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CARMARTHEN I WEEK BY WEEK.

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CARMARTHEN I WEEK BY WEEK. The hailstorms which occurred last week produced the usual crop of I-I mean exaggerations—amongst the Carmarthen loafers. One of them avers that he has at home a bag full of the stonegoniid that they vary from the size of a shilling to eighteen- pence. It is supposed by many learned archaeologists that the hot-cross bun is really a survival of the cake used at an Egyptian festival some three thousand years ago or so—the cross being, of course, a symbol well known in all ancient religions. After having sampled some of the buns sold in Carmarthen last Friday, I have come to the conclusion that some of our local tradesmen have got hold of some of the original Egyptian article possibly they were abstracted from the tombs of one of the Pharaohs. One of the militiamen was seen to come out of St. Peter's Church on Friday morning with a ghastly pallor on his face and a tremulous motion about the knees. Billy; what's the matter," asked a sympathetic comrade. "Oh! I am afraid, indeed," says Bill, the Cap'n will spot me. I did'nt have a shave this morning. That lodger chap collared my razor Is it not a species of high treason-I wonder-to annex Government property ? If so, what is the position of so many of our local damsels, who are making such heroic efforts to antjex the militiamen themselves ? There is a positive boom in the cycle trade at present. I understand that another cycle depot will shortly be opened in Carmarthen. I am credibly informed that the Catechism is not taught at the School of Art. Neither do the lessons commence with prayer or the reading of a chapter of Scripture. Can't some of tho Voluntary School fanatics get up a shriek as to this establishent endangering the Christianity of the country. A case of the species which is described as interesting was being heard at the Hall on Saturday; and a young country- man was knocking about evidently in doubts as to whether he had right to go in or not. Finally in his difficulty he applied to a wag who was knocking about the place. The following conversation ensued :— Countryman: Ydyw yn rhydd i fyned i mewn yma ? Wag: Nag ydyw mae'n rhaid i chwi dalu clwy geiniog. Countryman Diaweh ariod Dwy geniog am fyned i mewn i'r Town Hall! Beth nesaf ? [Goes off. L Our rising generation is going ahead. A 0 17, local tobacconist states that he sells 13,000 cigarettes a month to boys. And all this ends in smoke I It would be a graceful act of the Temperance Society to refund the fines to those publicans who have been fined for watering their whiskey. If ever there was an insidious way of introducing temperance principles it is by charging people for whiskey, and supplying them with aqua pura—or rather aqua impura, as it is in Carmarthen at present. ♦ • The County Council had the question of the width of tho tyros of wheels, etc, referred back to the Extraordinary Traffic Committee. Something ought certaioly to be done by the committee to give the cyclist a little more fair-play. I am informed that under the rules now proposed, that a cyclist must not" propel" his machine aftor dark without a light. If I understand the English language properly, a evelist-ivhose lamp goes out in the middle of the road— will have to take hie machine on his back. To push it is to propel it. And a two-horse carriage can drive along the road on the darkest night without a light. The fact of the matter is that the kerridge folks have plenty of people to take their part; but the cyclist is a man with no vested interests, and is treated as an enemy of the human race. I have never heard of a cyclist killing anybody; I have seen more than one person killed hy a horse. The County Council will, however, look at things ditfereutly when the chairman, a couple of the aldermen, and the Clerk of the Peace take to the wheel. A peculiarly virulent epidemic of tall hats broke out amongst some of our local men about town last week. Several surmises were alloat on the matter; some averred that the celebration was on account of the new fire-engine. Others again declared that there was going to be a funeral. This happy suggestion was -alas? -untrue. There are so many nuisances abont town too, who would make such fine corpses As the tall hats have not been seen since, I am afraid they were only procured on the hire system. The most pressing want of the day—and night—in Carmarthen. An association to protect the harmless and necessary militia- men against the aggressive conduct of some of our very much up-to-date damsels. This is the design for a tombstone now ZD under construction:- SACRED TO THE MEMORY OF THE CARMARTHEN WATER QUESTION, "Which died suddenly on the 1st November, 1894, in the flower and bloom of its youth. It-v end was peace." R. I. P. The spring tides still manage to bring a pretty fair amount of shipping to the Quay. The traders have not yet been all frightened away by the proposal made at the last meeting of the Council that a little more dues should be levied on vessels coming in to the Quay, so as to get up a little fund