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Simpson of Bussora.I

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Simpson of Bussora. I I have a profound distrust of all travellers. Not because they are prone to tell rue untruths about their expe- riences, for that in a great measure be- clines a dangerous experiment; wherever they may have been other people have now also been, and it is easy, if I may rse a professional expression, to correct their proofs." No, my distrust arises from the ideas in my own mind of the experiences that they do not tell me. When they get a way from the regions of civilisation, and out of the influence of public opinion, think I to myself, what is it these people do not do? For the very fact of a man's being a traveller is, between ourselves, by no means a good sign. Why does he not «top at home in the bosom of his family, or, if he has no family, acquire one? It is his duty as a citizen. One of the quietest and best fellows I ever knew-and I have known him all my life-was Simpson of Bussora. I was at school with him five and forty years ago, and, though his house of business is at the distant spot just mentioned, I had met him from time to time during his periodical visits to this country, and always found hii* unchanged—gentle, un- assuming, modest, and orthodox in his opinions. Our house does a little business with him in shawls and carpets, but our acquaintance is mainly social. My wife and daughters are very partial to him and delight in his Persian tales, which are picturesque and full of local colour He wings them little bottles of scent which perfume the whole neighbourhood, and now and then a scarf that is the envv of their friends. I never, however, entertained any idea of Simpson as a son-in-law until my wife put it into my head. He lived too far away for me to picture him in such a ^relation, and, though x knew he had made money, I did not think he had made •^enough to return home and settle. His income was a very handsome one; but living at Bussora, he had given me to understand, was dear, and did not admit of much saving. Above all, Simpson Struck me as by no means a marrying man. Whenever the subject of matrimony was mooted he always smiled in that dry, cvnical way which proclaims the con- firmed bachelor. Household matters did mot interest him; he did not take much ;to children; he would smoke until the "Small hours of the morning, and raise his eyebrows when one said it was late and perhaps one's wife might be sitting up. He would say Really!" as though such itn idea as one's wife sitting up for one was preposterous, but could never concern him. I need not "J into the cause which led to my convers>i with Simpson on the subject of matrimony. Suffice it to say tha.t I did not do so of my own free will. I had received instructions from my wife to sound" Simpson on the matter, with relation to some ideas" that she had got into her head with respect to our second daughter, Jane, and to hear was to obey," as they say at Bussora. "My dear Simpson," said I, as we were cracking our walnuts together after a little dinner under my roof, I often wonder why a man like you, with a large income and a fine house, as you describe ,your home to be at Bussora, has never married. It must be rather wretched living out there alone." Well, it would lJe, no doabt," said Simpson, in his quiet way. But, Lord bless you I've been married these twenty years. You might have knocked me down with a leather. '"Married these twenty years! You astound me. Why, how was it you never tspoke about it?" "Oh, I don't know; I thought it '.wouldn't interest you. She was a Per- sian. you know. If she had been a ^European, then I should have told you." j "A Persian wife! Dear me," said I, "how funny it seems!" I said "funny," ] but at the same time ail the suspicions f that I entertained (and now entertain more than ever) respecting travellers and persons who abjure civilisation crowded into my mind. "Now, what colour, my dear Simpson, if I may put the question without impertinence, are your children?' Well, we've got Uf. children," said Simpson, in his usual imperturbable tone. "We never had any." I don't know why, but somehow or other 11 thought this creditable to Simpson. It was vMy wrong in him to have married a Persian, perhaps a fire-worshipper, or at least a Mahomedan, but it s a comfort to think that the evil had, so to speak, stopped there. To think of Simpson with a heap of parti-coloured children, profess- ing, perhaps theii mother's outlandish faith they grew up. would have been pumfv< me, in connection with the fact that Simpson was at that moment under my roof, the same roof with my wife and daughters, and that I was the church- warden of our district church. I forsook at once the particular subject of Simpson's wife to discuss the general subject of polygamy. Tue Persians have more wives than one, have they not?" I inquired. Those who can afford it have," said he, but u is not so usual as you may imagine." •• T need not as* how so profligate a sysc-e"! must needs work," said I. It is a domestic failure, of course?" lou need not ask the question, as you sav." replied Simpson, cracking a walnut. i:t if you do ask, I am bound to say it s so far like marriage in this country— it is sometimes a domestic failure and sometimes not. Perhaps it requires more judgment in selection; you have not only to please others, you know, but to please your other wives.' Goodness gracious said I, bow ooodv you talk about it! I hope no European who happens to be resident in this strange community ever gives in to the custom?" Some do and some don't," was the reoiv of Simpson. "I lived in Persia with one wife for fifteen years before I %ave in." "What I You married a second wife, four first wife being alive!" "Just so," was the unabashed rejoinder. Simpson swept the walnut shells into a corner of his plate, and helped himself to sherry. I have now four wives." Bless my soul and body!" said I. "Four wives?" "Yes. The story of my little menage may seem in your ears rather curious. If it will not bore you, I'll tell you about it." I had no words to decline the offer, even if I wished it. My breath was fairly taken away by Simpson's four wives. The traveller who once told me that he liked his food uncooked (human flesh) had given me rather a turn, but that was nothing to this revelation of my present companion— a man we had always considered of the highest respectability, and who my wife had thought would have suited our Jane. "Well, it was at a pic-nie party on the plains near Bussora that the thing first same about. My wife and I were both present at it; and, my European notions preventing my believing there could be the least misunderstanding about it since I was already married, I made myself very agreeable to a certain Persian lady. She was neither young nor pretty—just like what my wife herself, indeed, had grown to be by that time-and I had no more though of making her my No. 2 than dear me!