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NOT BUILT THAT WAY.
NOT BUILT THAT WAY. A bull-frog can sit on a bog and croak, And dive in the pool just for play; But he can't wag his tall to show his delight, Became be ain't built that way. a. girl may slide and skate on the ice, And play with the boys all day; But she can't warm her hands in the pockets of her pants, Because she ain't built that way. A cock can crow and a cock can fight, And mash tlie hens all day But he can't lay an egg to save his life, Because he ain't built that way. A woman may frizz and a woman may bang, And then curl her hair till Its grov But she CAn't make a mash with a heavy mous- tache, Because she ain't built that way.
I TIT FOR TAT. I-
TIT FOR TAT. "Hubby, dear, I can't wait to tell you what I'm going to buy you for your Jubilee gift." "Darling wife, what is it?" 44 Well, dear, I'm going to got you a silver card- tray and a bronze Hercules for the mantel, and a lovely Russian table rug to lay in front of my dressing case. What are you going to get for me. Tootay P" M I've been thinking, Jane, and I have just settled to got you a new shaving- brush."
A HERO TO THE LAST.!
A HERO TO THE LAST. The court of inquiry concerning the fatal boiler explosion on board the torpedo boat off Torquay was private, and the result has been sent Lo the Admiralty. The heroism of George Piatt, engine- room artificer, has excited much admiration. He was in the stoke-hole at the time of the accident, and made his escape through the water-tight door into the engine-room, and thence on deck. Almost blinded, and frightfully burned and scalded, his first thought was for others. "Turn the fire- extinguisher cock," he gasped to the deck hands, who were assisting him up the ladder. The cock can be got at from the dock, and his motive was to save the boat. When the surgeon arrived he first turned his attention tb Piatt, who asked to be left until his companions were attended. He died after ten hours of intense suffering, stoutly borne.
Advertising
T. STCMNTS.—To all these who aura the Midalgkt Oil engaged in mental lakeur, we would reoemiaead OadWury's Ceoa*. Its cemfortlag. exhila- nkUKg.and susUlmlJMC fmn aw extoerdlaaty. Beware 9i lautatieBf, M7le
MAY MKKTINGS.
From "Moonshine." The latest thing in Jubilees: Jubilee weather. New Version: "Speech is silvern; the Closurt golden." No fear of easterly winds for a time, because you "ee, the wind is blowing so strongly from thi Wild West." We hear that the Registrar-General it thinking of opening a 11 Mat-ry-tiine Exhibition." If so, lie should find no difficulty in carrying out a project based on lines which have afforded so many couples such ample scope for making exhibitions of themselves. MAY MKKTINGS. ENTHUSIASTIC VICAR (to Young Curate): What, you here! Up for the metings, of course P Y. C. (blushing): Yti-as; Aneelina's father Is always out of town in May. l Picar sees they are not on the same mlmonL MR. Gladstone is included in the 370 members who are to accompany the Speaker to return thanks that. our food Queen has reigned fiftv years in spite of Mr. Gladstone. It is not stated whether the Grand Old Dreadful will want to read the Lessons on this occasion. But, having sat near him once at church and heard him sing, we would rather that he should read than sing were we the remaining 369 M.P.'s.
HEARD IN OUR SENATORIAL SMOKINO-SOOM.
From Fun." RouasE ON JOBILKE KNIOHTS.- Why is kni ebtlic-od a bar to future liappiuess ?-Because Scripture tells us of heaven that "there is no (k)niuht there." HEARD IN OUR SENATORIAL SMOKINO-SOOM. FIRST M.P.: Suppose I called you a liar, a mugwump, a thief, and a guttersnipe in the Bouse, what do you think it would end in ? SECOND M.P. (lazily). Smoke, my boy- smoke THE LAST SHIFT. So poor old Tribach's gone to the work. house, eh ?" Yell; and when I saw him last month he hadn't a shirt to his back I" Ali I-lie always was a shiftless fellow I" ALL OTER THE SHOPPING. MUSICAL AMATEUR (after a brilliant bit of piana> forte playing)-. Ah! Dj you like Chopin, Mist Frivelle? Miss F.: Yes; I think it's awfully jolly, espe- cially if you can manage to screw a bit extra out of the pater. A SUP OF THK TONGUK. MISS SCRAGQLKS There's hardly anything original on the stage now, Mr. Kandide. I've seen something like this years ago. Ma. K.: Just so. It semes to me that play- wi-iglits go rooting out old pieces that haven't been played for fifty years or so, and re-dress 'em up. and-- I It occurs to him that he's putting his feat in it. ANOTHZR SWKKT LITTLE SOUL I CAPTAIN JACK JINKS (to his pet cousin): Aw, awfully glad to have met you, Nettie. I'm just off to the u Yankeries." You might take a jtunt over there with met PUT Colusis Oh, yes! I'll go with pleasure, Jack—er—that is if you'll buy me some real Indian scalps. I should so like a few dosen. Fact is, 1 want to get a thoroughly unique trimming for the first jacket I intend to wear next winter, WITHOUT LEAVE. BUTLER: If you please, sir, I wish to leave this day month! Sin JOHN: Why, James? Are you not satisfied with the place? JAMKS: Yessir; and I don't mind you, sir, but, I can't put up with my lady's temper no longer; so this day month, please, sir 1 (Exit.) SIR JOHN (solus): Oh that I were her servant instead of her master I Happy James 1
THE TIMES.
From "Judy." THR Taus CRIMES 44 BILL."—William Ewart Gladstone. WORTH KNOWING.—When you have a new coal made for house wear, what is the best course u pursue in order to make it last?—Why, never tt wear it out. THE TIMES. Many persons are complaining of the present great depression. Pamell says that he also hoi suffered much lately from the Times. POOH! Now for It I Why, if you please, is H.R.H. the Ptince of Wales like ten shillings, coin of thl realm ?—Well, inasmuch ad he is—ahem 1—half I sovereign. A FACT. It is a fact, not so generally known as it ought to be, that great hunting men are, as a class, fal more sensitive and "touchy" than other people] but how is this to be accounted for?-Well, be- cause, you see, they are always taking a fence. THE DEAB OLD LADY AGAIN. "Your postman's knock," said Mrs. O'Brallaghan, is all worry well as a eye-opener.' but for right down real f corpse rewiver'give me the publican's tap." FROM OUB 44 LION COMIQUE." How do you account for the fact that the pro- prietors of travelling menageries so often make quite a fortune?—Why, because, don't you know9 they are always doing a roaring business." RIDDUS-ICV LOUSNBSS. Guess this if you can. You have, of course) heard of certain parties being book-worms, but did you ever hear of a man being actually a book! RhP When he's hooked P No; but when he's tome (at home, don't you know ? Ha I ha !). THE PROFESSTOlq-ITS PETTY JEALOUSIES. FIRST PLAY-ACTRESS (popular): You'll come to my benefit, dear, next week ? I play 44 Ophelia." It's the part in which I made my first appearance, you know. SBCOND PLAY-ACTRESS (less popular), Oh, of course, yes! l ean remember my father taking me to see you in it, though I was a mere school-girl at the time and didn t understand much about it. it hadn't been such a public place.
