Welsh Newspapers
Search 15 million Welsh newspaper articles
10 articles on this Page
Hide Articles List
10 articles on this Page
L.—— Hot Pancakes,
News
Cite
Share
L. — — Hot Pancakes, Ramble was the director of a railway com- pany, and Thumble had some business to transact with him. They were both bound from Birmingham to Oxford that night, and 80 decided that they could talk over their affairs in the train, an express which does the distance in two hours. > ( They accordingly discussed lighter topics over the anug dinner which they took to- gether at the hotel, and strutted into the station some five minutes before the start just in the humour to look at their business from a jolly point of view. Now as business is not jolly the point of view of men who have dined is pretty certain to be the wrong one -and as we British plume ourselves on doing much of our business after dinner, this may explain how railway directors in their jollity Soften come to queer decisions about us. Bat this is only a note in passing. Rumble and Thumble were not destined to do much business that evening. When they arrived on the platform the engine was get- ting up steam, the porters were hurrying to and fro, and it seemed to be a full train. Rumble and Thumble, trotting down the line of carrirges to look for a compartment in which they should be comparatively alone, were unable to find one, and the station- master, who, sighting Rumble, bustled up to touoh his hat and assist them in their search, was not more sueoessfnl—a result which gratified Rumble as a director, though it dis- appointed him as a man. At last a first-class compartment was peroeived,out of the window of which leaned a stolid man in a felt hat and with a brier-root pipe in his mouth. His arms were folded on the window-frame, and this is always suspicious. Rumble, olimbing on the footboard, glanced through the side pane, and saw that there was but one other man inside, who appeared to be sound asleep in a corner. He instantly laid his grasp on the door-handle. Exouse me, this is taken," expostulated the brier-root man rather eagerly. "Reserved?'' asked Rumble, with sudden |>oliteness. No but we should liketo keep it to our- selves." This impudenoe amazed and disgusted Rumble. He was a conscientious director, who set his faoe against all breaches of the by-laws on the part of the public. People who smoked in compartments not appointed for the purpose, ladies who introduced dogs into the carriages, were abominable to him but passengers who tried to usurp more places than they had paid for were his special abhorrence. "I am a director, sir," he said, severely; and the station-master cried, with still greater severity, This gentleman is a direotor." Thumble would have his word put in, too, but after a renewed protest from the brier-root man, the carriage door was wrenched open, Rumble and Thumble clam- bered in, and almost immediately the train moved off. Rumble and Thumble counted they had won a victory. They were in corner seats, and would be able to talk business; but first Rumble thought it would be fitting to address a temperanoe rebuke to the man who had endeavoured to keep him out, and this for the double reason that he was retaining his pipe alight, though not in a smoking carriage. He had scarcely uttered a syllable, however, before the transgressor, who had been bending his eyes anxiously on the face of his sleeping oompanion, turned, laid a finger on hia lips, and said, 11 lluah-h-h I" His appearance and manners were those of a confidential servant. He crept noiselessly down the carriage to where Rumble and Tumble were, and whispered- Excuse me, gentlemen, for trying to pre- vent your coming in, but that gentleman is mad, and I am taking him to an asylum. We did not reserve a whole compartment because of the expense, and because he is quiet enough when alone with me. But the society of strangers is apt to excite him; so if he awakens I entreat you to do whatever he may ask you, or else there'll be a row." At the self-same moment the sleeper did awake, The altercation about the seats and the oommotion of starting bad disturbed him. He gave a yawn not unlike a growl, and, as he unfolded himself from his reclining posi- tion, developed a stature more than six feet high. There seemed to be no end of him. His head almost touched the umbrella net, his countenance was swarthy and brutish, his eyes were small, but had a gleam in them like a wolf's, and his long arms were terminated by a pair of hands of monstrous size-brown, horny, and supple. This unprepossessing lunatic sat up, rubbed his eyes, and, noticing bis new feHow-passengers, grinned to them. The tongues of Rumble and Thumble clove to their palates. They were both fat men, and not oombative except on paper or in law courts, when people wanted to get money out of them. Bumble had a double chin, and his waistcoat stretched tight over his lower man like the skin of a drum. His