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<S Ironing! — COU-TER-TRItIT-kTIO- Is there any other article we can show you to-day, sir? —Punch. A MISDEAL.—Mr. Thom had just risen up in the pulpit to lead the congregation in prayer, when a gentleman in front of the gallery took out his handkerchief to wipe the dust from HIS brow, forgetting that a pack of cards was wrapped up in TIV PFCK WAS scattered over the breast of the gallerv Mr. ihom could not resist a sarcasm, solemn as the act was in which he was about to engage. Oh, man, man surely your psalm-book has been ill bun (boand) Westmorland Gazette. THE FORTIFICATION OF SanTHriELD.—We understand that tiie Corporation of London has it seriously in contemnlatinn to • Smithfldd. Tile artillery for L detoce of 1,° odonferously strong hold will be formed of the most stubborn brass and several thousand pounders, of aldermanic calibre wiH be ready to open the fire on invaders. The gabions will BE constructed with gabies of the densest description. A moat T/vvlucn will afford ingress to animals and drovers bv means of a arawbridge) will be dug round the encampment; anTinto U WDI be turned all the filth from the neighbouring slaughter- houses, which will render it an impassible gulf to the sanitary invauers, the boldest of whom will be afraid to poke his nose into it. The commander-in-chief of the garrison will be Alder- nvan Sidney, and his staff will be composed of Deputv Uppard AND Mr. L aylor, with several of the most influential slaughter- men connected with the livery. —Punch. ° RAILWAY COMFORTS AT HOME AND ABROAD.—They manage these things better abroad. There is a detestable class-feelizig- a contemptable purse-worship, which rigidly separates people according to their pecuniary circumstances—which meets out the smallest privilege or comfort at a price—does not exist to pre- vent the managers of railways from making the journeys of their customers and supporters as pleasant as possible. On the French railroads (setting aside the question that the fares are much lower) the second-class carriages are comfortably cushioned, having pretty blinds to keep out the sun; windows that really are capable of silk. being pulled up and down, besides hooks for hats-a great convenience on a journey. For the blinds, indeed, an enterprising biind-maker in France agreed to furnish them to one railway company, gratis, on condition that they used no other for a cer- tain number of years, and allow him to make them the medium of his advertisements. Talk of advertising vaiis-can they be' compared to the brilliant notion of advertising railways—trains Gi puiis, wafting the genius of inventors faster than the wind > In wiuter, even in an English first-class carriage, there is no protec- t:on against frost and damp but in nearly all the foreign rail- ways, no sooner does the winter set in than thf» firU ^.1 traveller finds the bottom of his carriage provided with a" W tin case full of hot water. In the cold months, masses of woollen ciota and rail way wrappers are seen shaking in the corners of first-class English carriages with shivering, comfortless, human oeiugs inside them, despairing of any sort of warmth whatever. Comfort in railway travelling is, however, brought to the highest perfection in Germany. An esteemed correspondent at Vienna writes to us on this subject in the following terrr.,s :-On the •J! lener-^eiistader Eisenbahn (the Vienna and Neustadt Rail- way), the carriages of the first, second, and third-class may each be said to resemble a spacious room, furnished with seats, wmetmng like a concert-room, and having a broad passage down tne midale. Thus one may get up, walk towards a friend a dozen seats oft; or, if you require more air, or a change of position, you will find the backs of the seats shift so as to enable you to turn round, and sit down the other way without incon- venience to any one. I need not say that on this railway there is no struggle for, that corner place with your back to the engine, winch is a desirable object throughout our three kitigdoms,-for every piace is a corner place, having light and air, and you may sit wmeh way you please. Attached to each carriage, and going the whoie length of the tram, is a broad woodden pfank, aion* which the guards are constantly walking, so that the slightest thing ttmiss could scarcely occur without their perceiving it immedi- aleiy, Just before the arrival of the train at any station, one of these functionaries—for there are several—quietly opens the door, and, instead of calling out 41 say, you sir!' or I Come, nurm, your ticket, I carn't be a waitin' here all day,' as we have heard in England, walks without any harry or bustle down the civtsion from one end to the other, repeating, in a clear and ounnary tone of voice, the name ;0f the station which is being approached, and requiring the tickets of such passengers as are going to alight there. With such an arrangement—giving ample time for the gathering together uf coats, canes, umbrellas reti- cules, and so forth-r-even Martha Struggles herself, might have got through a journey unscathed and 'uiiflustered.' Dickens's household Words. THE DETECTIVE POLICE STAFF.—Inspector Wield is a middle- aged man of a portly presence, with a large, moist, knowing eye. a hussy voice, and a habit of emphasising his conversation by Lie aid of a corpulent fore-fingu, which is constantly in juxta-position with his eyes or nose. Inspector Stalker is a snrewd, hard-headed Scotchman—in appearance not at all un- like a very acute, thoroughly-trained schoolmaster from the formal Establishment at Glasgow, Inspector Wield one might have known, perhaps, for what he is-Inspector Stalker, never. ■. Tile ceremonies of reception over, Inspectors Wield and Stalker enserve that they have brought some sergeants with them. The sergeants are presented-five in number, Sergeant Dorn- ton, Sergeant Witchem, Sergeant Mith, Sergeant Fendall, and Sergeant Straw. We have the whole detective force from facotiand-yard, with one exception. They sit down in a semi- circle (the two inspectors at the two ends) at a little distance from the round table, facing the editorial sofa. Every man of them, in a glance, immediately takes an inventory of the fur- niture, and an accurate sketch of the editorial presence The editor feels that any gentleman in company could take him up, if need should be, without the smallest hesitation, twenty years hence. The whole party are in plain clothes. Sergeant Dornton noout fifty years of a age, with a ruddy face, and a high, sunl burnt forehead, has the air of one who has been a sergeant in tne army—he might have sat to Wilkie for the soldier in the Reading of the Will." He is famous for steadily pursuing the inductive process, and from small beginnings working on from clue to clue until he bags his man. Sergeant Witchem, shorter and thicker set, and marked with the small-pox, has something of a reserved and thoughtful air, as if he were en- iu deep aiithmetical calculations. He is renowned for Ins acquaintance with the swell-mob. Sergeant Mith, a smooth- faced man, with a fresh bright complexion, and a strange air of simplicity, is a dab at house-breakers. Sergeant Fendall, a ught-haired, well-spoken, polite person, is a prodigious hand at pursuing private inquiries of a delicate nature. Straw, a littl¡¡¡ wiry sergeant of meek demeanour and strong sense, would knock at a door and ask a series of questions in any mild character you chose to prescribe for him, from a charity coy upwards, and seem as innocent as an infant. They are one and all, respectable-looking men; of perfectly good de- portment and unusual intelligence with nothing lounging or simking m their manners; with an air of keen observation ana quick perception when addressed and generally presenting in their faces, traces more or less marked of habitually leading uves of strong mental excitement. They have all rood eves'• and they all can, and they all do, look full at whomsoever they speak W.-Ibid. J