Evening Express

=- COMPLETED STOR' Her Story and His. SuL-it hi the almost fathomless depths of luxuriously upholstered chairs, the lights of the room so subdued that all was obscure save the pictures and the music made by the burn- ing, crackling logs on the hearth, the two old chums of days gone by, Henry Neilson, retired banker, and John Speiser, eminent physician, were deep in the highly unmasculins indul- gence of gossiping. So completely absorbed in their occupation were they off there in the library that even mine host appeared oblivious of the important fact that the portals of his mansion were about to be thrown open to receive the guests who had been bidden to dine at Hawthorne that evening. One of these guests, however, was the subject which was engrossing Neilson's thoughts and remarks, to the exclusion of everything else. "Of course, you will understand it all much better when you have seen her," he said. "In relating the story to you in advance I do not feel that I have betrayed her confidence, since you are so entirely out of our little world. And it is great luck," he went on, "that you cme upon us in this opportune way. Why, it lOuld not have been better if it had all been trranged." Here Neilson looked at his watch. "We have l little time. I must tell you the rest. The story," he said, "was written at a desk literally heaped with evidences of her hopeless penury, for the morning's mail had brought demands for immediate payment from more points than a cottipass could possibly indicate. Of course, this environment was. responsible for her very desperate thoughts, but she found herself regretting, for the first time, the loss of an opportunity for averting all this financial disaster—an opportunity then half a dozen years beyond recall." He fairly shuddered at the thought. Then, "You see. Jack, I cannot bear to think lovert of her miraculous escape from that temptation. "The passionate outburst of feeling found expression in her pen, and she wrote her own atory-told how a man who was a great power in his community, who had position, wealth, influence, and, above all, a fascination and magnetism that made him difficult to resist, had offered them all to her. He had been married many years and was about to sail to Europe with his family. His importunings continued up to the very night before sailing, and while his family were actually on board the steamer he was a hundred miles away risking everything for one moment more with which to use his powers of eloquence to per- suade her to join her fate to his. He would have cast everything he possessed to the winds, have dishonoured his family, sacrificed his pro- fessional standing if Barbara had not been an impregnable rock of virtue. "It took a few years only to exhaust the Slender resources which her father had left to his widow and daughter. Financial troubles had really caused his death. And so one day, after looking at her mother's pitiful condition- in and comfortless and harassed by the know. ledge of their penniless state-she betook her- self to the man who had proffered her more than the half of his kingdom. "Alone, she would never have appealed to him. For her mother's sake she had no choice. "It will seem incredible to you, I know, that any man could resist such an appeal, but most of all the one whose fate had been in her hands but a few brief years before. He said, in very dignified style, something about his 'life's work-it consisted, I believe, of securing endowments for universities in various parts of the country-about the impor- tance of such work because it would endure, whi.e his principles would not permit him to touch personal matters, they having only an ephemeral existence. Jack," continued Henry Neilson, there may be demons, but I think that man's revenge fitted him for the lowest depths of Hades, don't ycu 0 Oh, I mus; tell you that the story was a success at once-that is, it was accepted by vhe managing editor of a newspaper, ordered into print, and when measured by the yard stick in the cashier's department duiy paid for with strict regard to the quantity under consideration. That was not a great amount. But one day she was informed that a check for 10,000dols. had been sent to the office of the newspaper for the writer of that story." "Harpy the man who had the privilege of serding that money to Barbara Floyd," moaned Jack Speiser. Neilson looked up a little startled at the interruption. Oh, yes. I did tell you her name, did I not? We.l. when she asked my advice about accepting it we decided to take il as a loan. I happened to be making a success- ful venture for myself at the time, and her lO.OOOdois. were easily increased tenfold. When the loan, as we called it, was returned to her benafac,)- it was with the full assu- rance that it had made her rich, and the desire was added that it should be passed on to do still juore good wcrk." The curtain was pushed aside and a visior. appeared there which might have turned many heads besides the very level one Aat had been placed on Henry Neilson's stalwart shoulders. It was much too dark in the room for Barbara, coming as she did out of the stronger light. to distinguish the features of either of the men, so she merely said, in her own sweet way, that she was intruding with a message from Mrs. Neilson, who begged Mr. Neilson to join them immediately in the drawing-room. The vision, or something unaccountable, evi- dently had turned the head of the celebrated Dr. Speiser. Neilson had not dreamed that he would be like a death's head at their feast. "Such a joyous occasion, too," he mused; "the announcement of the betrothal of our belovec Barbara to the man of her choice, that lucky L-ewis, who, of course, is worthy of her if any man could be." But Barbara was radiant. The spectral figure had not affected her high spirits, except, pos- sibly, to Increase them. "I shall be leaving so early in the morning that I will not see you again, Neilson," said Speiser, as they were parting for the night. "I want to inflict a work about myself," he said, "to add my confidence to Barbaria Floyd's. You will agree with me, I think, that after witness- ing her happiness to-night there is no further need of 'Hades' to expiate my cruelty to her. You could not, of course, know that you were telling my story, too."

THE COURTLY CHINAMAN. THE LUDICROUS MANNER IN WHICH YOU CONVERSE WITH HIM. Here is a, charming specimen from "An Aus- tralian in Ohina" of the courtly language used by a well-bred Chinaman in conversation with a stranger; and of the great virtue which he attaches to being the progenitor) of male issue: "What is your honourable age?" "I have been dragged up a fool so many years." you politely reply. "What is your noble and exalted occupa- tion?" "My mean and contemptible calling is that of a doctor." "What is your noble patronymic?" "My poverty-struck family name is Mo." "How many honourable and distinguished sons have you?" "Alas! Fate has been niggardly; I have not even one little bug." But. if you can truthfully say that you are the honourable father of sons, your interlocutor will raise his clasped hands and say gravely. "Sir, you are a man of virtue; I congratulate you." He continues: "How many tens of thousands of pieces of silver have you?" meaning how many daughters have you? "My yatows" (forked heads or slave children), "my daughters," you answer with a depre- catory shrug, "number so many." So the conversation continues, and the mere minute are the inquiries the more polite is the questioner. Unlike most of the Western nations, the Chinese have an overmastering desire to have children. More than death itself the Chinaman fears to die without leaving male progeny to worship at his shrine; for, if he should die childless, he leaves behind him no provision for his support in heaven, but wanders there a hungry ghost, forlorn and forsaken—an "orphan" because he has no children. "If one has plenty of money." says the Chinese proverb, "but no children, he cannot be reckoned rich; if one has children, but no money, he cannot be considered poor." To have sons is a fore- moat virtue in China; "the greatest of the three uaftlial things," says Mencius. "is to have no children."

