¡ALL RIGHTS KESER FED. 1 LADY DELMAR: A NOVEL OF TO-DAY. I By THOMAS TERRcLL AND T. L. Vl H I T SYNOPSIS. A waif nained Jess, about whose parentage ti.ei e is great mystery, is adopted by a ttocialh-t leader, Alman Strange, and an old lapidary named Boron, who has escaped from Siberia, and is now await- ing the return of his son and wife from that place. Strange falls in love with his ward, but Jes cornea across Lord Delmar, a nobleman of loose Character, during an elcciion contest, who wins her affections. He intends to lull Iler scruples fcy a false Scotch marriage and then desert her. Jess rejects Grange's offer of love, and, persuaded ty Delmar, leaves tie home of her childhood and slopes with him.
CHAPTER XV.—(CONTINUED.) | f Kit eyes dwelt lovingly I II uPotl liim, full of trust. jlMifM feHe co^he(l uneasil?> 7 an(^ moved baok his chair just es the door JJM opened, admitting 1 r frjni1 Madame Daligny, who in her turn drew her own fflgAflr* conclusions. Shortly afterwards he 9 ^em together, and ^18 I the modiste set to busi- Mr I neBS. **1 'k The gentleman said p, you were to have all that was necessary, and -'S"? no lady could be without 'Sf this, that, and the other, &c. until poor Jess gave up resistance, and acquiesced in all her »uggc(>lions. Most of the artioles which madame said were indispensable she had never even heard the names of before however, down they all went on the list. But really I do not want twenty pairs of shoes," cried Jess in alarm, as she looked at it afterwards. If madam has no use for so many, we could arrange it; we could buy back a few from madam we are very liberal in our terms, say at half-price. Tricotte and Cie only give a quarter, but,there, we do not believe in any- thing but the strictest honesty." Jess was such an ingenue that she failed to see what was meant or the insult that was contained in the proposition; besides, her head ached and she wished to get rid of the woman. My dear child," said Delmar in the even- ing, are you going to have a goods train to take us back to London P" Why, Edward, whatever do you mean P" You seem to have taken to fashionable shopping pretty readily. Shall I read you Madame Daligny's estimate? Eight morning dresses at fifteen guineas, six tea-gowns at twelve guineas; I see you have forgotten Sunday-ten evening dresses, some at twenty guineas, some at fifteen, some at ten." My goodness, I never ordered anything of the sort." Then she told him how it all hap- pened, and the offer of the women to buy back, at half-price, what she did not require. Delmar muttered an oath and turned slightly red; even he felt ashamed of the part he was taking in plaoing the girl in such a position. That evening Madame Daligny received a Tery angry visit from him, and three-fourths of the articles were countermanded; even as it was, Jess was overwhelmed with the size and variety of the wardrobe which had been provided for her. Friday came-her wedding day. She still felt toosick and ill to take the carriage journey to the little English church; but Delmar urged her so earnestly that she -nade the effort. They would return to Edinburgh as soon as it was over, and then she could rest a few days before they went back to town. She was very pale as she stepped out of the carriage at the church door. They were alone. There were only the sexton and his wife, the pew-opener, as witnesses. The deaf old pastor solemnly read through the ser- vice and Delmar gave the responses clearly and distinctly. I will," he said slowly, cynically, as if indifferent to the hideous crime he was committing right in the face of his Creator. I will," murmured Jess, trembling, and under her breath. Then he repeated the words, '• L Edward Eustance, take thee, Jess Strange, to oe my wedded wife, have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sick- ness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance, and thereto I pledge thee my troth." Re heard every word, he repeated every word, and thus this great perjury was committed. The pastor signed the book after them, and received a fee so liberal that it upset his equanimity for several days then the church was closed, the sexton opened the carriage door, and Jess and Delmar drove back to Edinburgh. The exertion had, however, been too much for her; before they reached the hotel she fainted. I was afraid pf it," said the doctor; "iu these cases of cerebral disturbance, quiet and rest are absolutely indispensable. She must be put to bed again; her pulse is pretty fair. It may pass off, provided you give her a week or two's rest before moving." The fact that they had just become man and wife was not mentioned at the hotel; Delmar wished to make