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Illustrated Humour, ..

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Illustrated Humour, Asetim I notice Mr Rloseman has become a regular attendant at church. Wben di:i he get religion ? Browne He didn't. It's jusfbusiness with hi m. He loaned Re\. Mr Gassaway a handred dollars some time ago, and he's had to take it out in pew rent. TheGentleman: No, my man, this is not mine. It was a. five-pound note I lost. Piddy It was a fi'pun note before Oi got it changed, sor. The Gentleman: What did you get it changed for? Paddy Och, sure, so the owner could con- veniently reward me. Neatly Turned by father. Father," said Tommy Jones, "boN big a fish did yon ever catch ?" I caught a catfish, once, Tommy," replied Deacon Jones, -1 that weighed The good mau stopfed short, looked fixerfiy at his youngest son, and resumed in an altered tone— Tommy, this is Sunday." Mother Elsie, your sister tells me you took a second helping of pudding at Mrs Browne's to- day. Little Elsie So I did, mamma. Mother: Do you think that was right, Elsie? Little Elsie Yes. Yon know you ha.ve often told me not to contradict anyone, and Mrs Brown said, I know Elsie will have a second helping of pudding," and I couldn't contradict ber, could I ? One Way of Being Certain. "Somehow." said the girl in blue. I can't help wishing I had accepted him. W by, -lear V" asked the girl in grey. Why he swore that ho d never be bappy I again. ind I'm afraid be is." I Ah, yes," commented the girl in grey, reflectively, "rci; matters ale now yon can't be snre that he isn't, but, if yon'd married him you couJjitHtkesuteofit. UrN Newwed T want to get a present for my husband, but I hardly know what to buy, Shopman Why not got one of those nice silk mrffiors to wear during the evening? Mrs Isewwed Oi), dear, no; my husband never goe9 oat at night. Shopman: Well, you might get it for next year; he will (beD. A Timely tlint. The patient had the habit on occasions of I openinp his unusually larjre month very wide. His dentist the other day administered a mild rebuke :— Not so wide, please; I prefer to stand outside and work," Conntrymau (to shop assistant) What's this thing for ? Assistant That's a chin rest, much used by lady violinists. Countryman Ah gimme one of they; I ex- pect they would work all right on my minsas. After a pause, he added-" I'll take two, mister her mother lives with us." Marriage a Lottery. Smythe: I understand you were pretty well off before you were married Blinks: Yes, but I didn't know it. A big, burly man called on the wife of a minis. ter the other day. "Madam," be said, "I wish to draw your attention to a poor family. The father is dead, the mother ia too old to work, and the children are starving. They are about to be turned out in the street unless someone pays their arrears of rent, which amonnt to JE5 How terrible said the lady. "Here is the money for the rent. By the way, may I ask who you ara ? Certainly, madam. I'm the landlord." First Neighbour: You ought to be ashamed th« wav yon eticonrage that Mrs Gossip to call here. Do you really enjoy hearing yonr neighbours talked about? Second Neighbour No, I can't eav that I do. But as long as I keep ber here I know she is not talking about me. Lawyer Quibble You a doctor ? Why, yon couldn't cure a barn.-Dr. Sawbones And yor, I sir -you couldii- t try a case of lard, Pleasant.—" Tbat was a disreputable man you spoke to." That was my brother." Beg pardon, Iought to bave known that." Boys' Right and Wrong — Sevfvl bovs in Swindon, it is said, bave formed themselves into an organisation under the mystic name of the I G.M.B. Their rules afford amnsing reading, as interspersed with those insisting on honesty, kindness to dumb animals, obedience to parents, keeping the commandments. &c., are the follow- I ing No tigbtiDg unless needful. Do not act 1 cowardly. Not to rob birds' nests unless there *r» foot-eggs. No trepassing coless necessary.

WELSH GLEANINGS. .

Songs for the People. .

ON A BEAUTIFUL DAY.

AGAIN,

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MUSIC IN WALES.

hissed His Opportunity.

!Illustrated Fashions. .

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---.--.-----So He Thougnt.

THE HOUSEHOLD. .

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SCIENCE AND HEALTH .

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