Weekly Mail

An Immaculate «Parent.' You must be mad to ash me to do such a thing." « Don t you believe it, my esteemed friend I was never so sane in my hfe," and the *jlSVB.irdie Mayflower-" serio- comio and shining star of that palace of fbf 80 belov«<l of the gilded vouth Pantagon "—smiled blandly upon h^ oopamon, who sat facing her, looking any- thing but comfortable. And you think that 1'11-" at all about it, I know you'll imJ t67er 1 teU y°?" Lis!e»> °h m08t aculater Sly, and just to render every- thmg perfectly plain to a mind which at the present moment appears of particular density, I will go over it once again. tvvo Fear8 aS°t you. who, it appears, x. drifted down to Meadowshire, formed 8 acquaintance of a retired merchant, by name Mr. heophilus Bitfgs. Jt was rot- iong etebydint of playing upon a certain k- ness which you discovered the fool; ..Id gentleman -whose business training ;l> >aid ave taught him better—to possess, that you 0 »*ined a decided influence over him. Asa professedly enthusiastic lo er of all that is spotlessly pure yon gained admis-^on to his "OQse, where, in six months, your unscruuu- lou8 hypocrisy had "Madam of I)Onl interrupt a lady; it's rude, you As I was saying, your unscrupulous "JPocrisy, which I will do you the justice to •^knowledge I have never yet seen equalled, had worked you into such a position in his confidence that your word was law to all around. A m I not correct ?" Her hearer only groaned. sC Ah, silence means consent. To resume. At is not necessary for me to enter into your jnotiyes for all this. Anyone who ever had the dismal pleasure of having known you in other days will fully comprehend them. But, unfortunately for you, your cleverness carried you too far. IIaving successfully persuaded Mr. Biggs to remove his only son from college and condemn him to a life of misery in an W 6re Pr'n°ipal is almost as great a 3 U? yours?lf> yon went still farther, and set to work to induce your infatuated dope to discard the lad, who had never injured you." J "1- "Wait a moment; you'll have ample time to ipeak presently. Chance gave you the pretext you wished for, and it having been discovered that the poor boy had committed the awful and unpardonable crime of attend- "igSandown races, young Charlie B>ggs was on Monday last given £ o0 and sent about his business." "Yes; but 1 interceded Don't lie, it's bad form. D-n-" "And don't swear, because that's worse. Well, to cut the story short, so soon as this was done Charlie came to me and told ;r,e all, not forgetting the name of the benefactor of his family. Immediately 1 heard it I fancied I saw a way to help hime — er, of course, with your valuable assistance. Accordingly [ sent what I will frankly admit was certainly a rather pressing invitation for you to visit me here. 1 on have come. Very gool; and now, as I told you 'o f-re, you must—mv.tt, mind—aid me. Mr. Theophilus Biggs has ?ot to be shown the error of.hia ways Charlie Biggs has to be reinstated in the paternal favour, and my old and-shaH T say esteemed friend, Mr. Septimus Sly?—will then seek fresh fi'-lrls and pastures new, and blefa Meadowshore with his presence no mui There, how's that for a speech from your" truly ;)11 And if I refuse. "Why, then, in twentv-fo>ir hours the police 'v,11! br» placed in possession of the facts •* oerta"1 >n ^e life to lr"PtiSly, hitherto unknown, save g| ^riVl'' gpd few, and the said Mr. Septimus th 1 'lft ^denly called upon to exchange societ>T a,i(l luxurious living, to 'ch he 1],'ig taken so kindly, for the coarse cornpanil'mhio of a common gaoler and the father scanty table as supplied at her Majesty's prisons." Yon d-^ce not; the cheque was destroyed." "Oh, was it P I think nut. My brother, you see, had but a poor opinion of your notion of honour, so, thinking it was juss as well to retain some hold over an extremely slippery individual, be kept the origins1 and destroyed a bogus one. The cheque you fwyect /lush, for God's sake." ."Well, I will put it nicer, then. The piece of paper on which you exercised that pecular imitative skill as ivgards other people s handwriting, which is all your own. is now in ww/ possession, and can be produced with all othpr necessarr proofs i-equii,ed." Then he played me false." I d "Now, my de*r boy, be reasonable, and before von say such hard things pray recollect your own