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£ iut$ auti tmtdt,. A SCAPEGru.CK-A man late at dinner. SOMETHING TO WEFII O\ Kit.—A bushel of onions. To MAKE A VENETIAN BLIND.-Pilt out his eye. GOOD PLACES FOR MATCH-MAKING.—Sulphur springs. Grocers should remember that honest tea is the best poEcy. What kind of robbery is not dangerous ? A safe robbery of course. The more honesty a man has, the less he affects the air of a saint.- "Lavater." SHOULD AULD ACQUAINTANCE HE FORGOT "Not if they have money. If you ever find a stingy Quaker, make up to him you will find him a close Friend. What is that which must play before it can work .'—A fire- eni ne. It is no sign because a man makes a stir in the commuuity that he is a spoon. A coloured gentleman in Texas went into a blacksmith's shop with his coat-tail full of powder. He came out through the roof. METEOROLOGICAL QUERY.—When is the worst weather for rats and mice ?—When it rams cats and dogs. A country paper says that this is the last thing from an im- passioned lover to his mistress Would you were a note of ex- cl.i.nation, aud I a parenthesis Beauty iiiiy have been given for a dower, but fashion too often only caricatures it, and is always at some variance with the laws of health, as well as those of "modesty. It is more blessed to give than to receive it is much more blessed to be a ratepayer than a pauper, and we ought to re- count our ratepaying as alms.—Lynch. The Pope pronounces excommunication Of all the parties to Rome's annexation. What would become of the Italian nation, Were Papal curses sure of -Pititch. WANT OF TACT.—Arguing with an opponent who is lame, and assuring him that he has not a leg to stand on. Telling a man with only one eye (iu an insinuating way) tInt yon would like to get on his blind side. Urging a friend who stammers not to hesitate to express his opinion. Declaring to the possessor of a false set that you mean to do it in spite of his teeth. Informing an acquaintance, who never has his glass out of his eye, that you consider he takes a very short-sighted view of things. Telling a man who squints that you are sorry you cannot see the matter as he sees it.— Punch. Much meat doth gluttony produce, To feed men fat as swine But he's a frugal man indeed That on a leaf can dine He needs no napkin for his hands, His linger en is to Wipl) That hath his kitchen in a box, His roast meat in a pipe itit SI'URGEON AND MR DISRAELI IN AUSTRALIA.—The Au<tralat>an, a Melb mme newspaper devoted to matters sport- ing, agricultural, theatrical, and domestic, publishes every week Disraeli's Lothair and Spurgeon's btit with this dif- ference, that while the editor pays for the right of publishing the novel, he gets paid "for inserting the serm.ms as advertise- ments \Ve lament to say that the funcl for doing the latter is getting low, as will be seen from a recent number of the paper, as follows The gentleman who has hitherto, at his own ex- pense, inserted Spurgeon's and other sermons in the Melbourne weekly papers, finding it beyond his power to continue the pub- lication of these sermons, asks Christian friends who approve of this means of doing good to help him to continue the publica- tion of the sermons in Melbourne, and to extend their insertion to papers published in the other colonies. He therefore appeals to all who think well of it, and feel David's application (What shall I render to the Lord for all His benefits toward me ?) to senll in their contributions to .Mr S. Warren, office of The Australasian, the receipt of which will be duly acknowledged." The Convict's Carte-de-Yisite. The prison van.—Punch. AMERICAN ITEMS. An ex-Mayor of Boston is now leader of a minstrel troupe. In New York, the youth now affect King William whiskers." A girl, aged sixteen, is in gaol in Wisconsin, charged with horse stealing. Jefferson D,tvis is passing his time in delivering addresses to Sundav Schools, in the South. Six hundred Chinese, male and female, recently sta.-ted from Ca'ifornia for the Flowery Land, to participate in the festivities of the New Year. Revolutions are now going on in four South American Re- publics. Out West raw potatoes are administered as a cure for intoxi- cation. San Francisco has a suit in progress which is conducted by 270 Lys. r The corner stone of the New Capitol building at Albany, N.Y., weighs 23 tons. The Xew York Express thinks the selling of impure liquors on "lit to be made a felony. Trov claims to have the most fertile soil in tlie whole country a street with uniform mud sixteen inches deep. Norwich, Connecticut, has on exhibition a silver shekel, said to have once been in one of the vaults of King Solomon's temple. A listener complains that in the debate at a late meeting of the Milk Producers' Association" nothing was said about water. John M'Carthv, of Troy, was sentenced, last week, to a year s imprisonment, with hard labour, for having stolen a cotton um- brella. mistnr t^mus brown, president of nasaurnal bank, feller- deify," was the superscription on a letter that passed through the Boston post-oifiee, recently. In Boston drunkenness is now described as too much halm." Baltimore's wealthiest citizen, Johns Hopkins, is worth 7,000,000 dollars. A secret- society of young women exists in Memphis. Each member is bound not to marry a man who cannot give her a diamond ring. The two Nashville papers are quarreling ahout their circula- tion. The lJnion and American says its is 17,000 and the Banner's 13,000, while the Banner says 13,000 will cover both. One poultry fancier in California has 10,00) lions. There are 437 lakes in Oakland County, Michigan. The North Carolina Legislators have voted to .pay themselves 5 dollars a day. A coloured man in Tennessee lias been twice hanged hut is still living. A Richmond Custom-house omcer has been removed for not voting at the late election. voting at the late election. A Los Angelos (Ca-1.) paper is "glad to see that most of our citizens have had sense enough to return to the use of the bowie knife." Sumner thinks the Pennsylvania oil regions "more produc- tive of wealth than the silver mines of Nevada, California, Mexico, amI Peru combined." A raid was made on the milk dealers of New Orleans, last week, and forty-seven of their number were arrested for selling an adulterated article. One Kansas editor calls another "an eighteen karat fniuu. They have a coloured woman aged lOi in the Orange County, N.Y., poorhouse. Tiie President is said to intend making a tour of the Pacific States next spring. The coloured ladies of Indiana have a secret order called the Doves of Perfection." In the Sandwich Islands it is death for a man's mother-in-law to visit him without permission. The will of the late Stephen D. Tomlinson, of Indianopolis, Ind., bequeaths 100,000 dollars for the erection of public build- ings to adorn that city. A Washington mechanic is constructing a four-horsc.-power steam engine, weighing only ninety pounds, to be used in pro- pelling ah experimental balloon. I The'editress of the South Bend (Indiana) National Union says she is tiding to remember who it was th:it promised her a baby I carriage. Her baby is getting too heavy for her to carry about in her arms.

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