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Varieties.

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Varieties. I can't start the fire," growled MJunkin. "Why don't you use words ?" askgd Mrs. M'Junkin. "Words? What kind oi words?" Words that burn, of course." Mrs. Closfiat: We are invited to Mr. and Mrs. Bangle's silver wedding. What shall we give them ? Mr. Closefist I'll make 'em a speech. Speech is silvern, you know. Abraham Lincoln split rails, but if, after splitting them, he had sat around OR the fence made of them he would never have become President. Algv: Do you think, my love, that yoor father will consent to our marriage ? Angely: Of course, papa will be sorry to lose me, dar- ling. Algy But I will say to him that instead of losing a daughter he will gain a son. A ngely: I wouldn't do that, love, if you really want me. Papa has three such sons living at home now, and he's a little bit touchy on the point. Mrs. Jones: Why, Tommy, have you got tired already playing with your little sister P i Tommy Yes, I don't want to play with her any more. Mrs. Smith (a visitor): Why not, Tommy ? Tommy: Because she is too mean for anything. She won't fight a bit like you and papa. She just sulks. There are fifty-one metals," casually re- marked a man at the breakfast table in a Washington hotel. "Sir," quickly responded the Senator from Nevada, there is but one metal." I'm going to enlarge my paper," remarked the editor to the farmer. So am I," was the response. Why, you haven't got any paper," exclaimed the puzzled editor. 41N ot like yours, maybe, but I've got a note out for 250 dollars and I've got to enlarge it to 500 dollars or sell off my farm." Papa," said a little girl who had been getting a great many satisfactory answers to a great many questions, what's the use of our having a dictionary in the house while you are here ?

Serving Two Masters.

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