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Farietieø. I

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Farietieø. A CHINESE THREAT.-At breakfast I had heard the translation by Mr. Gutzlaff of a letter to the Emperor, from Yibking. governor of this province. This gentleman pro- mises to send to the Emperor the heads of Pottinger, Gough, and Parker, and professes his intention of eating their bodies while still alive, and afterwards sleeping in their skins. MATRIMONIAL MARKET AND COURTING INTELLIGENCE. —But little business has been doing since our last, and term may be considered a trifle easier for really good & use !'r<tf description* there has been some demand; which deman4 though far from grtat, has exceeded the supply, so that thesi cannot be quoted at lower prices. Ready-furnished housesj with or without small annuities, have been freely offered] and in some instances accepted but cash terms seem gene-^ rally preferred, as it prevents any mistakes and much dis- appointment papas, bachelor uncles, and maiden auntsJ not always cutting up as expected. In ordinary descriptions there is nothing doing, and prices nominal. All are eargerly; looking forward to the results of the Christmas flirtations, when, unless things assume a livelier appearance, thousiuîds: of our fellow-creatures will have to sigh away their lives inj perpetual celibacy. In the foreign market, although things are dull at present, owing to the colonial market being over- done and the Australian in bad repute, yet it is confidently- expected that a re-action will shortly take place, in conse- quence of our late successes in the East. Chinamen (to' whom Providence allows two, a privilege of which they seldom avail themselves) will no doubt gladly avail them- selves of our superfluity whilst Affghanistan offers an un- limited market, numbers being no object, provided the ladies are approved of. There has been a proposal for exploring the polar regions. -Pitneh. MILITARY CHIVALRY. I heard once," said Father Phil, a very pretty little bit of anecdote about the way the French behaved to one of our regiments on a retreat in Spain. Its going through a river they were, and the French, taking advantage of their helpless condition, were peppering away at them hard and fast, until some women, the followers of the camp, ran down, poor creatures, to the shore, and the stream was so deep in the middle they could scarcely ford it; so some dragoons, who were galloping as hard as they could out of the fire, pulled up on seeing the condition of the womankind, and each horseman took up a woman behind him, though it diminished his own power of speeding from the danger. The moment the French saw this act of ipanlv courtesy, they ceased tiring, and gave a cheer for the dragoons and as long as the women were within gun-shot, not a trigger was pulled in the French line, but volleys of cheers, instead of ball cartridge, were sent after the brigade, till all the women were over. Lover's Handy Andy. A CHINESE AD-VERTISE--IENT.- The following is the ad- vertisement of a Chinese sculptor, which appered in a Chinese publication issued at Canton some years ago :—" I, Achen Teu Chincheu, a lineal descendant of Ceap Boi Reche Chinchen, the celebrated sculptor and carver in wood, who, through his unremitted studies to promote rational religious worship by the classical touches of his knife and chisel, has been honoured by the emperors, kings, and rajahs of the east, and supplied them with superior idols for public and domestic worship. Achen Teu Cbincheu is now in possession of casts of the most approved models and Elgin marbles he is ready to execute to order, idols from 12 feet high, well-proportioned, down to the size of a uiarmozet monkey, or the most hideous monster that can be conceived to inspire awe or reverence for religion. My charges are moderate for an ourang outang, three feet high, 700 dol- lars ditto rampant, 800; a sphinx, 400; a bull with hump and horns, (JSO a buffalo, 800 a dog, 200; couchant, 150 an ass iux braying attitude, 850; most durable materials will be used. Of statuary granites-brass, and copper, I have provided sufficient to complete orders to any extent. Perishable wood shall never disgrace a deity made by my hands. Smalls idols for domestic worship, or made into portable compass for pilgrims the price will be pro- portionate to the size and weight. Any order post paid, accompanied by a drawing and description of the idol, will be promptly attended to, provided that one-half of the expense be first paid, and the remainder secured by any respectable house in Canton." THE LONDON COACH.