COMPLICATED. -
COMPLICATED. BaOWN: You say your wife is in a bad humour? ROBINSON: Yes, you bet she is. What is she mad about?" In the first place she got mad at tlie servant* girl, then she got mad at me because I didn't get mad at the servant-girl, and now she is mad at herself, because I got mad at her because she got mad at the servant-girl. Do you understand 9"
[No title]
"Did you take the note, and did you fee Mi Thompson, Jock ?" Y", sir." And how was heP" 44 Why, he looked pretty well, bat he's very blind." "Blind I What do you mean 7* Why, while I wur in the room, he axed wher' my hat wur, and rm blest if It wur not 011 my head all the while I" 1 he following story is fact, not fiction Mf Rider Haggard, the popular author of II She," was Some days back in a bookseller's ahop. A smartly* dressed lady entered, and enquired for ]lit. Haggard's books. On asking the price she demurred, remarking, The fact Is, lam to lJ}ee the author at dinner to night, and I want to read him up a bit, but be to not worth 30L I
Advertising
THE LARCEST NEWSPAPER PRIZE DISTRIBUTION IN THE WORLD. WEEKLY MAIL. JUBILEE PRIZE DRAWING 1ISTRIBUTION INCREASED FROM £250 TO £ 325 List of IPsrIzes. PRIZE Awarded May 3rd, 1887 £25 PKIZE To be aw.rdecl June 7th, 1887 P, 2,5 PP- I Z B. To be awarded July bth, 1887 £25 PRIZE To be awarded Aug. 2nd, 1887 £25 PltIZE To be anvarded Sept. 6th, 1887 25 PRIZE To be awarded Oct. 4th, 1887 £25 PRIZE To be aW3.rded. Nov. 1st, 1887 £25 PRIZE To be awarded Dec. 6th, 1887 £ 25 PRIZE To be awarded Jan. 3rd, 1888 £25 £ 225 CLE GRAND PRIZE 00 TO isE AWABDED JANUARY 10,1888, ) TOTAL £ 325 METHOD OF DRAWING THE MONTHLY PRIZE OF £25- All the Coupons sent in for the Monthly Drawing of 225 (to take place on the first Tupsday of each month) will be deposited in a revolving ballot box. The Coupons having been thoroughly mixed, a disinterested person will draw therefrom a single Coupon, and the competitor whose name appears thereon will be awarded the above Prize of J625. The winner's name will be published in the Westesm Mail of the following day, and the Prize remitted the same evening by Crossed Cheque to the address given on the Coupon. THE CRAND PRIZE OF Every batch of Coupons sent in for this Prize will be counted, and if found to contain thirty or more, the whole will be placed in a ballot box from which, on January 10th, IS88, a disinterested person will draw a single Coupon, and the competitor whose name appears thereon will be awarded the above Prize of EIOO. The winner's name will be announced in the Western Mail of the following day, and the Prize remitted the same evening by Crossed Cheque to the address given on the Coupon. GOD SAVE THE QUEEN. figurp (Jomppfilion (joupon. FIRST PRIZE, £ 50. SECOND PRIZE, 95. THIRD PRIZE, £ 1. CONDITIONS. Competitor* matt fill n-D the blanlc spaces with any single numeral from one to nine and forward the same to the Ivditor not later than bv the fli-st post on Wednesday morning next, all e-ii to be endorsed Figure Competition." The result will be published in the Weekly Mail of Jane 4th. TiE t50 PRIZK DIAGKAM. TH8 *5 PKIZB DFAGRAM. THIC al PRIZB DIAGRAM. _ii i11 9 ~i~] nr 2 5 2 i 6 8 5 G 3 8 8 ~frr~i 9 17 mrr?ri 121 161 fj Same Address ——— May 21. 1887. N.B.—All envelopes must be endorsed Figure Competition." N.B.—All envelopes must be tmoorucl" Figure Competition." t FIGURE COMPETITION. No award is made this week, no competitor having solved either of the diagrams, lbiob were filled up by Sir. Mackenzie Thomas, our manager, as follows:- THK AO PRlZw DIAGRAM. THE £5 PriZE DIAGRAM. THB 21 PRIZB DIAQRAN. Xi-JLJTX L~ 6 4 j 3 3 e i 7 5 7 .g;4 i3 j9 j-L 2 Tl 5 i r 7 1 I 5 j 8 6 4' 7 5 8 4 12 5 5 13! 2 !_8__2_ 1_|_1 a_ "l 4~>~| C j 2 9 1 I 3 2 9 | 8 2 i "Art is Stfeai Poetry■" j— — i^lOTTKKK 1,1/3 \J CHEAT A5TD ARTISTIC WALL DKCORATTONS. WALL DKCORATTONS. ¡ JWauuiy startling .novm/riEi Sr« the N ,w J>ATTEKN J^OOJK I FOR Opt HI OS* OF T PR ICS*. ]f.re are gathered together an m i.ense variety *t keatUiftd fMUterm. aiso » vei v nume- rous aasoi t ment ot SANII'AKT VV.ASI4A6L9 These are nto»t artistic ih design, ami very mederac* im pr e*. W u*t, c*n be more des rnbte than u> bo -We to wa*h the walls o! ft room at tU« same time 'ha fi ^or ?"— Wtttern iJ+Uy Hreua COITKKKLL'8 PAPKK HANGINGS CAN Bhi OtflMlNKU l CO'l'i'KltKLL'¡S PAI-filt HANGINGS CAN Ii II: OtflMlNKU 1HKOUWH ALL LIVR.A.1'OR3. I •ee that each Pattern v.rs tü. II Trade C B Mark. I ^JfTTEK ILL ROT HERS, J U, CLABB-iT UK ST. ajsd BKI3TOL. BAU>WIX-8TRXBT. TO ECURa: I RECKITT3 BLUE SEW CINE Always see the Name on the Wrapper. I Mrs. M. P*A*C*. laundress, Cl>«Uenhi»m. «ays re»p«*ii>|[ KJS Xl iTd FAK1S HLOK It bus bees a»*4 ia mr Laundry forever lOveara, ami U Imr »uv«-ror »u7 JUiw, Onxk or$*le, that 1 k«v«c tcWcU" [XA9 I It u P T U RES t WHITE'S MOC-Main LEVgR TRUSS, JTASLNRACTURKB ONLY BY J. WHITE & CO- AT 228, PICCADILLY. 5 H tfla ""f eMOUtiVe. «w»(iifurUtile TruSt made. < 1; li" not any Steel 8prinllll the HAtid, ilnd. .2 ca H0'11 rub off the ilcin, M x. asa ^PliuSE Often j««» i. => It co t breftk lilc- 4pring Truss <^jrS It fits *0 eio*-ly that it Onutiot be detected 36 r- It often »iiccee.ls when other Trms« have H t'aile i to afford any sup^orr.. It pioves effective wlieu Cyclinz, Kowin* KiilinsJ. or taking otli^r exeiciies. 35 J. WHIT* JT O. send the TRM* free by post ^3 Sena t>r Drsc iptive Circular, with Te»'(J- monia>s an<l Prices, to J. VVKXT** CO., 223, r Piccadilly, London, u. Lcl58 BTIFIO I A L TEETH. A COMPLBTB 8 T POW OS11 SUISEA; SINS LB ToOTif, 2.. 