—of embracing Mahomedanism. My attentions, however, were mis- construed, and her brother, being a violent man in the Shah's cavalry., and knowing I had a fairish income, insisted on my becoming his brother-in-law. I believe many marriages are often brought about in the same way, so there was nothing in that; the peculiarity of the ease lay in my having a wife already, and one who was very resolute indeed to prevent my having another. I spare you the troubles that ensued. Between my wife No. 1, on the one hand, and her sharp tongue and the officer of Spahis, on the other, with his sharp sword, I was ptoced in a very unpleasant position, I promise you; but in the end I mazned Ehaladt. -I am sorry to say thatwo ladies cot I on extremely iH said a great English wit that TOW one^B wife gets to be forty one ought to be allowed to change her for two twenties, like a jorty-pound note, and I daresay that would be very nice; but, unhappily, I had now two wives, each forty, if they were a day, wnd tfaeoe was no prospect of getting them (ehanged or parting from them in any way. Pirouze and Khaleda led me a most unhappy life. They quarrelled from morn- ing to night, and, so far from being able to playon one against the other as I had •secretly hoped, I was treated with great onkindiness by both of them. They were a matter of very ^considerable expense, of ftTld tie satisfaciMB. position, in fact, became intolerable; and, as I Muld please neither of them, I resolved to piease myself by marrying No.3." A twenty, I suppose," said I, inte- rested in spite of myself in this remarkable narration. Well, yes; that is, she would have been twenty in England, but in Persia young ladies. marry a good deal earlier. -She was a charming creature, and cost me "What! Did you buy her?" cried I, in astonishment and horror. Well, no, not exactly; her father, however, insisted upon something hand- some, and there were heavyish fees to be pa.id to her mother and sisters, and to the Governor of Bussora. The custom of the country is curious in that respect. After one's second wife a considerable tax is levied by the Government upon marry- ing men. However, Badoura was worth all the money; she sang, she played divinely; that is, she would have done so if she had not been always crying. Pirouze and Khaleda made her life utterly mise- rable. Hitherto they had been at daggers drawn with one another, but now they united together to persecute the unhappy Badoura. Her very life was scarcely safe with them. Wretched as my former lot had been, it was now unendurable, for one can bear one's own misery better than those we love." Here Simpson took out his handkerchief, of a beautiful Persian pattern, and pressed it to his eyes. "Yes, my dear friend, they led my Badoura a dog's life—did these two women. I felt myself powerless to protect her, for I was never physically strong; and, though I did not understand one-half of the epithets they showered upon her, I could see by the effect they had upon her that they were most injurious—what I have no doubt in this country would be considered actionable. For her, however, there was no remedy, and I think she would have sunk under their persecution had I not married Zobeide." No. 4 cried I, aghast. What on earth did you do that for?" I married Zobeide solely and wholly for Badoura's sake. I chose her, not for her beauty, nor her virtues, nor her accomplishments, but entirely for her thews a.nd sinews. I said to her, Zobeide, you are a strong and powerful young woman; if I make you my wife will you protect my lamb?' and she said, 'I will.' It was the most satisfactory investment— I mean, the happiest choice--I ever made. My home is now the abode of peace. In one wing of the house abide Pirouze and Khaleda, in the other Zobeide and Badoura —two on the east side and two on the west Each respects the other; for, although Pirouze and Khaleda are strong females, and each could wring the neck of my dear Badoura, Zobeide i.s stronger than both of them put together, and pro- tects her. Thus the opposing elements are, as it were, neutralised; the com- batants respect one anotiter, and I am the head of the united house I got letters from all of my four wives this morning, each of them most characteristic; Badoura forgot to pay the postage—she has a soul above pecuniary details—and her letter was the dearest of all." "Don't cry, Simpson," said I; "don't cry, old fellow. The steamer goes on Tuesday, and then you will see your wives again. They will welcome you with outstretched arms—eight outstretched arms—like the octopus." I confess I was affected by my friend's artless narration at that time, though, since I have reflected upon the matter, my moral sense has re-asserted itself, and is outraged. I state the matter as fairly as I can. I have been to pic-nics myself, as a married man, and made myself agree- able to the ladies. Well, in Persia. this might have cost me my life, or the expense of a second establishment. So far, there is every excuse for Simpson. But, on the other hand, the astounding fact remain, that there are four Mrs. Simpsons at Bussora. Whenever I look at his quiet, businesslike face or hear him talking to my wife and the girls about Persian scenery, this revelation of his strikes me anew with wonder. Of course, I have not told them about his domestic relations it would be too great a shock on their respective systems; yet the possession of such a secret all to myseJf is too hard to bear, and I have, therefore, laid it before the public. The whole thing resolves itself into a rule-of-three sum. If even a quiet, re- spectable fellow like Simpson, residing at Bussora, has four wives, how many wives —well, I don't mean exactly that: but how much queerer things must people do who are not so quiet and respectable as Simpson, and who live still further off?— "Short Storhs."

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