—A beautiful sight it is-a fine, well-appointed coach, of what we must now call the ancient fashion, with its smart driver, brilliant harness, and thorough-bred team. Then it is a spectacle pleasing to gods and men—the knowing and instantaneous manner in which the grooms perform their work in leading off the horses, and g putting fresh ones to-the rapid diving for carpet-bags and portmanteaus into the various boots and luggage holes-the stepping down or out (as the case may be) of the passengers —the tip to the coachman—the touch of the hat in return— the remounting of that functionary into his chair of honour -the chick, chick! with which he hints to the pawing rays he is ready for a start; and, finally, the roll off into dim distance of the splendid vehicle, watched by the crowd that have gathered round it till it is lost from their sight. A steam-coach, with its disgusting, spluttering, shapeless, life. less engine, ought to be ashamed of itself, and would proba- bly blush for its appearance, if it were not for the quantity of brass that goes to its compositiou.Biack-wood. PUNCH'S LAW-GUIDE.—In an action for fees a, physician cannot recover. In cases of illness the patients are often in the same predicament.—On a bill or note the statute begins to run directly it is due. The acceptor, if he cannot pay, had better follow the statute's example.—In a challenge to a juryman it is not necessary to have a second, and the juryman, when challenged, must go out alone to give the other party satisfaction.-Post-office Regulations: Letters to go the same day must be put in by yourself; if entrusted to your servants they will be forwarded the following one. Letters borrowing money, or begging favours, generally miscarry, or come to hand whilst the person they are sent to is in the country." Letters demanding payment of cash due, to be returned to the writers, endorsed Gone away, not known where or forwarded from one place to another with "try No. 14," "no such name," &c. until they get worn out or illegible.—Short Receipts for Daily Use: To prevent beer from becoming sour—Drink it. To kill fleas —catch them. To keep water from coming in-Don't pay the water-rate. Economical Diet-Stay at an hotel for a week, and quit without paying.- Oyster Sauce for Taverns Take a go of thin gruel. Heat it in a saucepan, and then added three raw oysters. Serve in a butter-boat, and garnish with a few blacks.—To ascertain if Meat is Good Call at a friend's house about dinner-time accept his invi- tation to sit down if he gives it, and, if not, adopt the free- and-easy principle, by inviting yourself. Taste freely of all things on table, and you will be able to form your own opinion as to whether the meat is good. _,i v — STRANGE GENEROSITY.—There is now to be seen at the shop of Mr. Rail, goldsmith, Buchannan-street, Glasgow, a beautiful and richly-chased tea and coffee service of plate, together with a magnificent silver candelabrum, presented with equal generosity and delicacy of feeling to Mr. Alison, sheriff of the county, by an unknown individual in one of the commercial cities of England. The following inscription is engraven on the tribute:— To Archibald Alison, Esq., Author of the History of Europe during the French Revolution, In testimony of the sense entertained of the benefits he has conferred upon his country From an Unknown Donor." To mar by'any eulogistic commentary of our own the effect of this elegant yet simple act of homage paid to a good and gifted man would be a sin against correct taste andjfeeling. -Glasgow Constitutional. BURGLARY NEAR WORKsop.-A few nights ago a most daring burglary was effected at the house of the keeper of the Gateford Bar, situate on the Sheffield road, about a mile and a half from "VVokrsop, by fiv? villains, who, with their faces blackened and caps on their heads, had, no doubt, previously concerted the plan which they carried into opera tion with so much success. At about twelve o,clock at night the keeper was aroused from his bed by a man riding on horseback at a rapid rate to pass through the bar. He immediately arose and opened the house door to proceed to the gate, after doing which, he was seized and firmly held by two men, whilst two others entered the door, and ransacked the house of its contents. Besides carrying away sundry articles of value, they obtained a booty of JE:7 in money, with which they effected their escape and we are sorry to add, that there has nothing yet transpired which may lead to the apprehension of these midnight marauders. The plan of the villains appears to hi,'e been concocted with a good deal of ingenuity. They entered the premises ol Miss Vessey, situate a short distance from the bar, and took out of the stable a horse, which was mounted by one of them, and ridden to the bar at a rapid rate, where the other four villains had been previously secreted.

Toe ebutro.