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OUR SHORT STORY
OUR SHORT STORY 6 THE SWEET SINGE, R I hadfoeen enjoying what k usually termed an 'otr day." It ivae, warm and sticky to start with, off. and any number of worthy and aesiraHe patrons would have to wait until after dark for their papers. My nerves were strung up to a pretty high tension, I am afraid, for I reuiember saying something to one of the carriers who was grumbling about getting home late that I would not repeat here for the world. I am glad, however, that he did not take my advice, for it was warm enough where we were, in all conscience. At last, I got a man at work on the broken part, and1, with the assurance that another hour would see the cylinder turning, I staggered upstairs for a breath of air. Arriving at my 'den in front, I discovered that in this oppor- tune moment I was honoured with a lady caller. She was a faded, meek faced, poorly messed woman of 45 or more, and: she said timidly that she had been waiting for some time, Not wishing to disturb me. I thanked her fervently and waited for more. She wanted advice, she said. This was a boon. Most of my lady callers wanted! mon-ey for charitable purposes or free loeais of ehureh tmtertainiments. Advica was in light demand, and I accumulated a, choice stouk of it during nine years' experience with a daily paper in a Western town. She unrolled a .piroel and drew forth a printed'circular, which she handed to me. "Whsut do you know of thig. firm?" she asked), anxiously. I saw at a glance that it was a prospectus of a book entitled "The Poets of America" or something oi the sort, and bsued by some enterprising publisher whose sole aim was to get contributions and biographical1 notices from 1M many aspiring poe, ti; as possible, with the hope of selling to eadh from one to a dozen copies of the comipleted work. I wasi familiar with the idea, and' briefly stated to her some- thing of its t:rue inwardness, after glancing fcurriedly at the pamphlet. "You tftiink that i", their only object, then?" she said, wearily, as I handed it back, "to get to seii me a book; they—they would! net want to buy poemu, or—or exchange book.; for thtan —perhaps?" I should have laughed outright had it not been so sad. "No, I am quite sure they would not," I said, gravely, and added with some trepidation, <4You—3 ;ou are a poetess, then?" I bad had experience with poetesses before and trembled for the consequences. Twice already that week I had been coerced into printing inordinately long and shockingly bad "poems," because they had been written by "Little 'Mabel, the sixteen-year daughter of one of my heaviest advertisers. 1 "\e«," she said, ''I write poetry, and they must have heard about it. I live at Jaekville, iea miles below, and have had my pieces mostly in the Jaekville Banner.' This house must have seen them, I gueas, for they sent me these circulars and a letter asking me to send some of my poems. Here is a list of what I sent, ami I told them I would take •a. book for pay, and that I might be agent for them in Jaokville and sell some. Then they wrote me to send them 4dols., and did not mention my pieces. So being up to the city to-day I came to you for advice, knowing that you write poetry, too, and would likely know all about it." I was probably nearer regretting my spas- mochc trifling with the muse at that moment than ever before, for while she talked she had mechanically undone the rest of her parcel, end I knew intuitively what was coming. She was going to force me to listen to some of her poetry—there was no escape. Calmly and pitilessly she unrolled an ordi- nary scholar's copybook, somewhat soiled with handling, and laid it before JIW. "There are my pieces,she said, while a glow of animation crept into her faded cheek. "1 nc ver had! nobody to leant me how.—I jus' took it up myself." I mopped the perspiration from my fore- head and took up the book: she was so tired and anxious—I could not help it. 1er The carriers in the basement had been keep- ing up a terrible rumpus during Uw. last few minutes, which had grad'.ially increased in Violence, and the "devil" now poked h;s head hi to say that two of them had had a fight, with disastrous results; al-o, that the press would probably not be repaired as soon as first stated. I dismissed him with brief and suc- cinct instructions, and turned over the leaves of the copybook. A hasty glance assured me of the character of my visitor's work. I knew -the type perfectly. Wretched! obituaries. Deco- ration Day pieces and stanzas, on "Intempe- rance," or "Little Willie's New Pants." In numbers of them love rhymed with above, and 'in. one place, I regret to say, sin was; honoured with an invitation to rhyme with wings:- Beloved Susie died to-day. Her soul is free from care and sin, iFor it has flown to Heaven away. And now is wearing angel's wing3. The sentiment of this was comforting, no doubt, but I felt that to wade through anv mmoimt of it after what I had already endured that day was more than even she ought to ex- pect. I made a pretence of .reading several pages and closed the book. "They are very metrical," I said, keeping as near the truth as possible, "and most of the Thymes are good. She did not seem surprised at my commenda- tion, but rather disappointed, I thought, that [ m'd not eagerly read through the entire book. "Yet," she remarked, with a little touch of I wanted advice," she saiil. I pride, "ma friends in Jaekville all think they are good, aid I have a good many requests to write piece!—obituaries and things. I hear you have sold some of your poems?" She paused, and looked at me incredulously. I nodded feebly, and she coniinued:- "I haven't no idea what poems are worth. 