as little stir as pos- Bible, and he had enjoined the worthy doctor to the strictest secrecy; however, after this the doctor's wife called, and called her Mrs, Eustance in the presence of the nurse, and, as Lord Delmar had gone by the name of Mr. Eustance, people put two and two together in different ways, as they generally do, eaoh ac- cording to his fancy. Delmar was most attentive. The doctor had said that in a week or ten days Jess would recover sufficiently to travel; and, indeed, he thought that a little pleasant change of scene would do her good so it was arranged that they should leave Edinburgh by the day express on the Monday week following the wedding. It was the afternoon befor-e their return to town, and Jess was standing by the window, looking at the slender band of gokl that en- circled the third finger of her left hand. It was too large for her, but was kept in its place by a hoop of diamonds. My wedding ring," she murmured half aloud, u she twisted it round and round. "lamma,ried. I, the little lonely girl that ran so gladly beside Alnun when be took me to his home, am married to Lord Delmar. Is it possible, or only a dream ? I wish he weren't Lord Delmar; I wish he were only Mr. Eastacce. I know quite well, now that I think of it, that he should not have married me-to run the fisk of his father's anger for me, to spoil his life, 80 prosperous hitherto." She smiled to herself, He will not regret it; he told me to long ago, and he never shall—never, never." She went on twisting the ring, and gazing at it abstractedly. The door opened softly, and Delmar looked in. He stepped noiselessly aoross the room till he was behind her, I Well, Lady Delmar," he whispered. She turned with a happy cry, 0 Edward, I am so glad you have come back. I have been so lonely without you." Little flatterer," said Delmar, closing the door. Jess, come over here; you have on one of Madame Daligny's wonderful costumes, and I have not had a good look at you yet." She came towards him in the dim light. The dress was loosely cut, and fell gracefully about her slender figure, a thick, white gown of wcollen fabric. fche knelt before him with a look of well- pleased vanity. I wotider," said Delmar, more as speaking to himself than to her, "IV hether your- friends at Parson's-avenue would recognise you now." Parson's-avenue! The place that was but a small street of poverty to so many, but whose very name was a3 music to her ears; her hand tightened involuntarily over her husband's. "Edward, may I write from here, just to let them know that 1 am happy ? How happy they will never know; but I will ask their forgiveness. May I? I will not ask them to write back if you do not wish it; but let me write one line." Her hands were clasped to- gether now. "I promised, my darling, and I will not disappoint you. Write your note; I am going out for a stroll and will post it on my way. You remind me of a little girl saying her prayers. Why are you afraid of me, Jess ? You have no cause to be." She flew to the desk and wrote her letter. The while he stood by the fireplace, watching the bent head and flushed face and the rapidly- moving fingers. Ii Here it is; read it while I fetch your coat. Shall I come with you P" "No, darling; it's too cold for you to be out after your recent illness. I shan't be more than ten minutes." She ran to get his coat and he read the letter: "Dear, dear Alman,—Forgive me for all the, anxiety that my heait tells me you have suffered. I wii e to tell you that I am happy—I feel it will make you happier to know that I am. I am very, very happy. Do not be anxious about iiie I will tell you my secret when I see you, some day. Till then, farewell; God bless you, and Daddy and Paulett e. Ever and ever your sister, JESS." Lord Delmar smiled when he came to the end. Jess helped him on with his coat, and assuring her that he would be back almost immediately, he left the room to fulfil his promise. He intended to post the letter, and as he went down the stairs the idea came to him, Of what use is it ? They possibly think her dead. They have given her up by now this will wake the whole thing up again—they might set to work and hont high and low, and a pretty mess if they were to find out; those Social Democrats are composed more of vinegar and gall than honey." He stopped when he got to the large fold- ing doors that led from the hall to the street, and turned back. A fire burned in the tiled grate; he took the letter from his pocket, read the directions once or twice, then slowly tore it up, and watched the pieces curl up in the flames. Presently be retraced his steps up the broad oak staircase. The next day they left Edinburgh for London.