HIS EXPERIENCE. "Yep!" replied Abner Appledry, who had recently returned from a visit to the Hub. "That's so; some of the streets in Boston are most tarnation crooked. Tell you what's a -tact; I was sa'nterin' along one day, seein' what I conld see, and the first thing I knew I found I'd got lost. After turnin' around about a hundred corners and twistin' up one alley and down another, gittin' more and more out of my bias, so to express it, all the time, I turned another corner and saw a feller jest ahead of me that looked like he'd be civil to a stranger, and so I decided to ask him the way to my boardin'-house. "I spoke to him, but he didn't look around, and then I reached out and grabbed him by the tail of his coat and gave it a smart pull. At the same instant I felt somebody pull my coat-tail I looked back, still holdin' the other feller's coat-tail, and found that he had hold of mine somehow. I told him to iet go. He didn't say a word, but jest held OIL I pulled and he pulled, and as fast as I turned round be turned round, too, and we kept pullin' and haulin' and turnin' and spinnin' around until we got dizzy and fell down in the street and rolled over a couple of times. "Then I finally turned him over and sat up, and discovered that havin' turned an ususually sharp corner I had grabbed myself by my own coat-tail in the first place and had been pu.liu' at it all the time, and twistin' round and round, tryin' to ketch up with myself. That's how crooked some of the streets in Boston are!"

EPPS'S COCOA.—GRA TKFIL AND COM- FORTING-—" By a. thorough knowledge of the natural laws which govern the operations of digestion and nutrition, and by a careful apph- cation of the fine properties of well-selected COCOA. Mr. Kpps has provided for our break- fast and supper a delicately flavoured beverage which may save us many licav, i-cto!i' It is by the judicious use of such articles of I diet that a constitution may be gradually built up until strong enough to resist every tendency to disease. We may escape many a fatal shall. | by keeping ourselves well fortified with puro *>lood and a properly nourished frame."—" Civil i Jeiwice Gazette."—Made simply with boding water or milk.—Sold only it, packets and pound tins, by Grocers, labeled—" JAMES EPPS AND CO. (Ltd ). Homoeopathic Chemists, London."— Also makers of Epps's Cocoame. or Cocoa-Nib Extract: Tea-like: A thm beverage of full flavour, now with many beneficially taking the place of tea. Its active principle being a gentle nerve stimulant, supplies the needed energy, wttkoitt undulv oxcitinz the system. e6396—m.w. 4

A BOAT THAT GOES FORITY MILES AN HOUR. The most striking paper in "Pearson's" for August is that by Cleveland Moffett on "The Fastest Vessel Afloat." This is the Turbinia designed by Mr. Parsons, younger son of the late Lord Rosse, of telescope fame, and capable of going 35 knots, or over 40 miles an hour. She is 100ft. by 9ft., has 2,100-horse power, and can keep up her terrific speed for three hours, by which time her coal gives out. Her interior mechanism is thus described :The Turbinia is propelled by an engine different from any that was ever before put in a boat. It has no fly-wheel, no cylinders, no backwards and for- wards movement of rods and pistons, no intri- cate valves; it is a hundred times simpler than the ordinary steam-engine, and as easy to un- derstand as a windmill. Indeed, it is quite like a windmill in this—tha.t ,the steam, being driven against the fans of specially-made wheels on the three propeller shafts, makes th,se turn very rapidly, and, of course, the screws turn with the shafts. The plain result of it all is," says Mr. Barnard, "that we have a motor here capable of turning faster and faster, with practically no limit so long as we increase the steam pressure. The screws of the Turbinia make about 2,500 revolutions a minute, without any vibration, whereas the best marine engine in the world, with recipro- cating motion, would tear itself to pieces doing one-fourth as many. We could run our turbo-motors up to 5,000 or 10,000 revolutions a minute if there was any advantage in so doing, and still there would be no vibrations, since the force of the steam is exerted always in the same direction. We can reverse her instantly, as far as the engines are concerned; it would be merely a question o.f bending the propeller blades. The Turbinia has three propeller shafts, and each one carries three screws, one behind the other, so that she is driven by nine screws in all. Each screw is about 18 inches in d'ameter." The vista of accelerated sea-service thus opened up is tremendous. On the Atlantic the inevitable absence of coaling-stations makes the highest rate impossible within feasible bunker limits, but, says the inventor:—"I believe that a liner of 15,000 tons can be built with engines like the Turbinia's. capable of running between Roches Point and Sandy Hook in three days. She will burn nearly three times as much coal per day as the present models, say, 1,500 tons. but she will save weight and spa,ce in boiler and engine-room which will enable her to carry about the same number of., passengers and the same cargo as a 15,000 ton steamer carries to-day. But on the Mediter- ranean there are no such checks. Mr. Parsons goes on to say:—"We can build now a fleet of passenger steamers to ply between Marseilles, the Italian ports, Athens, Constantinople, Smyrna, stopping to coal every day or two, that will have a =peed of 40 knots, that is 46 miles an hour. These steamers would be about 500 or 600 feet long, would have a displacement of 12,000 tons, and would,burn about 2,000 tons of coal a day. We could even run their speed up to 40 knots, that is about 58 miles an hour, if passengers enough could be found to pay for the 3,000 tons of coal that would be burned a day, and if the practical difficulties of hand- ling that amount of coal could be disposed of."

THE FINEST COMPLEXIONS. The finest complexions in the world are said to be in the Bermudas. This is accounted for by the fact that the inhabitants live chiefly on onions, of which they export over 17,000,0001b. annually.

QUICK POSTAL DELIVERY. It is said that letter- dropped in the Post Office at Paris are delivered in 'Berlin in one hour and a half, and sonletinie; within 35 minutes. The distance between the cities is 750 miles, and the letters are sent by means of pnoumatic tubes.