'What would it be worth, now, to write a poem on the death of. say, a middle-aged man, and say they wanted five or six verses and four lines to the verse?" She looked at me somewhat anxiously as she paused. I was listening eagerly for the rumble and clack of the ibig press below which would give me a valid excuse for getting away. I felt sorry for her, but I wished the interview might dose. "Well, I hardly know. One dollar per stanza, perhaps." ■She sighed. "The people in Jaekville wouldn't pay tliat. They mostly want poetry for nothing. I do not believe they would pay more than a dollar altogether for any obituary piece, an' maybe as high as a dollar and a. half for a wedding ode. And that don't pay fo-r the brain work, do you think so r" "No," I said, warming up with the memory I of some of my own 'oitter experiences. r, doesn't pay in money—ever. It must be its own reward. The pleasure of creating—of J wi-iting it-is the only real pay one ever gets. j If any one thing comes afterward—praise or j money—it is just as if one found it in the j street. One might, in fact, as easily make a! living hunting for lost poc-ketbooka as by I writing poetry." Oh, how I wanted to talk frankly at the moment to that woman. I would have said to I her, "Woman, go home and burn your copy- book of wretched pieces and give up the t struggle. You will never write a line that the world will oay for or even listen to. Your] work will bring you only sorrow 'and dis- j F appointment. You are only one among the thousand's who awaken som# dark morning with the glad idea that Nature created them fc for poets, and because nobody will buy or l~ even print poor rhymer go down to their h graves heartsick and embittered, in the firm belief that they have never been appreciated, r Give it up, oh, give it up, and take in wash- i* ing while you ha.ve yet » few years to enjoy Iii-a. *3a5&e are the things that I wanted to say, but, looking into her weary face and remembering my own moments of weakness, I forbore. She had rallied, meantime, and was I coming at me again. ''Ye.?," she said, gratefully, "you are right; it is the pleasure of composing it that pays the best, I guess, after all. is one I wrote last week on the old school-house, back ill Ohio, where I went to school. I can sto it now, plain." Sha had the offending copy- book opfii in a new place mid held it toward me wistfully. I took it, and skimmed through three pages of the doggerel, in which rtfereiice was mc.de to a certain, teacher named Rebecca Pierce, whose school e-he had once attended—"Scme- times very mild, and sometimes very fierce," &c.. &c. It was realistic and beautiful enough to her, no doubt, but it was becoming fear- fully oppressive to me. I was on the point of handing the book back with a deliberate and more or less complimentary falsehood, when sho Teached out and opened the leaves for me once inore. "There is a. piece," she said, "that has never been printed. I suppovse you wouldn't want anything that the 'Banner' had published, an" I saved this one till I came up," and she looked at me anxiously. I felt the cold sweat beginning to break out in different; places. The conviction had beer, with me all along that in the end she would force me either into printing or refu- sing £ ome of her did not know which was the worst. The woman had some- hew awakened my sympathy. I muttered son ething about being crowded for space, but she did not seem to catch the. drift, and went on' — "I have never had' a piece in a daily paper, an' I would be so glad to have this one put in, for it Ü; about my son who was killed on the railroad last year. I wrote it at the time, and have been saving it to send you, or bring up." As I glanced1 at the first few stilted lints, born of a mother's anguish, I realised that even bad rhymes cannot wholly cover up and conceal a genuine sorrow. Bad a.< the composition un- doubtedly was, there was something in it-surne "Dischua-ged the two boys who had been fighting." echo of the wild, hopeless grief ef the stricken mother when her :-on had been brought heme to her one day, hi", strong body mangled and his young life crushed' out. And only an hour before he had' left her so fufls of life and health and hope. There « something in all of this— even in the very wretchedness of the telling— that moved me sufficiently to read it twice through, every word, Then I handed the book through, every word, Then I handed the book back in silence. I wanted' to fell her that I considered it very fine, but that would have bE""n a falsehood and, a. mockery. She did not offer to show me any more, but r:a:d, wistfully "I :haye n-ever had anything in any paper but the 'Banner,' an'—I thought, luarbe. you would like to pulbiidi this piece in the Tribune.' 1— I don't want any pay, I—only a copy of the IJa Twr-yo'U-- I knew perfectly well what I was doing. I knew tihat to encourage this woman now would be but to put an adockd blight on her life later, and bring no end cf tribulation, perhaps, but I felt unable to refuse her request, and consenisd to insert her "poem" in the next issue of the 'Banner."
DOCTOR AND HIS WIFE.
DOCTOR AND HIS WIFE. EXTRAORDINARY CLAIM HEARD AT A COUNTY-COURT. At Westminster Coupty-court on Wednesday an extraordinary claim for 35 guineas was heard ruder the case Bradhurn v. North. Mr. Cannot, council for the plaintiff, said Mr. M.'ddletcn Brad burn was a solicitor and de- fendant a doctor, who had contracted an un- fortunate marriage, and was anxious to get a divorce. His wife had threatened a client of plaintiff's with proceedings if he did not pity a sum of money to keep his. adultery with her a hEcret. from her husband. No action was taken by her. and the husband agreed to pay plaintiff thirty-five guineas if he obtained a divorce decree. For some unknown reason he did not proceed for divorce. His Honour non-suited plaintiff with costs, as the agreement was to pay when the decree was pronounced. lb never hadi been. 1
HUMOUR IN COUET-
HUMOUR IN COUET- BY THE LADY WHO COULD AFFORD TO BE FUNNY. "He was a very respectable man," said a witness once in a famous case, "he kept a gig." And Mrs. Jane Crozier. 45, of Chris- tian-street, Commercial-road, holds somewhat similar ideas. Mrs. Crozier was behaving in such a demonstrative fashion at. Railway Ap- pioacli, London Bridge, that a constable who did not know her imagined her to be in liquor. The fact that- her breath had the fragrance of cowslips lent to the suspicious mind of the constable a certain colour to his theory. On what slight things the bubble reputation hangs! But Mrs. Crozier bounced into thejlcck in a gorgeous dress and high indignation. ''Drunk, yer honour; myself is it? Faith, thin, yer honour, saving per prisinoe. but it's a black-hearted lie that thab dirty savage of a constable's after telbng. If I was a drunken woman do you tihinfc J'd have all this at me back?" And she pulled out, not from her back, but from her h.antkome bodice, a leather bag stuffed with bank notes and drafts. "Luk at that now!" "What's that?" said the magistrate. Mrs. Crozier: It's me property, sir. It's not drunk I was at all, yer honour, but I'm apt to get a little excited, and a weak heart, »nd mesilf a hoighly respectable woman, and tho constable treating me like a savage, twist- ing me arm backward and forward, 1 ike a log of wood, or an old glove that ye'd throw away in the gutter. The Magistrate: Now, Mrs. Crozie- what have you really to gay in your defence. Mrs. Crozier: Nothing, your honour, except sony I am to trouble you about such a paltry affair. And then the magistrate ordered the case to be put back.
