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Mils anb Jjvincics. J- Diffic,llt The farther a man gets away from a doilar the bigger it lopb. It is the father of twins who knows what it is to oe up vv.th the ho vs.. Wife i see that the poet Whittier m his SOth^ year mourned that he never got married." Husband Y es, ■some people never do know when they are well eft. A Real Gallant.—Mother So you want my uunghter for your wife He (gallantly) Partly that,^ madam, j and partly that you may be my mother-in-law. The Rwt* Defined.—Adlet What is the course of true love, Miss Kissam ?" Miss Ivissam It leads aioiig the bridal path, Mr. Adlet." He I can tell just what people are thinking ot me She Indeed. How very unpleasant it must be for you. Wife John, did you know that this is the anniversary of my weddiner day ?'! Husband Why, no. it isn't. We were married in March. NVi,e I am speaking "t mv first husband, .John." :\ly friends," "aid jJnlitieian tho otbe,r day, with a burst of ingenuous eloquence, I will be honest The terrific outburst of applause which followed this re- mark entirely upset the point which the orator was about to introduce. A religious lecturer told an audience in Oklahama that if a man had sufficient faith he might pick up a rattle- snake and the reptile could not bite him. Instead of accepting the statement on trust, one man went out and put the matter to the test, with the result that the ere iture bit him and he died. An American paper which tells this story remarks, The fools are not all dead yet, but one of them is. How Did She Know It ?—A young lady, supposed to be a confirmed man-hater, was eating some ice-cream the other day, and expressed a dislike at its flavour. Her companions, who were better pleased, asked her what fault she found with it, whereupon she replied that it had a sort of shaving-soap taste. She had some ditnculty in maintaining a proper degree of easy unconcern in replying to the questions that immediately followed. A good story is told of a late Dublin doctor, famous for his skill, also for his great love of money. He had a constant and rich patient in an old shopkeeper in Dame- street. This old lady was terribly rheumatic and unable to leave her sofa. During the doctor's visit she kept a i-1 note in her hand, which duly went into Dr. C -7 b pocket. One morning he found her lying dead on the sofa. Sighing deeply, the doctor approached, and toking her hand in his, saw the fingers closed 011 his fee. J oO,r thing," he said, as he pocketed it., Sensible to the la, SONNET, BARD AND BONNET. Once a poet wrote a sonnet All about a pretty bonnet, And a critic sat upon it ( On the sonnet, Not the bonnet ), Nothing loth. And, as it if were high treason, Slid, Neither rhyme nor reason Has it. And it's out of season, W hih ? The sonnet Or the bonnet? May be both. 'Tis a feeble imitation Of a worthier creation. An aesthetic innovation Of a sonnet Or a bonnet. This was hard. Both were put together neatly, Harmonising very sweetly, But tbe cntrc crjshed completely, Not the bonnet, Or the sonnet, But the Bard

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