eyes peered shyly over little paddings of flesh like small pincushions, and Thumble was in all points like him, except that he was too sizes smaller -Rumble being fito-foot-six or so and he five-foot-four. To say that these two smug gentlemen were horified at finding themselves in the company of a madman just when they had been dining, and wanted to settle busi- ness, is to use a weak term. Their digestion stopped, their dinner turned to hard brick insiae them, and their business oozed utterly out of their heads. Rumble resolved, with choking wrath, that he would insist on the lunatic's address as soon as the train stopped, and prosecute his relatives. Thumble mused that if he were molested nothing should deter him from bringing1 an action against the railway company, although his friend Rumble was a director of it, and both wondered with an apprehension too hideous for words how the madman would behave towards them. They were not kept long in doubt. The j lunatic eyed them rather affably than other- wise, and, when he had taken stock of them, left his seat, smiling, to shake their hands. How do you do?" he said. "You are going down to look at my estates?" Yes, my lord," interposed the servant: these gentlemen asked leave to travel with your lordship, and I thought you would allow them." What, is he a lord" whispered Humble to the servant. And this railway director felt his respect much increased for a lunatic who might also be a peer; indeed, he was prepared to find him not so very mad after ill. Yon must call him my lord, or else thre'll be a row," was the servant's answer. And at the same time the lunatic, having ihaken hands with Rumble and Thumble, taid: I don't object at all to your travelling with me, for you seem honest fellowg; but tell me your names." Rumble and Thumble iboth gave their names, adding my Icu-d," as directed, for they neither watted a row. Rumble and Thumble," repeated the lunatic. Well, I'll put you down on my visiting list; and now we'll have a game, What shall it be, Rumble? Do you know Frogs in the Pool Oh, not' Frogs in the Pool,' my lord," protested the servant, in evident alarm. C J will have 'Frogs in the Pool' oried the madman, raising his voice and glaring: ^hereupon he drew from his pockets a copy )f the Daily Telegraph and a glass sherry- flask with a cork stopper. Now come and sit opposite me, all three of you," he added. Rumble, you shall be pool, Thumble will be the cow, and my servant Jones will play the calf." For Heaven's sake do what he tells you, gentlemen," whispered Jones to the hesitatirtg director and his friend. And the two gentle- men, grimacing with pardonable uneasiness, took their seats facing the madman, and watched his doings. He bad torn up his Daily Telegraph, and was converting the paper into good-sized pellets. When he had manufactured twenty he stopped and removed the cork from his flask, asking Jones for a light. Jones struck a match, and the lunatic carefully charred the end of his oork. Then, with the pellets in the palm of one hand and the cork between the finger and thumb of the other, he said- ''Now we'll begin. You, Rumble, will open your mouth wide, and I shall take shots at it with these pellets. The pellets are frogs and your mouth is the pool. All the frogs that get into your mouth you'll swallow; those that fall on your lap or on the seat will be eaten by Thumble, who is cow and will bellow 4 JMoo-oo-o!' all the while those that drop on the floor will be for Jones the calf, who will have to bleat." A clammy perspiration broke out on the foreheads of Rumble and Thumble. The lunatic was quite olose to them, his hot breath and wild eyes almost touohed theirs as he gave his explanations, and those huge hands of his looked as if they could strangle both of them if they resisted. 'I hey felt an inclination to resist, but dared not. He meantime counted over his pellets, and cou- tinned Now about the scoring. I'll draw a circle round your lips and chin with the burned cork, Humble, and that will mark the boun- daries of the pool. Every pellet that falls within the circle or inside your mouth will count one to me, and those that miss will be scored to you three, If I lose I'll sing a song for you with my mouth full of tobacoo; if I win we'll have hot pancakes all round. We'll mark the points on your oheeks, Thumble." continued he, laughing; "they're pudgy oheeks, like dumplings, by George Having said this the lunatic stooped and laid a fist heavily on Rumble's ohest,approach. ing the burned cork to his nose. The shock of a galvanic battery could not have affected the unfortunate director more fearfully. He turned pale as a stone and trembled while the lunatic, intent on his work, drew a broad black circle of about a good inch in circumference over his upper lip and the highest fold of his double chin. Humble had not the courage to stir; but when the circle was traced he felt the indignity was too much to be