for tho river." There is nothing like having a 0 ZD fine opinion of one's powers. Fancy a ( Corporation thinking it has the power to I fix protective tarin's I The Queen, Lords, and Commons, will have to take a back seat now' The man in Carmarthen with whom business appears to have been the briskest of late—the Official Receiver. It is to be hoped, however, that the present lull will last so long that Mr Thomas's post will become a practical sinecure. Where have the salmon all gone to ? As long as it was the close season, they were to be seen in shoals in the river now that the season has opened, the keen-eyed and quick-handed coracle-men are unable to land more than about one a week. Can the Fishery Board give any explanation of this state of affairs ? The Towy salmon seems destined to become as extinct as the dodo. There is a general feeling on the part of a good many anglers that a guinea is a little too much for a rod-licence. They do not like to spend £1 Is on the chance of catching a Is worth of salmon; and, con- sequently, they do not take out licences. It is a question for the Fishery Board as to whether it would not pay them better to issue salmou-rod-licences at 10s 6d. A retired military gentleman was casting I admiringglnnccs on P. recent Sabbath morning at the marching of the Church-and-Chapol- Sunday-clotho8-brigade who were walking in front of the band in Guildhall-square. He was heard to remark that the cheerful and matter-of-fact manner in which they marched was much preferable to the mechanical jerk of tho Shonies" whe came in the rear. There's nothing like life after all "-even in these days of automatic machines The Great Western Railway asserted its right to the Station-road by closing it on Friday. It is a great pity that the company does not still further assert its right by taking some steps to prevent the mud becoming ankle deep there in wet weather. -r I am informed on reliable authority that the only consideration which prevents many of our young ladies from becoming enthusiastic cyclists is the fear that too much of the sport has a tendency to develop their beautiful pedal extremities" to an undue extent. The same authority avers that the pressure on the pedals should only be sufficient to bring into action the actual work done by the knee and ankle. I sincerely hope that these precautions will be adopted; for I should not like to see the Trilbies of the fairest portion of humanity becoming too muscular. It is bad enough; as it is when lovely woman puts her foot down The horses which do the town scavenging are now going to be used to propel the fire-engine as well. Mr Thomas Jenkins' idea to have them stabled next the engine- house is a very good one. But the Corpor- ation will have to go in for some other breed than those used at present for scavenging. The steeds which are used at present would do very well for a funeral; but they are too sleepy, and are too evidently resigned to the troubles of this life to do for a fire-engine. We have all heard of the deficiences of the water-supply of the Terrace until we are sick of it. Extremes meet; and it now appears that the supply of Mill-street is— well, no supply at all. Fancy Mill-street having the impudence The mill cannot grind with the water that is past and Mill-street will have to shuffle along the best way it can without much water-past or present. I should seriously advise the people of Mill-street and neighbourhood to have a member of their own. There are more votes in Mill-street than in the Terrace; and I am sure that the inhabitants of the former locality will not be less successful in dealing with a water scheme than the denizens of the latter were. Originality in metaphors is ever to the fore. A man—who, from his manner of speaking, would appear to be a butcher— was expatiating to a pair of tyros the other day, as to the most scientific method of kill- ing animals. Well," said ona young man of eighteen winters with evident pride, "I can do one thing. I can kill a calf." Oh well," answered the preceptor, if you can kill a calf, there is the mainspring." Where's the main spring ? demanded the youth, who thought he was on the track of some startling anatomical discovery. No no if you can kill a calf, you see that it is the mainspring!" "Oh, yes; just so; I see now Tla ha < Our new fire-engine delivers the water with about the same energy as a Gatling- gun thro\vs projectiles. I would respectfully suggest that the next practice take place about 8 p.m. on Sunday-somewhere in the middle of Lammas-street or King-street. It would be more effective than 5,000 policemen. A lady-in-waiting has expressed a determination, if her lover does not come up to the scratch, of "running as wild as a March hare after some militiaman." I was not aware that March bares run after militiamen; but at any rate something sensational is in progress of preparation. I have a constitutional objection to baby stories—just as I have to the babies them- selves but in very exceptional cases I waive my bias. The latest achievement- as I am advised-of a miniature St. Peter's girl is that on finding a new pair of boots too large, she took them to a shoemaker and told him to take a piece off them." As I do not intend to "take off" any of the parties, I shall stop here. The mare, which a Johnstown man was fined for over-working the other day, was sold for 5s. It certainly cannot be said of the purchaser that it is money makes the mare to go." To let it go to the dogs— even for 5s—was certainly a crowning mercy. # The Education Question looms large on the political horizon at present. 