, Wholesale Prices. An inspection is invited. -.c J. ROBERTS, GENERAL FURNISHING & BUILDERS' IRONMONGER, 4, Queen Street, RHYL, BEGSJTO CALL ATTENTION to his New Stock of Marble aad Enamelled Mantel pieces, Kitchen Ranges, and Register Grates, Fitted with Tiles, of which a large variety are kept in Stock for Cus- tomers to select from. RAIN WATER GOODS, for which he can quote exceptionally low prices. A large Stock of ELECTRO-PLATE, BRASS and other Fancy Goods. Rodger's, Turner's and Ellin s Table and Pocket Cutlery. Electro-plated Spoons and Fork3. Quality Guaranteed. Also well-stocked in all kinds of Household Brushes, Wringing and Mangling Machines, Dress Baskets, Leather Bags and Boxes of every description, Joiners' Tools, Plumbers' and Sanitary Goods, Manhole Coveea. ;ç.r. Tinmen and Grate-setters on the Premises. P.S.-Builders will do well to see J.R.'s Special Line in Enamelled Mantel-Pieces. -I Rhyl Steam Laundry MARKET STREET, NOW OPEN Under Entirely New Management and Proprietary Conducted 011 Approved Sanitary Principles. Satisfaction Guaranteed. Customers Linen Collected and Delivered again same Week. A Trial Order Solicited. Send Post Card and Van will call. ■ —» „ „ tbo^oughi^^fure^an^^eiiibie When Ordering D1W11C! ikl< It WBdring Powder be Sure If If ■I,H SI D/HMiltJI If If If mil and get Borwiek's « w 8LV W w "wmi during the last fifty years.