borne. Thumble, for all his fears about himself, could not help smiling at the figure which Humble cut with his smudged face, and the lunatic laughed outright. Really, sir—my lord-this game is to-om- foolery," stuttered Rumble, indignantly, as he felt for his handkerchief; but the lunatic immediately ceased laughing, and scowled- What, have you got into the train on false pretences ? If I thought so I would fling you out on the line "No, my lord; the gentlemen will play all right," intervened the servant Jones in a flurry; and under his breath he repeated: For Heaven's sake, gentlemen, do as he tells you. He is like a mad bull when he gets into a passion." •' Wen, don't get making difficulties again," growled the lunatic, eyeing the now horrified Rumble with mistrust. li Take off your hat, sir, and rest your head on the back of the seat, and then open your mouth as wide as it will go. That's not wide enough. Yes, that will about do. Now we'll begin." The game began, and how describe it ? Jones, the servant, bleated with frenzy, and Thumble, by his directions, did likewise; it was even fine to hear the way in which Thumble bellowed Moo-oo-o! putting his whole soul in it, and keeping his eyes fixed. on the lunatic in abject fear of offending him. Rumble meantime, leaning back with his jaws agape, remained passive while the ] lunatic took shots at him. Every time a pellet fell into his mouth he was obliged —with what wry contortions Heaven knows —to swallow it, and the madman, with his burned cork, marked a line on Thumble's right cheek; when the pellets fell it was either Thumble or Jones who gulped them down, and then Thumble's left oheek received the scores. This delightful pastime lasted as far as Leamington, but the train did not stop; it sped on and on, the lunatic raising shrieks of laughter and throwing his pellets each time with greater force. At last the pellets were exhausted, and it turned out that Rumble had swallowed eleven pills of Daily Telegraph, and Thumble and Jones nine between them so the lunatic had by his rules won the game. He clapped his hands and yelled: I'm winner; now we'll have hot pancakes all round t" "No, my lord, not hot pancakes," prayed Jones, who had probably had a taste of the dainties before, and remembered them. 1; Yes, yes, hot panoakea," insisted the lunatic, with maniacal glee. Rumble, I'll slap your face, you'll pass the slap on to Thumble, Thumble to Jones, and Jones to me. We'll hit as bard and fast as we can till we've done eleven slaps, which is the number of my score. Now, look alive W-WHACK And before Rumble could even see what was coming he received on the cheek, and with all the might of the lunatic's brawny hand, a slap which seemed to loosen all his teeth in their sockets. Roaring with pain and fury, he jumped np but the lunatio was standing, too, and bawled, Slap Thumble Rumble, scarcely knowing what he did, slapped Thumble and Thumble, with a howl of anguish, passed the blow on to Jones, who, on trying to hit the maniac, as per conven- tion, received a kick in the stomach, which sent him to the other end of the carriage. W-WHACK! down came the slap a second time on Rumble's face, and was passed on, and then a third time but at the fourth deal the agony of the situation became unendu- rable. Rumble and Thumble, their oheeks red as steaks, consulted each other with the eye, and by common accord sprang together on the madman, yelping desperately to Jones to assist them. When, at ten o'clock, the train steamed into Oxford, woful cries were heard emerging from a first-class carriage, and the porters, on opening the door, descried three bruised and bleeding passengers sitting of a row on the body of a man, who wa* tearing up the drugget with his teeth. Their faces were battered out of all recognition, their noses were swollen to thrice their natural size, and their torn ooats and shirts were literally drenched in blood. It caused a pretty hubbub in the station the more so when Rumble and Thumble, on being extricated, took to reviling each other on the platfortn, and called each other pusillanimous curs. The truth is, for some can so or other, bad blood had arisen up between these two, and it has not been appeased jet. Thumble threatened the company with an action, and had to be paid off. Rumble wished to indict the madman's friends, but, on being menaced with a oross aotion for using "more violenoe than necessary" towards an afflicted man, desisted, and even disbursed money. On the whole, however, this little tiff proved beneficial to the 'community, for Rumble, disliking superfluous expense, had always dissuaded his company from establishing, effective communication between passengers and guard; but after his journey with the lunatic he thought better of it. His line it now provided with exoellent alarm bells, and whenever Director Rumble travels he takes care to be seated beneath one of them.- Illustrated Bits.
THE DELIGHTS OF LONDOiv.
