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FOREIGN ARRIVALS AND MOVEMENTS…

Local Chartering.

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Mother: "Tommy, wftats your little CroMtx trying about?" Tommy: "'Cauae I'm eattoo a cake an' won't give him any." Mother, of his own cake banished t" Tommy: Yealim; W he cried while I was eatin' that, too." A patient in a hospital had to be fed oa a daily diet of egg and port wine. His physician I asked him how he liked it. "It would be all light, doctor," he said, "if the egg was as new to the port, and the port as old as the egg." Wife: "Oh, dearl The cook says she is going Id leave, and she has been here only two dam Husband: "It's all your own fault, Maria. YOB movor will learn how to manage servants. Why, tty mother once kept a cook nearly a month." Hostess: "Now, Mr. Spooner, won't rem afakr us something?" Spooner (modestly): "Oh. I shouldn't like to—after all those good singers. Hostess (wishing to put him at his ease): Alk bat we like a change sometimes, Mr. Spooner I I From the grammatical standpoint," said the lair maid with the lofty forehead, "which do I Mm consider correct: I had rather go home' or I would rather go home'?" "Neither," promptly answered the young man. I'd maflll Vather stay here." Does your wife take any interest in current politics?" asked the earnest woman. No," re- plied Mr. Farmon, "she don't. But if it's cur- rant jelly or currant pie, why, I believe sha aould tell you more things about 'em than yo* arer dreamt of." The Doctor: "Well, Mrs. Barnes, I must offer pea my congratulations. I hear you've married again. And have you given up your occupation at washing?" Mrs. Barma: "Oh, no, sir. But. Co see, if I 'adn'fc taken 'e, I'd 'a' 'ad to 'a tight a donkey They had been engaged for fully thirty minutes fcy the cuckoo clock. I have a surprise in stoia lor you, Alfred, dear," she said. I can 000k «a | well as I can play the piano." "That being the ease, darling," he replied, "we had better live in a boarding-house." He said he -<)isid lay the earth at my feet," rmia the sentimental giri. "Yes," an. awered Miss Cayenne, it sounds good, but it is not practical. You already have the earth at your feet. What you want is a three c* fouE- afeotey house over your head." Host: "I'm sorry to send you out in such Mustering night as this, old fellow." Guestf "It is raining pretty hard. I say, couldn't yo* lend me your umbrella?" Host: "Certainly; and--er-I think I'll walk jome with you on off A reailj need a little exercise." I

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