behaviour in the matter. ror the sake of the woman he bad loved ere she h?,d the misfortune to becoipe your wife, he con- j se; ted to burn the evidence of your crime and not prosecute. Yet, only half-a-dozen hours elapsed from making that agreement, and he received proof that you never meant to carry out your part of the bond at In such a case'it became simply a case of diamond cut diamond. So now, what is it. to be. Will you hplp iiie,, or shall f-" That's en'High. Yours is a nap' hand, And I'll pay." 4f "Just sn I thought you would. And now, you don't mind, as all this talking has made tne thirsty, we'n have in some S. and B., and discuss our plan of operations." To which proposal Mr. Septimus Sly gave mournful assent. • II** When Mr. Theophilus Biggs, having made his "pile" in "wool," retired to that magai- fioent counlry house in Meadowabire which he had purchased some time before out of the profits of an unusually successful speculation, he snoii-Illce all men who have been accus- tomed to leae an active life—found time hanging heavily on his hands, and naturally looked around for some means of killing it. This was not easy, for, as many more have done who have made the pace a cracker in their youth, and then setiled down into staid, Bioney-making business men, he now looked askance on those amusements with which less respectable, folk manage to pans the time away. Still, until ill-fortune thiew Mr. Sep- timus Sly across his path, he had not been— take him altogether—a bad sort. That esti- mable gen tleman made all the difference, however. With professed views of the most Pronounced Stiggins" type, wedded to a demeanour which would have guaranteed him BQecess in any fraud he might care to enter Into, it was not long ere the inflated, but weak-minded wool merchant succumbed to the stronger nature, and then his business proclivi- ties, which had been for a time lying dormant, commenced to show themselves in an active state once more. Thus, having renounced «r ^av°urite and fascinating pursuit known On 'Chpnge" as "forming a corner/' at least so far as the fleecy material was concerned, himself to wook to find a substitute, in tnis he was eminently successful. Blessed With an easy golng better half) who was pared to submit to anything for the sake of peece, a daughter of pronounoed blue-stocking tendencies, and a son of somewhat degenerate propensities, he found the raw material, go to Dekk, all ready to hia hand for the purpose required, and so, without wasting further time, he commenced to put his, or rather ill". Septimus Sly's views, into operation. In plain words, Mr. 'theophilus Biggs formed a corner" in Morals. Z", Maria," he said unctuously, one morning to the better half already alluded to, "my most fortunate acquaintance with that great and good man, Mr. Septimus Sly, has led to my forming a project which will, I sinoerely hope, prove beneficial to us all. I see-and I trust that my observation is not too late- that my household has far from attained that perfect purity which it should be the duty of everyone to strive for. Aided, therefore, by the invaluable counsel of Mr. Sly, I have constructed a code of rules, to whioh, in the cause of morality, 1 wish you all to conform. I trust I can rely upon your assistance in this most important matter." To which Maria" meekly replied, Cer- tainly, Theophilus. I need not, I know," he continued, with a graceful wave of the hand towards his daughter, put such a question to Prudence. Her educated and well-balanced mind will, of course, oomprehend me at once." Whereupon the strong-miuded Prudence, who held her easy-going mother in a certain amount of contempt, glared triumphantly through her spectacles at that hapless being, and said sternly, Most decidedly, papa." So a copy of the rules was hung up in every room, and from thenceforth the task of purifying the house of Biggs commenced. Young Charlie Biggs was at Oxford when this wondrous decision of Biggs pere was arrived at, but he speedily received notice of it. There had been a little wine party the night before in the rooms of one of his "set, and though the promising youth had managed to save his morning chapel by the skin of his teeth, the fumes of the champagne still lingered lovingly round his brain, whilst a letter he found awaiting him on his return was almost calculated to make life