News
Cite
Share
THE DELIGHTS OF LONDOiv. [BY RAMBLER." It is no use whatever trying to make out that London is the most delightful spot on earth just now, when everybody is away." There are a good many well-meaning people who always try to look on the cheerful side, and who are always ready to sing the praises of the Metropolis in August and Sep- tember The streets, they say, are not over-orowded, the weather leaves nothing to be desired, and the unconven- tionality of Regent-street, and even of Bond-street and Piccadilly is a vast relief. But, as a matter of fact, an empty street-and the crack streets in town just now are almost empty—is a most depressing spectacle. The weather is pleasant enough, it is true, but the dust and the smells prevent one from properly enjoying it. During the last week the latter have been particularly unsavoury, especially at night. I counted at least four well-defined smells the other evening between Charing Cross and the Marble Arch, and a friend who was walking home with me from his club cheerfully expatiated on the danger to which one exposed oneself by walking through such "sewer essences"—as he was pleased to oall them. Amongst other diseases which, so far as I reoolleot, he men- tioned as likely to follow from 11 undue exposure" to the smells which we were encountering were scarlet fever, cholera, small-pox, and the Asiatio plague.
_) THE DRAWBACKS OF PUBLICITY.
News
Cite
Share
) THE DRAWBACKS OF PUBLICITY. [nr OtHt tOKBON CORRESPONDENT 1 In a legal aotion recently brought by a well- known dramatist for the payment of his proper share of the profits arising from a certain theatre, the sum claimed represented a nice little annual income, running into four figures. The case was reported in the morn- ing papers, and this came under the notice of an oflioial at Somerset House, whose business it is to extraot for Income-tax the uttermost farthing that is due from that long- suffering class. With the inquisitive- ness of his Order, this gentleman rum- maged a number of musty documents, yclept returns of Income-tax, which had been confidingly furnished by our author. The figures were found to be not exactly in accord with those deposed to upon oath before a British jury. Like a wolf on the fold, down came relentless officialdom upon the unsus- pecting dramatist. A demand for JMOO for tax on undeclared income was backed up with threats of the inconvenient consequences that would probably ensue if the amount should not be forthcoming. But it was.
A REMARKABLE WILL.
News
Cite
Share
A REMARKABLE WILL. As announced somd weeks since in the Standard, the pCI onal estate of the late Sir Jamei Tyler. ot Pine Iliiuse, U,)Ilowiky, who died on the 51 h of April l ist, aged 74 vears, was sworn of I he value of CI52,375 IBs. 7<1,. and administration was granted pendente lite. An arrangement hiving boon made between the parties to the action Tyler v. Tyler and the Merchant Taylors' Com- pany," probate of the will, with a codicil thereto, has now been granted to the executors, the testator's brothers, Mr. Charles Tyler and the Rev. William Tyler. The cocUc-l, dated thel7ih of March List, is throughout in the testator's own handwriting, and he thereby bequeaths his I freehold, Holluway, Fine House," to his brother, the Rev. William Tyler, and 313 "-prestini,ibly in the Holloway-iotd—to his brother George. He appoints also by the codicil his brother William na executor. Tho will is signed jame.ATyler. April 18, '82," and, although the will is not, apparently, in the tesUtoi's handwriting throughout, it would seem to have been written from his dictation. It begins: By the grace of God, I, James Tyler, Knt, of Pine House, Hollo- way, in the county of Middlesex, do make this my will and testament of which I appoint my brother, the Rev. William Tyler, and my brother, Mr. Charles Tyler, executors, to carry out my wishes in respect of iyioiie3,9, & &o., not disposed of other ways. I give to the Master, Wardens, and Court of Assistants of the Merchant Taylors' Com- pany New Three per Cent. £42,000, more or less, at the time of my death, wishing them to pay a rent-charge to my brother, the Rev. William Tyler, of LBOO a year for life, and a further rent-charge of JE50 a year to Miss Sarah Dempster, of Corn- field-terrace, Eastbourne, Sussex, for life. Know- ing the intotest I take in our convalescent homes, and the Ladies' Home in particular, the court will use tiie money for that good purpose. I give the monoy without restriction." The testator gives" to I the trustees for the time being of the Truss Society for tho time being in 35, F insbur y -square, L2,000 Bank of England Stock, with a rent-charge of CSO to Miss limina IirightwfU for life, residing at Burcham." He gives the Ihitish and Foreign Bible Society E42,000, with a rent-charge to his brother, Mr.George Tyler, of 4.1,000 a year for life, and a further rent-charge to Mr. William Ellis, the younger, of 111, Now North-road, Hoxton. To this bequest is addod a note, "Braz liin Five per Cent. Stock." The testator gives to the trustees of the London Missionary Society £ 42,000 Russian Five per Cont. Stock, with a rent-charge ot £1,000 a year to Charles Tyler, Esq. and adds, Also I commit to their keeping the keys of our family vault in Highgate Cemetery." The London Mis- sionary Society is to keep tJle vault in repair or forfeit the legacy of L,12,000 to the Blueeoat School. There are also bequests to my faithful Young, £ 100; Hannah, Z200 and other servants with me six years oun year's wages or any thing that is kind." The testator adds, All my books, paint- ings, and prints to the M.T.Co., to keep what they want, and the rest to go to the Ladies' Home, Bognor."