CHAPTEli XVI. "I SHOULD DIE." Lord Delmar found some trouble in settling in his mind where he should establish his 11 nest," as be called the home which he in- tended for Jess. There were many difficulties in the way. In the first place, Jess must not meet any of her old friends; in the second, he must not meet there any of his old friends; then be must be in a neighbourhood where he would not be recognised and at the same time one which would be sufficiently near Piccadilly to enable him to be seen there pretty frequently, lie wished for a rural spot; be would have pre- ferred the river, but that was too public. Ultimately, after a deal of consideration, he settled upon St. John's Wood. On arriving in London he had taken a suite of apartments in the St. Pancras Hotel, and they had remained there for a few weeks whilst the nest" was being chosen, furnished, and generally prepared. For the first time in her life Jess came into contact with luxury and with unlimited wealth, as it appeared to her and she was dazzled by the unaccustomed splendour. Then she was deeply impressed with her husband; her life had not been hitherto oast in a groove where she had had an opportuni t-y of knowing ¡ such a man. He was different from anything she bad ever seen, different from Alman and from old Daddy. There was authority in everything he did, and yet nothing was done in an authoritative way. Every word he uttered was suave, polite, gent'e even, and yet every word was a command which must be obeyed. His habits and tastes were refined and elegant; his attitude towards herself contained a deferential chivalry to which she was unaccustoned. She had seen man-great, noble, and generous, but in a state of nature. She saw him now as the civilised artificial being, and as such she fell down and worshipped him, as many other women have done before, and will doubtless do again. In those early days he scarcely ever left her; and if he did now and then, just for an hour or two, it was for the purpose of putting in an appearance in those places where he was expected to be; the time that he was gone was so short and her mind was so full of the great change that had come over her that regret, loneliness, and memory were crowded out. It would be different by-and-bve, but not yet. This was her first love, her very first. Pause and think, look back, you who are long past first love and all its emotions, and stand for a moment in the sunlight of your first love, when the heart was green; that love which was free from every touch of earth, which was so ethereal and heavenly that with the worldly knowledge you now possess you smile at it, and some of you who in the turmoil of life have lost all capacity for being young actually feel ashamed. Still, try to look back on it, for you must do so to understand Jess; and there is really nothing to be ashamed of. Do you not feel that in that great first love" self was forgotten as it never has been since, that the being you loved was all in all, that for him or for her, as the case might be, no saorifioe was too great? There was no room for the desire of the flesh in your first love. How you scornede very consideration of money, or family, or any of those wise matters which your elders pressed upon you! what a corner of paradise you lived in! and when it left you, or died, or came to grief, as most first loves do, how you felt that the world was no longer, and never would be again, the same and it never has been. Well, if you can realise all this, you can understand Jess and the motives which influenced her in her actions. The little house in St. John's Wood was taken; the nest" was built, and it was lined with feathers and down, and it was soft and beautiful. An indescribable feeling had come over Lord Delmar. He did not quite know what mind&^e kimself» ^e waa nne»87 bis mat!! v!*&S no^ ntterly bad, as his deeds would mane him appear, He had been brought up in an atmosphere which had warped every generous or worthy impulse that he pos- sessed still, the impulse was there, and would show itself now and then. He had been taughu lo believe in the revolting maxim of libertines, "All is fair in love and war." Woman, he had been brought to think, served one cf two purposes in the world. She was either destined for the gratification of the passions of men, or to propagate, other men, to step into the shoes of their fathers, when time, or the accidents of life, removed them. If a woman were pretty and, well-not "a lady" (is that not the phrase ?)