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UP AND DOWN THE COAST.j

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UP AND DOWN THE COAST. j AN ADDRESS TO THE DEAD. The other Jay I was walking, or rather stumbling. about in Saint Michael'.s churchyard. Sa-,red to the memory of the beloved." In affectionate remembrance of the Dearly Beloved," "This memorial was placed here in loving memory of," &c., &c., &c. Some of the stones seemed ashamed of the maudlin stuff they bear and were leaning towards thegrounl ia most de- jected fashion. Weeds, briars, grass, rust, decay, ruin, neglect; these are the permanent "loving remembrances of the dead If you want to indulge in a severe fit of cyni- cism go and spend two hours in Saint Michael's churchyard. fierce storms may shake the tottering railings of the tombs bnt the dead sleep soundly. Oh, ye de-ai The hateful cant of sentimental humbug Las ceased to follow you. When you died people who did not Care a brass farthing for you put up their shutters, dressed themselves in their Sunday clothes, and followed you to the grave in crowds. Many of you grinning skele- tons had highly respectable fnnerals. Ta j, rag, and bobtail gathered together when yeu were carried to this your for- gotten resting place. In your last moments it was your consolation to feel that you would have a large funeral. Alas! Oh, ye cheated dead, how ye would squeak and gibber in the streeti," if you could only realize the neglect that has fallen upon you. It mver struck you during life time, when you dwelt on the pleasures of a large funeral, that your graves would be neglected, and that the church- yard would be a disgrace to Wales Many times have I tried to get this burial place nude decent, but nothingcan be done. Here and there a grave shows signs of care, but the general appearance is distressing. When members of my family di"- as is proved by the annals-there is no loud proclamation of grief. Silently we are carried to the grave dug deep in some bG:,ky solitude, yet within sound of the roaring Si1. Oh, ye dead, when I come over to you and voices are hushed for a season in my bit of a place on the coast, let men keep my grave clear of ail sculptured rub- bish. L-ovel it down, and give nature a fair chance to cover it with her perpetual greenness. Would it not have been better so with you than to be bu dened with these hideous black i'abs, whitewashed walls, iron railings, and other chronicles of death ? My anxiety i to make men remember that I lived, and not to have them told that I died. EMINENT MEN IN WALES. From the First of April. 1876, the following rules, regu- lations, principles, and order? will be observed throughout the Principality of Wales respecting Eminent Men :— 1. -No man shall be eminent, or be addressed as eminent, simply because he was born in Wales. 2.- Any claim to eminence based merely on acquaintance with a person whose uncle wrote an essay, shall be dis- allowed. j 3 —Editors of Newspapers shall not be considered eminent. 4.—Correspondents of Newspapers, whose reports have to be licked info shape by the sub-editor, shall not be considered eminent, but they may be allowed to use bardic titles. 5.—Professional singers, lecturers, preachers, doctors, lawyers. architects, shall not be considered eminent. 6.—Amateurs in any profession shall not be considered eminent. 4 .-Wearing long hair shall not be considered a mark of eminence. 8. Cùnductvrs of eisteddfodau shall not be addressed as eminent. j 9.) name shall v ad led to the roll of eminent men however many prizes tie has won at eistedufodau. 10—No man shall be considered eminent for an ode on the village rump, or any similar subject. 11—Eminent men vrho vio'ate the letter L, who have never read Snakespearc who say" immegeate" instead of immediate who purchase degrees from colleges and who owe any reputation they possess to personal canvassing, shall in future be classed with ordinary people. 12 —Liquidations by arrangement shall not entitle a man to be cai:t d emineat. 13.-Ha.ving written a book shall not be considered a proof of eminence. 14.—Being in possession of a fortune shall not be taken as a proof that a man is eminent. 15 —No pnPf, composer, writer, speaker, shall be con- sidered eminent until his fame has soread at least five nailts beyond the town or village where he was born. 16 —Every applicant for eminence must produce some higher qualification than the good opinion of his relatives and intimate friends. 17.—Even at the risk of doing injustice to somt heaven sent genius, it shall be clearly understood that not more than ninety-five per c-nt of the population shall be considered eminent at one time. IS.-That no Welshman shall be considered eminent for the possession of qualities which in every other part of the world are supposed to be the common property of sane men. 19.-That no man shnll call another man eminent in the hope that the compliment will be returned. 20.—That Perry Winkle will forgive every one who laughs in the face of those who try to persuade them that nineteen twentieths of their acquaintances are eminent men. THE FOOLS OF ENGLAND AND WALES. We all know some of them. To know them all would be more than human nature could bear. One of the remark- able facta of our national life is that new tests for the dis- covery of fools are being constantly made. The last test is the Empress of India farce. Already the toadies are deing all they can to be first in their respective districts to offer their obsequious service. The Prime Minister has dis. covered a novel way of driving back Russia from the frontiers of our Indian Empire, but he cannot be expected to discover everything. He is, therefore, welcome to the following eiscoverhs some of which are nearly as foolish though not >o mischievous as hi3 own. That mayors of towns shall in future be called Venerable { and Worshipful Mayor. and that they shall be entitled to appeni the letters V.W.M. after their names as long as they live. That, guardiacs of the poor shall, in order to put a final stop lu out-door rilLf, he styled In future Kisht Royal Re- lievers, and that three It's rampant shall be their coat of ancs. That, in order to allay public discontent and to pleas; everybonv.the following lloyal Proclamation shall be made Queens shall be Empresses Everybody else shall rise a step, or two steps, or as many steps as they like,on payment of good rour,d sums in boroughs to mayors in counties to lord lieutenant-; elsewhere as shall be appointed. That in future there shall b six colon Is to a regiment, two cap- tains to 4 ship, double the number of field marshals, ad- miral g-nera's, and in fact all the well paid officials who bear titles tha., aLybody e1.,e wou'd like to, ahall be doubled in Dumbor, A3 thi3 cour-e may twnd to demoralize the nation, a large addition will also be made !>ot.h to the strength of archbishop* and bishops, whose salaries shall be largely increased. A large number of clerical popguns wi'l be nnde into canons. T. ry newspapers, instead of only receiving the few Government advertisements now given to them, will be requested, on behalf of morality, to print a cha-oti-r out of thy Bible, or two chapters, every time they publish, with choice as to lergtk o' chapters, at 2s a line. The onlv change tra- Liberal Governments will in this order will be that Liberal newspapers, instead j of their conttmp'/rari s, will tea. h Scripture at 2s aline. The proprietors < f newspapers will thus earn as much as bishops and almost as easily. Anyo e who docs not like this siate of things at the end of twelve months, and says BO. will be sent for to a Ktw government office which is aboiu to be establish;], Jfe will there be asked to look at Lis gnevance through a pair of g.,lden spectacles, and if th..s- spectacles suit Ms -yesight he will have the option c.f keepmg U.eyi. Th-; fir,t ?ttp on the road to everything is to pa** R»yal litlvs Bill. J The C, WINKLE.

"CRIOGIETH

ABERAERON.

ABERYSTWYTH

LAMPETER.

FFESTINIOG.

PORTMADOC

PWLLHELI

LLANWNEN

SHIPPING. IItI

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