?- -LOCAL NEWS ITEMS.
?- LOCAL NEWS ITEMS. We understand that Mr. W. Gill, the post- master of Newport, will shortly retire under the. compulsory age clause of the Superannua- tion Act. 1895.—SPRING CLEANING—Send Postcard to the II Cardiff Steam Laundry, Dyeing. Carpet and Window Company (Limited;, 1, ifinjay-street, Cathavg. Every Order reeeiyes prompt attention. Ked Grot* Vans and Tjuicier Trucks to All parts Daily. National Telephone, 741. PenartU Office, 57 Windsor-road. e4935 Miss Oertrade Drinkwater, pupil of Madame Clara Novello Davies, antv member of the Royal Welsh Ladies' Choir, was on Wednesday awarded the Parepa-Rosa Scholarship at the Iloyai Academy of Music, London—two years' free tuition in singing. Mr. J. 33. Deacon, of Cardiff, was present and played her accom- paniments. Choice Assortment of Ladies' and Children's Mil- linery in an the uevest shapes :md colours; also pdis8el!, coate, pinaiore#. aprons, corsets, underlinen, í 1'1,:>71'1', ties, collarettes, tibbou bows. Jtc.. 4c., in, ffreai variety and moderate prices, at Mr*.
Advertising
pBBSOfilPTIOA FREE I I bavs resolved, after niu-h consideration, to give to sufferers who will send me a seli-addressed stamped er.vel«pe, the Prescription which cured me after 17 years 01 suffering from Nervous Debility. This Pre- scription m, from my own cxperier.ce, aa infallible I guaranteed cure for Exhausted Vitality, Weakness, Despwdencv, Variaeele, Kidnev and Liver Complaints and all kk-dred diseases, and I cor.fk mtly recoanmend it to sil who so suffer. (Name t-his paper.)—Write to W. H. BUOWN. lino 14) Cfceshruji-roni, BrijUt'ui, Sctsex. eStil Tiicussn^s o" r-ni'dvi) etc annually from liud' ierrii>ie disease, Al, May he saved by 1 £ i»iQjr the» Vwitur.e V Croup Mixture iu time. May be •bi&iaed o £ ail eher/iists at Is. lid. per I 311'. W. T. STEAD, in the "Review of Reviews," detoU' a long article, tc« ilie subject oi Pens, and is wspwiiUy euioguwie of the. uterits of the "Swao" t'&untaln Pen, of Mabio, "'odd, ami Bard, the world- renowned Makers, oi Cheapside.—May be obtained frcm tlw Western Jlati tLumted), Cardiff, EI2Y94—-?.
. From Far and Near
From Far and Near --?- A COLUMN OF CHAT ON INTHRæSTING SUBJECTS. Items of News and Anecdotes Gleaned for the "Express" from N., S., Ei., and W. A dead vixen and two live cubs were found last week near the new sewage disposal works at Barbara. Riggs, Barnard Castle, by one of the workmen. The former had evidently been starved, being in poor condition. I A Croydon 'hawker, supposed to be poor, was fined for travelling by train without pay- ing his fare. On being searched after arrest his pockets were found to contain a deposit note for LF,00, five cheques for £ 122, a pro- missory note for LLGO, and B6 in gold. A new use is reported to have been dis- covered for hops—namely, the curing of bacon. It is found that a sprinkling of hops in the brine when bacon and hams are put in pickle adds greatly to the flavour of both, and enables them to be kept an indefinite period. There is reason to believe that within the past week or two some severe cockfights have occurred iin the seclusion of the hills in. South Cumberland and High fulness, and that the cockiighting fraternity are quietly preparing for some important battle during Whit Week. Mr. Justin M'Carthy is writing a life of Mr. Gladstone, which will be published in a New York contemporary, beginning in autumn next. The life will be fully illustrated with many portraits and other pictures. Mr. McCarthy i3 held to be "the best of inter- preters of Mr. Gladstone's career for Americen readers." The total population of the earth is esti- mated at about 1,200,000,000, of whcm 32,214;,000 die annually-i.e., an average of 93,348 a day, 4,020 an hour, and 67 a minute. The annual number of births, on the other hand, is estimated at 36,792,000—i.e., an aver- age of 100,800 a. day, 4,200 an hour, and 70 a minute, A unique tenancy !ha^ just been terminated on the Kintore estate. Extending over four centuries, it has at length been severed! by the departure of Miss Mary Rait from the farm of The Brae, Kintore. The connection of the family with the estate has been traced back to the year 1680, but tradition carries the connec- tion as far back as 1457. People with money to throw away may as well purchase egfa of the Great Auk as invest in a multiplicity of foreign stamps, historic xeliea stulfed with) Birminghatn papers, or other curious, if not useful, things. A Mr. Noble the other day bought a Great Auk's egg (slightly damaged) for 160 guineas at a sale in King-street, Covent Garden. Other useless eggs were also sold for big prices. The hard case of Mrs. Sata, wife of the late Mr. G. A. 8ala, has been brought before the notice of Mr. Balfour, with the result that her name is likely to appear shortly on the Civil List. Meanwhile, the Duke of Abercorn and a number of gentlemen are exerting themselves to raise a substantial fund for the benefit of the lady, who at present is unable, on account of ill-health,, to earn her living. Curious as it seems, there is a distinct rela- tion between man's pursuits and the colour of man's hair. An unusual proportion of men with dark, straight hair enter the ministry; red-wttuskered men are apt to be given to sporting and horseflesh.; while the tall, vigorous, blonde man, lineal descendant of the Vikings, still contributes a large contingent to travellers and emigrants. The many admirers of Mr. Samuel L. Clemens, more familiar a3 Mark Twain, will be pleased to learn that he has not only com- pletely recovered) his health, but that be has also mended his fortunes, broken some time back by unlucky speculations. His lecturing tours, which he is still keeping up, have been conspicuous financial successes; and he has, just sold the copyright of a new work for £10,000-0. price which was considered fabulous when Lord Beaieonsfield obtained it for one of his novels. The natives of Ceylon have been greatly concerned lately about the wild enthusiasm with which the Euax-vpean, res