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THE BACHELOR'S THERMOMETER.

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THE BACHELOR'S THERMOMETER. No man, according to Samuel Johnson, sits down to depreciate himself, even in writing a letter; how, then, can we expect any man to gibbet him- self in immortal type. The following paper, en- titled, "The Bachelor's Thermometer," was evi-j dently never intended to see the light. It may, therefore, be viewed as probably the most sincere stlf memoir that ever was penned. ( Ætatis SO.—Looked back, through a vista of ten years.— Remembered that, at 20, I looked II pOll a man, of SO as a middje-agedman; wondered at my error, and protracted the middle age to 40. Said to ,myself, Forty is the hge. of wisdom." Reflected generally upon past life wished inysell 20 again; and exclaimed, If I were but 20. what n scholar I would be by 30 but: it's too late now." Looked in the glass; still youthful, but getting rather fat. Young says, a fool at 40 is a fool indeed 40 therefore must be the age of wisdom. St.-Read in the Morning Chronicte that a watchmaker in Parisj aged 3!, had shot himself fur love. More fool tlie watchmaker Agreed that nobody fell in love afier 20. Quoted Sterne, The expression rALT, in love, evidently shews love to be BENEA TH a man. Went to Drury-lane saw JVliss Crotch in Rosetta, and fell in love-with her. Re- ceived her ultimatum none but niat-riinoiiians need apply. Was three months irtakiiig up my mind (a long tinve for making lip such a little parcel) when Kittv Crotch eloped with Lord Buskin. Pretended to be very glad. Took three turns up and down the library, and looked in glass. Getting rather fat and florid. Met a friend in Gray's.illll, who said I was evidently in RUDE health. Thought the compliment ruder than the health. 32.—Passion for dancing rather on the decline. Voted sitting out play and farce one of the impossibilities. Still in stage-box three nights per week. Sympathized with the public in vexation, occasioned by non-attendance the other three; can't please every body. Begin) .to wonder at the pleasure of kicking one's heeis on a chalked floor till four in the morning. Sold bay mare, who reared at three car- riages, and shook me out of the saddle. Thought saddle- making rather Worse than formerly. Hair growing thin. Bought a bottle of Tricosian fluid. Mem. a fluttering unction." 33—Hair thinner. Serious thoughts of a wig. Met Col. Buekhorse, who wears one. Devil in a bush. Serious thoughts of leuing it alone. Met a fellow Etonian in the Green Park, who told me I WORE well; wondered what he could mean. Gave up cricke) club Oil account of the bad air about Paddington could not ruil in it without being out of breath. 34.—Measured for a new coat. Tailor proposed fresh measure, hinting something about bulk. Old measure too short; parchment shrinks. Shortened my morning ride to Hampstead and Highgate, and wondered what people could see at Hendon. Determined not to marry; means expensive, and dubious. Counted 18 bald heads in the pit at the Opera. Stvmuch the better the more the merrier. 35.—Tried on an old greatcoat, and found it an old little one-cloth shrinks as well as parchment. Red face in putting 011 shoes. Bought a shoe-horn. Remember quizsing my uncle,Georg,e for using one then young and foolish. Brother Cltarles's wife lay in of her Bt.h child.Served him. right for marrying at 21 ;iirR Gf discretion to;>J. limiting belts for gentlemen hung up in glover's windows. Longed to buy one,: but two women in shop cheapening mittens. Three grey hairs in left eye-brow. 36.—Several, grey hairs in whiskers; all owing to care- lessness in manufactory of shaving soap. Remember think- ing my futher an old man at 3(5. Settled the point Men grew old sooner in foruit?r days. La:d blame upon flapped waistcoats and.tie-wivs. Skaited on the Serpentine. Gout. Very foolish exercise; only fit for boys. Gave skaits to to Charles's eldest SOil. J>7. Fell in love again, lliither pleajed to find myself not too old for the passion. Emma only 19. What tiien ? Women require protectors; day settled; devilishly fright- ened .too late to get off. Luckify jilted. Emma married George Parker' one day before me. Again determined never to marry. Turned oif old tailor, and took to new one in Bond-street. Soine of those fellows make a man look ten years younger. Not that that was the reason. 38.—Stuck rather more to dinner parties. Gave up coun- try dancing,. Money, Musk' certainly more fatiguing than formerly. Fiddlers play too quick. Q uadriiles stealing j hither over the thanue). Thought of adding to number of GRAVE gentlemen, who learn to dance. Dick Dapper dubbed me one of the ovER-growns. Very impertinent, and utterly untrue. 