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AGlUCULTUilh: i; CO.)lMERC&.…




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CHIT CHAT. bii'RoVF.MEN'T OF Cms isf.—"This Would be an excellent cheese, if toasted," said the matronly Mrs I)., at a recent city dinner. "Then suppose we toi-st it, said our fat and facetious friend, Sir C. I' (tiling a bumper.—"The cheese—three times iliree Scott iised to qiifite the maxim of an old lady in on, or Miss Ferrior's novels, that a visit should ever exceed tliree dity-, —" the rest day, the dressed day, and the pressed day." ATTENTIVE SE--IVANT.Ilastcr. You rascal why don't you answer the bell? I have run it seventiiiies" Servant: "Indeed, Sir! I only heard it rung four." A NEW LOAN.—"I say, .Tack," shouted a smith- lield drover the other day, to his pal, "these eurs'd sheep vont move in this weather; lend us u iiatk ot your dog, vii you ? Oil NO. Murphy promises frost, it turns onr to h, sn.(). tie -oui's ia«t asleep when he ten's us 'twill blow f or his rain we t;et sunshine, for iii^h we have low, et he swears lie's infallible—ivcaiher or no, P*. THE Bun GUT.—People begin to express some Mtrpiise that though the session comlllcnced in November, not a word has been yet heatd of the budget; and curiosity is the more raised'to know -vhut Mr Spring Rice purposes lo do in the altered state ot the demands upon the public purse which lhe Whig rebellion in Canada will have produced. Mr O'Connell has obtained leave to bring in a Hill lo amend the law of slander."1 There is not in Europe a llIal) wllo understands the subject better, or one who, for thirty years, has dealt so largely in tlial coiiiiiiodi-ty, as the tionourable and learned member. The RETORT PROFITABLE.—One day last week, as a gentleman was passing along the High Street, he saw a school-boy" with satchel on his back," looking wistfully upon the delicacies in a pastry- cook's window. What, my lad, (said the gentle- man) 1, suppose you are in the optaiiic i viood," Yes, Sir, (rejoined the yotitii), and I hope you are in the d itire case." The boy got a shillingjor his quickness. Worcester Jo u rvat. A MEUICAN A N I:CI>OTK.—The late Mr Hush used to tell this story of a brother Barrister:—As the coach was about starting after breafast, the modest limb of the law approached the landlady, a pretty Quakeress, who was seated near the tire, and said lie could not think ot going without fust giving her a kiss. It Friend," said he, "thee mllst not do it," "On. by heavens, I will!" replied the Barrister. Well, friend, as tiioti hast sworn, thee may do it; but thee must not make a practice of it."—Ameri- can Paper. CONUNDRUM.—What i tIle difference between and Vaux? D'ye give it up: The one wanted to blow up the House of Commons, and the other does blow up the Lords. DKATH ON THE PAtE HOr..SE,-The Llanfylliri Poor-law Union, in Shropshire, extends above 40 miles! so that the medical men who have been ap- pointed to it must needs have a stud of horses, and be incessantly riding to come in after the d L, a t) I., I 1-OVVKRING TilE FUNICS.—Why is a man who deals in stale jokes like a stock-jobber 1 Because lie depends on fun-dead property NATIONALITY. — An Italian, travelling in this country, some years since, being in company with a true son of New England, remarked with much enthusiasm, in his foreign accent, "Sar, you have no delight in America, that we have in Italy—«e have there, Sar, the i)eatitiftil siiy-ttie fine land- scape. "Ve have tiiet-e, Silt., Vesuvius, that sends its tire to the heavens!" The true Yankee boy stood it long enough—his pride came up—he turned round to the Italian before he had time to let his hands fall from their gestures of admiration for his country, and kvitt) a tone of impatience, i-eiiiieti, I-Coti(otind your Vesuvius. We have got a iMiagura will put her out in five minutes!"—■Ame- rican putter. A gentleiiiiii, tvatitin-, to learn the price of coals, liailed one 01 the labourers at work in a' tier of j colliers, with, "Well, Paddy, how are coals?" 15'ack as ever, your honour," replied the Irish- iniu. AUSENCE OK MIND.—An old farmer who resides in Toledo, while in-the aut of adding more fuel to the lire, actually put a chunk of wood, with spec- tacles on, in his arm chair, and threw himself on tiie lire as a back log. The tiuiely arrival of his wife, who stared at the new visitor with spectacles, relieved him, after coming out coat aud paiituloolls minus. ï h:, New Or!cf!1Js Picu?,'el/l!c gives the following accoillilof a little love tragedy between alconp!e of coloured gentlemen. One of the darkies had been talking French to the sweetheart of the latter. The following discourse ensued What's dai you saying dere, nigger?'' "Just passing de com- pliments ob de season, dat's all." "You lie, nigger; you was poking soft tings in her ear, (tat's wtiitt yoti was." "'VlIy, 100:. here, you dosl'lI't mean what you say. does you "Diit"s what I does—1 b'iieves you was tl,y:l", (o constrain dilt virtuous lemale nigger's affections from 1, the legitimate source, dal's I At the same time giving the supposed offender a cut under the short ribs with a kuile. The jealous Othello was lodged in the calaboose. CORRESPONDENCE EXTRAORDINARY. — "The electors of Nottingham present their cotnpliments to the electors of Westminster, and would (eel particularly obliged if, upon the next convenient occasion, they would be kind enough to take Sir John Cum Hobhouse off their hands." A NSW i-R. The electors of Westminster present their com- pliments to the electors Nottingham, and would be most Iwppy to comply with their iequesl, but un- fortnnuteiy they are troubled with a very bad lot, which triey some tilrlê since took in exchange. They recommend the electors of Nottingham to upf,iy to sOllie stinking trisl¡ dllll;!hill; ,and it they don't know the way, Air Hume will kindly follow his nose, and show it them." We have not heard the result-whatever it is, our readers hall be apprised indue time, form, and order. — Age. A SHARP OUTWITTrw. The Leeds- Intelligencer hils the followill conntrvman bought of a Quaker, at the last Knaresbto' fair a cow, which was aifuined to possess every good, and only one /quality—Thou sees, friend, her milk goes in at her mouih." The meaning of this, Hodge found next day to be not what he had hoped —that she milked well when she fed well, but that she 1 i 11 e rail y ''sucked, hcrscl/ Not relishing his bargain he took her early on the morning of the 1st inst. to liipou fair to sell again, and hardly had he taken his stand on the pavement when, to, he was accosted'by his demure "friend," Obadiah BroaJ[)rilll. What, tired of thy cow already, friend. ''Aye, indeed; w hoy she sooks liet-soil." litisli, friend. Thou knows I told thee her milk went in at her mouth; but I'll try to help thee (,If with her a,,ain." Placing himself within obser- vation, presently two customer-looking persons approached, when quietly stepping between them tMid the COIV-" h llJis cow thine, friend ?" quoth Obadiah, ''nee beast-very-ii)ilks %veil ? I don't mind jf 1 offer thee „ £ lo for her." ( £ '2 by the way, more than he bad received.) "Hod yer hand, sur," The Quaker, deserted for once by his own cunning, natural and acquired, extended his open palm, and received a slifp that would have shivered a tomb. stone. She's your's," roared the boor. How, friend] I didn't mean that; dose'nt thou know what I said to thee?" "Ah naythur knaw nor care ,,flat ye sitid--biit tljis all knakv, ype've bovvt' co,v, anù uh"se nH,ke ye pay for her." And catching Hie Quaker in his own craftiness he returned home with a heavier pocket and a lighter heart.