idem ts of that picturesque island have taken up cycling. The last straw was placed cm the camel's back the other day when the Governor himself appeared on a machine, following the example of the leading subordinate officials of the Colony. Now the natives' respect and awe for the British magnate appears to have been com- pletely dissipated by the appearance of the Biihop of Colombo on a bike. The rapid decline. of the lead-mining in- dustry of the western regions of Tvned^le and Weardale is forcibly shown in the fall in the value of lead from ;tid per ton in 1874 to £ 9 15s. per ton in 18S4. In 1896 the price is JB11 2s. 6d. Lead was Bll in 1734; it attained the highest price in 1854, when the price was JB21. The decline of the industry is due to the increased supply from foreign sources. Lead was shipped at Newcastle in the reign of Henry I., and it doubtless came from Hexham- shire. In Weardale, lead mines were worked, as early as the reign of King Stephen. The new woman has penetrated even into our workhouses, and to-day the cigarette is, by at least one lady pauper, looked upon as 11/11 afternoon adjunct to the parochial pie and potatoes. Miss Clara Attar, a young woman inmate of the West Ham. Union, with an utter indifference to the duties of her position, was smoking her after-dinner cigarette preparatcry to her daily siesta, when she was ordered by the matron to lay the weed aside. She replied by smacking that lady's face, and by assault- ing the master and other officials of the estab- lishment. This latest participator in the fads of the new woman is now awaiting trial in one of the Metropolitan prisons, where it is safe to assume the fragrant weed, even in the form of the insidious cigarette, will not, for the present, form any part of the daily luxuries which tlhe will emjoy. A curious sort of industrial enterprise gives employment to a very large number of hands in a manufactory in Colchester. It consists in what has been called the resurrection of soldiers' cv.st-off shoe-leather." The pro- prietor makes it hia business to purchase by contract all the shoes and boots of our home regimentu which a<re deemed to have pasted beyond the skill of the ordinary cobbler, and such is the scientific perfection to which the art of boot-repairing is brought that thojte apparently hornless cases, we are assured, very soon leave the works again as istrong, service- able, and good-looking specimens of their kind. About 13,000 pairs are treated annually, something like a third of the number being broken up to construct the remainder. The average retail price of these restored" goodis ie about three or four shillings.
Advertising
HAVE YOU PAIN! Sufferers from Gravel, Lumbago, Piles, Psins is the B.tek, Dropsy, Wind and Waiter Complaints, Diseases of Kidneys, Bladder, Stone, Sciatica, lthcu- and Goub, wilt tind s. positive Cure in Qclroyd's Gravel Pins. Try a sma.Il Box, and if oot, satisfied your will be returned. Pricft Is lAd of all Chemists, or T. cot free for 12 stamps, i from Holroyd's Mediertl Hail, Cleckheaton, Torks, be put ■iff. If you csnnot gft them, write the proprietor, tnd ibii will be sent next cost. "lia the organism of man, as in that of all the higher animals, the materials for the nutrition of ev«*rv portion of the structure are supplied by the Blood. If the Blood is diseased,the body is diseased." "Clarke's World-famed Blood Mixture" is a guaraad teed < ure for all Blood and Skin Diseases. It if the most searching blood eleaaser ever discovered, and it will free the system from all impurities from what- Il ever cause arising. For Scrofula, Scurvy, Eczesca, Bad Legs, Pimples, and Sores of all kinds, its effects Bad Legs, Pimples, and Sores of all kinds, its effects i are marvellous. Thousands of wonderful cures have been effecred by it. Sold everywhere, at 2s. 9<1. per bottle. Beiraire of worthless i Nutations and sub- [ stitnW- e!331
- OVER THE NUTS AND WINE
OVER THE NUTS AND WINE QUIPS AND CRAMS FItOJI BOTH HEMI- SPHERES. A Selection of Jokes and Funny Anecdotes for the Mental Recreation of Old and j Young; Old Man (angrily): Why don't you. knock the door down and be done with it? Bill (apologetically): The stick broke, sur. Jack: It is going to take Ada. a long time to play the banjo. Helen: Hasn't she any talent? Jack: Oh, she has talent enough; but I'm teaching her. ":Mr. Insite, give the class your idea of optimist and pessimist." "Yes, sir. An optimist is a man who is happy when he's miserable,, and a pessimist is a man who is miserable when he's happy." "Gamsby, what do you consider the most trying characteristic of women?" "Why, el their tendency to lose much of their good looks when they get old enough to have good sense." One of our sextons, in making his report of burials, is explicit to a commendable degree. .For instance, such entries as this occur:- Died, John Green, male; aged three days; unmarried." Always Behind !-Impatient Customer: Hullo you waiter, where is that ox tail soup ? Confound you, how slow you are Waiter: Entirely the fault of the soup, sir. Ox tail, you see, is always behind. She Marry John Smedler. If there wasn't another man in the world, I wouldn't have him. Uncle George: Considering the oppor- tunities that you give him for selection, I think you are right. "I want to marry your daughter," said the young bicycle scorcher. Can't you give us a start in life?" "Certainly," replied the old man, opening the front door; "I believe you've tried the flying start before." An Irish Bull.