0 This accounts for the fact that our Corporation cannot hold a meeting now without going t, Z5 out of its way to have a dig at the School Board. It is so fashionable now and even some of the Radicals have too many scales on their eyes to see that they are being dragged into line to play fourth fiddle C, t, to the Salisbury-Chamberlain-Benson- Vaughan clique. The School Board seems to have an embryonic vote of censure hang- ing over its head. 0 Now the facts of the case are simple enough. The Education Department informs the Carmarthen School Board that if they do not provide new buildings at Pentrepoth the grant will be withdrawn, The plans of the new buildings have to be passed by the Education Department. But the anti-educationalists know nothing about these matters. True to their un-educating policy they are even ignorant of the subject j out of which they try to make capital. But a clerical tout has about as much use for a brain, as a bald-headed man has for a hair- brush. The Corporation is in a similar position with regard to the police force. As long as the force is up to the required strength, the grant from the Treasury will be paid for it. Therefore, it is real economy, to maintain the force at its regulation strength. J If the School Board were to turn round and interfere with the Town Council as to the manner in which it conducts its business, what would the Corporation say. It would very properly remark "If you keep your mouths shut, people might be deluded into the idea that you had some common-sense." But if the Bill now in the Commons pass '8, and the Town Council really becomes an educational authority, not a word will ever be heard of education within the walls of the Council Chamber—just as the Water Question is tabooed now. There is never any pleasure in minding one's own business. A writer in the South Wales Daily Neivs wants to know how the High Church folks can make out that Bishop Morgan, the Roman Catholic prelate, who carried out Mary's sanguinary regime, belonged fo tho same church as Bishop Farrar, the Protestant martyr. How, indeed ? This is another of those delightful dilemmas into ZD which they plunge themselves, who try to blink the fact that the Church of England is little more than 300 years old-in fact, that it is one of the many illegitimate children of Henry VIII. A splendid photograph of the meet of the I Amateur Cycling Club on Good Friday-taken in front of the Town liall-ii row on view in the window of Mr Henry Howell's piemires in I Lammas-street. It is a good thing for some folks that there is such au institution as the Militia. It is an undoubted fact that from the dato of the disband- ment of the forcj until the day it is called up again, some of the members swell the ranks of the unemployed." This is making one of Her Majesty's auxiliary forces an auxiliary to the casual ward « 1f. There were some notaoiliiies present at the opening run of the Cycling Club on Good Friday —that is if we observe their self-conferred titltB. One of them, on his arrival at the White Horse Hotel at Llandilo, bade one of the waitresses announce that the Duke of Kent had arrived!" His manner was not in keeping with his title, and the announcement did not come off. Our local Duke rode a cushion, too. A propos of the paragraph re the martyrdom of Bishoy Farrar it is curi jus to notice how history and traditions clash. Historians tell us that the martyrdom took place in the Market-place, which is indeed quite in accordance with the practices of the good old times." A peculiarly healthy 11 tradition, however, states that the old oak in Priory-street was planted to mark the scene of the martyrdom. Now that the holiday season is on us again, I would urge upon the Railway Companies the desirability of making some arrangements to protect inoffensive passengers against babies. No passenger would be allowed to bring a dog into a railway-carriage; he would very soon be made to put it in the van. A dog is not half so offensive as a babv; and still no I\ nil way Company has back-bone enough to order the two-legged pests into the van. < The topic of the conversation of a few of those impious fellows,who visit our churches and chapels as a mere matter of form, last Sunday morning in t. Peter's was the organ. One lantern-jawed young map said that the organ was very high, indeed, and was nearly touching the roof! Yes," responded a short, squabby fellow, who seemed to derive much fun from several futile attempts to attach a blue ticket, upon which was written some ribaldry, to a neighbour's coat, I think that they would like it a couple of yards outside the roof again! *♦* It is a very common offence in this town for strangers like these to visit a