ILJw is it after eating Stevens's bread vou want to continue with it? 3d. per loaf. delivered. PEPPER'S QUININE AND IRON TONIC, unbracing, vivifying. sustaining, dispels depression, cures indigestion, neuralgia, and all aches or pains. Pepper's, the only real tonic. Phi'linT bottles. e—5 Take Gwilym Evans' Quinine Bitters if you su-T, r f!- m Weakness. Nervousness. Indi- gestion. Low Spirits, or Sleeplessness. In Bottles 2s. 9d. and 4a. 6d. Avoid Imitations. —4 How is it after eating Stevens's bread vou want to continue with it? 3d. per loaf, delivered. Have Yon Tried Phillips's Is. 6d. Tea? It is a Triumph of the Tea Blending Art,and is distinctly riDerior to the so-called" finest teas." p.16..16

COMICALITIES—ORIGINAL AND OTHERWISE. C The Wife: When you proposed to me. John, did you think I would accept you? The Husband: Not the first time. The Second? I wasn't going to propose but once. Jones: You don't think the North Pole has been discovered? Smith: Oh, no! If it were we'd have heard from a dozen eminent individuals who dis- covered it twenty years ago, but didn't think it worth while to mention the matter before. Dods: Every time I see a picture of the Prince of Wales it puts me in mind of a weather report. Jinks: How so? Dods: No immediate indication of a reign, you know. There lived an old man in the town I was born in, A sinner both hardened and bold, Who stopped as I met him, one bright summer iuo-run To count the bell strokes as they tolled. "I like to hear that," he looked up and said. (i "Pray tell me your reason," said I. "Because, when I hear it, I know I ain't dead," Was the waggish old sinner's reply. He: Yesterday I exchanged thoughts with the famous Professor Saduka. Sne: That explains if I found him very tire- some. If you are getting together a library don't borrow books from people with a long memory -try short ones. "A good man never dies." says a philosopher. If that is the case we shan't waste any more money on physicians. First Burglar: What led you to the profesh? Second Burglar: Tryin' ter get pennies outer me money-box w'en I was a kid Friend: But if there's no hope of saving hm, what are you going to perform the operation for? Doctor: £100. Mrs. Trivvett: Do you think the animals have a language? Mr. Trivvett: Well, I have often heard of deer-stalking. She: Did you go to see the pantomime b3 that French company? He: Well, every play I ever saw by a Frenc company was a pantomime to me. Good book-keepers—Book borrowers. On the dock of time there is but one word- Now. Happiness is getting something that you want, but didn't expect. Never tell a newly-married man a secret; wait a few weeks until he gets over it. The First Mate: How clear and bright it is in the west. The Second Mate: Why not? The captain has been sweeping the horizon with his glass. Dr. Fizik: Yes, old Milyans was on the verge of nervous prostration, all through worrying about his money. Dr. Dosem: How did you cure him? Dr. Fizik: I removed the cause of his trouble. The worst thing about life, says a sage, is hat there are so many who are too old to tart over again. Some would say, on the con- rary. that that is one of the best things about Magistrate: A most hardened offender. Six ays' imprisonment on bread and water. Re- icvo him. Prisoner: Make the living a trifle better, yer orship, and I'll stay a month. All other accounts are untrustworthy; the true reason of Cervera's bolt was as follows:- Shafter's army had landed on what we may term the Birkenhead side of Santiago Bay, in which the Vizcaya was riding at anchor. The Spanish admiral called to his first lieutenant: "Colorado y Maduro, you're pretty well up in Yankee music, what's that tune they're playing ashore?" The officer listened intently to the strains that came faintly to his ears over the dark water. "Senor," said he, it is a march called the "Washington Post.' Holy Virgin!" shouted Cervera, his eyes starting from their sockets, "up anchor and crowd on all steam!" And out of the bay he bolted. In a small town in which the bicycle trade was raging a lady was talking with the only dealer, and, commenting upon the number of wheels to be seen on the streets daily, observed, "You must be making your fortune at this rate,, if only half the machines ridden by the towns- people come from you." "Well, mum, I don't know so much about that," was the reply; you see, I have to sell a good many of my machines on the 'Kathleen Mavourneen' principle. "The 'Kathleen Mavourneen' principle!" cried the lady, "what is that?" "Why. payment on the hire system. Don't you know the song, mum? 'It may be for years, and it may be for ever. Good morning, mum."

THE DRUG DRINKERS OF SOCIETY. FASHIONABLE LIFE ON ITS DARK SIDE. "I have often wondered," remarked a well- Tsnown doctor to the writer recently, "why, those who attack the drink craze do not attack the drug takers at the sam.e time. There are two vices which are growing enormously amongst women—namely, brandy drinking and the resort to drugs. In my practice I con- stantly meet young ladies who drink a bottle of brandy a. day. but. though the spirit is bound to kill them in the long run—one of my patients died tl/e other day after taking a bottle of brandy reg/Jarly every day for two years— they do not a/ipear to lead such miserable lives as those who buoy themselves up with drugs. "It is generally supposed that drug drinking is not common in this country. This is an absolute fallacy; but 1 am not surprised that it exists, as the victims to the vice almost invariably administer to their weakness in complete privacy. Many a husband who to-day is unable to account for his wife's curious behaviour could ascertain the cause of her seeming eccentricities if he took a peep into her wardrobe. "This, however, he cannot usually do. Syste- matic drug-drinkere are the most cunning oecple it _s possible to imagine in respect to their own particular failing, and I have known a woman to take opium for years without being fcund out even by her husband. ''As a general rule, you may say that women riy to drugs and alcohol not because they like the taste of them, but purely because they pro- duce what they are pleased to call a pleasant sarsation, and for the time being a feeling of itiei'gth. Scores of society women in London iractically live on drugs. They couldn't do vLat they do without them. A reception in the ifternoon and a ball or a dinner-party at night He beyond the strength of any woman. "I was called to a lady's bedside last Wed- nesday evening. She had gone through a most it duous seaion, and was completely worn out. [ could see at once that she was a confirmed morphia drinker, for the pupils of her eyes vere very contracted—a sure sign of drug mania.. Moreover, she was extremely excited. As scon as I spoke to her she screamed out— 'Give me the morphia." "I refused, and no sooner had I done so than ,p.e jumped out of. oed and rushed to a drawer in her dressing-table and tried to get hold of the bottle. I was forced to restrain her. and a battle royal ensued. Fighting like a tigress- for the moment she had lost all control of her- self—she made dash after dash at the bottle, and then, after biting me savagely in the arm, fell down utterly exhausted. "Now this lady, who is well known in fashion- able circles, has reduced herself to this appall- ing condition simply and solely because she cannot bring herself to decline an invitation to a society gathering. She is one of those foolish women who must go everywhere, and who, finding that Nature has put a limit cn their powers of endurance, seek to restore their jaded energies by artificial means. There are dozens like her, and the saddest feature of the whole melancholy business is that when a woman has accustomed herself to dings the vice is almost incurable. "The mania, of course, is chiefly confined ro the rich—the rich of all ages, I may add. Opium ruins the constitution in the long run, but, de- spite this fact, numbers of young girls of eighteen and nineteen are addicted to it-un- known, I need scarcely remark, to their parents. 0 "In nine cases out of ten, when a girl falls a prey to thij pernicious habit her doo;Jl is sealed. One poor creature assured me that when she was unable to procure opium her su'Ter- ings wero terrible, and when asked to describe her agony she compared it to that which she fancied would be produced by a serpent gnaw- ing her flesh away. Several ladies have de- stroyed themselves because they were denied opium. "Ten grains in 24 hours is what some of the most hardened opium maniacs take. A person consuming this amount all at once would pass out of existence in a very short space of time. The effects of the drug when taken in small quantities, however, soon wear off, and the consequence is that women dose themselves throughout the day. "Look at the effects of belladonna again," the doctor continued. "Men have a weahaess for it as well as women, and the havoc it is responsible for is awful." "But how do these unfortunate people get their supplies, doctor? Chemists don't sell poison wholesale." "You may well ask that question. Letters are' constantly written to The papers asking how women are able to procure poisons, but very few people know how thev manage it. The fact of the matter is they use old doctors' prescriptions. Chemists generally are most particular as to what they make up, but if they get a prescription signed by a duly- qualified medical man they can't refuse to attend to it. "This reminds me that I was recently sum- morred to a man who was in ih.- last stages— he was just alive, and that was about all. His brother bappening to mention that the patient had been in the habit of drinking whole bottles of medicine, I inquired the address of the chemist who dad supplied it, and on going there I found That ti e medicine in question contained a large quantity of stryen- nine, and that the prescription from which it was made up was no less than twenty years old. "Picture to yourself this man slowly poison- ing himself. He was a madman ;f ever there was one. Unfortunately, there are only too many medicine maniacs in this country. With some people the consumption of chemists' mixtures is just as mu-h a aisease as drunkenness is with others."—"Cassell's Satur- day Journal."