—Pat was oeing reprimanTecT by his employer for his over indulgence in alcoholic stimulants, and his employer in en- deavouring to demonstrate to him the evil effects of drinking in the motning, asked him: Now, Pat, how many drinks do you think you take before your midday meal ?" "Shure., yer honour," said Pat, I sometimes take only one; sometimes two; but never less than three." r After passing three years in Paris, a French student wrote to his father RS follows: "I have made up my mind to set to work, dear father; therefore, I should like to know whether it was law or medicine that I came to Paris to study." I can overlook his past," sighed the grieved and mortified young woman, after a careful inspection of the ring she had just received from her lover; but I own I am bitterly disappointed with his present." The diamond was paste. I do not see," she said, with great severity, how it would be possible to add to the un- sightliness of bloomers." And the "Tittle wheelwoman contented herself with innocently remarking: "Perhaps you are prejudiced. Did you ever wear them?" Josh: I never could see that them astrono- mers was much use, anyway. Eiram TTSy not? Josh: Well, 1iere fney're tellin' us there's a comet comin' flyin' towards the earth, and not a blamed one of them is doin' anything to prevent it. Natural Abilities.—Father: I would like my son to study under you. D'Auber: Has he shown any natural talents that would fit him to become an artist? Father (enthusiasti- cally) Yes, indeed. Why, he can go nearly a week without food. 'Ello wot's this ?" said the honest White- chapel working man. I say, Bill wot's thisf 'Dickens' Works for Sixpence!' Who's this Dickens, an' how tile blank-blank can a honest man get a fafr day's wages for 'is blooming work if there's blacklegs like this 'ere Dickens in the market? Yah r Some years ago Mrs. William Astor, the wife of the American millionaire, gave a iuncn party to a number of little girls who were friends of her own little daughter, then aged about five. After the entertainment was over one little fair-liaired maiden was wishing the hostess good-bye, when Sirs Astor said: I hope you have had a pleasant time, dear." Oh, yes," was the answer, only the peas were not cooked enough." He: I've a good mind to kise you. She: You'd better mind what you're about. Willie Washington was gazing into space with a look of intense anguish. "What i-s w I. the matter, Willie?" said! one of his friends. "Have you been in trouble?" "Y-a-a-s. I'm afraid that I've gone and made myself vewy unpopular with Van Diggles and lias wife, don't you know?" "In what way?" Why, you know that they both wide a 'bicycle." Yes." "In costume." "Cer- tainly. "And I met them this afternoon. They passed me one aftah the othah." And didn't you speak to them?" Y-v-nn. I wish I hadn't, fob, do you know, evewy lime I think the mattah ovah, I'm half convinced that I lifted my hat and bowed to Van Diggles and said, 'Hello, old man,' to his wife." Johnny: Do you say your prayers every night ? Jimmy: I do whenever I've got ter sleep in thu folding-bed. A certain man, possessed of great wealth and proud of his possessions, was rather deficient in intellect. One day he had an old man working for him, an Irishman, possessing a full share of the wit of his race. The rich man went to oversee the job. He looked at Pat a minute, hard at work, and said, "Well, Pat, it's good to be rich." "Yis, sir," said Pat, meekly enough. "I am rich, Pat-very rich." "So I am told," said Pat, shovelling. I own lands and houses, and bonds, and stocks, and—and—and Yis, sir." "And what is it, Pat, I haven't got?" "Divil a bit sense, sir," said Pat. as he picked up his wheelbarrow and trundled it off. Three t/^vellers happened to be sitting drinking in a wayside inn on the road to .London. Being representatives of the three leading countries in the kingdom, the conver- sation naturally turned to the prowess of the different countrymen. Said the Englishman We have a man in my country that can stand a ladder in the centre of a field, and climb to the top of it without a support." Oh, ay," said Sandy, the Scot; but we hae a chiel in my country that will climb up the same ladder, and when he gets to the top he turns rertmd and gangs doon tho ither side, hei^" first. Oeh, shure now, and that's nuttiing at all," said Pat, "we have a bhoy- over in the old counthry that can climb up the same laddher, and when he gets to the top' lie hangs on to the clouds wi' his teeth, and draws the 1 add her no after-him." It is said that Sir John E. Millais has al- most as great a reputation for joking as for painting portraits. Once he was speaking of a beautiful young girl whose portrait he had just finished. "Her features are exquisitely moulded1, I have heard," said a friend who had seen neither the portrait nor its original. "Beautiful forehead and eyes," returned the artist, concisely; handsome nose, fine chin, mouth like an elephant's." "Mouth like an elephant's?'' echoed his friend in dismay. What a terrible misfortune Do you mean that it is so enormous, or—what do vou mean?" "Only that it is filled with superb ivory, madam," returned the artist with a merry twinkle in his eye. ? /.J Drummer: I've done a big day's work to- day—have taken orders for over JE100 worth of goods. Bill Collector: Who are ths parties ? Drummer: All to Skinner and Slowpay. Bill Ccliector: That means steady employ- ment for me for tan. months. Thanks; don't know what I should' do if it weren't for you. WISE WORDi*. A bad workman quarrels with his tools. As confidence that we can do a thing often ensures success, so doubt and despondency are sure steps to failure. If you would be well with a great mind, leave him with a. favourable impression of you; if with a little mind, leave him with a favourable opinion of himself.—Coleridge. If I take care of my character, my reputa- tion will take care of itself.—D. L. Moody. Cultivate the habit of always seeing the best in people, and more than that, of draw- ing forth whatever is best in them.—Cuyler. If you want to be miserable think about yourself, about what you want, what you like, what respect, people ought to pay to you, and what people think of you. — Charles Kingsley. Ail men are our brothers, a.nd when Ave injure them by lies, which cut like a sharp razor, by sneers, by innuendoes, by intrigues, by slander and calumny, by hatred, malice, and all charitableness, by want of thought, or by want of heart, by the lust of gain, by neglect, by absoroing selfishness, we are in- heritors of the spirit of the first murderer.— Dean Farrar. Reform, like charity, must begin at home. Once well at home, how will it radiate out- ward, irrepressible; into all that we touch and handle, speak and work; kindling ever new light by incalculable contagion, spread- ing in geometric ratio, far and wide, doing good only, wherever it spreads, and not 6vil —Catiyle. It is not in a man's creed, but in his deeds not in his knowledge, but in his wisdom; not in his power, but in his sympathy—that there lies the essence of what is good, and r what will lasb in human .life.—York Powell.