-then he served the one purpose, and if she were a lady," and had money, she might, or might not, according as she was lucky, serve the other. In the class of society in which he moved a man is thought none the worse of for having at various times possessed mistresses, who were 11 not lad es." No one inquires, or really considers that it matters much whether or not he has ruined them, or treated them well or badly, or has thrown them like faded flowers upon the pavement when he has done with them. lie must not commit the folly of marry- ing them, and if he is reasonably discreet, there is scarcely a mother or a father who will raise any such adventure as an obJec- tion when be offers for the hand of their daughter. The woman—who is not" a lady—can havo no possible rights; she is robbed of all she possesses, true. Her soul is murdered, de- stroyed but society concerns itself very little about that. Of course, a line is drawn at women who are ladies." Here you may play the libertine, but then you must not be found out, and the lady must not be compromised. If you can manage that, well and good; if not, you will suffer more or less, for the fair white cloth of sooiety must not be spotted on the side which the world looks at. Lord Delmar had been brought up with -these ideas, as, indeed, have all young men of his class, and so he carried them into prac- tice. He had, however, some small modicum of conscience he always thought that he could make matters right with money. He considered that Elsa was quite compen- sated, and had no cause of complaint. But somehow or other this was a different case. There was a cunning perfidy in the way in which he had obtained possession of Jess, which would come up to the surface. There was something or other about her which appealed to him in a different manner from anything he bad ever before expe- rienced. She was absolutely alone in his hands; every tie, every connection with her home he had broken up. She, trusting in him, and for himself, had given up all. There was an air about her, an undefined halo, which distinguished her in his eyes from other women. When he caught himself thinking of the fu me, of what might come, be could not help heaving a sigh it was a sort of re- cognition forced from him by nature of the blackness of his crime, and he tried to smother it down, and to turn his thoughts into another channel. Sometimes he wished the marriag-e cere- mony were not a farce. What nob,e-borii woman could equal Jess ? he would ask him- self. Surely in a little time she would hold her head up anywhere. Then Society stepped in, and the earl and the countess hie mother and he would heave another sigh. There were times when he would have Ull- done what he bad done, when he would curse himself for having roused his conscience so but the die was cast, there was no ren-eat, and he must see it through to the end, what- ever it might be. The nest" was very pretty. There was a garden and a lawn, and a greenhouse, and a tiny little drawing-room and dining-room, all furnished in taste, and made as sweet and charming as a man like Lord Delmar could make it. Tney lived under the name of Mr. and Mrs. Lustance; he bad adopted this from the first in Edinburgh, and he fouud it difficult to change. At one time he thought Smith or Jones would have been better; but then, up in St. John's Wood, who would ever dream of putting two and two together P London people do oot take so much interest in their neighbours' doings. W ell, Jess, and what do you think of it P Is it fit for my fairy q aeen p., be asked, as they surveyed the garden on the evening of the day when they went into occupation. I feel like the lady who owned a castle hundreds of years ago," she answered. Ii Ah bat 1 am dreaming, I shall awaken presently." No, this is your castle in real truth but her words brought a qualm all the same. She would wake presently—perhaps—but not to- day. And my castle holds a king"; she looked proudly into his eyes and smoothed baok his hair. "A king?" Then after a moment, "A sorry king." I; No, no! a king to love, a king to serve and worship and obey. Do you remember I promised till death shall part us-but even death shall not part us-for ever and for ever it shall be with me-and wi, h you, my love?" And with him There was something in her voice, iu the enthusiasm of her gesture, that checked—a lie, 5 "Of course, of course. Bv the ivay, it's rather chilly. Had you not better get a wrap ?" "I don't feel cold, just a trifle disap- pointed; then they walked round the small domain. Shall you be happy here ? We shall have to live very quietly, just for a time, you know." i( flappy ?** with a sigh. Yes. Happy indeed, with less, far less than this, and with my king." "And without!" Without! and a look of terror came over her face. I was only supposing," he hurried to ex- plain, but she interrupted him. Without? I should die."
