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ftoings. THT: Gosu," OLD METHOD OF COBKECTISG A DOMESTIC.— "Lit December, 1680.—This morning, observing some things not laid upas they should be by my girl, 1 took a broom and basted her till she cried extremely." -Peppys' s Diary. "NOT YET."—A writer in the Arbroath Guide observes, that the Arbroath Town Council have attempted to prophesy.— Recently, while voting a loyal address to the Queen on the appearance of Prince Arthur Patrick Albert, they congratulated her Majesty all the birth of her last child. IRISH WIT.—"That is the smallest horse I ever saw," re- marted a gentleman in a mixed company. Small said an Irish bystander, do you call him small by St. Patrick, I i.aye seen a horse as small as two of him." TALL TREES.—There are trees so tall in Missouri that it takes two meu and a boy to look to.the top of them. One looks till he gets tired, and another commences where he left off.- American Paper. SUBLIME AND RIDICULOUS.—General Scott, the conqueror of Mexico, has recently visited his native village in Pennsylvania, liis entrance into the place is thus introduced by the editor of the American Tomahawk The gallant hero, seated in a chariot, led the van. The rosy morn besprinkled the oriental clouds'with effulgent glory; and the gorgeous sun, at last issuing like a warrior from his repose, walked up to the sky, gilding the vast expanse of ether, and throwing his broad and splendid rays upor- a line of one-horse tcaggons and carts, filled with individuals principally from our village WESTERN LITERATURE. —In Ohio they have a literary cassette called the Bucky Blossoms; and in Kentucky, The Hose of'the Valley; in New Jersey, the Behidere Apollo; in Mary, hud, the Kent Bugle; in Ohio, also, the Toledo Blade and in the Mississippi, the Bowie Knife DUlUNG the late canvass in Michigan a surgeon-dentist was making an excellent speech in one of the interior towns. A low fellow belonging to the other party interrupted him with the question, What do you ask to pull a tooth, doctor ?" I will pull all your teeth for a shilling, and your nose gratis," replied the speaker.— Gait Reporter. A YANKEE has just invented a method to catch rats. He says, Locate your bed in a place much infested with these a'-mals and on retiring put out the light. Then strew over )"U1" pillow some strong smelling cheese, three or four red her- rings, some barley meal or new malt, and a sprinkling of dried <o ifish, Keep awake tid you fin1 the rats at work, and then make a grab WHAT a strange thing it is," remarked a Frenchman, after making a tour of Great .Britain, that you should have 200 different religions and only one gravy STATISTICS OF BACKELORDOM.-—A married lady has favoured vs with the following report -Bachelors henpecked by their housekeepers, 3,185 pestered by legacy-hunting relatives, I,7;i6; devoured by ennui and selfish cares, 2,064; troubled and tormented by nephews and nieces, 1,883 crabbed, cross- il rained, and desolate in life's decline, 5,384 happy, none.- Leicester Chronicle. THE REinTS OF WOMEN.—Women are supposed to be very c; 1 n generally but women feel just as men feel; they need o.%ectise for their faculties, and a field for their efforts as much -ic L" ilier brothers clo they suffer from too rigid a restraint, too absolute a stagnation, precisely as men would suffer; and it is in their more privileged fellow-creatures to say that they ought to confine themselves to making puddings and knitting stockings, to playing on the piano sand embroidering bags. It is thoughtless to condemn them, or laugh at them, if they seek#to do more or leant more than custom Ins pronounced ,or their sc-x.-C.,ii-rei- Bell. A GENTLEMAN has male the following return to the Income- Lx Commissioner", For the last three years my income luis been somewhat under in future it will be more precarious, as the man is dead of whom I borrowed the money." A YANKEE EDITOR remarked, in a polemical article, that though he would not call his opponent a liar, he must say, that if the gentleman had intended to state what was utterly false, he had been remarkably succcssful in his attempt. "JIM, did you ever double the Cape of Good ITope Yes, I expect I have." "Whenr" "Last nignt, when I put my arm round the Cape that belongs to the dress of the young lady that I have good hopes of making Mrs. Disen- bcrry." J THE DUKE AND THE BlrTCHEll. The following anecdote v a3 told with great glee, at a dinner, by William IV., then Duke of Clarence. "I was riding, other day, between Teddlngton and Hampton-wick, when I was overtaken by a butcher's bov on horse-back, with a tray of meat under his ar.u. < Nice pony that of yours, old gentleman, said he. Pretty fair,' was my reply. Mine's a good to"; rejoined ho, 'and I'll trot you to Hampton-wick for a pot o porter.' 1 declined the match, and the butcher's boy, as he stuck his single spur in his horse's side, exclaimed, with a look of con- tempt, 'I thought you were only a muff: A LADY on a visit to Dublin, having a great penchant for pound cakes, sent a servant out to get her one. The man went out on his mission, but was absent ft must 'unaccountable time; at last he returned in a great heat, carrying a large cake in his arms, apologising in rich Irirfh for his long absence, stating that he had searched all over D ublill for a piJuncl cake, but cOlld only get an eighteen-shilling cake, which he hoped would sa t her ladyship as well." "You labour overmuch on your composition, doctor," said a t-i joant clergyman to a venerable divine. I write a sermon ,i -hi -c2 honrs, and make willing of it." So. your congrcga- g dun says," quoth the doctor. ONE of the'lady editors," says the New Englander, "lately a .;oiiish;:d all bachelordom by announcing, that wouU» resile her nose in a rat's nest of swingle tOw as allow a inaa with whisker to kiss her.' For the comfort of the aiiucied, as weJ as to give both opinions in a two-sided matter may add to this declaration, the Spanish proverb, 'A kiss wi:hout it moustache is an egg without sdt:" r ,-I .I..

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