Social and Personal e
Social and Personal e INTERESTING PARS ABOUT INTERESTING PEOPLE. A Column of Gossip a.nd Chatter on an Infinitude of ICen and Matters. M. Henry Menier, the chocolate king, is going to plant a colony en the island of Anti- costi, of which ho ha* lately purchased t.he sole pr oprietary rights. The eettlers have all to be teetotalers, and—as M. Menier wants the game fo.- himself—they are pledged not to shoot. We understand that the important position of bead of the Transport Department of the Admiralty is about to become vacant by the retirement, early in August next, of Admiral Brent, who has had already three years' exten- sion of his term of service in that office. We lcrrn that it is not correct that Licu- tenaiit-colonel the Hon. F. W. Stopford, Cienadior Guards, is to go out with the Mounted Infantry to the Cape. Colonel Stop- ford is wanted at home for what may be more impovbiftfc service. Another officer is to be selected for the service, most probably from the cavalry. Lieutenant-general G, D. Barker. C.B., who has been appointed Governor of the Bermudas and Somers Islands, haa been in the Army for 43 years. He senved with the Persian Expedition in 1857, and during the Indian Mutiny was with Havelock's column at the relief and defence of Lucknow. He has been Professor of Military Art and History at the Staff College, Assistant-Director of Military Education at headquarters, and! Acting-Gover- nor of Hong Kong. Since 1890 he has been ia command of tho trops in China. '1110 appointmenit of Admiralty 'Marshal, Royal Courts of Justice, to which is attached a salary of JE700 a year, has become vacant by the retirement of Mr. Richard G. M. Browne, who has held the post since 1875. Mr. Browne's service in the Marshal's Depart- ment hae extended over nearly 56 years, he having been appuinted a clrek ia the ofEce as long ago as July, 1840. -1- Mr. Andrew Barclay Walker, whose yacht, the Ailsa, has been fired on by Riffiam Arabs when running close to the African coast, is a. son of the late Sir Andrew Barclay Walker, of Osmaston, the founder of the most profitable brewery concern in the North of England, that of Messrs. Peter Walker and) Sons, Warring- ten. Mr. A. B. Walker is an enthusiastic yachtsman. He has won many prizes with tho Ailsa. The late Mr. Anthony Hi Lister, whose big fortune wa* declared last week, was long the junior partner in the firm of Smith and Lister, the big straw-hat manufacturers of Friday- street and Cannon-street. His partner, Mr. J. Smith, lecently retired from the business of I. which he had been the head for 37 years, and on leaving the house took a pleasant way of stomping the occasion on the memories of his staff. Every person in his employment down to the office boy of one year's standing received from. him a sovereign for every year's service with the firm, There is a good prospect that, thanks to the generosity of Lady O'Hagan, of whose religious opinions there has been of late so much im- pertinent talk, the town of Burnley will caquire the historic Towneley hall and park, ttiid thus obtain, what it at present lacks, a museum and an art gallery. The hall is one of the historio buildings of Lancashire, and itself dating from the end of the fifteenth century, took the place of an earlier building that was erected long before the Conquest. The most interesting feature of the hall is the chapel, which is elaborately panelled, and has a fine reredos. As is well-known, the Towneleys have hitherto been stunch adherents of the old faith, and the sacred lamp has never been extinguished. Not to be outdone by Mdme. Melba's ex- ploits on the bicycle, Mdme. Noraica, so we read, is being instructed in the noble art of self-defence. If this inversion of the natural order of things continues, we shall hear that Peter Jacksoq is taking lessons in the use of the sewing machine, or that Mr. W. G. Grace will shortly make his debut as a shirt- dancer. Mr. W. G. Grace wil'. find a. dangerous rival in the field at the very outset of the cricket season. On Saturday, at the Oval, playing' for the young Amateurs of Surrey, against the young Professionals, Mr. F. S. Crawford, aged seventeen, made 218 runs in two hours and forty minutes, and afterwards took five wickets for 41 runs. Whether or no Mr, Crawford maintains this dazzling form, he has made a. fine record for himself in the annals of the game. The announcement was made on Saturday that Sir Donald Smith had been appointed High Commissioner for Canada in London. Sir Donald probably thinks it time that some of the honours so profusely lavished on his old friend Lord Mount Stephen should come his way. Sir Donald Smith is a Morayshiro man, who went to Canada as a youth, and entered the service of -the Hudson's Bay Company. He made wealth with extraordinary rapidity, shared with his friend George Stephen, now Lord Mount Stephen, the distinction! of being the first 'financial magnate in Canada, and also shared with bim the Dominion honours of the Canadian Pacific Railway. He has contri- buted about a quarter of a million, of money to the Victoria Hosjpital, Montreal. He would be a popular High Commissioner in London, as he can afford to entertain. About eighteen months ago he purchased the historic estate of Glemcoe, in Argyllshire. Sir Donald has residences in Montreal, itn Winnipeg, and in Nova Scotia, andl has. a London office in Lime-street, He is a member of the Athenaeum Club.