6d. A Written Warranty for give Year$ with every Set ef Teeth, Te<-th Scaled. Fitted. ami Kjttr.aiJ-d upon all improved and advertised priiiciples. at m^dwate cliarjes. KIt. OOOOMAJF, SUKQfc-O^ DENTIST (Ul« Mana er Messrs Ks„ P,l',tv>T BHANSOS-COUKT, 7. OOKN-STRBBl. BRI-TOL. Dr. AN»*IW ffiuoK •ays:-I«»'» recommend Mr. eooduian a very skiilul aim hnmane I 'en''J* reasouablechilrgessliolaid Attract to bira III claues. I ON SOdAL PURITY AND THE IKVIRMITIK3 OP MAN. Addressed specially to Young Men, with advice on Health, tul(j ountjiiujug Recipe Uun will reatore the nervoll-I ami debilitated to the mil \,owerot mftuhoo i. Froo for the benefit of all who domire ml* and speeiij cam wltboat tee aia of Quacks. Send one Maaip to prepay postage. AwftXM: 3ECX5TARY, CTSTTTOT* OS AJTATOMT [ MttMiNflaiif LOUS jQNAMELLED SLATE AND MARHLE I' CHIMNEY PIECES, BATHS LAVATORIES. £ c., RANGES, GRATES, AND ALL "CINDS OF BUILDERS' IRONMONGERY, BUTCHERS' AND OTHER MARBLE COUNTER SLABS. TIMBSR, SLATE. AND GKNERAL MERCHANTS. STONEWARE SANITARY PIPES. CEMENT, PLASTER, STAFFORDSHIRE BLUE lItICKI. AIFD ALL IllfftS OF B&lLDISfr MATBXliXV. JOINERY AND MOULDINGS. WXITLANB ORWBK •TSBR ROOPIK» SLATES. r SSIO AND QONS, CARDIE*. OFFICRB AND SHOWROOMS :— j CANAL WHARF EAST, CARDIFF. WORKS: JOHN-STREET, CARDIFF. AND AT DOCKS, GLOUCESTER. 7742a EIGHTEENTH YEAR OF ATTENDANCE. MR. UliA AM Y()UNO, DENTAL SURGEON (bv Examination), PARK-STREET, BftiiiTOL. CARBIFP—Attendance Prefessienally the lstani 3r< WBUNBSBAT in every mouth, at BEDVTBLLTF ]to us i:. C X#)e L R K %YN (Corner of Oiuwles-strect), Next Tisits, W SJf.NEtI.»Al", June 1st and 15th, frani 11.3* t. 6.30 P.M. BKiUSBNL)—1st and Srd TRUltookY In every ntMith at n. Caroline-street, from 1 a.m. te 2.30 (t.M. Beat Tisits. THUKSDAT. June 2nd and 16tb- CMBPSTOW—1, K i U KO KT-Sy 0 A Ft K, 1st and 3rd TMVKSDAY, 5 to 7 p.m 2nd and 4th TUBR8BAI in everv mouth, 1'. a.m. t,e 4.3>» m. SBWPORT—2nd and 4th THUKBDAX by appoint- ment. A Vacancy for a fu.Mi. No Fee for Consultation 4076C No Fee fur Consultation 407" I G RAIND JUBILEE pKIZE. J H. S A r U E L I Has been inundated with hundreds of letters from all parts of the wurld requesting him to continue, «S a FUliK (HPT, the Grand Presen- tation just concluded, which has given such deliglit and satisfaction t'l thousands, Ty comply with lliii unanimous wish, and to comuieuioraie HliK MAJESTY'S JUBILEB. whiuli all the woil will join us tIl Culehrating. it lias been res-'lved to purchase, at AN BNOK- MOU3 El I'K.N 8 lii herto unknown ia iii« annals of the watch trade, a sca-ll of the new M -(G- >IFICIiNT FLATOKIlJh GuLD. for free distribution amongst all readers of the vt'ukly AJail who become purchasers of H, Samuel's marvellous watch-s. Tliis elegant iiiaterial. 61 Platoriae GoM," has all the appearance of 18 CT GOLD, a'td cannot bft^iet'-cted b\- the most i-jtperienred judges. Tlieref-re. frun tliis <Ute EVKRI ItEADKR of this Paper who purchases a Gent Ionian's VVaich will receive H. -amuel's Jubilee Free Gjt uf a BKAtrilfC.. Pi-ATOKIL'K GOLD ALHKU'C. and every purch.is>-r ot a Lady's W .tch will iifceive au KLKGANT PLATORIDB GOLD LONG GLTAitl). I OBDfalR AT ONLE! MARV LLOU3 VALUE, OITK HUlJIÜ:D ,OLO DAILY. r I he uttrivall-d Heig-ish Lever, r he unrivall»d Kn(j.ish Lever, jr jj/r» 1 the astonishment of the world; < in soli silver hall-inariteu cases, j jewellrti and fit ted wii h duslaud j jewellrti and fit ted wii h duslaud v iiainp-tij; '• *orth £ 0 3s. The renowned Acuir" Watch, for Laiiies and Grntlrmen, J 1 plale movement, extra jewelled, witii ta-HUtlf.illy inted dials, > 2i\>l~ •iiuk second- solid silver case3 I (stimpe.i). Extraordinary value. I Worr.n £ ? 3s OBSERVE CONDITIONS—Every Wmteh wen rawedfor dot years and tttppiied oil a week's free trtal, and if Siuana/ied the full amount returned. Write fcr large descriptive catalogue, cn- tainiiiii over 700 benutiful Illustrations of all K. HAMUKL'?) celebrated Mauuf^ct ures, with Hundreds of astounding Testimonials from all parts Sent Kralis and post froe to any I address 011 o1p,¡ :'&1,") INaTltUO II N8.—Cut out this announce- ment and enclose it to H. 8AMUBL, with P.O O. for cost of Watch required, and sains will be seni bv n^xt post, securely piclt- d. and at our own risk, to any addrt ss, with key. Warranty, an lull .riutcd instructions how to wear tl1 watch, and accompanied by H. 8AMU. LS GKAND JCTBILhiB FIOZB. fl. gAMUEL, LEVER WATCH FACTORY, 97, MARKET-STREET, MANCHESTKtt. 89..10 T H 0 It L E Y S The name of Thorley is known all over the world, ai-d Ta.,RLzrS FOOD has stood the test against all mitations. The Proprietors have been SPECIALLY APPOINTED PURVEYORS TO H.M. THE QUEEN. LACTIFER, FOR CALCES, Is a MOST RBLIABLE 80B9TITCTB FOR MILK and thousands of Calves are annually reared on thi excellent Meal at a Very Small Cost. Prices and particulars on application to JOSEPH T HO R LE Y, KING'S CROSS, LONDON. THORLEY'S ARB THE LARGBST CATTLE CONDI- MENT MANUFACTURERS IN THE WORLD LC164 I GREAT REDUCTION IN PRICE OF MANURE. London Manure Co.'s Pure Dissolved £ s. d. Bones 6 7 6 per ton. Purser's Dissolved Bones 6 0 0 „ Purser's Bone Tuni'p Manure 5 15 0 „ B^st. Qu ilitv Superphosphate 4 0 0 2nd „ 11 3 10 0 „ Terms—Six Mon i hscredit, or 5 per cent. discount for prompt cash. Guano and Nitrate of Soda of the best quality kept ia Stock. Apply to J. S. STONE, MANAREB, BOUK-STREHT WORKS, NEWPORT, MON. 72098 G. gTEVENS, MEDICAL IIFHBALTST, 17, OLD MARKFT-STREKT, BRISTOL. ESTABLISHED 1847. BOTANIC MEDICINES. DIURBTIO POWDER. A Certain Cure tor all Diseases sf the Bladder and Kidneys, Lumbago, from Weakness or any other Causes. Is. ljd per Packet. 