TOO BIG FOR HIS BOOTS. With great trouble a small body of men were busy hoisting a heavy log to the top of a block-house that was being repaired after an assault in one of the campaigns of the War of American Independence. As the log swung to and fro the voice of a little man was heard encouraging the workers with a "Heave away. There she goes! Heave ho!" By-and-by there rode past an officer in plain clothes, who asked the little man why he did not help the others. "Sir." was the pompous reply, "I am a cor- poral." "Indeed," said. the other, "I did not know that; I ask your pardon, Mr. Corporal." Dismounting without further ado, the officer lent a willing hand until the job was done. Then, wiping the honest sweat from off his brow. he turned to the little man and remarked, "The next time, Mr. Corporal, you have a bit of work like that in hand and too few men to do it, send for the Commander-in-Chief and 111 came again and assist you." With which after and rebuke General Washington left the astounded corporal to his own reflections.

Wonderful Medicine.—Kernick's Vegetable Pills; cure headache, indigestion, nervous debility. &c.: nd., Is. lid., and 2s. 9d. per box.— Sold everywhere. m.w.s. What delicious bread! Where did you get it from?" Oh, we buy it from Stevens, at any n of their branches, or they will call." e6700 The Little English Liver Tonic.—KermcK's Vegetable Pills; dose, one small pill; Vid., Is. lid., and 2s. 9d. per box.—Of all Stores. It is said there are no two things alike in th3 world. and certainly there is no such Strength- reviver as Gwilym Evans' Quinine Bitters. In Bottles 2s. 9d. and 4s. 6d. Avoid Imitations. —3 A FAIR. BEAUTIFUL SKIN.—Sulpholme Soap gives the natural tint and peach-like bloom of a perfect complexion, makes the skin smooth, supple, healthy, comfortable. Tablets everywhere. e-l IMPORTANT TO MARRIED LADIES.—Send Stamped Addressed Envelope for most valuable Particulars and Testimonials (which are guaranteed genuine under a penalty of £ 1,000).— Beware of imitators.—A. DASMAIL, Box H7, Langdale. Walthamatow. London. Established

Morien" and the Margam Murderer. I "■ U ■ 1 WITH APOLOGIES TO MR. G. F. WATTS, R.A.