HOW TO TAKE OUT PATENTS
HOW TO TAKE OUT PATENTS Maay useful and novel appliances are from time to time devised which are not turned to practical account owing to want of knowedge on the part of inventors all to how to patent their inventions. We constantly receive letters asking our advice, and, with a view to affording information ae to costs and modes of procedure in applying for provisional protection and patents, we have made arrangements accord- ingly. Any of our readers who desire such in- formation should eend a. stamped envelope, en. closed to the Patent Editor, "Western Mail," Cardiff, by whom it will lJfJ handed to a thoroughly trustworthy expert in such matters, who will reoly fully to our correspondents. 8111J- 81".
Jt O H S A110 R S' l R I E…
Jt O H S A110 R S' l R I E N D$. FOREIGN ARRIVALS AND MOVE- MENTS Or LOCAL VESSELS. Sam Weller left Rotterdam for Cardiff 29th. Garonne left Bordeaux for Cardiff 28th. Di'rdcgne left Bordeaux for Cardiff 28th. Sprightly left Havre for Cardiff 28fcli. Cynuiirodorion arrived Bilbao 28th. Ke« bigg-en left Plymouth for Cardiff 29bh. diaries T. Jones left Leghorn for Constantinople 27th. G. E. Wood left St. Louis for Antwerp 29tli. fbrquoiKo arrived Cape de Verdes 28th. Dowlais left Billxio for Cardiff 29th. I.eereaulx passed Usliant for Antwerp 28th. .Margaret Jones arrived Port Said from Cardiff 29th, Ninian Stuart passed Kerteh for Rotterdam 28Ui. Beignon left Sables for Bilbao 29th. Jersey left Barcelona for Pemaron 28th. Wectergate arrived Iluelva 28th. Trelierbert arrived Barry 29th. Ir.ver passed the Lizard for Penarth Roada for orders 29th. vSfcckealey left Berehaven for the Mumbles for orders 29th. Wilfrid left Havre for Methil 27th. Whitehall left Venice for the Danube 27th. Kafcby Abbey arrived Suez 28tli. Melrose Abbey left Havre for Swansea 28th. Netley Abbey arrived Middlesborough 29th.. Llanthony Abbey arrived Live', pool 28th. Kapid arrived Garston 28th. Kosa left Bilbao for Newport 28th Godmundins; arrived Rotterdam 28Mi. Mark Lane left New York for Newport, News 29th. Cross arrived Copenhagen 27th. Komanby arrived the Tees from Bilbao 28th. Hoiileu arrived the Tees from Bilbao 20th. MIJlthy passed Cuxhuven for Hamburg 23th. Thornaby passed Gibraltar for Calais 271,h. Hawnby arrived Liverpool from River Plate 28th, HIIJwortb passed Sulina for Antwerp 28th. Ancient Briton arrived Norkoping 28th. Saxon Briton left. Sunderland for Stockholm 28th. Mardy left Newport for Gibraltar 28th. Fountains Abbey arrived Middlesborough 27th. Activity left St. Malo for Barry 28th. Gwalia left Bilbao for Cardiff 29th. Werfa Itit Portland far Penaath 2Stù.
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FIRED TOO SOON.I
FIRED TOO SOON. TERRIBLE ACCIDENT AT BIG GUN PRACTICE. A terrible accident has occurred at Alder- shot during some artillery operations, in which the whole of the artillery stationed at Aldershofc were engaged. Gunner Grier, of "P" Battery, Royal Horse Artillery, was loading his gun, and had! driven the charge home, when, it ds stated, aj young recruit fired before the word of command had been given and before Grier could get out of the way. The result was the charge exploded before the breech was properly closed, and Grier was instantly enveloped in flames, and his clothing had to be stripped off on the spot. The force of the explosion tore open his tunic, exposing his breast, which, of course, suffered severely. Grier was at once con- veyed to the Cambridge Hospital, where it was found that, in addition to other injuries, his eyes were so badly burned that he would probably lose his sight. Sergeant Hammond, in charge of the gun, was also seriously injured, and it is feared that he will lose the sight of one of his eyes. The accident will form the subject of a special inquiry.
