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--4IL FACTS AND A. Troy editor » .k "in* "-ifr t-^>T •' v L T.r- conductor, wir :i h-- cam" :»:or i oio'r.is, > f.ij i toother as enti'le. freet !ady, whispe-,ed t(' hi,t, Is thii ;» t»*; 0 v1'1 No no said the Tr..v editor, inla-r', SAC IS n.V W.I Ox' A BROKEN EGG-.SHELL In»T»IR-o oei> V. n»-. t whence, ladies, wi.rnce, O whenc ea -e 'he marvel.. >n. i istinct that prompted the minute b-i-g i^minJy con- tained in this fragile shell to burst the c*;«:areons euve;ou> that secluded it from the glories of th; outward world ? Chorus of admiring lp'lies "Whenc-, ') whence, indeed, Mr Honevcomh ?" Master Tommy: P'raps the l.ttle begrrar was afraid he'd be b&iled.Pztizch. A good hit was made a day or two aft -r an election ov one of the defeated candidates. A gentU man approached him with, Well, Mr how do y..u f(-t-I ?" sa d he, I feel, I suppose, pretty much as Lazaru* did." As Lazarus did f'*>aid the first speaker. How n that. Why," saii he, Lazarus was licked by dog?, nml s0 WHeTreisa verse" for the farmers. If- c.,mes_from South Warwickshire bat fits other counties a- wen "iWrs the game devours your see,Is, an4 makes the whe..t look bare, No matter-you ran plant agam-your contracts just and fair, And when the compensation comes, good lord, how you The* keeper's got it at the floor—two birds and one old hare !Bt'rrr. W!i!/f/¡/t Post. "PUT OUT A BIT."—A nervous lady, travelling by rail last week from Kensington to Croydon, found herself alone ill a first-class compartment. Just asthe train was leaving, a wi'd-looking gentleman, with excited eyes, jumped in. Presently he began taking aloud, lending emphasis co a:), ry ejaculations by vehemently slappi- his knees. The fog was dense, and, as a matter of course, no lllum- ined the darkness. Naturally, the lady was much alarmed at the strange behaviour of her solitary companion, especi- ally as she had only been that morning tohl several escaped lunatics are now roving about England. Whit was to be done ? For a moment or two ahe determined on changing carriages at the first station, but a fear of exciting the madman's suspicions palsied her n'tempted move nent. For a time this continued, the bnatic gesticulating and remonstratin vehemently with some imaginary pcisou Just when the ter-sion on her nerves wns absolutely insup- portable the train stooped, and to her immense rebef the Bedlamite got out. Great was her surprise to s-e that his ticket was not demanded, while the employes touched their hats to him with the most obsequious civility. Calling a guard, she inquired who the strange gentleman was, and why he seemed so excited. One of our direttir. ma am, and he is put out a bit, because the election's goiri against his man."—Globe. ELECTION INTELLIGENCE. Mr T-m-s C-r!-e has hsued the following address to the Electors of Chelsea. The authenticity of the document may be considered as unquestionable as that of the cele- brated writ of pains and penalties" with which Mr Gladstone was (teste F. G. in the Times) recently served. Windbags, Copner Captains. Inepo-Incapables, Sonor- ous Shams, Mud Volcanoes, Wild Sahara Waltzers, and Blat-am BufIoon. "I have read the requisition you have had the impudence to send me. I have bidden it to get gone into the infinities. Lying is not permitted W the eternale; and this globose world, whose very crust is adulterated by snub-faced, rogue- hearted, catechism-reading, hypocritic, sham geo'ogists, is going topsiwards with an alacrity of Niagara-tumble and velocity of universal-smash towardness very noticeable to remark. We have shot Niagara and killed the crow. I stand for your Borough ? The Dismal Science forbid! What do their prescient eyes see around them ? Nothing but able editors reeling off mendacity on reels marked 1,000 'yards when only 500 yards of cotton have I een duly spooled, much to the ultimate discomfiture of confiding Caffres; public analysts, unable t) analyse their own emi- nent muddle-headed, unveracious, chalk-and-cheese padded brains eminent physicians, impotent to cure their own chilblains schoolmasters teaching nothing the way to get Six Towels and a Silver Fork and Spoon Ashantee wars, carried on blindly in blood and blundering, to the ens'ave- ment of much-prayed-at over-emancipated Q'ia-hie Houses of Lordi going into liquidation with Bohemian earls re- fusing to pay f* their black doses, and setting much- outraged County Courts, with their long-suffering bni.iffs, exigents,gridiron-commitments and Holloway Gaol warrants at defiance, and smoking tighteenpenny cigars the while tobacconists howl unpaid, and Themis sits up yonder with patch scarcely veiling the sore eye she has got by weeping at the World's knaveiies and e-he-it; and royal and noble shams, from which Russo-Greek Sailor-Prince Tait irian marriages (with much blubberous whale-oil adulation about them) are not to be excluded. To st 'nd for Chels. a, then -this sulphureous express-stupidity i mining lnto mineral train unveracity age considered-wonld be a standing on the point of a red-hot spear-needle upright tlure^ in th middle of a Devil's Acre very fuliginous to smell, very hot to the feet- and will be yet hotter—of Light honourable Noodledum and doleful creatures having the honour to DP. Altogether, seeing hut a mad Vesuvius, upward-spuming of froth and fume, gas and gaiters, sanctimonious Ex-High Statesmen, People's Williams making flh and blood speeches on Blackheath whichweie better made io Bedlam, the conclusion is not to be avoided, though bishops may hint at it that there is nothing below us but petroleum, picrate of potash and dynamite, with dead Vauxhall tifly thousand additional lamps all b'ct in one lurid flame- cataract of blua blazes-I stand for Chelsea varlets, begone! C—HL—E. of DapuJp, FoK 1st." Fun.

FROM THE PAPERS. ,-/--------........---,---'-..

,E AVD THERE.

[No title]

! BYE-GONES.

February 11, 1874.

III TIPYN n. 8;'8 P TH.

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