place of worship, and then to carry on liko a lot of half-tamed Matabele. If you visit some- body else's house you have to behave your- self you do not laugh at and comment on your neighbour's furniture. So it is with churches; if you do not approve of how a certain class of people worship, the best thing you can do is to walk out. Besides, "brawling during Divine Service" is a serious offence against the law. A month's imprisonment is a mild penalty in such a case. An Observer writes :— Amongst other towns that have become notorious for the terrible drinking that goes on, we often hear Carmarthen mentioned. Well, indeed, if a man is a keen observer he cannot close hi3 eyelids to the fact that the scandalous and flagrant scenes that occur here on Sunday morning, cannot but furnish a very strong item for the Temperance Advoc tt.es (or a more appropriate epithet would be Total Abstinence Advocates!) Perhaps 'twere better for the decency of our streets that a Sunday Closing Act had not been passed at all. On a recent Sunday morning at the entrance to the town stood a motley group of repulsive fellows; some of their nasal organs boro the hue of the setting sun-quite a raspy appearance like a lump of copper ore— painted at a very heavy expense; others stood there with haggard besotten faces and thread-bare, tattered clothes-a few of these loungers more's the pity I-married men. Their panting eagerness to appease the cravings of the inner man was evident, as they stood there for a considerable time in a thick drizzling rain, surreptitiously playing a kind of hide and seek game, by which they are able to bamboozle our purblind peelers and pacify their gnawing cravings." Some of the inflated pavement pacemakers had a nice little confab on Tuesday evening, in which they deplored the fact that the washing competition did not come off at the English Congregational bazaar. For,, said one spark," a fellow would be so materially assisted in making a choice, The winner would be a paragon—the jewel of Carmarthen belles." That's fine talk," re- joined the other," but do you think that you could find amongst the gang of gay-feathered wingless damsels who flaunt themselves in crowds on Thursday and Sunday after- noons, one who could scrub a floor, cook a dinner, and put a patch on your # ?" I'm afraid not," remarked No. 1, I have heard one of this class declare that she would sooner be shot than be seen washing a floor." It was then resolved ntm. con. that the former was by far the best course which the aforesaid damsel could adopt. I think that the freely-indulged habit of the Turkish girl is developing strongly in some wanton Carmarthen belles. About half-past eight o'clock on Monday evening, and about four fields from the Town Bridge, a most unusual scene was witnessed. On the damp grass near the gate, sat two young gentlemen and two young ladies." There they were puffing away like engines and blowing off clouds of fragrant smoke 1 Good gracious," exclaimed one of the two young belles in a cheery tone, why you have nearly finished your cigarette, girl, and I have only just commenced I" Oh, yes,"responded the other sweet voice, I am an old hand a* this A gentleman passing at the time was rather amazed at one of the young ladies, who was about finishing her cigarette, and asked her if she would have a little tobacco. Oh, no, thank you," said the sprightly yoang "lady," we have a chemist here The chemist alluded to was a young man who, from his straining attitude, I should infer to be displaying the greatness of his muscular power by testing the vulnerability of the whale-bone in the fair one's corset. « The couple who was carrying on in an amorous fashion undør the glare of the furthest gas lamp on the Cemetery-road on Tuesday night had better look out for a more secluded spot. I think it would have been well for "Tommy if he had listened to the appeals of his inamorata. Walls and hedges have cars Is is not often that the governors of our gaols come in for eulogium from the birds of paBaage who come under their care. On Mondiy afternoon, at Carmarthen Junction, R young "lady" from Swansea, named Martha Davies-who knows Mr Fowler, tho stipendiary, well in his official capacity —and who had just finished a 14 days' engagement at Carmarthen Prison, was most emphatic in her expressions of esteem for Mr Forbes. After a long harangue to the passengers and officials of the line —Mr Bowen, the worthy stationmaster included in which she dilate I upon the respectability of her connection?, their status in the county, and the police court functionaries she knew—wound up, as the train departed, with loud and repeated exclamations of God bless the Governor of Carmarthen Gaol." # A certain young man boasted that his father died leaving a magnificent mansion 9 0 behind him. there was only my brother and myself," he said, and the house was divided batween us. Ho got one side and I the other. He got the inside, and I had the outside." Well now, the Reporter has two sides, and the outside has been given to yours truly, Tonus TWISTER.

, EDITORIAL.-I

Carmarthen County Court.

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