?cissraw;
cissraw; IMPORTAITT DECISION ON DRIVERS' LIABILT-TY. An important case to cyclists, supported by the National Cyclists' Association, has been decided by his Honour Judge Vernon Lushing- ton, at a special sitting of the Kingston-on- Thames County-court. The plaintiffs were Mr. Edward Coles-Webb, clerk to the Sheriff of London, and Mrs. Edith Maud Coles-Webb, his wife, of Ingoldsby, Kinross-road, High- bury Park, who sought to obtain JB50 from Mr, F. Hamilton, baker, East Molesey, for personal injuries and damages to a tandem bicycle, alleged to have been caused by the defendant's negligence.—The evidence showed that the plaintiffs, who were very skilful and experienced riders, whilst descending a slight declivity on the Ripley road between Esher and Cobham, overtook the defendant, and, ringing their bells to warn him of their pre- sence, they attempted to pass him on the right side. At the very same moment the defendant, without the slightest signal to them of what he was about to do, turned his horse across the road, to turn down a bye- road on the opposite side. A violent colli- sion occurred, the plaintiffs being knocked off the bicycle and the machine being consi- derably damaged. The riders were also in- jured, particularly Mrs. Coles-Webb, who had to be medically attended.—For the defence, it was urged that the driver took all reason. able precautions, and, before crossing the road, raised his whip over the side of the trap, to indicate his intention to anyone in the rear. -The plaintiffs denied that he gave any such signal.—It was stated that the road was thronged with bicyclists at the time.—His Honour held that the defendant was guilty of negligence, observing that he ought never to have attempted to cross the road without looking behind to see that the coast was clear. A new and serious danger, he pointed out, was added to the highways by cyclists. Bicyclists went along silently, and it was almost necessary for a driver to have eyes in the back of his head as well as in front. He gave judgment for £ 11 and costs.
A SPANISH CAFE-CHANTANT.
A SPANISH CAFE-CHANTANT. THE PECULIARITIES OF THE DANCERS. There are a few Cafe-Chaniante' in Madrid, says a writer in the "Sketch," and they are all bad. Yet they are true Cafe-Chautantg, and not gorgeous and oppressive music halle. The Cafe del Pez is in the workmen's quarter. At the square tables arranged on the dingy floor, the workmen, and occasionally work- women, are sitting smoking cigarettes, imbib- ing very crude wines or coffee, and gossiping gravely. On the et,age-a marrow affair, raised just f.box-ia the floor—a company of dancers appear, one man playing a viol, another a guitar, three young women, one of extraordi- nary "beauty, also a couple of very small girls (sisters), and a couple of boys. All are in the costume appropriate to the dance, the young women wearing mantillas and a sort of polonaise, and the little girls gay Seviilian attire. One of the little girls dances first, with one of the little boys, a cachuca. What lively Hinge, what dramatic gestures, what fire in tlie movements, while the audience remained almost impassable, smiling1 gravely! The youngsters seemed to dance by instinct. Applause!—during which the unconcerned and imiooent little pulled up her stock- ing and readjusted her garter. Then the young women danoed in succession. The first of them was dark as a Moor; and looking at the dance, listening to the sharp-pitched din of the imie'.o, and tllie tom-tom-like beating of the little drum and gazing round at the types sitting it the tables, I could realise th-e force of tihe proverb, "Africa begins at the Pyrenees." The Moors have left tiheiir traces. in ths swarthy complexions, the grinn mouth, the suggestion of that seems to lower beneath the Spaniard's grave visage. Also in. the dramatic dances, with their pantomime of coquetry, a.nd in the slow voluptuous, sweeping movements, wuiose only burden once again is love, and an the sharp pitch of tlhe songs, and in the tom- tom beating, and the Castanet crackling. Only the Turks and Moors possess in common with the Spaniards the rolling, supple motions of the body as well as the fire and energy of that dumb eloquence. A Spanish dance (is a drama, a poem. The Moorish bloodibas improved the stock, and in Cordova and Granada especially the finest womec in Spain may be found. And Carmen Garcia was a gem among beau- ties. Carmen rose to dance. The dance of Carmen was a slow Oriental dance—languorous, voluptuous, a danoe not of the feet or legs only, but of the whole body. And, as the dance progressed, the undulations of her body deepened, the binuous movements enveloped her whole form, acquired more force and power. Her dance was received with a silence which was more expressive than the applause that had greeted the 'lively and dashing steps of the others. Carmen's costume consisted of a man- tilla on the shouldere, a robe covered with a kind of open-ivvorlcied polonaise dotted with black balls, which beat lightly as she danced, and white satin shoes. Her hair was done in an elaborate coiffure—dark brown, rich, thick! hair, rolled and coiled, and drawn up high behind. Her features were regular, all good; the eye.? deep and black and lustrous: and the whole countenance at once restful, calm, and full of the possibilities of fire, animation, and passion. One had time .to observe all these niatters as Carmen danced; but now the danoe increased in ■vigour—or, perhaps, one should say, in intensity—the movements became a little more complicated, the ewaying and bend- ing' of the body less reaerved, the feet moved more freely, and finally, with a bold and dttu- matio finish, the dance oame to a sudden, end. Afterwards, I invited Carmen and her two young friends to have e, cup of coffee at my table. They did so. Also several copitas of crude wines and many cigarettes. Carmen smoked and drank, and spat on the floor in. ths* calmest manner in the world, reposefAil and content, yet giving intimatiom, of fire, of anima- tion, and of pay^ion. She was from Seville, she told me, where it was a. sort of natural rigiht of the ladies, to be very good-looking. She was content, but not unduly proud. And she asked for ajiother oopita, and spart oalmly oa the floor.
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