BOOK II. CHAPTER 1. No. 27,429. On the 23rd of June, 1887, the placards of the evening papers oontained a line in promi- nent characters 'which was of considerable interest to a good many persons. It ran simply thus" Death of an M.P. and when you bought the paper you read: 0 We regret to announce that Mr. Porchesfcer Smith, the well-known member for Eust Sr, Peter's, died very suddenly this morning at his residence in Bdyswater. The honourable gentleman had been nilinj; for some days, but there was nothing to give the family apprehension. It will be remem- bered Lh»t Mr. Porchester Smith was returned for East St. Peter's in 1885, by a majority of f.JIlf over Lord Deluiar, the then Liber.il candMnte, and that in 1886 he was unopposed. The announcement produced a good deal of excitement. Every one was sorry for poor Porchester Smith, of course; he had made himself popular both in the House and out of it; but, then, he was not a very important personage. With the exception of one speech which made the few members laugh who heard it, and of voting very straight with his party on all occasions, he had done nothing of any consequence. So it happened that, as a great many people die in London every day, and one cannot be in a oonstant state of sor- row, by the next niorniii-a the only thiua which agitated the public mind was the approaching contest for the vacant seat, The sudden death of Mr. Porchester Smith had taken the party managers by surprise on both sides. The Conservatives were without a candidate, and as they were in power it became necessary to delay the election as long as possible, so as to enable the party to select a champion. On the other hand, the Libaral wirepullers were angered with Lord Delmar because be had left the seat uncontested in 1886; and, besides, they were not assured of his soundness on the Home Rule question. As in 188*3, the Social Democrats were un- doubtedly strong enough in East St. Peter's to play a great and important part in the election, and Alman Strange was the acknow- ledged leader of Social Democracy in the East- end of London. A great change had been wrought in this man's character by the sudden disappearance of Jess. She had been gone a year, or rather more, and in that time not one word had been heard of her. The rewards which had been off erei-aiiiountitig in the end to a thousand pounds—had, greatly to the astonishment of the Bow-sireet inspector, led to no result. Every house of ili-fame in London, every place of amusement had been ransacked, every street-walker watched and questioned, and the result was absolutely nothing. The in- spector thought she must have met with foul play, and be dead or, perhaps, she bad thrown herself into the Thames—so many persons do when they are tired of life, and it not un- frequently happens that the bodies are not found until they are in such a condition that they are recognised and claimed by the rela- tives of other missing persons. The persistency of the old man and the large amount of the reward had certainly kept the case alive in the minds of the authorities longer than usual; but they had now given up hope, and so had Boron, and last of all Alnixti bad done likewise. Paulette alone said nothing, but seemed to think that something would yet turn up. Alman Strange was a changed man; he was much older. Had he not had that great love of humanity to, in a certain way, fili the void in his heart, he might have given up, as indeed he had a mind to do at first; but Boron stood before him as an example, and he felt that if there were no happiness for him in the world, there was a great duty to be performed in advancing the happiness of others. So he bad thrown him- self entirely into the movement of which he was one of the leaders, and had devoted all the leisure time be possessed to making him- self master of the subject of social democracy. There was little alteration in the household of Parson's-avenue. Boron continued to carry on his secret manufacture, Alman remained a printer, and old Paulette, assisted by a chance girl who came in during the day, still per- formed the household duties for both men. Jess's room remained exactly as she bad left it. At first, when hope was in their hearts, it bad been left, so that she might come back and find everything in its place-" it would make it so much easier to resume the old life," Alman had said; but after a wli le, when all hope was gone, it had been left, because no one bad the courage to ohange anything. Paulette would now and then remove the dust, and put a clean cover- let on the bed and clean white curtains to the windows, but that was all. Lord Delmar had taken to living a very re- tired life; he still occupied his chambers in Piccadilly, but he was rarely there or at the club, or at any of the general haunts of men. Japhet could make nothing of him; there were no card parties now or dinner parties, nor was there any other gaiety, and the com- panionship of Porcupine and Fluffy, and of the o:her young men who had at one time made his chambers a rendezvous, was almost entirely discarded. The place had become