'VDANDRLTOK BLOOD PURIFIER. X OB O,or*1' of the LIVEK PILLS. pkin and Bluod, Bad A Certii, Ctire fair ù¡¡.. Scrofula, kry. all Diseases of sipeit-, Ac. the Stuniach, LIver. Tliouaauds are yC V ami Indigestion, annually cui-ed ^>7 Is. lid. and 2s. 3d. ky iU us#. /< y per Box. is. ljd. yr^Sy y\S*Xy AMERICAN COUGH SYRUP. For ail kin.is of Concha, Asthma. Bronchitis, XS^Sy and Whoopinjf Cough. S Olle bottle wilL cure recent cases. It. lid. and 2s. 3d. per Bottla. Agent for CardfffT^ Mr. iLudlEa. 66. Ada-m-streat. AKTIFLUIAL 1 i'.r,l Ii.—int. JLH>H !0 I<T Y A DHNTAL SURGEON, 7, 6TOW-HILL. NEW. PO lif.MOf. Professional Attendance—At Card iff every Thursdav, at Mr. Hftlch's, Jeweller, Queen-street. Hours, 10 till 7. Hniranee Swiss hall. A Pamphlet On Paful ss mid Perfect Dentistry,' with special directions to parents and guardians when to expert and how to attend to their chiidnoll's tet-tb. to ensure both mouth and teetii being in a healt hy con- dition also Chapters On An iftci Teeth, the different modes of adapting thein painlessly and without the extraction of stumps; Decayed Teeth, modes of stopping and preserviin* iliciii; Nitrous O-iae Gas. and the recently-discovered Anwsthei ia C>«ain to be had post fre.. Oil "IJplk"tiol1. Pairiless Operations by Nitrous Oxide Gas and the wonderful Auaesihet.ie Cocain. A Speciality. Fees very moderate. Consultations Free. 7351 13th Edition, 102nd Thousand, post free of Author. 5s. THE CUKE OF CONSUMPTION Atiti otlier DI-i ASS-of the CH EST by an I3NT1 KELY NEW REMEDY. Illustrated bv numerous Cases pro- nounced INCURABLE by the MO-T EMINENT PHY- SICIANS. Containing also Ohpler! 011 the CURE of ACUTE BRONCHITIS alld ASTHMA. BY KUWIS W. A LA BONE, Lyriton House, Highbury Quadrant, London, N. (late Consulting Physician to the Lower Clapton Orphan Â.vlllln). Dr. Young, L.R.C.P., Ac., Wiites I beg to add my testimony io the success cfyour troatm»nt. in Consump- tion I HAD BKK.V GfVBN UP BY EMINENT PHY- SiCIANs AND OTHER MiSDlCAL MEN fifteen months ago; bolh lungs were diseased; tlirough p rseverance with youp treatment I am now able to enjoy life once more." D., Baxter states: 14 JUan v cases have come under my own IMMRTjIATB NOTICFI w dch, although eminent di-I rnen had ENTIRELY GIVEN THEM liP AS HOPKLES8, have been restored to health and vigour." Icl72 p I T S EPILEPSY OR FALLING SICKNESS. GIDDINE'38. SENSATIONS. AND FA IN rd. I will delllOnSlft,te to the whole world how that most » complaints, •« tCpUep*y." which has been .in incurable, can l>e permanently cured JiJh f'.ui Le0l'ceof f»il»ret. AU affliJled may write B"PE„<L conBdence to Mr. WILUAMS, 1«, Uxfftrd-terrac,e. Elvde Park, London, who will send full p.cuIaTl to any person, free of all charge. 1469 jr|^MS iiONARUHS Uf KN8LAN9, im B AKIJB. OW*2H liuiv. SCHWEITZER'S COCOATINA s A v.tr- Dyrpeptic Clp"a or Whocohoe Pncder. I C JJAiANTEBD PURA IOLUBLX COCOA, Oft),* fnest qitollity, witk She exce-e.,f fit extrseted. lie iacukyyrowounceit "the .st Hutritieus, perfectly iijestikle beverage for Breakfast, Luneheon, or Supoer, and. invaluable for Inraltds and Children." llX«HLr e*MKKNI-" BY Tm KHTIXK MXSIOAI. PRUS. lleirg without sugar, spies, or other admixture, it suits all palates, keeps for years in ail climates, and is four tilue. the strength oi: SOCOAS THICKK.TKS yet nxx ',ltlt Arrawrtot, Sterch, kr., and IX JHUITI nnm than such Mixhues. Made imstantaneoasly with bailing water, a tafpKBfut to a Breakfast Cup, costing less than a btllfpeumv. COEOATIXA A LA TAN INK is the most delicate, digP»- tikle, cheapest Tanilla Chocolate, and may be taken when richer Shocoiale is prohibited. In Tins at It. 6d., 3a., &s. Ed., Le., by 0hemiits and 8-rooers. 87224 AUK TWAIN PROF. LOTSETTE'8 system :—" I had before been able, like most people, to store up and lose things io the dark eellRrof my MEMORY, but he thoived, m how to light up thectllar. It is t iie difference-to change the figure—j between having money where you can't collect It and having it in your pock-e. The irif..rin-vtion oost me bui, litt Ie, yet I value it at a prodigious figure! Frospeotus, post free, from PROS'. LotSKTTS, 37, New Oxford-street, Lohdox. L5692
CALENDAR FOR THE WEEK. j
CALENDAR FOR THE WEEK. MAY. 8. 11 Mr. Mundella Introduced Welsh Education B 11.1835. Suit. 22 Human remains discovered on Llandaff Green, 1831. M. 23 Cardiff Conservative Club opened, 1883. Tu. 24 Dean Bdwards, Bangor, committed suicide lc84. W. 25 Two men burled aUve at Landora tttoel Works, lb72. Th. 26 Sir T. Phillips, D. C. died, 1867. P. 27 Boiler Explosion at Rhymney, one tnan killed 1873.
TIDE TABLE.
TIDE TABLE. FOB TH* WBBK ENDINQ MAY 7 L837. 5 o 13 "'I M 4t c 5 I m sfl*3 V lot} *3< 4,5 h z DAY* OF TH* IF KM..«• § § jfc fa c«.g > 1 a OS »; o I | K| 3 4 I 4 ( Morning 6 11 6 3 5 I 5 551 7 10 SATURDT 1 Evening 6 33 6 22 5 21 6 )5 7 29 ( Height. 29 9 30 U 29 9 31 4 23 1 k Morning 6 49 6 41 5 41 6 35 7 48 riOWDAY .< Evening 7 12 7 0 5 69 6 53 8 7 I Height 30 9 3i 3 30 5 Zi 9 24 6 i Morning 7 25 7 18 6 18 ( 7 12 8 ?.o MORDAT.^ Evening 7 47 J 7 36 6 37 7 31 8 4? } Height. 31 6 35 2 30 8 33 8 25 6 i Morning 8 7 54 6 55 7 49 9 1 TUSSDAT Evening 8 23 8 M 7 13 8 7 9 19 j Height 31 9 33 8 30 11 31 1 25 2 i Morning | 8 o7 8 31 7 32 3 26 9 33 W*DSDT.« Evenitig 8 58 8 M 7 50 8 44 9 56 I Height 131 4 [ 33 9 30 8 34 2 26 3 i Morning 19 15 19 7 18 8 9 2 10 14 THURSDV •? Evening 9 38 9 25 5 2 9 21 10 32 ) Height 3 ) 7 33 5 30 1 33 11 25 9 4 Morning '9 54 St 43 f A 48 9 42 10 60 ^KIUAT. < Evening 10 15 10 2 9 9 10 3 | 11 9 ) Heiyiit 29 6 32 8 29 3 33 3 I E5 1 ¡
oS GENERAL.
