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CONCEITS, KNACKS, TRIFLES.

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CONCEITS, KNACKS, TRIFLES. UNCONSTITUTIONAL.-Counts in the House of Commons.- Obviousest Joke of the Time.—Advice to Scotland Yard— EKE SSWtU WORT).—Cabby MMA KjBag Shilling): "Come, I say, what d'ye call th ie. Facetious Fare 'Heads*!—So it is Hand over'1 ~flf,srv,00i Bo-rrd Truth says the following dialogue occurred at a examination of "junior mixed:" Extuiiner "And ( who reigned after Saul (' Answer: "David." Examiner:" And who came after Da,id Y" Amrwe.r: "Solomon." Examiner: And who came after Solomon ? Sharp little girl: Oh, please "^Thev have^been havh^'a marriage lottery in Kansas city, Mo., which has proved a great success. Contrary to the distribution n/thp wvpfL number of men anxious to be married pre- dominated over the women, for a thousand of the rougher sex WCTp anwn" the competitors for less than half the number of women. The lucky winners were married in the presence of the ^Sta rtli'mT I N T ELLI G ENCE .—A man of gentlemanly appear- ance presented himself at the pates of the Royal Arsenal, Wnniwifh a fliv or two since, m a state of considerable excite- ment and stated to the police officer on duty that he had received information, which was beyond doubt, that the Russian fleet was famine up the Thames. He was quite coherent, and requested that the incredible nature of his information might not rlelav its transmission to the proper authorities, which, beine himself an officer in the army, he knew to be of the utmost importance. Mr. Hindes, the superintendent of the Dockyard and Arsenai Police, to whom he was introduced, saw at once the improbability of his story, and suspecting his sanity, comforted him with the assurance that the newly-constructed batteries on- the Thames might be trusted in the emergency, and sent the gentleman to the Woolwich Union. In a few hours the mental aberration under which he was suffering passed away, and he expressed much regret for his folly. It transpired that he had really been an officer in the army, but had commuted his pension, and that he was recently private secretary to a member of Parliament. DEAD SEASON DONATIONS. Following the lead of the Lancashire excursionists who with an eye to the fitness of tilings the other day, presented Mr Gladstone with "an excellent walking-stick the subjoined little list of holiday gifts has been carefully knocked off by "One WLoRDnBr:l'coNSFiF.Li>—Turkish Smoking Cap, elaborately em- broidered with the legend, "Silence is golden." LORD DERBY-Tight rope (with piece of chalk and balancing r° w'1H k SM i TH — A Broom (warranted to sweep clean). Sir JAMES Ingkam—Half a dozen Ventilators (to be left at Bow Street). The EMPEROR OF RUSSIA—Illuminated oopy of "Hope told a ■^Th™ lJi'ke OF RICHMOND AND GORDON—A Box cf Beetle ^Marshal MACMAHON—A Safety Valve. Mr. WHALLEY—A full-length Portrait, in oils, of Mr. Tooth. Mr. CROSS—Ticket for Circular Tour in Scotland Yard. Mr. PARNELL—A permanent Seat in the Shipka Pass. And Mr. PONGo-The Franchise. x (From Punch.)

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DEATH OF M. THIERS.

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BYE-GONES.

SEPTEMBER 5, 1877.

NOTES.

! TIPYN 0 BOB PETH.

THE CROPS AND THE CORN TRADE.

WOLVERHAMPTON IRON TRADE.—WEDNESDAY.

[No title]

:THE RUSSO-TURKISH WAR.

BATTLE BEFORE PLEVXA.

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