so dull that Japhet had almost come to long for some political excitement. "lie's going ch:ty, that's my opinion," said Japhet very solemnly once to the young man of the shop. Why, he just goes away for weeks together, with one small portmanteau, and without me, and presently he somes hack and he reads his letters, or more like chucks them in the tire without reading them he asks who has been, stops for a day or two, and then away he goes with just the same port- manteau, and that's all." Don't he say where he's going to "Never a word. Now, look here, my beauty, it's my candid opinion that there's some- thing mysterious a going on—something dark. The Earl don't know it; no one knows it except it be one as I've had my eye on for some time. Who's that, Mr. Japhet ? That is, if it's proper for you to tell." Now, look here, I puts two and two to- gether. W hen did this here strange conduct begin ? Why, rather better than a year ago. Weil, what happened then? Didn't he go away fur a month right in the prime part of the season, and never told no one where he was gone to, and what turned up of that ? Why, don't you remember that old French woman as wanted to see him very bad ?" "Lor! what a man you are, Mr. Japhet. It was just like this here I was a taking down the shutters, and jou was as you might be there, and she was a-lookutg in this here shop, and Weil, never mind about all that; she's been here pretty often since that time, and it's my opinion as she's a following him. Them women bless you, my beauty, there ain't one of them to be trusted she's after something; mind you, I say she's after Elomet,bing." flow you do reckon up people, Mr, Japhet!" We've got io you'd be surprised what us confidential valets has to know. If he don't mind there'll be a skirmish this time. That o!d varmint ain't a spending all her time and her money for nothing, that's certain." It was quite true. Paulette, firmly con- vinced that the disappearance of Jess was to be attributed in some way or other to Lord Delmar, had pursued her investigations with feline persistency. She had watched with unremitting attention she had I ascertained from Js,phet that from the moment of Jess's disappearance the habits of Lord Delmar had undergone a great change that, in fact, his residence in Piccadilly was a nominal residence, and that he really lived elsewhere, and the old dame had come to the conclusion that wherever that elsewhere was Jess was also. At home she kept her observations to herself age had had a curious efleet upon her-it had intensified every bent of her nature. She had been naturally somewhat resentful, she was now ten times more so; the remark of Boron on the morning of Jess's disappear- ance had brought this quality into play she repeated, time after time, the words, Silly prating woman," and commented upon them in her mind with "Nous vermis, gaillard, nous verrons," She was affectionate by nature; she had always liked Alman, she worshipped him now in his distress; she would have told him her suspicions, but to what purpose ? If she" as right, Jess was past all hope as far as Alman was oonoerned, for she was either the wife or the mistress of Lord Delmar. Then she bad always loved Jess; she reminded her of those who were gone, and had filled the void in her heart for a time. Whatever bad happened, in trouble or in joy, Jess had at least this faithful soul on whose bosom to throw her- self, to take her as she was, whatever that might b°, and that gladly and without re- proach. Thus I'aulette's thoughts were divided b tween finding Jess, consoling AlmatT, and being in a moderate sort of a way revenged on the old man for his contemptuous remark. A few days after the announcement in the papers to which we have referred a curious thing happened. Paulette had attired herself for an outing; she was, of course, going to Piccadilly to make some observations. It was a hot afternoon. The sun had succeeded for once in penetrating the fog and smoke, and Paulette felt that a little of his unaccustomed warmth would be agree- able, and might remind her for a time, and in a distant sort of way, of her native Picardy. She was stepping off the doorstep in Parson's- avenue when she almost fell into the arms of Lord Delmar. She was so astonished that for the moment she could only stammer out, "Monsieur." Delmar recognised her, Is Mr. Alman Strange at home ?" The old lady's nerves were shaken; she stepped back and took her breath. Is Mr. Strange in ?" he repeated. I don't know," she stammered, Ii I shall see." She turned back and entered the shop he followed her. Wait, I shall find him," and she motioned him to stay there. She went through the parlour. Lord Delmar had noticed the agitation with which the old dame bad received him. He was a little put out; at the moment he did not quite realise what it betokened. Some day or other the matter would have to be faced boldly, but he was not quite prepared just at present; he was relieved when Alman stepped into the shop again with a half-smile. "So you are to contest East St. Peter's again, Lord Delmar, 1 hear." (To be continued.)
