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"WHAT blessings children are!" as the parish clerk said when he took the fees for christening them. THE Taunton Gazette lost a subscriber the other day because the publishers would not take gravestones in payment. CROMWELL did not wait to strike until the iron was hot, ant made it hot by striking. AT tliiiee years of age we love our mothers; at six, our fathers; at ten, holidays; at sixteen, dress; at twenty, our sweethearts; at twenty-five, our wives; at forty, our children; and at sixty, ourselves. AN adventurer in California, writing from the gold mines, bays he has slept for the last six months on a bed stuffed Ti ith broken bottles, with nothing but a cellar door for a blanket. I CAN never subscribe to the doctrine of that sermon," said a sleepy-headed parishioner who was wont to doze in meeting uvery Sunday to a neighbour, as they were coming out of church together. "Can't subscribe?" was the reply; "why I saw you nodding assent to every assertion." WELL, my little fellow," said a principal to a young philosopher, What arc the properties of heat ? The chief property of heat is, that it expands bodies, while cold con- tracts them." •'Very good, indeed, can you give a familiar example:" "Yes, sir. In summer, when it is hot, the day is long while in winter, when it is cold, it becomes very short." The examination did not proceed further. A IInT POU THE LAW COURTS. The Roman advocates, who, in their pleadings, had been considered to amplify beyond what their subject required, were by the Pompeian law, re- i stricted to a certain period in their harangues; and f0148that purpose, 1ud always clepsydra) (or water clocks) placed in view I to keep them within the prescribed limits. These were of I different sizes, so as to admit of longer or shorter periods of I pleadings, and were distributed at the discretion of the judges, I according to the nature and importance of the causes, always I allowing the accused half as much more time to justify himself, I us was granted to the accuser iu making the charge, I TLMING IT.—A minister in the Highlands of Scotland found I one of his parishoners intoxicated. "It is wrong to get I drunk," said the parson. "I ken that," said the guilty I person, but then I dinna drink as meikle as you do." Why, I ir, how is that? Why, gin it please ye, dinna ye aye take I a glass of whiskey and water after dinner?" "Why, yes, I Jemmy, I do take a glass of whiskey after dinner, it aids I digestion." "And dinna ye take a glass of whiskey-toddy I every uight when ye are gaun to ye'er bed?" Yes, to be I sure, I take a little toddy every night to help me to sleep." I continued the parishoner, that's just about fourteen I glasses a week, and about sixty every month. I only get paid I oncost month., and then if I'd take sixty glassas it wad make I me drunk for a week. Now ye see the only difference is that I Tu time it better than I do." I A MATTER OF FACT Man.—A hardy seaman, who had escaped I one of the recent shipwrecks upon the coast, was asked by a I ;çocJJ lady how he felt when the waves dashed over him, lie I replied Wet, Madam, very wet." I A SLUTTISH housemaid exclaimed, when scolded for untidi- I nc-ss of her chambers, "I'm sure the room would be clean I enough if it were not for the nasty sun, which is always show- I Llg the dirty corners. I Nobility OF Name.—I^ast week were married at Plymouth, I Mr. Duke to Miss Lord, both of Prince I XtlATiiiMONY.—Some slandering batehelor says, it is "much I joy when you first get married, but it is IIIOVQ Jawy after a year ur 80. I CLOTHES-WASHING IN CALIFORNIA.—I know a person whose I wire made a very handsome sum by washing linen whilst her I husband was away at the mines. Think of twelve dollars a dozen, I Her husband remained absent somewhere about four weeks, I and though he came back with a pretty good she, good I woman, laughed outright at his gold washing; for her shirt I washing had realised, during the period, nearly double the value I 1'\ ttc"}ars 01e he had lound.—Personal Adventures in Caii- I THE STOLtE ROOM or THE WONHEKFUL OLD WOMAN OF I THREADNEEDLE STILEET.—The apartment in which the notes are I kept, previous to issue, is the Old Lady's Store Room. There is I NO jam, there are no pickles, no preserves, no gallipots, no stone- I v evejai-a, tie. spices, no anything of that sort in the Store Room I of (he Wonderful Old Lady, You might die of hunger in it. ■ Your sweet tooth would decay and tumble out before it could find I the least gratification in the Old Lady's Store Room. There H WAS a mouse found there once, but it was a dead one, and nothing ■ but skin and bone. It is a grim room, fitted up all round with I iron safes. They look as if they might be the Old Lady's ovens, ■ never heated. But they are very warm, in the City sense; for ■ when the Old Lady's two store keepers, have, each with his own ■ key, unlocked his own one of tho double locks attached to each, ■ and opened the door, Mr. Mathew Marshall gives you to hold a I little ouiulle oi paper, value-two milfious'steding and, clutching ■ IT with a strange tingling, you feel deposed to knock Mr. Mathevv I -Marshall down, and, like a patriotic Frenchman, to descend into H t S streets.—Dickens's Household Words. H How TO PugsERVB PUBLIC- RECORDS.—The water as well as the fire test of destruction has been also applied to our H national muniments. The Common Pleas records previous to ■ the coronation of George IV. were deposited in a long room, H called" Queen Elizabeth's Kitchen," lying under the Qld ■ Court of Exchequer on the west side of Westminster HaIL ■ This room was frequently flooded during the prevailing higli ■ tides of spring or autumn. Rats and vermin abounded, and ■ neither candle nor soap could be kept in the rooms, although mere public documents were deemed quite safe there. The ■ consequence was, that before these could be removed, the ■ authorities had to engage in a little sporting. The rats had to ■ be hunted out by means of dogs. We believe this was about ■ the time that the celebrated dog Billy," was in the height of lame and we are not quite sure that his services were not H K a cured for this great Exchequer Hunt. After several fine bursts" the rats allowed the documents to be removed, and turned into a temporary wooden building, which was so in- ■ tensely cold during winter time, that these wishing to make ■ searches prepared themselves with clothing as if they we're H GOMA AITLC expedition. Here mice abounded in spite ■ of the temperature and the candles, which the darkness of ■ the den rendered necessary, were gradually consumed by them. .Hut this light sort of food wanted a more consolidating diet, and they found a relishing piece de resistance in thc praycr- ■ book of the court, a great portion of which they nibbled away. Ten years afterwards the records were packed off to the King's-mews, Charing-cross, into stables and harness-lofts; ■ and on the demolition of- tli;s building in 1835, Carlton ltide H was selected as their res, ii, g- place. Words. To MAKE WATER COLD lOOR SUMMER.—The following IS a H simple mode of rendering water almost as cold as ice Let the jar, pitcher, or vessel used for water be surrounded with one ■ or more folds of coarse cotton, to be constantly wet. The evaporation of the water will carry off the heat from the inside, AN.I rtduce it to a freezing point. In India and other tropical climes, where ice cannot be procured, this is common. Let H every mechanic and labourer have at his place of employment ■ two pitchers thus provided, and with lids or covers, one to contain water for drinking, the other for evaporation, and he H can always have a supply of cold water in warm weather. Any H person can test this by dipping a finger in water.



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