Welsh Newspapers

Search 15 million Welsh newspaper articles

Hide Articles List

8 articles on this Page

,I.?k-?" rv YOU R SHORT STORY

[No title]

- ' Social and Personal

OVER THE NUTS AND WINE

News
Cite
Share

OVER THE NUTS AND WINE I QUIPS AND CKANKS FROM: BOTH HEMI. ] SPHERES. AL Selection of Jokes and Fun ny Anecdotes for the Mental Recreation of Old and Young. Lack of money wrecks mere married people than lack of love. Herdso: Is your youngest at the safety- pin age?" Mrs. Saidso: "No; safety bicycle." "The better half," says the married cynic, "is so called because she usually gets the better of the other half." Lea: Great heavens, old man, I have sut- I fered three days and' nights of sleepless agony I from thi^ aching toothache. Perkins: Why] don't you get it pulled? Lea: I would; but I'm afraid) it would hurt. She: Tell me when you were in the army were you cool in the hour of danger? He: i "Cool? Why. I shivered!" I Chunk: Doesn't a. New Woman make you feel fairly maci" Quiverful: e-6; aut I she's not so bad as a new baby." I Excliange of Confidence.—Mir. Jinks: "I don't know how you will feel about it, sir, but the fact is that my wife, your daughter, is a dreadfully hard woman to live wirth." -NIT. Blink?: "I can sympathise with you, sir, I I' married her mother. Probably a man never feels so small as when his wrife comes to him and says1: "My dear, Johnny ean't wear your cast-off clothes any more. They're too little for him." I No," he said, "I don't think marriage is a failure." "Are you a married man?" asked a sad-eyed woman across the table. Not much; I'm a divorce lawyer." "Come, dear, kiss my cheek and make it up," she said forgivingly. I'll kiss it," lie answered, "but I don't think it wants any more making up And he was right. A case in point.—'Wade: "Do you believe, with these scientific fellows, that- disease can be communicated by handshaking?" Butcher: "I dtinno; there's the grip." Watts: "Do you think anyone can lie as stingy as old Fox and be a Christian ?" Potts t "Oh, poesiblv. I should not be surprised to hear of the old man saving his soul merely from motives of economy." Wife: "Henry, dear?" Husband: "Weli?" Wife: "I want to make a, bargain with you. If you will let me have £ 2 this afternoon I vill let you do £ 3 worth of grumbling about my extravagance." "Doctor," said the sufferer, supinely, as he dropped into the dentist's chair- "my nerve is completely gone." "Oh, no, it isn't," was ? the cheerful reply. "Wait till I get a. firm hold, and you'll realise your mistake." He Agreed With Her.—Mrs. Scrapeleigh: "Bah! I've made a different man of you since I married you." Mr. Scrapieigh "I Lt ve you have. Very different, indeed diffe- rent that now I can't eee what in the world ever possessed me to marry you." It is recorded of a young fop who visited one of the ICodischilds that he was so proud of his n alachite sleeve buttons that he insisted upon exhibiting them to his host. The latter locked at them a.nd said: "Yes. it is a pretty stone, I have a mantel-piece made of it in the next room." "How on earth did Hunker get out of his engagement with Aliss Eldier after he fell in love with Miss Scaddte ?" "It was done by a judicious selection of a birthday present." "What did he send1 her?" "He sent her a book entitled 'How to grow old gracefully,' and «he ttent his letters and ring back immediately." "You ought to take some rest," said the sympathetic friend. "Can't you go fishing, or s'/mcthing like that?" "Well," replied Mc. Weary, "I'm going! duck-hunting pretty soon." "Where?" "Up Bold-street. My wife has seien a. duck of a bonnet that I have to go in pursuit of." First Pedestrian (regarding passing cyclist): Jove! that cyclist is a tine-looking young fellow.—Second Pedestrian Young fellow ?— young lady, you mean.—First Pedestrian Non- sense I say it's a young ma n !—Second Pedes- trian: No, it isn't—can't you see the cycle is a lady's, not a gentleman's wheel?" "If a girl is anxious to marry-" began the maid. "Yes?" said the woman A the world, encouragingly. "If she is anxious to marry and marry well, from the point of view of society, I suppose she would prepare her- self as she would for a profession ?" "Cer- tainly." "There are some things that she should cultivate assiduously, and others to which ski need devote little attention?" "There are." "Well, what would you advise her to cultivate porticularly ?" "A wealthy relative who is likely to die soon." The question of umpires' decisions recalls an occasion when Shrewsbury was given out by a palpable mistake on the part of the umpire. A friend went up to him and said: "I say, Shrewsbury, I feel wild about that beastly, un- fair decision." "Aren't you angry?" "Oh, no," replied Arthur, smilingly. "It is true, I ought not to have been given out. but there are 4 many occasions en which I have been given in ,when I ought to have been out. You can't get infallible unmires, and [ find that the bad .uek and good arc evenly balanced." "I say, old man, what'i* that awful row going on next door?" "Ob, that's the Omphaio Club. The ladiefl are having their first whist party of the season." "No, Herbert," she said in a low tone, "it is inqiossible. I fear to trust my future with you." "And why?" "I have watched your conduct closely. It lacks the mark of such devotion as my soul craves." "Do I net com £ to see you four nights in the week i" Yes but I have detected- a calculating selfishness in your 'nature which I fear." "What do you mean?" "You have nevsr yet failed to leave in time to catch the last 'lbs." "But that is j only common. sense. "I know it is, I Herbert, and, therefore, it is not love. | —————————

Advertising

- f From Far ?and Near

[No title]

Advertising