"DINGED IF I DON'T DO IT." During the recent terrible floods at Johns- town, a man was seen going down the river on a log. As he was passing Little Rock several men sprang into a skiff, rode out to the lone navigator and said- Climb in." Climb in whar In the skiff, hurry up." Wall, strangers, I'm pretty well fixed, Don't take no work to move along." "Where are you going P" Down the river." We know that. Where are you from P" From up the river." "Of course you are, but—" What made you ax, then ?'' Ci Wrhat are you doin' on that log Travel in' What do you want to fool with us for ? Don't you know you'll drown if you keep on in this way ?" Won't drown if I keep on this way. Ef I was ter git off in the water, 1 moat drown." But where were you when you got on the log P" On the log." Of course; but where was the log P" In the river." CI "Certainly; but how far from here?" Ain't made no calculation." Where do you live when you are at home ?" At home." Of course; but where is your home ?" Whar I live." Where is your family p., "Scattered erlong." "Did your house wash aWdY ?" Sorter. My wife's back yonder on a cottonwood log, an' my son HiiFs coming along som'ers on a poplar." Why don't you come to the shore ?" "Cause it doesnt cost nuthin' ter ride." "You'd better come out and get a drink of whisky." "Dinged if I don't do it. Feller back here wanted me to come out an' hear him preach, but he didn't know the right kin' o' gospel. Now, fellers, pull far the shore as fas' as yer ken."
Miss Monevpinch Papa, I wish I was a savage. Old Moneypirtch Why ? Miss Moneypinch So I could wear your watch- chain for a necklace. Irate Father There's one thing that's wonderful about you. Masher Aw What's that? Irate Father That a spongy head like yours doesn't absorb anything. "Oh, how shocking!" NV h.-t "That she has lost her arms." Yes, indeed; it is a great misfortune to art." So it is; that would have been a lovely figure to advertise my sixteen-button kid gloves on." She (waiting for him in the corridcr)- And did you ask papa ? He—" I did.' she—" And what did he say ?" He—" Well, weilly, Amy, I'd—I'd rather not answer. I- I belong to the Church don't y' know." Judge Cooiiey-Well, prisoner, what hab yo' to say? Hen Coop—Sah, Yoah Honah, I'se 'soused ob stealing.' he titled to a jury ob mah peers. Now, sah, do yo' mean to tell me dat all dem twelve fellers ober dare am t'ieves What a tender fancy it was that inspired Hurns's qoiig, %Vhistle, and I'll come to you my lad ? "Beautiful But the young men of that age were evidently not in the habit of whistling 'LittleAnnie Koonev, McGinty,' and Judge You say you are innocent. What, then, were you doing with the watch if you did not intend to steal it ? Saul Johuaing I jess wanted ter wind it up for him, boss. Dat's de solemn truf- t can't tell a lie ef I wai ter try for a week. Farmer (to amateur photographer) I s'pose you can take most anything with that machine o' yonrn ? A. P. Yep. Farmer Well, I want you to take the next train to the city, an' if I ketch you on my land agin I'll fill you with buckshot. Shippen Clarke (to his employer, leaving the office) Oh, Mr. System, haven't you for- gotten your umbrella? It's raining. Mr. System Can't help it. I've made a resolu- tion to have one here and one at home, to provide for all emergencies. Now, if I take this; they'll both be at home Johnny, have you seen your papa's teeth anywhere ?" Yes'sum. Me and Annie was crackin' nuts with 'em only ten minutes ago." She is Rosie, the millei's daughter; She is pretty but cruel still; And the sighs of her score of lovers Turn the sails of her father's avif.
Grkat soeprisb has been expressed by profes- sional gentlemen in the medical world throughout tbe kingdom at the wonderful cures effected by Wee E. Cooper's Rheuo in cases of long-standing rheumatism, where all hopes of a cure had tong before been aban- daued. The great sucoess attending the gales of Hheuo may be accounted for by the fact that it is not offered to cure every complaint under the sun, but rheumatism only, in old and young. Taken internally, at regular inter- vals, it quickly subdues the pains, and gradually, but surely, restores the sufferer to a healthy state. Evans and Co., 7, High-street, Cardiff; I. Oordey, High-street, Newport; ano. t Cash Supply Company, Pontypridd, are the Local Agents, and one 2s 9d bottle will cure most cases. Also in bottles Is lid and 4s 6d. Sent post paid from 599, Commercial-road. London. E. Lo597 PAMT AND Rocxs'a Wtlsh lam aw th