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!WISE AND OTHERWISE.

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WISE AND OTHERWISE. IV At the dinner given by the Institute of Journalists to M. Zola, at the Crystal Palace, the bill of fare was very cleverly designed. In a pictured boat built of newspapers floated the past and present officials of the institute, all faithfully portrayed. The sea was of ink, and quills served as oars for the fragile craft, which, we should add, was armed with a champagne bottle en bar- bette" like a gun, whilst the guest of the evening was represented flying around, like a stormy petrel. Once when a doctor was visiting an old man who was suffering from rheumatism in the back, he ordered the wife to rub in plenty of hartshorn and oil. Next day, to the 'doctor's surprise, lie found the old man much worse, and all the skin was off his back. He turned to the woman and asked, "Did you do as I ordered you?" "Yes, sir, I rubbed him well with hearthstone and oil, I but. I don't see that it's done him any good." I have had many a fall but never a tumble. Though I neither sit nor lie down I often rise up. I urn sometimes low, but never out of spirits. I am of a changeable temperament, yet, though I move up and down, I never stir from my place. I am always at my post when you wish to consult me. When you look into my face I sometimes cause you pleasure, sometimes pain. Now, tell me wha.t I am? —-A weatherglass. A short time ago a little boy wa.s busily engaged at his lessons. His father, a leading citizen, had gone to his "lodge," and his mother was busy sewing. The little boy looked up and asked, "Mamma, what does the word pretext' mean ?" "When your father -says lie has to go to the lodge two or three times a week, that is a pretext to get away from his family." The boy did not say anything, but next day, when he read it out to the whole school, his definition of "pretext" caused a sensation. For some reason or other the late Professor Jowett objected to men staying up during the "vac. and two men who did so suffered severely for their love of work. The master first of all forced them to attend chapel evefy day. After this had gone on for some little time without the desired effect, he Ls stated to have greatly restricted the college [ bill of fare, which latter device ultimately forced the two enthusiasts to decide to bury themselves in the bosom of their families. The master saw them off, and, turning to the porter, remarked, "This kind goeth not out but by prayer and fasting." A new system of advertising common in New Zealand has led to a disastrous mis- understanding between a doctor and a patient. The Government are glad to add to the revenue by letting the gummed side of stamps to advertisers, who are glad to print their puffs there in spite of the extremely brief publicity ensured. The other day a man called on a doctor about .some ailment, and, while waiting his turn, stuck a stamp on a letter. When, a minute later, the doctor bade him put out his tongue, lie read thereon in letters of blue— "Stop that. cough. Use X.'s pectoral." Unable to treat calmly so shameless a tout, the doctor kicked him out. Dr. Haweis, in an article contributed to the "Independent," gives an entertaining account of the time when he saw Wagner "conducting" in London. His handling of the baton was a revelation. At times he did not conduct at all, lie let the band alone, as though he inspired instead of drove them. Mendelssohn used to do the same sort of thing. He would almost cease to wave his baton, and, with his head on one side, would seem to fall into meditation and listen as in a dream; but people remarked that never was the band so magnetic, never the music so perfect, as when Mendelssohn got into that particular mood. "But the critical donkey." says Dr. Haweis, "who went to the Albert-hall and watched Wagner, when he did not see the stick swoop and plunge, and the conductor in full sweat, fancied he could not be up to the work, and felt inclined to have his money back." "What are you rest- ing for?" said an ignorant theatrical manager to the man at the "drums." The drummer pointed to a hundred bars' rest. "Hang it all, sir," says the manager; "I don't pay you to rest, I pay you to play the drum." The triumphant success obtained by Fanny Elssler in the "Diable Boiteux" was by no means relished by her lady-colleagues, who profited by any mode of annoying their rival. One evening Burat de Gurgy, author of the libretto. ImonViirl at. the door of the cliarrning dancer's dressing-room and found her in a great state of excitement. "My dear M. Burat," she exclaimed, "I am in a terrible rage! I have scarcely time to dress, and someone has stolen my chalk!" "Your chalk," began Burat. "Yes. I have asked everybody for some, and they all say they II have none. It is a conspiracy, you see, to hinder me from dancing. So now, M. Burat, vou will get me some, will you not?" "But, my dear lady, I don't know where to go for it." "Make haste!" insisted Fanny. "I will pay you whatever you like, but I must have it. You have just a quarter of an hour before the curtain rises, and I shall expect you." It was then eleven o'clock and all the shops were shut, consequently M. Burat was i highly perplexed as to what to do. However, at last he returned, bringing live little bits of chalk, but looking extremely doleful. "Enfin!" cried Mile. Elssler triumphantly. "You are, indeed, a friend in need! What do I owe yoi, "Twenty-five sous for five I glasses of execrable cognac, was his answer. "I have been obliged to go to five cafes in order to steal the chalk from the billiard tables

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