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CLEARED FOB^SEA,

ENTERED INWARDS"I

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Mother: Tommy, wtiat 0 rour ilttle brotum •tying aboul?" Tommy: "'Cause I'm eatia» ■T cake an' won't give him any." Mother; "la his own cake finished?" Tommy: Yes'naj he oried while I was eatin' that, too." A patient in a hospital had to be fed on a daily diet of egg and port wine. His physician aked him how he liked it. It would be aN light, doctor," he said, "if the egg was as new « the port, and the port as old as the egg." Wife: "Oh, dear! The cook says she is going leave, and she has been here only two Husbard: "It's all your own fault, Maria. YOB opyor will learn how to manage servants. Why, Xty mother once kept a cook nearly a month." Hostess: "Now, Mr. Spooner, won't you ■fatf us something?" Spooner (modestly): "Oh. ■ waonldn't like to—after all those good singers. Hostess (wishing to put him at his ease): "Ah. lot we like a change sometimes, Mr. Spooner! "From the grammatical standpoint," said the fcir maid with the lofty forehead, "which do ftu consider correct: I had rather go home' or I would rather go home'?" "Neither," promptly answered the young man. I'd mnN MAher stay here." "Does your wife take any interest in current politics?" asked the earnest woman. "No," re- plied Mr. Farmon, "she don't. But if it's cur* pant jelly or currant pie, why, I believe she •ould tefl you more things about 'em than yoe ow dreamt of." The Doctor: Well, Mrs. Barnes, I must offer pOD my congratulations. I hear you've married Main. And have you given yp your occupation m washing?" Mrs. Barnes: "Oh, no, sir. But. MQ see, if I 'adn't taken T<i 'ft' 'ad to '» ■ought a donkey!" They had been engaged for fully thirty minute* fey the cuckoo clock. I have a surprise in store lor you, Alfred, dear," she eaid. I can cook as well as I can play the piano." "That being the 888, darling," \Ie replied, "we had better live II a boarding-house." He said he "vouid lay the earth at my feet," Baal the sentimental gir, "Yes," an. swered Miss Cayenne, it sounds good, but it in Not practical. You already have the earth at your feet. What you want is & three 0.. foue- ttorey house over your head." Host: "I'm sorry to send you out in such a -Mustering night as this, -old fellow." Guestf -It is raining pretty hard. ,1 say, couldn't_ yo* lend me your umbrella?" Host: "Certainly; think I'll walk Acme with you 111" NK- A re&Uy need a. little exeroiae."

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