DAILY RACING COMPETITION. Entrance Fee One Penny. In response to numerous requests, we have decided to make the following alterations in our racing competition:- (1) We have reduced the entrance lee trom Twopence to One Penny per Coupon. (2) We shall have a daily competition when- ever the racing permits. (3 Each day we sha.l publish a Coupon con- taining Three Races (instead of five, as heretofore), to be run on the following day. (4) Coupons, accompanied by a fee of One Penny for each Coupon, must reach this Office by Twelve o'clock of the day on which the races are run. (5) The whole of the entrance fees, subject to a small deduction for expenses, will be awarded to the competitor whose predic- tions are adjudged by the Editor to be nearest to the correct result, or, in the event of a tie, the money will be divided. (6) We shall publish each day the result of r the previous day's competition, together with the Coupon for the succeeding day's competition. j CONDITIONS. Opposite the name of each Bace in the Coupon write the name of the horse you select. Coupon write the name of the horse you select. Place the Coupon in an envelope, bearing the words, "Racing Competition," and addressed to the "Evening Express" Office, Cardiff. Send as many Coupons as you like, but every Coupon must be accompanied by an Entrance Fee of ONE PENNY in stamps. Sums of One Shilling and upwards may be in postal orders. Write your name and address clearly in the space provided for that purpose on each Cou- pon. The decision of the Editor must be accepted as absolutely final. No member of the "Evening Express" or "Western Mail" staff, is allowed to compete. RACING COUPON. TO BE SENT IN BY NOON ON TUESDAY. RACE. WINNING HORSE. The Zetland Stakes. The Lonsdale Stakes. The MiddhthoTpe Stakes. Name Address. TO BE RUN ON TUESDAY NEXT. I The ZETLAND STAKES of 5 sovs each, with 200 added; New T.Y.C. Five furlongs. vut cHk ID Mr A E Aston's Beano 6 9 9 Mr F W Spruce's Dargas 6 9 9 Mr H Barnato's Primrose Hill 4 8 9 Mr G Maclachlan's Lo Ben 5 8 9 Mr A E Trowsdale's St. Anthony II. 6 8 9 Mr F Brough's Xenie a 8 6 Mr P S Cadman's Chapel town 5 8 6 Mr F Hardy's Little Red Rat 4 8 6 Mr H F Clayton's J Moerder 3 8 4 Mr R A Harper's Einnoc 3 8 4 Mr Russel's Nenuphar 3 8 4 Mr W Taylor-Sharpe's Autocar 3 8 4 Lord Carnarvon's Buckbread 3 8 1 I' Lord Derby's Weybridge 3 8 1 The remaining entries are continued in the next column. r Mr J G Mackie's Santa, Mel 3 8 1 Mr M Morrison's Hazlebun 3 8 1 Mr J A Miller's Herbaceous 2 7 6 Mr Bruce Seton's Micah 2 7 4 Mr E Barlow's Philosophy II. colt 2 7 1 Mr Geo LamUtoh's Ethelred 2 6 9 Mr H D Bates's Cynisca- •: 2 6 6: Mr W Bungay's Lily Thorpe 2 6 6 Mr C J Cunningham's Alibeck filly 2 6 6 Mr C Hibbert's Lakota .rr. 2 6 6 Mr W R Reid's Petrolia 2 6 6 Mr E J Percy's Dracena, gelding 2 6 6 The LONSDALE STAKES. One mile and a quarter. Lord Stanley's Chiselhampton .1. 5 11 0 Mr R Peck's Bradwardine „ 5 10 10 Sir R Waldie Griffith's Hendersyda 5 10 10 Sir R Waldie Griffith's Eileen Aigas 5 10 2 Mr A Booth's First Foot 5 10 0 Mr H MonkshaH'g Bevefini 3 9 9 1 Mr Pio Torterolo's Imperio 6 9 3 Mr W E Oakeley's PeMe and Plenty. 3 9 1 Sir J Miller's InvinciOItvII 3 9 lj Mr J Lowther's Queen's' Gate 3 8 12' Mr A Booth's Unseen 4 8 12 j Lord Ellesmere's Ultimatum 3 8 12 Mr E Hardy's Bonny Winkfield 3 8 12 Mr C Perkins's Jenny ifbwlett colt 3 8 12 Mr Fairie's Chubb 3 8 9 Mr C H Hannam's Secret Service 5 8 8 Chev. E Ginistrelli's Trolop 3 8 7 Lord Durham's Tophet. 3 8 6 Mr G Maclachlan's Sisyphus 4 8 5 Lord Rosebery's Fructiior 3 8 51 Mr G Maclachlan's Don. Alonzo a 8 4 Mr J Martin's Main Point 3 8 0 Mr J Scott's Martin 4 8 0 Mr Jas. Snarry's Helen Leda 3 8 0 The MIDDLETHORPE STAKES (handicap). One Mile. Mr R H Combe's Dynamo 5 9 10 Mr N C Cockburn's Cardonald 6 9 3 Mr Vyner's Chack Bird 4 9 2 Mr W Chatterton's Grasp a 9 2 Sir R Waldie Griffith's Eileen Aigas. 5 9 2 Lord Stanley's Golden Rule 5 8 10 Mr J Hope's Lammermuir 5 8 5 Lord Carnarvon's Cyrenian 4 8 4 Mr D Seymour's Angelina a 8 3 Mr E Cassel's Toussaint 5 8 1 Lord Durham's Lupin 3 8 0 Mr G F Fawcett's Co-respondent 3 7 12 Mr E C Turner's Outpost 4 7 11 Lor.d Rosebery's Tom Cringle 3 7 10 Lord Decies' Blyth and Tyne 5 7 9, Mr H F Clayton's Kendal Queen 6 7 5 Mr G Maclachlan's Marthus 3 7 4 Mr J Ryan's Cruiskeen 3 7 3 Lord Ellesmere's Hedge 3 7 1 Mr J M Hanbury's Lowland Beauty 3 7 0 Lord 'Dunraven's Sea Fog 3 7 0

A GHASTLY WEDDING. -W-- A native Indian paper tells the following grim story of a native wedding:—A marriage was to take place at Jagrawan, the bridegroom to come from Ludhiana. The bride had been hopelessly ill for a month, but her father get- ting the richer by several hundreds or more on her account, gave no intimation to the other party, and the marriage came to be celebrated on the appointed day. The girl was brought from her death-bed with this ghastly result, that during the n^ual pradakshin cere- mony all was over with her. and she fell dead before a horror-stricken crowd. A funeral gloom fell over the marriage cerepiony. After recovery from the first, effect of the shock, a panchayat assembled to inquire into the matter. Eventually someone present offered his own daughter in marriage, and the bride- groom had not to return without a bride.

RESTORING SPOILED PENS. When a pen has been used until it appears to be spoiled, place it over a flame (a gaslight, for instance) for a quarter of a minute, then dip it into water, and it will be again fit for work. A new pen which is found too hard to write with will become softer by being thus heated.

IT IS QUITE TRUE THAT WEALTH IS POWER, but the most valuable and powerful of all wealth is not coin of the realm. The wealth of a robust constitution is more precious than money, and it enables you to get money. In the competition of life the weak ones go to the wall. The best capital with which you can start your children in life is good health. If they do not possess it, they J^y acquire it. It is not a troublesouis or expensive process, and it is not disagreeable. Give them Ilorlick's Malted Milk. It is economical, prepared easily, and very pleasant to the palate. All children like it. and all thrive on it. Go to yuav chemist and get it. Price Is. 6d., 2s. 6d., and 11s. A free sample will be sent, on application, by Horlick and Co., 34, Farringdon-road, London. E.C. Send for "Freddy's Dairy, post free. L15225

OUR FREE GIFT OF BOOKS TO EVERY READER OP THE "EVENING EXPRESS." We are presenting gratis to every regular reader of the "Evening Express" one of the following high-class, cloth-bound, and gold- lettered standard works of English literature:- Shakspeare's Complete Plays and Sonnets; "Vanity Fair," by Thackeray; "The Caxtons," by Lord Lytton; "Ernest Maltravers," by Lord Lytton; "Alice, or the Mysteries," by Lord Lytton; "Ivanhoe," by Sir Walter Scott; "The! Scarlet Letter," by Hawthorne; "Mary Bar- ton," by Mrs. Gaskell; "Lays of the Scottish Cavaliers," by Aytoun; "Jane Eyre," by Char- lotte Bronte. The books will be given away at the rate of 24 every day until every reader has received one. Upon the top of the Second I Page of the "Evening Express" each day will be found a number, printed in violet ink, which number will be different in every paper' that is printed. Keep this number till the following day, and see if it is given in the list printed belcw. If your number is given, take it to either of our offices at Swansea, Newport, it to either of our offices at Swansea, Newport, Merthyr, or Cardiff, and you will receive either of the above books. If you cannot con- veniently call, tear off the purple number and send it to the "Evening Express" Office, Cardiff, with your name and address and twopence with your name and address and twopence towards the cost of postage, and the book chosen by you will be forwarded to your address. No person is entitled to a second book, even though he be the holder of a selected number, until every reader has received a book. Purchasers of SATURDAY'S Evening Express" Bearing tne Following Numbers Printed in Violet Ink on the Top Left-hand r'I, -1 T'1. n "'[;1_J ¿' "0.1.. ouiiH'i ui .t'iigc z. arts xuiii/iueu oo a> ouua — 623376 623491 625732 626100 629748 629999 630300 630876 631472 634622 634958 635555 635851 636363 636663 639998 640400 640833 641211 641418 644348 644876 645558 646110 646644 647188 647647 648488 649927 650511