---------Gounod's American…
News
Cite
Share
Gounod's American Tour, The Pall MM Gazette says :—" Gounod was to get a million of francs for conducting sixty per- tornoancosot his works in America. J] is travelling expanses were to be paid, and his hotel bills, with those of his secretary and servant, and the railway fares were to cover his journoy home as well as out. But the composer thought twice over the bargain. Unfortunately, he only thought the second time after he had signed the contract. So the Americans fay and they say, moreover, that I they for their part fulfilled all conditions precedent. The terms were princely, but the gains ttere expected to ba royal. One theatre was to give sixcean repre- sentations, there were to be supplteci Gounod the singers, choristers, costumes, orchestra, and instru- ments. Thirty thousand francs was to be paid for each performance, and any surplus I gate money was to be shared between the parties. But Gounod notwithstanding" these rose-coloured prospects, thought twice. His health was not good. He has been lately an invalid..But the American contrac- tor had their plans arranged, their calculations made, possibly even their sub-contracts signed. The result is that in a couple of days there will be law proceedings commenced in Pariq, when the truth of all these statements will be tested and the I question of liability and damages settled."
Advertising
Advertising
Cite
Share
I MAX GRKGER'S CARIOWTTZ.—If you wish to get the genuine and original Carlowitz, the celebrated red claret of Hungary, see that every label bears the Hun- garian Crown and Max Greger's name ill full. Max Greger (Limited), Wine Merchants to the Queen, the Viceroy of Ireland, the Imperial Houses of Parliament, and Bole Consignees of R.LH, Archduke Albrecht of I Vienna, 66, Suinner-street, London, S.E. Lc606 C. BRANDAUER AND Co.'a "Circular-pointed Pens" neither scratch nor spur tho points being rounded by a new process. Beven Prize Medals awarded.- Attention is also drawn to C. B. and Co.'s new Graduated Series of Peng," which offers the novel advantage of one pattern being macte in four degrees of flexibility, and each in three widths of points.—Ask your Stationer for a Gd.,assol't¡,d Sample Box, of eilhel Saiie3. I,5
-------FASHION SKETCHES.