oS GENERAL. R. M. DArrzs(Swansea).—To r move freckles take on ounce of lemon juice, a quarter of a draclun of pow- dered borax, and lia f a drachm of sugar; mix, and let them stand a few days in a glass boUio till the 1 quor is fit for use then rub it on the face occasionally. "A SUBSCRIBER."— We cannot see our way to adopt your suggestion. Has it not occurred to you that the difficulty c uld be overcome by purchasing; two copies? ")'. G. E." (TYllycdYII).-We answered a similar ques- tion iti t)iir i!psti,- ,f Nlay 7-I-li. For sotirbeitefir, how- eve> we will repeat the information we then gtve as to the treatment of It II enlarged toe joint. Take an aituca 1 iion—two drachms tincture of arnica and ei^iht ounces of water. Apply oil lint, and Cover with oiled silk. Continue thIs for three or four days. liooiuy boots. so as to avoid ail pressure, must be tl!s .,I. DAVID JONHS (SwaTise.).-Your imagination seems to have got the better of your common sense. We do not, give tlie prizes to the com) etitors who forwardthe nearest, solution, but to those whose solutions are ab-o utfrly correct. Your diagram was wrong onlv in one figure, but if you will aifaiu ivfer to the Weekly Maiz you will see that two competitors ga.e he identical figures, and that consequently (lie prize WaS divided between them. We a,'e not to "6 threatened into granting you a prize for your Irollbl." .4R"UaT" (Car<lil'f¡.-Me'5r:t" Hatchelt and Co., of Piccadilly, London, would supply you with a list of suitable French periodicals. "PRIMROSE" (Neath;.—Indian troops were oidei-ed to Egypt in July, 1882, by tit", Lineral Government, not- withstanding Mr. Gladstone's denunciation of Lord BenCoiisfie d's action iu 1878, when lie prevented a great European war by the despatch of Indian troops to AIRIta. If J, T." (Newport).—Lord Beaconsfield, "CYMKO (Carmai-titeii).-renal servitude for life means penal servitude for I.ft, but there are possibilities of a "life prisoner" obtaiuining lemission. IXQUIRJJR" (St. David's).—We are unable to say. W.T." (Penartli).—Russia declared war against Turkey on April 24, 1877 "OLD READES (Aber,are).-Tall-iiig whilst asleep is a coiitinoiisytiiptornofiiidigestion. Avoid late suppers and make your evening meals as light, as possible. H. F." (Brito,, Ferry).—His salary Is £ 4,5 Oper ajirium. "ADMTR R" (Oowbridge).—Madame Adelina Patti- Nicolinl was born on April 9,1843. YOUNQ 'U.N." (Merthyr).—VVecannot teethe responsi- bility of advising you what vocation to choose. TI)RY (Tenby).-Ttie Marquess of Salisbury is 57 ye rs of ace, having been born on February 3, 1830. He succeeded to the title when he was 38. J. J." (BLen*\Ouj.—A safe and certain cure for corns is said to be found in a pouli ice formed of bread soaked ill strong vinegar. It should be applied at bedtime; in the morning the pain will be gone, and the corll may be picked out. Obstinate corns may require two or more applications. "HUGH" (Llanfalteg).—We do not usually meddle with Berii)tuial subjects, but the question you ask being one involving merely a syntactical difficulty, we are willing to make all exception. The verse (Jmes iii.. 12) reads, "Can the fig-free, my brethren, bar olive berries? either a vine, figs?" The comma is rightly pLlced after "figs," where, by an elision, a repetition I of the verb It bear is Rvoided. W. GRIFFITH JOKES (Neath).—Mo*t farmers in Wales are venr y tenants. Your friend who asserts that 99 out of every 100 of them have leases Can know verv litt,le aIK)ii& the matter. III "ix pari-lies we are weil acquliillred with in the Bridgend district we cannot j think of one f rm- r wl) has a lease. There are, of cotit,pe, some who have leases, but these are few ami b<r between. It would be safe to s* v that 9J out of 100 Welsh farmers are yearly tenants.
LEGAL.
LEGAL. Under this heti qvesttens en leqnl subjects are enswered by «n experienced prcfetstinel gentleman Cerresyndents ittshiny fer information or mdvice are requested te tbservt the foUawna rules ) 1. The feet* must k stated fully and clearev end the ouestiew, if nwre then one, should be num- bered eensecntively. 2. A full ctjty must be sent ef any document en which advice is wished fer. 3. The reel name and address ef the tenter must accompany t'u fi'.estienJ, but ttill net be pub- lished if a pseudenym er initials be alst sent for re) ertnee. All cemviumcatiens must be addressed te Editor, •' Weekly Mail" Cardiff, and must le endo wed, Leyal. endo wed, Leyal. LANDLORD AXD TKITAKT.—" A Constant Reader (Can- ton) ought to instruct an experienced bailiff to dis- train for the arrears of rent due without any further delay. I he hirecl goods may be distrained upon while onthe premises, but tliey could not. be followed if llie owner should remove fheui in the ordinary course of business before the distress is levied. The tenant oin only be gut rid o( by giving him uotiee In the ordi- nary way, but the distress should loe levied fit st, or tiie goo,ii might be removed oa the first ularm. 8TOLKN GO()D. N"lIIo" (Merthyr; lias not a shadow ot defence, as he admits that the articles claimed belong 1M the person who claims ti,eiii, aii(i It lie were to defend the threatened motion he would only add to b losi. His remedy would b* au action against the person who so;d to him, but he does not appear to be worth suing. PKRSONAL I STAT* of Wii-K.—•'Lily- (Bedford) Is advised iha the surviving husban of the lady who died intestate iiiay obtain letters of administration of her personal estate and effects and convert the same to hisowniue. If the deceased did not. wish this, slie ought to haveniadea will. The husband will be liable to the extent of the value of his late wife's sepitrate estate to pay the funeral expenses, costs of adminis- tration, a d liertlebts it, tliturder set dtjwii. If there should not be stiffie-eiit to pay everything, the costs all and t'xpenses must be paid before the debts. Gifts to the deceased are not reclaimableafter her death. TKUSTKSS.—We could not advise "A Daily Header" (Swansea) without seeing a copy of the will. If the trustees will not do their duty, the beneficiaries ought to instruct a local solicitor to do whut is neces- sary for the protection of their interests. APPOINTMENT or CommiiTzoi.Weagrm with B. J.' (Cardiff) that a committee appointed for one purpose has no right to appoint another committee tor a pur- pose whicii Is entirely distinct from their general powers aiid duties. The Committee for the lIew pur. pose should be appointed by the gen*ral body or by the subscribers, according to the manner in which the new enterprise is to be established. FAIR.—" Glais" (Llansamlet) is informed that the right to establish and hold a public fal, may arise in one ■ f three wavs—by Act of Parliament, by noyal grant, or by prescrlption. that is to aay, long continued usage. The right to t»ke tolls from the persons who briuu animals and good. to be sold within the limits of the fair is usually a part of the privilege. The other inquiry §Lppeltl,s to APPIY tAD all txi3ting fair, and probably the right may have become established by prescription if there has been no express grant. If it. should be attempted to establish a new f-ir so near to <m old- established one as to do Injury to the latter, the per- sons interested might take legal proceediugs in respect of the injury sustained by them, 111 addidon to the right of the Highway Authorities or the public to pro- ceed in respect of any obstruction of or Injury to the public highway if the new fair should be held thereon, or any other public injury or nuisance to be occasioned by such new fair. UTXSTACT. Inquisitor" ia Informed that after pay- rient of the funeral expenses, costs of administration, Mid debts the widow would be entitled to one-third of ihfi residue of the personal estate, and the other two- thirds would be divisible among the children in equal shares. The widow would also be entitled to one- third of the net rents of the freehold property during the remainder of her life; and, subject thereto, tho daughters would become entitled as oo-helresses to the property in undivided equal shares as tenants in com- mon. When one of them died intestate, leaving sons and daughters, her share would go to her eldest son as heir, but if her husband survived her he would be en- titled to receive the rents until the time of his decease. It appears from the date that the affair must be nearly wound up in the ordinary course of nature. We assume that both father and daughter died intestate. The husband of the latter would have no power to dis- pose by will of the property, because it never belonged to him; he had onlv a life interest, in the rents after tie decease of his wife, and this right would not have accrued if there had been no issue born of the mar- riage. Alf i niRLBLic LoDexiL -I'M. I." (Cardiff) is advised to place this matter in the hands of a solicitor, who will do all that may be necessary. In view of the reason given by the lodger, it is very desirable that no time should be lost. Ro lizvlq (Swansea).