SPLICING THE MAIN BRACE. It is, perhaps, not generally known that "splicing the main brace" is a custom which is not observed in the United States Navy. The abolition of liquor dates from 1862, when Congress passed a law that "the spirit ration in the Navp of the United States shall for ever cease, and thereafter no distilled spirituous liquors shall be admitted on board any of the vessels of war, except as medical stores, and t) be used only for medical purposes." In 18»1 Congress provided that all .the men who relinquished their spirit ration should be paid six cents a day instead of it, while in 1842 the ra tion was cut down to a gill of spirit or half a pint of wine, and the commutation price was! reduced to three cents. All the same, the wel- come guest on an American man-of-war is not' uncommonly proffered, under one guise or another, a potent fluid bearing a suspicious resemblance to rye whisky.

THE ABUSE OF THE CHAFING DISH. In the use of the chafing-dish the abuse of it is a point to be kept in mind. To fry and to saute anything but a trifle of seasoning before the main ingredients are put in is not to be recommended. These fume-producing opera- tions belong to a kitchen range with its venti- lated hood. With our usual zeal to overdo a good thing, there has been a tendency to exag- gerate chafing-diiili cookery. In its place, and deftly managed with the proper materials set out in order beforehand, the utensil is a most useful one; but made to do duty for which it was never intended, it brings upon itself oppro- brium.

LIVER COMPLAINTS.—Dr. King's Dandelion and Quinine Liver Pills, without Mercury, are a patent remedy; removes all Liveir and Stomach Complaints, Biliousness, Headacheg Sickness, Shoulder Pains, Heartburn, Indigea tion. Constipation. Don't Break Down, but take Gwilym Evans' Quinine Bitters, the Vegetable Tonic. It will keep your system thoroughly up to the mark for every rush of competition and ertra labour. In Bottles 2s. 9d. and 4s. 6d. Avoid Imita- tions. e4919-2 PHILLIPS'S Is. 6d. TBA is a Triumph of the Tea Blending Art. Its tly superior to the so-called finest teaII." f v ve you tned it? el636

f FOR BOYS AND GIRLS ONLY. The "Evening Express" Boys' and Girls' Club (established March 21, 1393) is formed for the purpose of promoting principles of kindness amongst your, people, and for the mutual interest and instruction of its members. Boys and Girls, wherever resident, aro eligible for membership, provided their age does not exceed sixteen years. The Club has now 2,550 members. Intending Memcers must fill up the sub- joined Coupon, and forward it to Uncle Joe, "Evening Express," Cardiff. Their names and addresses will be published, and each new Member is entitled to a beautifully designed Certificate. Cardiff Members must call for their Certificates at the "Express" Offices, St. Mary-street. Other members must forward cne penny stamp for pc stage. Uncle Joe is always pleased to hear from his Club Members on any matter of interest, whether relating to school or recreation, and he invites questions and answers. Only Club Members are eligible to compete for the Prizes given In this column Children writing to Uncle Joe must always add to. their names their official number as Members of the Club. I desire to be enrolled a member of the "Evening Express" Boys' and Girls' Club, and I hereby promise That I will always be obedient to my parents, and kind to the aged and infirm. 'mat I will try and help less fortu- nate children. That I will bp kind to animals. 'iiiat I will try and do something every day to make things happy for those round me. Full name. Age Address Proposed by [Write very plainly in ink.] Special Notico. Uncle Joe wants his Nephews and Nieces who have not had certificates to note that they may call for same en or after TUESDAY next I (not before), he having made arrangements whereby the certificates can for the future be supplied without any delay. Our Holiday Prizes. The time for sending in the following is ex- tended to the end of August. Now, then. Boys and Girls, wake up, do! Prizes for our Photographers. Uncle Joe happens to know that some of his Nephews and Nieces take an interest in photo- graphy. He has seen one or two pictures taken by them, and been very pleased. Uncle will give a prize of 2s. 6d. for the best photograph sent in; and a book for the second best. The photograph in each instance must be accom- panied by a statement signed by the sender's parents that the same is his unaided work. Prizes for our Artists. Many of Uncle's Nephews and Nieces draw if they don't photograph. Well, make a draw- ing of the house in which you are staying and send it in, along with a statement signed by your parents that the drawing is your own unaided work. First prize, 2s. 6d.; second, a book. Prizes for Essayists. Two-and-six to the Nephew or Niece over nine who writes the nicest essay on "My Summer Holiday"; a book for the second best essay. Two-and-six to the Nephew or Niece, aged nine or under, who writes the nicest essay on "My Summer Holiday"; a book for the second best, essay.

"PETER'S PARADISE." A Lovely Book for Next to Nothing. Uncle Joe wants to call the attention of those members of the Club who have not bought "Peter's Paradise" to what those who have bought say about it. Everybody who has purchased tne book is delighted, and no won- der. Uncle Joe has never seen so beautiful a book for twopence, nor has any one else. You get it, and judge for yourself. "Peter's Paradise" is a charming coloured pic- ture-book, published at Is. 6d., but which thff proprietors of the "Evening Express" are offer- ing to Uncle Joe's Boys and Girls at the ridi- culously small sum of 2d. per copy. "Peter's Paradise" is a description in picture and verse of the Crystal Palace, and Uncle Joe assures his Nephews and Nieces that they are never likely to pick up a. prettier book at 59 small a price. If you are a Cardiff member, and want "Peter's Paradise." you must bring to the "Evening Express" Office twopence and your Club certificate. The certificate is to let the clerk at the counter know you are a bonarfide member of the Club. Don't be afraid. He will not keep the certificate. You will be able to take it home again, and with it this beauti- ful book. "Peter's Paradise." Distant members must send threepence extra for postage of the book. Non-members must pay threepence if they want the book, and sixpence if they want it by post. No member of the Club can have "Peter's Paradise" for twopence without pro- ducing his or her certificate.