39.—Quadrill es rising. Wondered sober mistresses of •■families would allow their carpets to be beat after-that fashion. Dinner parties increasing. Found myself gra- dually To urnxii-iNG it towards top ot'tab)e.'Drc:ided ULTIMA TIIUXE of hostesses elbow. Good- plaeesfor cut- ting turkies; bad for cutting jokes. Wondered why I was always desired to waik up. Mettwoschoot-feitowsat Pimlico: both fat and red-faced. Used to say at schoo] th..t they were both of my :ig« what iies boys tell 40.— Look back ten years. 'Remember, at 30, thinking 40 a middle-aged man. Must have meant 50. Fifty cer- tainly, the age of wisdom. Determined to be wise in ten years. Wished to learn music and Italian, Tried LoGtEn. "Pwotiirl not do.—No defect of capacity, but those things should be learned in childhood. 41.—New furnished chambers.—Looked in new glass; one-chin too much. Looked' in other new glass; chin still double. Art of gtasHJlakingoll the decline. Sold my horse, and-wondered .people could find any pleasure in being bumped. What were legs made for ? 42.— Gout.again; that disease certainly attacks young people more than formerly. Caught myself at a rubber of whist, and blushed. Tried my hand at original composi- tion, and found a hankering after epigram and satire. Wondered I could ever write Ipve-sonne-ts-. Imitated Horace's ode "Ne sit ancilla. Did not mean any thing serious, tho.ug;h Sus-ni certainly civil and attentive. 43i—Bought a hunting belt. Braced myself up till ready to burst. Int.es.!in.e.s..not to be trifled with threw it aside.—Youpg men, much too small in the waist. Read in Morning Post an advertisement, Pills to prevent Corpulency bought a box; Never the slimmer, though much the sicker. 44 —Met Fanny Stapleton, now Mrs. Meadows, at Bul. lock's Museum. Twenty-five years ago wanted to marry her.—What an escape Women certainly age mncli sooner than men. Charles's eldest boy began to think himself i.- sa man.—Starched cravat and a cane f What presumption! At his age I was a child. 45.-A few wrinkles about the eves, commonly called crow's feet. Must have caught cold. Began to talk poli- tics, and shirk the drawing-room. Eulogized Garrick saw nothing in Kean.. talked of Lord North. Wondered at the iicentionsness of the modern press. AVhy can't people be civil, like J.unius and John Wilkes, in the good old times? 46.—Rather on the decline, but still handsome and in- teresting. Growing dislike to the company of young men all of them talk too much or too little. Began to call chamber-maids at Inns '■ My dear." Thought the money expended upon Waterloo-bridge might have been better employed.-Listened to a howl from Capt. Querulous, about family expenses, price of bread, and butcher's meat. Did not care a jot, if bread was a shilling a roll, and butcher's meat fifty pounds a calf. Hugged myself in "single, blessedness," and wished him a good morning. .47.—Top of head quite bald. Pleaded Lord Grey in justification. Shook it, on reflecting that I was bijt three years removed from the Age of Wisdom." Teetli sound, but not as white as heretofore. Something the. matter with the dentrifice. Began to be cautions in Chronology. Bad thing to remember too far back. Had serious thoughts of not remembering Miss Farren. 43.—Quite settled not to remembsr Miss Farren. Told Laura W illis that Palmer, who died when I was 19, certainly did not LOOK 48. 49.—Resolved never to marry for any thing but money or rank. 50.—Age of wisdom, Married cny cook. 6 Caution.Counterfeit half-crowns are now in the course of industrious, circulation in Bath. A tradesman had three offered ht his counter withui < the last week. A few evenings since, while Mr. Rowland Lowe, of Allerton; a respectable farmer, was returning home from Wrexham fair, he was attacked, on the road 'between-■■Edge-hill Coffee-honse and jPlumb- hall, b}r three men, two of whom struck hitn severely on the head, and knocked him down.— When on the ground, one of them demanded ins watch, but he had fortunately left it at home.— They rilled his pockets of four or five pounds. The night was very dark and stormy; and Mr. L. was so severely hurt that he with difficulty crawled to a neighbouring cottage, without his hat, and covered-with blood. Mr. L. left Wrexham with a considerable sum of money, which he fortunately II' deposited with a friend in Liverpool.

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SWANSEA, FRIDAY, APRIL 13.…

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