News
Cite
Share
FASHION SKETCHES. [BY "MYOSOTIS." [ Costuma and Hat en Suite, Toques still continue to monopolise the smaller style of head gear for young ladies to a considerable extent, and, as they can no longer be consistently made of flowers, more substantial materials have now to be employed to form the greater part, though autumn blossoms, fruit or leaves may still be added. Another tasteful way for composing a toque is to combine the same materials as those of which the costnme is composed, provided, of course, they happen to be suitable for the purpose. I give, as an instance, the model — shown in my first sketch. The gown with whioh this is worn is made of soft grey vicuna cloth, and velvet a shade darker, the toque being oomprised of twists of the same, alter- nating thtJ cloth and velvet, and all the ends being brought up together at the baok, points forward. This style of bead dress thus worn, low in front and far back, should never be worn indiscriminately. I sometimes see it most injudiciously so, as it is a most exacting fashion, and really, to look well, requires a thoroughly pretty oval face, small, and well furnished round, with plenty of pretty fluffy hair. It is the greatest mistake, just because it is the fashion, for some women, such as 1 have seen, with either large broad faces, or, equally bad, very thin faced and large nosed, wearing these small, pitched-back hats, as it throws these, and indeed any defects, into a prominence which a more judicious chapeau would conaiderably soften, if not entirely obliterate from all casual criticism. Mantles ar.d -Coals of Plaid. A great uiany mantles and long coats are to be worn, I see from the wholesale city firms, who are now casting the shadows before of the novelties in autnmn and early winter goods, for both ladies and children. I have seen some very stylish models at their establishments. For these garments, I notice also, an immense number of checlc and plaid materials are used, as well as plain soft woollens, spotted and brocaded, or stamped, though the plaid and check undoubtedly predominate. In my illustrations, second and third, I show two of these useful wraps, the first being a cosy stylish suit for a little woman of about seven to nine or ten, made of light and dark brown check. The coat comes quite to the hem of dress skirt, and it ha3- a double cape with turnover collar (these being much made for children this season, even for tiny mites of 4 years) of the same, and corresponding "Tam o' Shanter caps. The second is a very elegant wrap for a lady, and suitable for calling, promenading, or shopping; this also being of plaid material, though, in this case, of shades of darkest green. The collar, yoke, and angel" sleeves (which are lined with dark green silk) are of dark green velvet; the back of the coat fits closely, and the front being gathered into the velvet yoke hangs loosely from there till caught in by the tying of the dark green girdle. This mantle has a very graceful effect, and is tastefully accompanied by a bonnet of autumn leaves and dark green velvet ribbon, and a dark green bird perched on the back. The lady-like and very becom- ing short jackets in seal plush, which were so much worn last year, will be again popular this winter,and the same material is employed for elegant visites and dolmanettes for married or older ladies.
Advertising
Advertising
Cite
Share
l OAnjrjRy's COCI)A. A Co,(,a possessing valu- able flesh-formir.n qualities, and imparting strength and alayhig power."—Health. Lc5 PARKY AND KOCKK'S Welsh Knitted Stock inare the best. 2303u
FUN AND FANCY.
News
Cite
Share
FUN AND FANCY. Young Pinfeather Am I—ah—obstructing your view? Miss Boston Ah, not at all; I can see through you dearly, "Poor child He is cutting his teeth." Ob, is he P I judged from his yelk that his teeth were cutting him." D'Avnoo: I hear young Richfello is engaged to the widow Dash. Mias Ann Teeke I presumed she would get him. He is a littlo lame and can't run very fast. Tee-bee laughed Cynicas. u Whab's the matter ?" queried Stupidicus. Why, your debating club is to discuss, Was Bacon a high liver; I., Well, what's the joke?" Mrs. Gazzam: Here's an article about an organ with 50 stops. Gazzam Um I wish that piano next door had even one, Mr. Oldboy My dear, when is your birth- day ? Mrs. Oldboy: Why, James The idea of your not knowing! Why do you ask ? Mr. Oldboy Well, I've lost my silk umbrella, and I was thinking it would be a good idea to get you one for a birthday present. Mra. Cumso (indignantly): I never go through my husband's pockets when be's asleep." Mrs. Banks, (sweetly): "How wise of you not to waste your time." Attendant: This armless man can pick up a needle with his toes. Disgusted Visitor That's nothing. I've often picked up carpet tacks with my hf el. Fond-Mother Who do you think the baby looks like ? Fond Uncle: Well, if I were rich I suppose it would look just like me, but as I am stroggling myself, I suppose its looks must