Adder and Toad. "Nature" this week published a letter from a correspondent at Berttws-y-ooed recording an t extraordinary experience. On killing what was supposed to be an adder, about 38 inches long. its captor3 opened him, and found inside a large toad about half-way down the snake's interior. It was thought that the toad, whose head was much wider than the snake's and whose body was many times as large as his enemy's head, must be dead, but, as he chortly began to move, water was poured over him, and whisky and water down his throat, the result of which heroic measures was that he revived, stood up on all fours, distended like a balloon, and darted at a stick in a most comical way, eventually disappearing. The correspondent, who humorously christened the toad "Jonah," asks for information as to simi- lar cases of resuscitation, and the probable duration of the toad's entombment.

THEY DIDN'T THINK. SUITABLE FOR RECITATION. Once a trap was baited With a piece of cheese; It tickled so a mouse's nose. It almost made him sneeze. An old mouse said: "There's danger; Be careful where you go." "Nonsense," said the other, "I don't think you know!" So he walked in boldly- Nobody in sight; First he took a nibble, Then he took a bite; Closed the trap together. Snapped as quick as wink, Catching mousio fast there, Because he "didn't think. Once a little turkey, Fond of her own way, Wouldn't ask the old ones Where to go or stay, She said: "I'm not a baby, Here I am half-grown; Surely, I am large enough To run about alone!" Off she went, but somebody. Hiding, saw her pass; Soon, like -now, her feathers Covered all the grass; So she made a supper For a sly old mink. Because she was so headstrong That she "wouldn't think." Once there was a. robin, Lived outside the door, Who wanted to go inside And hop upon the floor, "Oh, no!" said the mother; "You must stay with me, Little birds are safest Sitting in a tree." "I don't care," said robin, Gave his tail a fling, "I don't think the old folks Know quite everything." Down he flew, puss seized him Ere he'd time to blink; "Oh!" he cried, "I'm sorry, But I didn't think!" Now, my little children. You who hear this song. Don't you see what trouble Comes of thinking wrong? Can't you take a warning From their dreadful fate, Who began their thinking When it was too late? Do not think there's safety When no dangers show; Don't suppose you know more Than your parents know. When you're warned of ruin, Pause upon the brink; You'll go under headlong If you. "do not think." —"The Young Soldier.

FUN FOR THE CHINESE. AN ENGLISHMAN'S ADVENTURE. Here is a choice extract from Dr. Morrison's delightful book entitled "An Australian in China." The subjects dealt with by the author are of paramount interest at this particular time. The secret of the doctor's immunity during his progress through Western China was, in a great measure, due to his foresight in adopting the Chinese dress. No Chinaman was deceived by the attempted disguise, yet his life, as, will presently be shown, was in some districts largely owing to this concession to Chinese prejudice. At Wanhsien Dr. Morrison, for a, change, took a walk in European clothes, and the consequences of this departure from his original idea were far from proving agree- able. Never have I received such a spontaneous welcome as I did in this city; never do I wish to receive such another. I landed at the mouth of the small creek which separates the large I walled fity to the east from the still larger city beyond the walls to the west. My laoban was with me. We passed through the washer- women. Boys and ragamuffimr hanging about the shipping saw me, and ran towards me yelling, "Yang kweitze, Yang kweitze" (foreign devil, foreign devil). Behind the booths a story-teller had gathered a crowd; in a moment he was alone and the crowd were following me up the hill, yelling and howling with a familiarity most offensive to a sensitive stranger. My sturdy boy wished me to produce my passport, which is the size of an admiral's ensign, but I was not such a fool as to do so, for it had to serve me for many months yet. With this taunting noisy crowd I had to walk on as if I enjoyed the demonstration. I stopped once and spoke to the crowd, and, as I knew no Chinese, I told I them in gentle English of the very low opinion their conduct led me to form of the moral relations of their mothers, and the resignation with which it induced me to contemplate the hyperpyretic surroundings of their posthumous existence, and, borrowing the Chinese fmpre- cation, I ventured to express the hope that when their souls return again to earth they may dwell in the bodies of hogs, since they appeared to me the only habitations meet for them. But my words were useless. With a smiling face, but rage at my heart, I led the proces- sion up the creek to a rtone bridge where large numbers left me, only to have their places taken on the other bank by a still more enthu- siastic gathering. I stopped here a moment in the jostling crowd to look up-stream at that singular natural bridge, which an enormous mass of stone has formed across the creek, and I could see the high-arched bridge beyond it, whieh stretches from bank to bank in one noble span, and is so high above the water that junks can pass under it in the summer time when the rains swell this little stream into a broad and navigable river. Then we climbed the Steep bank into the city, and entering by a dirty narrow street we emerged into the main thoroughfare, the crowd still following and the shops emptying into the street to see me. We passed the Mohamme- dan Mosque, the Roman Catholic Mission, the, City Temple, to a Chinese house where I was slipped into the court and the door shut, and then into another to find that I was in the home of the China Inland Mission, and that the pigtailed Celestial receiving me at the steps was Mr. Hope Gill. It was my clothes, I then learnt, that had caused the manifestation in my honour. An hour later, when I came out again into the street, the crowd was waiting still to see me, but it wad disappointed to see me now dressed like one of themselves. In the E meantime I had resumed my Chinese dress. "Look," the people said, "at the foreigner; he had on foreign dress, and now he is dressed in Chinese even to his queue. Look at his queue, it is false." I took off my hat to scratch my head. "Look," they shouted again, "at his queue; it is stuck to the inside of his hat. But they ceased to follow me. After the unpleasant experience recounted above the author stuck to his Oriental garb, but in this, as will be seen from the following humorous passage, he did not deceive the natives. He does not, however, appear to have been molested while in this attire. I lived, of course, in the common Chinese inn, ate Chinese food, and was everywhere treated with courtesy and good nature; but at first I found it trying to be such an object of curiosity; to have to do all things in un- secluded publicity: to have to push my way through streets thronged by the curious to see the foreigner. My meals I ate in the presence of the street before gaping crowds. When they came too close I told them politely in English I to keep back a little, and they did so if I illus- trated my words by a gesture. When I scratched my head. and they saw the spurious pigtail they smiled; when I flicked the dust off the table with my pigtail they laughed hila- riously.