appear for the nonce a II drearv dezzit." It was from his father, and referred to the purity movement in force at home. The first portion, having explained the movement and its object, and also enlarged upon theutterly- impossible-to-be-properly-appreciated virtues of the immaculate Sly, was succeeded by the following It is in order thatyou also may share in our general happiness that I write you now. Enclosed you will find a C'ipy of rules for your guidance, which for tho future I wish you to rigid:y observe. Read, mirk, leirn, alid inwardly digest them, and I trust that when we next meet I shall find you in such mentit condition ai may ju tify your admittance to the flock of which I a n but nn insignificant uuit.-I am, my dear son, your affectionate father, THIJOPHILUS BJGGS. Dotty," cried the miserable recipient of this precious epistle as he laid it down, "stark, staring, raving mad." A few lines at the bottom took his eye in particular they ran thus Should any of the above be infringed such punishment shall be inflicted as Mr. Septimus Sly may think fit." le D—n Mr. Septimus Sly," groaned poor Charlie, as he crumpled up both rules and letter and flung them into the fire. Dl beti a 4 pony to the useful, but modest, 'tanner' that. he's a fraud." And then, dismiising the subject from his mind, at least for the time being, he issued from his rooms, and proceeded, in search of Purity, to a dog tight. The end of that term witnessed the conclu- sion of his college career. On his arrival home liiggs pere found his hopeful son in such a "lost condition," to use bis own word-i, | that Mr. Septimus Sly was called in at once, and a family council held on the delinquent, whereat it was decided unanimously—after a feeble protest from the "better half"—that! nothing but a strict business training in a firm where tho principal would exercise a slern i sup M'vision over the tiu^g«ided youth would! avail to "sna'ch the brand from the burning." j Such an one Mr. Septimus Sly kindly offered to find. lie did so, and a very few weeks beheld the disgusted culprit ins,tailed in the oflice of Messrs. Must;\rd and Mustard, j doomed to what he himself desctibed as penal servitude." "But the stern supervision was a iiielati-I cholv failure. If the better half had been compelled to give way to the majority in the > family council, she 41" 11 clung to her boy, and: so, as she amply supplied him with cash in secret, he found li t tie difficulty in "squaring"! th^ servants of the principal's house wherein he lived, and as there is ample time in thisj little village of ours to enjoy oneself afieri ten o'clook p.m., providing the "needful" is forthcoming, Charlie soon knew London towa as well as most people. It was during the twelve monts this state of affairs lasted that he made the acquaint- j ance of Miss Birdie Mayflower, and as he was a nice-looking young fellow, devoid of affec-! tion, and chock full of animal spirits, they soon became fast friends. Gradually, too, he told her of the trouble at home, curiously, enough, however, omitting to mention the! name of Mr. Septimus Sly, so that when the crash oame she was pretty well up in the facts cf the case. For of course the cranh did come. Happen.! ing to run down to Sandown one afternoon,; he was seen by one of his firm's customers, This gentleman, innocently enough, blurted out the fact in the office when the chief partner was present. Then the fat was in the fire, A warm reprimand was followed by a communication to Biggs jiere. He arrived post haste, accompanied by Mr. Septimus Sly. The interview which followed was short but lively. Charlie, driven into It corner, and rendered thoroughly reckless, "let go" in a fashion that settled the matter at once. After refusing to any longer oontinue in the service of Messrs. Mustard and Mustard, at the same time telling the head of the firm a few plain truths, much to that good man's horrified dismay, he pitched Mr. Septimus Sly into the fire place, and then openly defied Biggs pere to do his worst. Result, as previously stated, A fifty pound cheque and the eternal bag" from the house of Biggs. Naturally, the first person be told his trouble to was Birdie Mayflower, and that young lady having listened patiently to the tale of woe expressed herself pretty strongly on the subject. T What a beastly shame she said. »» ell, I never