—you have been utterly wiongly assured that, although the majority of M.F.'» ret.llrned were allalnst Home Rule, the majo- rity of voters were in its favour." The Separatist Radicals, from their chiefs down, are in such despe- rate straits that they do not care what lies they renort to to bolsi.ei up their rotten cause. The aggre- gate Separatist Liberal vote in 18S6 was 1,236.741 the aggregate Conservative, 1,036,649 the aggregate Liberal Unionist, 379.823; the aggregate Nationalist, 99.624; niaklu* a total Unionist vote of 1,416,472, against a total Separatist voteof 1,3,36,3-6. The Liberal revolt from the new doctrines of dismemberment and spoliation preached by the Parnell-Gladstone gang may be gauged from the fact that the aggregit.e Liberal vote in 1845 was 2,157,612. or nearly double what it was fit 1886. Hu6uAND AND Wiyx. Alpha" (Llaudilo) is advised that hit wife may carry on business with her own capital in her own name, and npart from him,and the trustee of his estate in bankruptcy will not be able to interfere with it. But if he and his wife jOintly carry on business, then, although the name of the wife might be over the door, the business would in law be con- sitjei-ed to belong to the husband. and would be after acquired property which would be applicable for the beuettt of his creditors unless he got his discharge. He ought to apoly for this for many reasons. DISTRKUS FOR RKNT.—" r.. H. P." is advised that if the goods distrained upon by his late landlord should not sell for sufficient to satisfy the amount due for arrears of rent and expenses of distress and sale, an action might be commenced against him in the county- court, to recover the balaucu. But the landlord could not now distrain upon his goods in a summary wity; he would have to take proceedings in court. COUNTY-COURT ACTLOri.-IIA Widow" (Cardiff) is advised to endeavour to pay the money at the aupoiiited time, eV,.1I If she should have to pawn something iu order to raise the money. This would be better than having her goods seized by the bailiffs and sold. U>"PROVKD WILL. JUSI ice" (Pembroke) is advised that the execu rix ought to prove th- will now; there will lie a little extra expense fit consequence of the delay, but this would be bet'er than allowing it 10 stand over any longer, Its It must be done in order to complete the title to the leasehold property. The threat made use of by our correspondent's brother is a vain one, hut it shows that it would be most pru- dent to have ev -rythiiig ill doe order. WILL OR INTSJTACY.—" is mistaken in think- ing that the sons are or could be the hell's st law of either their moth r or their late father. The eldest son alone is (he heir, and will becom*} entitled to his mother's freehold estate If she should die intestate. If this is not what she tesires, she ought to make a will, which she has full power to do, as tile propen y is abso- lutely li,-r owii. Whether her late husband did or did not make a will is of no iuiporiance in relaiion to the present inquiry as he never was the owner of the; property. fit the other case, where the husband is still hv ng, if the marriage took place before August,9, 1870 (the date of the Married Women's Property Act), the husband will be entit led to receive the rents during his life but he cannot dispose of the property, which does not belong to t iiu, but to his wife. There OUv.l1t to have been a marriage settlement. PKTITION FOK DIVOKCK.— We do not give estimates of costs, but if Si^ii.dinan" (Bridgend) will inform its the t;,Cis wt sli'Lll be happy to advise as to the pro- babilltyof the proceedings being successful before any corts are incut red, which miht possibly be money I wasted. The trial would come on in Loudon; such cases are not tried at the county assizes.
The Morale of our Police.…
The Morale of our Police. A Memorial to be Presented to the Cardiff Town Council. The statements of the dismissed constable, Warren, to the lientl-cons'able and subsequently to tne Cardiff Watcll Committee have. we are in- formed, caused much indignation among the menu- bers of the force, It is contended that Warren had no justification whatever for suggesting that wrong-doers in tho fotce were screened from the coHsequencPS of ilicir actions by their colleagues, and the desire is very generally expressed that a thorough investigation should be made into the matter. The police court "uch an investigation, and declare themselves confident that the result will be such as to restore public confidence. Meanwhile, the following memorial is being widely and influentially signed To THE MAYOR AND CORPORATION OF THS BOROUGH OF CARDIFF. Gentlemmi,—We,t lie undersigned, being members of the police toicefor the It)roitirli f Cardiff, t;e., ,spec¡ fu'ly to call your attein ioo to t he following facts in connection with the case of Williniii Rose and Timothy Ciiuimlns, ulltillxtel v members of the force :— 1. That William Rose has licen In the force for ten years and Timothy Crmmius for eleven years, and during the wh ile of that time this is the only charge brought against, them, and they have always boru. j He.-p""ltch ,I1le cbarllcl4."rs, 2. That both of them are married men, and each has a family. 3. At the time the assault was committed both were off duty and ill plain clot lies. 4. Tlint i be v will. III leaving the force, lose all benefit from the Superannuation Fund, to which they have contributed during the whole time they have been In the force. Your petitioners trust you will take these facts into consideration, and thltt you will be pleased to re-instate tiiein as members of the force. Police Constables Rose and Urimtnins, in whose behalf the memorial is being got up, give the following version of the aff;tir:- They had been on duty in private clothes until a few minutes before twelve on the night of the 16rii of April. Proceeding homewards they hearrl tin altercation between Warren and the man Mills on the other side of the rOlld jiist below the Canton Uridge. Rose crossed v over and his request to Mills to go nwuy^having been contemptuously received, he struck him with his open hand on the side cf the head. After this Mills went away towards Cardiff. Crimmins alleges that, from the other side of the road he could not see m ho struck the blow, but he heard the sound. The wife-II. basket girl-was in front at the time, in company with another man. Both Rose it rJ Crimmin* bear excellent characters. The head-tMnstahle declares lie entrusted them with bpecial work, and pluced implicit trusty in them. We have no desire to shield police- men who have abused the trust reposed in them, but give the above facts, as we fed that to deny the men a chance to vindicate themselves would not be in keeping with the principles of fair-play.
A Black Sheep in the LondonI…
A Black Sheep in the London Force. In December last attention was called to a case of gross misconduct on the part of Andrew Kavunagh, a constable in the D Division, tnd a demand was made that Sir Charles Warren should institute a full inquiry into the matter. The cir- cumstances were its fi,liow:-A young servant of t lie name of Annie Webb, living in Mortimer-street, was out on an errand, when she was arrested, and charged bv Kavatmgh with being drunk and dis- orderly and using obscene language. On the fol- towi IIg evening the girl's father was also taken into custody by Kavanagh whilst making inquiries from another constable about his daughter's arrest. Webb was also charged with being drunk and disorderly, but a doctoi was called in and proved him to be sober. At the station Kavanagh denied all previous knowledge of Annie Webb, but it was proved they had walked out together for some months, until one evening he had attempted to behave improperly to her in Regent's Park. So evident was the whole clo-i i-g" trumped up by Kavanagh that he was prosecuted for viola- tion of duty. He was sentenced bv Mr. Newton to one month's imprisonment, and his dismissal irom the force folio wed. Against the sentence he appealed to the Middlesex Sessions on Saturday but, altera brief consideration, the court confirmed the decision, and gave costs against Kavanagh, who was at once taken to prison. Commenting on the above case, a London con- temporary siys:—The danger to the public from perjured police evidence is so great that a severe example should be made whenever a clear case is proved, as in this instance. There are, unfortu- niLteIv, only too many cases in which the sworn evidence of the police is tainted, and it would seem from anoi her case that happened this week that, constables make it a point of "honour" to back each other up in any evidence they give. Kivanagh's sentence should act as a caution against flippant perjury on the part of policemen.
Mr. John Morley on Cobden.
Mr. John Morley on Cobden. On Saturday evening the annual dinner of the Cobden Clul) was held at the Ship Hotel, Green- wich, under the presidency of the iiight Hon. John Morley, M.P. The visitors went down by special steamer from Westminster, and about 200 members and guests were present.—The toast of "The Queen" having been heartily pledged, Mr. John Morley, M.P., in proposing the toast of the evening, "The Memory of kichard Cobden and Prosperity to the Cobden Cluh," having noticed that this was the twenty. tirst anniversary dinner of the club, referred to some recent speculations as to what would have been Cohden's attitude upon the question which at present divides the Liberal party. It wits said, Mr. Alorley observed, that if Cobden had lived he would have been against the people who thought as he (Mr. Morley) did. He did not believe there was any more idle pastime in this world than Speculating what the opinions of men who had lived in the past would have been upon the ques- tion of the d,ty. The lion, gentleman drew R com- parison between the attacks on the Times on the Parnellites to-day and its attacks on Cubden and Bright in the days of tlie Corn Law repeal agita- tion, pointing out that the same answer was made then All now. Mr. Morley urged the club to make its influence more felt in current politics.