When asking for Cocoa, insist on having CAD- BURY'S- sold only in Packets and Tins—as other Cocoas are often substituted for the sake of extra p*q#■*» ai43#—i

I I TALKATIVE ANIMALS. A RUSTIC PHILOSOPHER COM- MUNES WITH THE INTELLEC- TUAL ANT. "These year scientific gents make me tired," remarked the old miner, as he spat at a fly on the railing and missed it. "These year scien- tific gents! They're worse then er lot of neas Year's one of 'em in this year paper a wonder- ing whether animals talk or not. Do they talk? Of course they do. Maybe not like you an' me, an' maybe a sight better! "-Now, tlmr's ants—oh, ye needn't laugh, yer worse than them year scientific gents! "Maybe I've never told ye, an' maybe I hev, 'bout them year ants thet I've got up in my shack on the divide. They fout an' talk, an' cuss, an' swear jes like they were human beings, only they don't make so much fuss about hit. "Thar's millions of them ants up thar jes' a I swarming over everything. And one day when I wuz eatin' I saw one of them year ants find a piece of pie crumb on the table. "Say, yer oughter see them eyes of his'n bung out when he saw it! An' he says kinder to himself: 'Oh, my, maybe I haven't struck a pic-nic. Oh, maybe not. Jes' ye wait 'till I git Tom an' Dick an' the rest of the boys, an' won't we hev a pic-nic. Oh, my, maybe not.' "Wul, he started off in thet crazy fashion thet ants hev, an' every time thet he met a ant he would stop him, and after shakin' hands with him, he would give him a whole razzle dazzle 'bout the find thet he had made; an' pretty son he had the gang of them jes' ez crazy ez he wuz. "Wull, the gang started off in hot haste, with the finder of the lead a headin' the whole pro- cesshun, an' every once an' a while one of them would stop an' say: — 'See year, Jimmy, how big did yer say hit wuz?' I "An' then Jimmy would lay off his lines an' set his stakes an' put up his monuments; an' each time thet he done hit, I saw thet he wuz getting hit larger and larger, an' the larger he got hit the more excited the rest of 'em got, an' they would start off crazier than ever. "Wull, jes' out of pure cussedness, I picked up the crumb an' hid hit, so thet when. the gang arrived hit wuzn't thar. "By gum; yer oughter see the surprised look on thet year Jimmy's mug when he saw thet h-s ir-3 nine wuz "Wul, the rest of them ants jes' looked dis- gusted; an' one of 'em said something 'bout Jimmy bein' a disgrace to the settlement. 'By the great horn spoons, boys,' said Jimmy, 'if I didn't find a whole mountain of pie right year, I'll eat my galluses.' "Then the ants looked tired, an' one of 'em said 'Rats,' an' then everybody turned their backs on Jimmy, who went off by himself to think hit over. 'Maybe I'm drunk, an' maybe I'm crazy," he said, sorter to hhviself, 'but I don't give hit up yet, no sir. I'n: going back thar an' solve thet year mystery, or die in the attempt.' "Wul, I put the crumb back whar I found hit, an' yer oughter see them year eyes of his'n I pop out when he sees hit. lite ran all around hit an' over hit, an' smelled hit, an' took a bite of hit, an then he said:- 'I ain't drunk, an' I hain't crazy, an' if this year ain't pie, then I don't know pie when I sees hit.' "Wul, he bit off a piece an' started ter find the rest of the boys, an' prove thet he wuz an ant of truth an' veracity, bnt the rest of 'em wouldn't hev anything ter do with him. "'Oh, ye kin play the goat, if ye wanter,' said he, 'an' maybe ye think I ain't an ant of high degree. But before ye make any more remarks on the subject jes' stick yer snoots inter thet. Oh, hit is a free exhibishun, hit won't cost ye anything. Maybe I don't know pie. an' maybe I does.' "Wull, one of the ants took a bite, an' yells: "'By gum, hit's pie all right. Where did ye git hit, Jimmy?' 'Jes' whar I said I got hit,' snorted Jimmy. 'An' ye hadn't bin a set of chuckle-headed idiots ye would hev believed me in the furst place.' "Wull, hit didn't take 'em more than three seconds ter take back what they had said about Jimmy, an' ter git him ter lead the way back ter thet pit ranch. "Wul, I picked up the crumb an' threw hit away, an' when Jimmy brought his gang up hit wuzn't thar. Wull, when Jimmy saw thet pie wuzn't thar he nearly had a fit. An' when the ants got ter castin' reflections, an' Jimmy said something 'bout puttin' a head on someone, then one of 'em squared up ter him, an' said: 'Maybe yer want ter put a head on me, ye degenerate son of a liar!' "An' then they clutched like a couple of tigers, an' while I wuz awonderin' which one was agoin' ter git licked, they fell inter a, crack, an' disappeared, an' thet wuz the last thet I saw of 'em. "Do animals talk? Why, these year scientific gents make me tired."

"What delicious bread! Where did you get it from?" Oh, we buy it from Stevens, at any of their branches, or thwy will c&U." e6700

THE WIDOW AND THE CYNIC For some occult reason a widow always marries the second, and even the third, time if she be so blessed. That is, she used to. Nowadays she is growing a trifle cynical, and if the dear defunct has done the handsom* thing for her financially she hesitates over second experiment. "There is no reason," she says, "why I should marry. I am rich and independent. Love-er- what is that? "I have often wondered," she goes on, play- ing with her lorgnette, "what that emotion might be. I have, indeed, met men whom I fancied I might. love. "But just as I was arriving at such a decision they have one and all done some absurd thing which quickly dispelled any little illusion hover- ing about them. "For example, the're is the man who is despe- rately in love with himself. He fancies t-vety woman he meets is ready to fall upon her fice and grovel at his feet. "That type would not do for me. If ever I marry again my husband must adore me instead of himself. "For you know it is better to be bored han to bore; better to turn the cheek than to kis3. "Then there is the prig and crank for ever ready with a lecture. A tiresome beast wh i should have worn a gown and preached through his nose. "His homilies and instructions weary me I am always tempted to shock him. No, I could not marry a prig. I should commit suicide during the honeymoon. "Then there is the jealous man. Jealousy is adorable in a lover, but detestable :n a hus- band. "The suspicious glances, the black frowns, th3 insane bellowings of the green-eyed monster would drive me to downright devitry. Were I to marry a jealous man there would be mur- der done. "There is the man who commits the appalling blunder of making love to my best friend and myself at the same time. So stupid! He should know that sooner or later we will com- par.) notes. "There is the imbecile who raves about other women to me. "There are any number of drivelling idiots. "There was one who was fascinating, mag- netic, full of fire and sympathy. He knew how to make love-a rare accomplishment. But just as I was really learning to care awfully for hi-n he suddenly begged me not to marry him, for if I did our friendship would be broken. "It was, I do not deny, a sensible idea, but fancy a man interposing such a suggestion in the midst of desperate love-making! "But" I had a most beautiful revenge, for afterward he repented of his indiscretion and renewed his offer. But it was too late. "I think this is a typical collection of freaks. Do you wonder I am a cvnic, or that I do not marry again?" And then nine times out of ten this widow and cynic marries a man who spends all her money and literally wipes up the floor with her.

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