Skip to main content
Hide Articles List

4 articles on this Page

Advertising

To Mothers.

[No title]

WISE AND OTHERWISE

News
Cite
Share

WISE AND OTHERWISE If a man looks at his switch while 70a ere Mai a funny story, cut it short. He: "Why did Miss Oldly take ta (he rloliaf* the: "Because a bow goes with it." "There is no place like home"—provided ttlm^ 8e where you are labelled an inmate." -18 she careful as to whom she tells her seereta 9 •Ob, yes, she will never tell them to anyone The thinks can keep a secret." "We all desire the greatest good to the greater ■umber done But the greatest nuwber'is uhdsp Stood to be always number one." PatientDoctor, what do y(\ r do when y- kave a cold ip the head ?" Doctor: "Wei aiadam, I sneeze most of the time. He (before the wedding): "You are sure yoQ won't be nervous at the altar ? She (four tiim a widow): "I havA nevw been yat." Bracelets of old coins are row very fashionable, |>ut the attempt to beat a pair of handcuffs. IM real durability, will always be a failure. Nell: I know one thing that even the most 60nest man would rather steal than have given t* hn." Belle "What's that ? Nell: "A kiss." In Genoa the policemen wear silk hats and tmj tilver-headed walking-sticks. Genoa seems to be the only place where a policeman can look as bit M he feels. "No, Willie dear," said mamma, "no more cakap to-night. Don't you know you cannot sleep on a foil stomach ? "Well," replied Willie, "I can ale" an my back." It is uniucjtv to OA married in May. The othtt plucky months are March, August, December, January, June, April, November, July September. February, and October. Friend: "I haven't seen you for some time.* Foet: "No. Fact is, I have btcome a good deal of a recluse lately." Friend: *1 feared so muelk Bow much do you owe ? Gus: "If you don't give it -to me at once, JIB kiss you." Madge: "Arid if I do give it you, you Will let me alon6. 'ius: "Certainly." Madge t •Well, you can't hare it." She: "Pshaw! Any man of ordinary ictelligenet Cght to see that." He That may be. But I'll ve you to understand, madam, that I'm not • man of ordinary intelligence." An Irishman asked a Scotchman one 'lay why a flilway engine was called "ah* Sandy replied, Perhaps it's on account of the horn's* note* U pakes when it tries to whistle." Visitor: "Tommy, I wish to ask you a few nations in grammar." Tommv • ves, sir." "U I give you the sentence The pupil loves his lll'èher,' what is that?" "Sarcaun." A man was once idvised by his friend to take I tortain kind of pill for rheumatism. "Pills!" hs Routed. "Pills! I have taken so many pills already Set my joints are all ball-bearing." Ifee corporation came to the following resolution, "t a new gaol should be built; that this should to done out of the materials of the oid gaol; tba gM gaol to be used till the new one be ready." A Wndon cabman was recently having his first. Bbaby christened. Clergyman: "What name I give this child ?" Cabby (through sheer of habit): "Oh, I'll leave that to you, sir." Teacher: "The sentence, 'My father had money,' If in the past tenso. Now, Mary, what tense would pg be speaking in if you said: 'My father hat Coney P' Little Mary: Oh, that would Y* pwtenee." "Old Brown tells mo that the horse he wants to »|I1 is sound, gentle, anu kind, and won't kick.* I'd be suspicious of him if 1 w«re you, old man "Why P "Well, you know, married his daughter." Felix McCarthy, or the Kerry Militia, was morally late on parade. "Ah. FeMx," Said th* Mgeont, "you are always last." "Be aisy, swsnsnt." was the reply. "Shure, someone must {•last." Lecturer (proudly): "Y"" gentlemen, I'T- delivered one lecture over 300 consecutive nights." tones (sadly): "That's nothing. My wife has delivered one lecture to me, without missing a sight, for over seven years "When are you going to pay this bill ? asked the angry creditor. "Haven't the least idea," calmly replied the debtor; "but don't let it worry you. I would rather owe you that bill foe s hundred years than cheat you out of a penny." Husband: "You say there are no flowers for th. dinner table. Whera are the chrysanthemums I sen* home?" Wife: "Oh, Joseph, don't speak so lovd. You might hurt Mary's feelings. She didn't uodor- Stand what they were, and has cooked them la milk." "Does the baby talk yet?" asked a friend of family. "No," replied the baby's disguiafcod little brother, "he doesn't have to." "Doesn't have tk talk ? "No all he has to da is to yell and ke -to anything there is in the nuuoe that's wortk having." One day as a certain schoolmaster, with aspe^ tferce and cane upraised, was about to punish 0M ef his pupils, tne little fellow said quite i>B»» eently, and doubtless with some r*g[iie recollection I s £ a visit to the dentist uf lease, sir, way maf I I»wmV"