thought it would come to this." 1'n own I've been a bit of a scapegrace, groaned Charlie, but I've never done any- thing dishonourable, and it's hard lines to be served like this, that's all I can say." "And so it is, old boy." Bf the way, Charlie," said Birdie pre- sortiv, after a gloomy interval of fliience, "you've never told me the name of this beautiful fnend of your father's." No. I don't think I have. Well, it a Sly —Mr. Septimus Sly." What! ? Sly, Mr. Septimus Sly, Why, what s up You look surr- ised Do you know him? Well, T did once know ant individual ot that name, and a sweet beauty he was, too. Should it be one and the same, f think I ?an help you after all. What sort of a looking fellow is he ? Tall, thin, with sloping shoul- ders, sandy-haired, and with a purring way of speaking ? "Tha"s bim to a T." "Then it is the same man. Now, look here, Charlie. Just you leave this business to roe, and if I don't pull you out of the hole you're in before you're a month older, I'll turn op the serio-comio line and enter a nunnery. Oh, but by the way, what sort of a man was your father when he was young ? Ilather iivelv eh P" I "Just about as warm as they make 'em, so I've been told." Fond of the ladies "Well, rather." "Ah, that's all right, then. Now, run away, there's a good boy, and leave me in peace to work out the idea I've got in my head." You really think you can help me ?" I. Yes. Anyhow I mean to try, and unless I'm vastly mistaken you'll soon have the pleasure of seeing your immaculate pater only too glad to climb down from his pedestal of purity and live the life of an ordinary mortal once more," The month named by Miss Birdie May- flower was nearly up, and Charlie Biggs sat one Thursday morning in his not particularly palatial sitting-room, toying with the inevitable rasher and egg, beyond which, as a breakfast luxury, the average third-rate lodging-house landlady appears quite unable to travel. He had, candidly speaking, "got the hump," and his face plainly showed it. If there's no letter from Birdie bv Mon- day," he muttered, I'll have to enlist, that's all.' And then he entered into a moody speculation as to which of her Majesty's uniforms would best suit his manly figure. Presently he heard the postman's ";at-tat" at the door and a few moments afterwards the servant entered with a letter. Hurrah he shouted, as he saw the hand- | writing, the long-looked-for come at last. Then, burning with excitement, he tore it open and this is what he read :— Dear CI)arlie,-Conic to my place on Monday at 2 p.m. Walk straight upstairs, open the drawing- room door as quiatly as you can, and enter with- out knocking. Then I le ive it to yourself to do the rest. BIRDIE. 11 What's up now, I wonder?" be said, as he finished. Birdie's got some game on hand, I'll wager. No matter. All I've got to do is to obey orders and trust to luck." Precisely as the clock struck two on the fol- J lowing Monday afternoon Charles Biggs tripped lightly up the stairs towards Miss Birdie Mayflower's snuggery. Softly turning the handle of the door he silently stepped in- side. The Venetian blinds were partly closed, and in the gloom he could only see indistinctly, but presently he managed to discern the outline of two figures at the far end of the room. Their backs were towards him, so, gliding gently over the carpet, he got close behind them. They were sitting facing the fireplace, and their atti- tudes were not only picturesque, but "festive and free." The arms of one —a female, whom Charlie recognised as Miss Birdie—were thrown lovingly around the neck of her com- panion; whilst he—for it was a "he "-was just in the act of imprinting a chaste salute upon her lips. "Great Scott!" yelled Charlie, before he could control himself, and wIth a shrill scream from the lady and a very naughty expression from her partner, both started to their feet. Cu A.KLES "FATDEig,' Mr. Theophilus Bigg. "climbed down," j and that night saw Charlie once more sleep- ing beneath the paternal roof. Within el twenty-four hours Mr. Septimus Sly bad left Meadowshire for ever, and as for the third '\It party to this little comedy, a handsome diamond ring invariably brings a merry twinkle into the saucy eyes of Miss Bitdie Mayflower when she looks at it and thinks of the temporary backsliding of "An Immacu- late Parent,"—Licensed Vict nailer/ Gazette,