be on the other side of the house. Mis3 Beachplum: What are the wild waves saying ? Mr. fnigo: 1 wonder why on earth those people in bathing suits don't come in I" I fancy. Farmer Acorn (to city boarder): "Rest well last night ?" City Boarder ()b, y-e-s. I slept first rate. I was four years in the army." "It's awful hard here in gaol," said the oon- vict. Don't they treat you well ?" They don't treat me at all. I ain't had a drink since I got here." Customer (in restaurant): nere, waited two boiled eggs—four minutes, and look lively; I'm in a hurry. Waiter (hastily dusting the table-cloth): Yes sir, yes sir, Have 'em ready for you in two minutes, sir- two minutes. Lady Visitor I am very sorry to see yoll here. my young friend. You appear to hsve received a good education. Convict: Well) madam, I have been through I rinity College- Lady Visitor: Is it pos3tbie? Convict1 Yes; that's the reason I am here. They caught me as I was going through. Agnes How dared you kiss me last night all those people?" (ieoroe: 11 NVeit, I you gave me a rose, didn't you? And I only i-eturile.d a'h-iss for a I)IOW.' Business Man (to applicant for position): Your ref>. rences as to c haracter are -ery goodt "ir,and alLhough you have had no experience' L will try you. Applicant: Thank you; I forgot to tell you that 1 hare had a colleg0 education. Business Man Well, don't worr/ about that you'll soon forget it. Tangle: My nephe%v, Johrr,- who's in tbØ '.Stceistb Cavalry at l'ort Wayout, says bØ: had a sharp btush with some Indians tb* othet, day. Mrs. Tangle: Well, I daresay brush would do those 11 untidy savages good» but 1 should think a currycomb would be better. Hotel Clerk (excitedly to proprietor) Tp* guest in No. 151 has committed Proprietor: Cat his throat, I suppose,#0 ruined the carpet! "No; he turned on tDo gas and suffocated himself." "Grea heavens doesn't he kuov that gas costS money p., How did Blowhard lose his eyes P" II g had an encounter with an Indian, I believo- Why, I never knew that? he had further west than Buffalo!" "Ho He ran into a cigar sign when he was cowing home from the club one night." Chollv: Aw, Miss Marguerite, don't yofJ think L'i II paws for a sweil here at the 8 shore? Marguerite: Well, you may,perhap^ but don't you suppose there's a surfeit 0 swells here noiv ? You ought to quit smoking ciarett6 Ue Sappy. Its injurious to your health. "Aw (L'uff puff!) Yes; pbysicJaa say cigarettes paralyse the brain." "A^' (I'uf'i! puff I) Besides, the Prince of has given them up." "You don't Bay' (Throws it away.) Mr. Hankinson, you will excy.se receive you in the dining-room this eveni11^ Don't mention■&, ntiss Kajones. It i3 rnuC. more and home-like." "It is not that account, Mr. Hankinson, but Brid^ has gone into the parlour to take a the lounge, and given orders that she not be disturbed." -t "I think that Mr. Sulairay- is the a', disagreeable man I ever met," compla' Sue. "Why?" asked Mamie. He reading in the parlour, and I was playing- 0 stopped and said, f 1)068 musio aniioy 10 while reading, Mr. Sum way ?' No,' sa> ,sl I n-iutiie never annoys me, Miss Sue.' I Jo9 detest him. So there Scene-Outside Central Station, filasgO,3 Some twenty London tourists had *Ust arrive,g and were waiting in the street For some their number to follow. Officious officcr blue, having a full appreciation of his -ft Some twenty London tourists hadjust arri^ and were watting in the street For some their number to follow. OIKcious officcr blue, having a full appreciation of his -ft brief authority, addressed the party dictatorial dignity. :oo then, lats, then Fat for is she a' blockin' to stopP*jj# for ? Corned awa' from where yoo all »rf noo, are you ? Dae ye no ken that if eteLi pody was ta stood here hoo wud to rest past ? Come awa'! If she wants to stop be she'll jist hev to move on )
Advertising
Advertising
Cite
Share
GREAT SURF RISK has been expressed by Pr0 tJ,« sional gentlemen in the medical world throughou6 f. kingdom at the wonderful cures effected by Cooper's Rheuo in cases of long-standing rheuiO* where all hopes of a cure had long before been doned. The great success attending the sales of )111; ¡I may be accounted for by the fact that it is not off, cure every complaint under the sun, but rheurnittisto 0 r in old and young. T.tken internally, at regular vals, it quickly subdues the pains, and gradual' surely, restores the sufferer to a healthy state- I and Co., 7, High-street, Cardiff; T. Cordey, Hig^'pfi^^ Newport ana tlie Cash Supply Company, are the L >eal Agents, and one Zs 9d bottle will C"R, pj1 cases. Also in bottles Is lid and 4s 6d. Bent Ost from 599. Commercial-road. London. E. frOrØ WEAK Men made Stroiig.-All WHO SUffer -atoy N ervoU3 Debility, Lost Vi gour. Exhausted Vita1it 'd ( Diseases, <&c. A Treatise explaining the ren<?„ pos1,, ston treatment, by local al>sorptwn, the only pi' cure without Stomach Medicines, will be ser1 envplooe, sealed, for three stamps.—The UKMBDY i;o., 49.. Hiah Holborn, London.