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ALL ALONG THE RIVER .

I DEATH OF MR JOSEPH EVANS,I…

!A STRANGE OCCUPATION.

THE SWANSEA WIFE MURDER,

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[NOW FIRST PUBLISHES.]

..........'4 THE J.P. ANU…

rNEWPORT BOARD OF I.GUARDIANS.

y AFFAIR8 OF A NEWPORT INNKEEPER.

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The name of charity covers a. multitude of speculations. The difference between tack and tact is that the tack has the big head. The man who truly and sincerely loves himself has no fears of being jilted. Is the woman who goes to church to exhibit her sealskin sacque-nlegious ? A man is like an omnibus. When he is full of drinks there is room for one more. How many things there are to laugh at in this world to the girl who has pretty teeth and dimples! The worst about the average crank is that while he inevitably turns up he objects to being turned down. Yes," said Mrs Beaconstreete, my father made his fortune by the perspiration of his fore- head." The sore head is a fellow who gets jammed between his own ideas and public sentiment. When a man is beside himself" he generally demonstrates that he doesn't like the company. An emery wheel syndicate must not complain if everybody looks upon it as a grinding monopoly. Artistic cookery turns the plain grub into the butterfly of gastronomical beauty. Every effect must have a cause, but it isn't always flames that cause a Fire Sale" of cloth. ing. Every flirtation is fun to one of the parties con- cerned. Sometimes it takes a good while to find out which one. A. man feels proud when he is working his way up to the top, but he feels different if his necktie undertakes to do the same thing. A lady says that she could always know when she had taken just too much wine at dinner—her husband's jokes began to seem funny. Ward McAllister (says a Yankee paper) rather approves of hoopskirts. Let Ward have any kind of monkey cage he prefers if It will stop him from chattering. What's the difference between the man who is transfixed with horror and the leopard's tail ? Answer One is rooted to the spot and the other is spotted to the root. Some old dinner customs still prevail. The Romans used to recline at their banquets, and the habit of lying at public dinners is common still. Doctors have one consolation. If they have rich patients who do not pay them they know that they can collect their bills from the estate when- ever they want to. Little girls in India wear gold rings in their noses. One advantage in this fashion consists in the fact that the ring wearer doesn't have to take off her gloves to show her jewellery. Mother My daughter, I'm astonished at your conduct with that gentleman. I distinctly heard him kiss you twice. Daughter Nonsense, ma. You know very well the conservatory has an echo. "I heard an alarm of fire, I think," be said ia the theatre, and I must go out and see about it." Returning after fifteen minutes—" It wasn't lire," he said, shortly. Nor water," said she, still more briefly. Do you believe in the transmigration of souls ?" Not I. And you ?" I am convinced of it." Indeed Theu what were you once upon a time ?" An ass." When ?" When I lent you that sovereign." A NOVICE.—Mr Peastraw: What are yeh readin'?—Mr Oatcake Jim Riley's poems.—Mr Peastraw What do you think of him ?—Mr Oat- cake I think he'd be a mighty easy man to spell down at a spellin' match. I am engaged, Jennie." "To whom 1" H 1 ) declare I don't know. I was introduced to him at the Dawson's, he was lovely, he loved me, pro- posed and was accepted, all in the same evening. Unfortunately, I didn't catch his name. A naturalist says that when a lion becomes old and unable to injure a man his mane falls out. If you have a spite against a lion, don't tackle him until his mane falls out. P.S.—And don't tackle hnn then. Hire another man to do it for you. It would be safer. IN THE COURT-ROOM.—" Your honour and, gentlemen of the jury, I acknowledge the refer- ence of counsel of the other side to my gray hair. My hair is gray, and it will continue to be gray I so long as I live. The hair of that gentleman is-" black, and will continue to be black so long as he dyes." l Ii A TALENTED MAN.—Junior Partner: I set you have engaged a new clerk. Is he a good, salesman ?