Advertising
The Exchequer returns from April 1 to May 14 were as follow :-Iieceipts, £ 10.793,481; expen- diture, £ 11,313,116; balances, £ 2.808,069 (anre- sponding period lit%L year: Iteceipis, £ 11.030 811; expenditure, £ 11,368 584; balances, £ 4.747,251. Eppfs COCO.L.-GIU.TJ.:FVLAND COMFOKTlN8.13y a thorough knowledge of the natural laws which gover- the operations of digestion and nutrition, aud by a care fill application of the fine properties of well-selected Cocoa, Mr Epps has provided our breakfast tables with delicately flavoured beverage which may save us many heavy doctors' bills. It Is by the judicious use of such articles of diet that a constitution may be gradually built up until strong tnough to resist every tendency to disease. Hundreds of subtle maladies are floatingarouud us ready to stuck wherever there Is a weak point. We may e-cape many a fatal shaft by keeping ourselves well fortlfted with pure blood aud a properly nourished fraiiie. Civil Service GaJttU. Made simply with boll- ing water or milk. Sold only iu packets, by Grocers, labelled —" JAMKS SPPS and Co., Homeopathic Chemists, Londou.'—iAlso makers of JSppfs Alter noon chominto Roseau. LeUS
SMART UNS.
M Mother, nave i 'J:1 got any chi) d ren ?'' asked little Johnny Fizzletop. Why, no, child; what put that in your fiend P I read in the Bible about ciiildron's children That'* what put it in my head." SMART UNS. "First-class in astronomy, stand up. Where does the sun rise? Please, sir, down in our meadow. I seed it yesterday." Hold your tongue, you dunce. Wheradoesthe sun rise ? "1 know-In the East; because the **tjast makes everything rise." M Out, you booby." A little girl Sat gazing fixedly at the new bonnet of one of her mother's visitors, until the caller smilingly asked, Do you tikf tt, my dear? The child innocently replied," Yes, I do. Mamma and Aunt Milly said it was a perfect fright, but it doesn't frighten me a bit." 11 Mamma," said a small boy the other day,44 do little boy angels wear shoes an4 stockings in summer timeP" No, my 800." Do they go barefooted?" "Yell." And do they stay out after sundown ?" "I presume so." Well, don't the stars tickle their feet when they twinkle?" BBATSK! Alone amid the fes- tive throng, One infant brow is sad; One cherub face is wet with grief- What ails you, little lad? Here on a simp"- thet ic breast Your tale of suffer- ing pour; Come, dai ling, tell me ..11-" Boo-boo! leant eat any morel" MAMMA: What's the matter, Bertle ? I thought that you would stay and play with Tommy Carroll all the afternoon. BEUTIX Tommy hasn't any fun in him. MAMMA: He li-tan't ? BRUTUS No; we was play in' horse, and every time I hit him with the whip he cried. "Johnny, your teacher gives you a very poor cerlificate again this week," remarked Colonel Fizzletop to his eon. Yes, pa, if you don't haul him over the coals he will keep going from bad to worse. It's no use for me to talk to him. It gots in one ear and out the other," replied Johnny. A NUITL CHILD Say, Mrs. Wiggins, if ma asks you to stay to dinner, you'll stay. Will you? Mas. WioaiNS: Why? Would you like to have me stay, my little boy ? ANQKL CHILD: Yes, I would. Nobody has stayed to dinner this week, an' I'm dyin' for a good meaL Teddy's papa al- ways gets his "shaves" at the barber's shop in town, and so the little boy had never hap- pened to see the opera- tion of shaving gone through with, until grandpa came visiting to stay a month. Grancpa shaved him- self and Teddy watched him for the first time with wide- open brown eyes. All at once he cried out: 41 Oh, mamma I mamma! gram'pa's brushing frosting all over his face." A lad, whose sister was married the other day, was sent away from the table at the wedding breakfast because of the following conversation BrIDK'S 1 ITTLE BFIOTHKB TO BRIDEGROOM: Did it hurt you much when she did it? BRIDI,UUOOM What hurt me? B. L. B.: The hook. Did it go into your lip ? BRIDEGROOM: I don't know what you moan Johnnie. BRIDE'S AIOTllER: Leave the table this minute, Johnnie, B. L. B. What for? I only wanted to know if it hurt him. You said sis fished for him a long time, but she hooked him at last. I wanted to know if But by this time Johnnie was yanked out of his chair and was carried to the kitchen, where he had time to meditate upon the serious appearance of the company. 44 Look," said a little country girl, 44 at that hen feeding his chickens." He's a her," aaid her boy companion; 44 if you went to our school they would teach you grammar." SISST s Baby, are you in bed ? I am, and nearly asleep. BABY Oh, I am asleep this long time. • i' t
THE HEIGHT OF MEANNESS.
THE HEIGHT OF MEANNESS. There goM the most gnuping man I ever knew. "So?" 44 Yes, he takes everything he can get. He took the scarlet fever from a child because he got it for nothing."
[No title]
I saw spark touch powder the other evening, and It didn't go off," said Clara. 41 How so?" Why, I saw Charley kiss Eila's cheek, and, so far from going off, she only came closer." SMALL BOY: Mother, please, give me another lump of sugar for my coffee. I've dropped the other one you gave me. MOTHER Where have you dropped It ? BKAZX Bost In the ooffee.
