Hide Articles List

23 articles on this Page

Our Jokes Competition. 4 -1

News
Cite
Share

Our Jokes Competition. 4 -1 In order to give additional interest to theso columns small prizes will be given weekly to the senders of the most humorous paragraphs of not less than six and not more than thirty lines. They may be either original or selected, and any number of paragraphs may be sent in the, same envelope, endorsed "Jokes," but, each must be on a separate sheet of paper, bearing nam:) and address of Competitor The prize in this Competition has been awar- ded to Mr B. Hughes, 13. Wood road, Ponty- pridd, for "Sham Policemen." SHAM POLICEMEN. A masked and fancy dress-ball was being held At midnight, two policemen called, and said the company must separate. "Not at all," said the host, "this is a private house." "Very well, sir," said oiiet of the policemen; "here are my orders, and I must take the names of all who are present." "Do so," responded the host. The pohce went to work, and put down all the names, making everyone feel supremely un- comfortable. Directly they had done so, one of them walked up to the table and poured himself out a glassful of champagne. '•What right have you to drink mv wine?" roared the host. "1 stfpposed, when I was invited," responded the policeman, "that refreshments were inclu- ded;" and, amid a roar of laughter, he showed his card. Both men were simply guests.-B.H., 13. "ood road. Pontypridd. —4 ONVENIENT SLEEP WALKING. Richard was given to walking in his sleep, but there were times when he walked at night without the same excuse—as, for example, at the close of a day, when he knew the house had been wild with excitement over jam making. He had just found his way to the pantry, and com- menced a feast, when his father, having been disturbed, and fearing burglars, appeared on the top of the kitchen stairs. Punishment was cer- tain if Dick was discovered, so in a moment his resolve was taken. Grasping his candle in one hand, and fixing his eyes vacantly on some dis- tant scene, he walked down the passage to meet his father. The irate parent, with a poker raised above his head, drew back as the boy approached, and ?s Richard passed up the stairs, he had the satis- faction of hearing the murmur: "Poor lad! walking in his sleep again."—W.W Pontypridd. THE TUG OF WAR. A gentleman visiting an inn in Smithfield, and seeing the ostler expert and tractable about the houses, asked him how long he had lived there, and what countryman was he. "I'se Yorkshire," said the fellow, "and ha' lived sixteen years here." "I wonder," replied the gentleman, "that in 8C long a time so clever a fellow as you seem to be has not come to be master of the Inn your- self." "Ay," answered the ostler, "but ye see, mais- ter's Yorkshire too."—M.G., Ynyshir. 8 NOW WE SHAN'T- A funny story comes from Blackburn. A couple of operatives were being married, and as he produced the ring the bridegroom exclaimed triumphantly, "Now we shan't be long!" The officiating clergyman promptly retorted, "You are mistaken; you will be at least aa week," and breaking off the service, abruptly left the chopfalien bridegroom, with an intimation that the couple might present themselves a week later if the man had learned to behave him- self in the meantime.—W.M., Ystrad. PREPARED. A sergeant of a company of British infantry quartered in a Dacoit-infested part of Burmah a few years ago wag a firm believer ia destiny. One evening when dressing, preparatory to taking a stroll in the jungle, he was noticed by a a corporal, a persistent opponent of destiny theory, to slip a revolver into his pocket. "Hello!" shouted the corporal, what are yon taking the revolver with you for? That won't save you if your time has come." "No," replied the sergeant, "but, you see, I may happen to come across a Dacoit whose last day has oome."—S.LI., Trebanog. TWO FRIENDS. Two friends, who had not seen each other for a length of time.met one day by accident. 'How do you do?" says one. "So so," replies the other, "and yet I was married since you and I were together." "That is good news." "Not very good, for it was my lot to choose a termagant." "It is a pity." "I hardly think it so, for she brought me two thousand pounds." "Well, there is comfort?" "Not so much, for with her fortune I pur- chased a quantity of sheep, and they are all dead of the rot." "That is distressing." "Not so distressing as you may imagine, for by the sale of their shins I got more than the sheep cost me." "In that case you are indemnified." "By no means; for my house and all my money have been' destroyed by fie." "Alas! that was a dreadful misfortune." "Faith, not so dreadful, for my termagant wife and mv house were burnt together. J.W., Ferndale. THE MISTAKE SHE MADE. At a party the hostess said to a guest, "I want you to entertain Mr Blank a little while he looks bored to death. I will introduce him, and you must try to amuse him. You know his strong point is Buddha, on which he has written a book. The lady guest graciously undertook the task of ent-ertaining the man in- wardly wondering that lie should be so interested in butter, of which she knew very little, when his face indicated a mind given to much pro- found thinking. However, with butter in view she began on the weather, gradually got to the country, then on to a farm, from that to cows, and at last to butter. The man looked more bored than ever, the magic word "butter" pro- ducing not the slightest effect, and he left her somewhat abruptly, and soon withdrew from the house. "I did my best," she explained to the hostess, "I went through agonies to prove that I was deeply interested in butter, but it was all in vain. "Butter!" exclaimed the hostess, "what pos- sessed you to talk to that man of all men on butter? I told you he had just written a book on Buddha, and I knew how deeply you two were interested in the same subject. THE LOST FOUND. On Saturday two men were asked by their master how many days and hours they had work during the week. "I," said one, "have worked five days, two hours. I lost the other two hours by over- sleeping myself yesterday morning." "Right," said the master. "Now, Jones, how many haveyouworked?" ^Five days, six hours." replied Jones. How do you make that out?" You could not possibly have put in more than five days four hours," said the master. "But," said Jones, "I found the hours my mate lost yesterday morning." Collapse of the master.—D.J., Watte town.

u Wont You Buy My Pretty Flowers."

Advertising

[No title]

PONTYPRIDD FOOTBALL CLUB SPORTS.…

Advertising

Correspondeqce

REMEMBER THE PATIENTS.

+ PONTYPRIDD GUARDIANS.

Deserters from the ArnU.j

,CAERPHILLY LICENSES IVICTUALLERS…

Advertising

Rhondda Man Drowned.

The Porth Choral Society.

Llaqtwit.

Ferndale.

Penygraig.

[No title]

Treherbert.

The World of Pastime. ♦

--COWARDLY ASSAULT AT COEDPENMAEN.

I"THE SAME PITIABLE CON! DITION."

Advertising