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MY SCHOOL DA YS. (From S!ieridan's Colitic 0 rit7 (From Miss Sheridan's Comic Offering.J The boys call me Prodigy —1 was, however, the very antipodes of a Critchton in my acquirements, Whether modesty or stupidity prevented me from being aforward boy, I leave to my biographers, it is an undeniable fact, that my exercises in the plav- ground far surpassed those of the school-room and one day, having climbed the pear-tree, a branch gave way, I fell, but luckily came upon my head, or I should probably have been returned to my parents a finished scholar! The boys laughed; the domine took occasion to talk ot the attraction of gravity, but I was naturally too fond of sport to find any attraction in his discourse. The same u?e!ess result followed his lectures on Electricity, for altho' my mouth and ears were always a jar, my memory never got charged,-so I concluded that the fault was in the conductor. In writing, the master declared I should never flourish,—and daily bored me with lessons in small- text-and in fact repeated such long sermons on the same text so frequently, that it was only the -threat. ened box on the ear that fixed me to the task For I must confess I preferred i is small-text to his large-hand In Arithmetic I was literally a mere cypher, and despaired of ever making a filoure, and the only cal- culation I ever made with any accuracy, was the exact number of days it wanted to the vacation. In Geography I learned that the gloiie was divided into four quarters, and there I stopped but even this progress caused another division in the world, for and the tutor had a downright quarrel, and I left off. Nerer was a more true or honest bill than that pre- sented to my parents; for the master only charged for what.I literally liad.- Four-quarters Gevs;raphy,—- £ i 4s. In Geometry 1 could never com pas• the rules. In vain did I try angles, I could never make an angle right, or a right angle; I was the refore decreed to be au abtnsc anstc. lfthe Dar-es had not possessed more perseverance tti-,itt "Prodi-v," they never would have conquered the An ales had eviltently no genius for angling, and consequently I gave it ul) altho' the master de- clared I only wanted the rod to make me perfect. In reading Latin verse,—the tutor complained of #lie i qtianlity,atid so did I, for I aivvays had more than I could manage. In punctuation—I made a full-slop/ They next tried me in Eug'i^h versification, and supplied me with the best models,—Pope, Grey, Prior, Youi.g, Gay, &c.-but I had no soul for harmony or numbers, and 1 could never make a i-ii s iie. Nor could I appreciate the beauties of others. Young was not gav enough,—Akenside fatigued me, and they said there was such a fitieficid before me,) I was not at all inclined to Gray s. I therefore made away with my tormentors as e- cretly as I could I buried Mason in the flower garden, hid my Prior in a bed (;f monks-hood, and burned my Pope! In the French language I was quite abroad I had a difficulty hi spanking my own and the mnrk, Heaven save liH ntark, heing continually thrust upon nie, was daily fined, on which account one of the boys choosirg to jeer me with the epi(liet ,t J;e fellow,i knocked him down, and was expelled. The master, however, in turning me over to my father, said, in a very comple- mentary manner, that '• he had never tinned out such a scholar since he had conducted an academy l1' OMEGA.


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