JUBILEE SKETCHES.I o
JUBILEE SKETCHES. o ARTICLE XIV. t j-4* NEWPORT. REMINISCENCES OF THE OLD TOWN. No. L By Our Special Commissioner. The close of an epoch of fifty years must bring back to such inhabitants of any town as may have weatliered the storms of that period, and still remain in the lund of the living, a flood of curious and interesting reminiscences; and those "fossJJised" residents of the town of Newport who still hang on, connecting in themselves the past with the present, must find it occasionally a some- what difficult task to give an adequate idea of the character and appearance of their place of resi- dance just prior to the accession of our Sovereign Lady Victoria to the throne to those who have only become acquainted with its latter-day aspect and condition. The spectacle presented at the present day is greatly against such a task, for probably in few towns in the whole kingdom have so many and so varied changes been wrought during the past half cen- tury as have been effected at Newport. The town, in fact, is now appropriately named. There does not Appear to be much in its ancient history to excite the wonder or curiosity of antiquarians, though of its very early Identity there is little question. The ancient castle on the banks of the Usk, now used as a brewery the parish church of St. Woollos, ou the summit of Stow-hill; the Mur- renger's House in High-street; the old house in Stow-hill used at present as a refuge for pedes- trian paupers, all belong to an age much anterior to that with which we have in this sketch to deal, and, therefore, need no special mention. The praises of the town as a seat of commerce were early put into rough metre by Cliurchyard, who, in his" Worthiness of Wales," refers to it thus:— A t-tine nere this, that buylt Is all a length, Called Newport now, there is full fayre to viewe, Which st ate doth stand for pretite more than streagtli A right atrongebridge is there of tyinter newe. A river runnes full nere the custle wall: Nere church, likewise, a mmiute, behold,you shall. Where sea aud laud to siglife soe plains uppearos, That there men see a part of five lityre sheires. As upwanb high utoftto inouutain top. The market touue is buylt in heal tl if ull sort; So downwards, loe, is many a merchant's shoppe, And many sayle to Brlstowe from that port. Of aunciente tyine, a eitie hath It bin, And 111 those dayes, the castle hard to win, Which ytt showes [uyro. and Is repayi ed a parte, As things decayed, must needs be helpt by arte. The reference in the foregoing to 14 a citie hath i bin" probably refers more directly to the ancient Roman seat at Caerleon than to New- port proper. At the close of the last century, and probably for several generations before that period,a survey of the town seems to show that it consisted only of High-street and the thorough- fare then known as Church-street (but latterly designated Stow-hill), together with one or two isolated buildings in the neighbourhood. Accord- ing to John Wesley, the inhabitants were in his preaching days "the most insensible and ill behaved he had ever seen in Wales." After his first visit he likened them to wild boars. The manners of the people must have gone down with the decadence of the town last century, when the place was described by travellers as consisting of one long street, dirty and ill-paved, and the 1 louse a presenting a gloomv appearance. Its principal features were also depicted, in the same sombre colours, as comprising a castle in ruins, a dilapidated church on the hilli a shabby mnrkdt-place in the main thoroughfare, and a ricketty wooden bridge over the river-a weak, miserable fabric, trembling at every ebb and flow of the tide, and over which carriages would not venture to pass. What a change has come over the town! The march of progress has left its mark everywhere, and we occupy a veritable new port. Before proceeding to look at the matters and things which have marked the years that have rolled by, and have brought to us a Royal Jubilee, it may not be uninteresting to view the picture which presents itself in the events of the town just anterior to the commencement of that period. In contrast with to-day's experiences they are in many instances highly instructive. The corporation presidiag over the destinies of the borough in the early part of last century appears to have set itself the task of drafting local regulations or ordinances for the government of the town, some of which are very curious. The laws in question were made and ordered by the following on Sep- tember 26, 1711 :-Lewis Morgan, Esq., mayor" (corresponding with the present term major), John Morgan, of Tredegar, Esq John Morgan, of Kuperra, Esq.; Nehemiah Williams, gentleman Francis Pettingall, John Plumley, Roger Williams, Henry Herbert, Charles Ward, Thomas Morgan, John Jones, Richard Pettingall, and James Williams. The first order of the local Legislature was one against persons who were not free occu- pying the liberties of the town. For every such offence a penalty of 2s. was imposed, one moiety (it does not appear how much) going to the mayor. The third 11 item was a magnanimous one. It ran as follows:— We do order and agree that It shall be lawful for every and all person and persons whatsoever to have free ingress aud regress to this town upon every Saturday, and other festival days, to sell their victuals. Once a visitor got inside the boundaries of the borough, however, he appears to have been sub- jected to numerous pains and penalties if he transgressed the authorised modes of conducting the sale of marketable commodities. Not even the burgesses could buy grain in the market before the ringing of the bell at twelve o'clock, and no forcignor was allowed to buy for one hour after such signal for the commencement of business. One of the "items" might in the estimation probably of no inconsiderable proportion of the population of to-day be revived. It ran as fol- lows :— We do ordain and agree that all and every person or persons that shall brew any ale or beer within this town, to be sold, shall make for every barrel of ale one kilderkin of good small wort for the poor to have drink. and the said small wort be boVI'd before It be put into the brewing, upon pain to forfeit, for every default, 12d. —one moiety to the party grieved, or him that will in- form, and the other moiety to the commonwealth of this town. Another item of interest set forth that it was incumbent upon all burgesses to keep defensive arms in their houses for preserving the peace, and to attend the mayor when he went about to pro- claim the fairs of the town, if required. The penalty for not observing this injunction was a heavy one—viz., 109. The stringent nature of the ordinances against the admission of foreigners as burgesses of the town was found to work pre- judicially In succeeding years, and one of the most rigorous was repealed, the repealing order setting forth that the reason ior such step was the decay of dwelling-houses and the paucity of inhabitants in the town. The mode of electing the mayor in those days was that the "steward of the borough at the yearly meeting of the corporation received the names of two aldermen, one of whom by his selection became the great magnate for the succeeding twelve months. Having glanced at some of the by-laws—or, as they were called, ordinances—of the town in the early part of last century, it may not be unin- to-resting to look for a moment on some few of the crimes and offences committed in the town for which transgressors were brought before the general quarter sessions for the borough. The records show that many of the persons presented to the grand inquest for such offences as the fol- lowing were discharged, viz.: Having defective causeway in front of house; for entertaining vaga- bonds and vagrants; for filling up the town ditch in offender's garden for not opening a water- course leading from Baneswell that usually was carried under the gate-way or clock-house; carry- ing on business in the town and not being free and for putting two ricks of hay on the castle garden. One culprit, who was arraigned for carry- ing on the trade of a tailor, not being free, was fined 6d. A very different result, however, attended the trial of a poor woman named Alice Morgan, for breaking down part of a hedge in June, 1777. The entry concerning this ran as follows Ordered that Alice Morgan, being found guilty of a felony, she be stripped from her waist upwards, and whipped at twelve o'clock at the whipping-post, in this borough, with 3J lashes till the blood issue forth, and tiiat she be sent in the meantime to the cloak house, in this borough. The whipping-post, it should be remembered, was in the most public part of the town, viz., in the market-place. As touching the same market, it might appropriately be mentioned here that In those days the lord of the manor was repeatedly being presented by the grand jury at the Quarter Sessions for not repairing the structure, but the interference of the local tribunal appears to hate beast of little avail. Later on the Marquess of Wewester was actually presented for hot tt* building the place, and the presentment was made several times. The market continued in a very dilapidated condition for some years more, and then, because it exhibited such unequivocal tokens of approaching dissolution, the corporation deemed it unsafe to continue it much longer for public purposes. Accordingly, about 1795, the ruin was taken down. A few interesting reminiscences of the town in the last century may be culled with advantage from those collated in Scott's History of New- port (1847). Anent the trade of the town from a butcher's point of view, we find the following given:- The father of the late Mr. John Gard used to speak of the difficulty of getting a good sale for his veal in New- port Market, in his day-some 60 or 70 years ugoiie- which was greatly owing te the superiority of the Caerleon Market at that time, where Newport customers went for their meat. On one occasion he actually slaughtered a calf for the Newport shambles, which was regarded as a very foolish speculation amongst minor butchers, but Mr. Gard persevered, and w*s really proud to find at the close of the day that he had got, rid of three quarters, although he was the only butcher then killing for this market exclusively. Th" followiJlK week he killed two calves, and sold both. He used to record at a great matter that the next week he actually slaughtered a bullock and sold all here, a fact which soon depreciated Caerleon all a meat market for Newport. Passing on to speak of the character and cus- toms of the inhabitants, the writer says in 1780 the town was occupied principally by natives of the Principality or families of Welsh extraction, and the language, customs, dress, and habits were essentially Welsh. Grey flannel dresses, with high, broad-brimmed beaver huts, were worn by the women, and the same article (flannel) entered largely into the clothing of the men. Homely attire and unostentatious conduct were the chief peculiarities of the primitives of those daya. Plain and familiar cognomens—such as Aunt Molly this one and '4 Uncle Davy the other—were held in as great esteem as are the most fashionable phrases of the present times; and the distinctions which now divide the human family into classes were scarcely recognised then, for .cI find it re- membered, by persons still living, that the high and the low (as regarded birth and possessions) travel- ling on the Sabbath to the Parish Church doffed their "hose and shoon" and tucked up their clothing and journeyed together in amicable con- verse to the yard of the house of God, where, seating themselves on the graves of their fathers, they dusted their feet and resumed their stockings and shoes and went to worship decently together. After the services had been concluded, and the church door had been closed, all grades mingled together again, and, in their holiday dress, and with cheerful, happy hearts, they began, says one informant, the rustic sports of dancing, playing at balls, leaping and running, and not infrequently acquiring fresh vigour from a smack Of the old black jack, which the village alehouse (the Bull Inn) so temptingly proffered. The introduction of more devotional feelings, Irowever, caused a cessation of these Sabbath Day festivities. A series of thrilling and interesting stories of old Newport will be incorporated in next week's sketch.