—Senior Partner Good salesman f Great snakes I had to send for the police tcf, prevent him from talking mfe into taking hins into the firm. A religious lecturer told LID audience in Oklahoma, U.S.A., that if a man had sufficient faith he might pick up a rattlesnake and the reptile could not bite him. Instead of accepting the statement on trust, one man went out and puti the matter to the test. with the result that th. creature bit him and he died. An American paper which tells the story remarks, The foolø j are not all dead yet, but one of them is." Nothing annoyed the great chemist Dumas le savant so much as being mistaken for thfl novelist (wrote Mrs Cross in her "Reminiscences"). On one occasion, a lion-hunting English lady, after praising him in the most effusive language, and observing that she knew every line of his writings, from "|Monte Cristo to the Mous- quetaires," added, I hope you will allow me to send you a card for my next soiree. Madame, I am in no way connected with the writer yoil allude to," said th3 savant, with a cold disdain that no asinine, snub-proof coat-of-mail could resist. "Oh, I thought you were the great Mt Dumas," exclaimed the bewildered lady. A doctor, lecturing to a school of nurses lately upon the necessity of self-control in emergencipM told the following incident :-011e of his patients, while in a low, nervous condition, swallowed bj mistake a dose from the wrong bottle. She shrieked out that she was poisoned. One of th" nurses screamed "Aconite and began to crf hysterically. The other nurse, seeing that th0 patient was going into convulsions from terror* when relief would be impossible, said coolly. "Dont be frightened. Look here," taking mouthful of tie dose herself. She then went out' side to rid her mouth ofOit, procured an emetic* and sent for a doctor and a stomach-pump. Het calmness saved the life of the patient. THE AFGHANS.—Of aU the races with whieh the have come 10 close contact, the Afjrnans are the most uncivilised in nature and grain. They are fierce, bloodthirsty, fanatical, and treacherous. Their good qualities are of the elementary, domestic kind, and their highest virtue is courage, which they possess in a con- spicuous degree. They are uncivilised in the sense that they are without any national cohe- sion or responsibility. Each man is independent of his fellows, and rejects the authority of even tribal chiefs, No doubt there are in every olaP or tribe men of prominence for their wealth, or prowess, or cunning, who command a certain following for their influence is personal and I temporary, and vanishes as quickly as it haØ sprung up. GKNKALOGY OF THE QOIOEN.—Queen Victoria I? the niece of William IV., who was the brother ot Gaorge IV., who was fche son of George III-, who waa nhe grandson of George IX., who was thQ son of George I,, who was thu cousin of Ann's who was t,u> sister-in-law of William IIJ., wh° was the son-in-law of James II., who was the brother of Charles II., who was the son ot Charles I., who was tha son of James I., who wa8 the cousin of Elizabeth, who was thu sister oM Mary, who was thesister of Edward VI., who w** the son of Henry VIII., who was the son of xlenry VII., who was the cousin of Richard III." who was the uncle of Edward V., who was tbe son of Edward IV., whu I as the cousin of Henry VI., who was the son of Henry V., who was tbe cousin of Richard II., who was the grandson of Edward III., who was the son of Edward IL, who was the son of Edward I., who was the soU of Henry III., who was the son of John, wfr" was the brother of Richard I., who was the of Henry II., who was the cousin of Stephen i who was the cousin of Henry I.. who wastb^r brother of William Runts, who was the son of William the Conqueror, 800 years ago. QUEER JAPANESE CUSTOMS.—In Japan almost every one carries a lantern. By day and nigh" it is dangling at his belt. It resembles a thirh flat box. Each end of the box is fastened to sort of paper, which, lying in folds, forms, whell drawn out, a lantern. The Japanese usually carries also a tiny wooden box, shaped like cylinder to hold bis candle. A small medicin^ chest, with half a dozen little boxes, each coC taining a small portion of medicine, a fan, a pip £ » and a short sword, all form part of the outfit- The belt of a Japanese is, therefore, a very ltfj port ant part of his dress. His slippers consist of a sole with a worsted thread at the upper end, through which the great toe is thrust to keep the slipper on. His pillow is a framework of whale- bone, or some such substance, into which the of the necit near the head fits. This is to kerf his knot of hair m order, for he does not have tJÍs hair dressed every day, and therefore is obliged take care of the piece, which is greased and bouii'' into a queue, the rest of the head being closely shaven. The rich Japanese send their children to school in inferior garments, in order that the chi?' dren of the i»oor may not be ashamed to www tb& ,*hnhhv clothes. ,'i