Welsh Newspapers

Search 15 million Welsh newspaper articles

Hide Articles List

12 articles on this Page







[No title]



FACTS AND F ACETIÆ. —*— A tear is often the indication of a noble mind. A very good book is much read, but a lobster is often much redder. It is a good thing to laugh at any rate; and if a straw can tickle a man it is an instrument of happi- ness. A horse-dealer, describing a used-up horse, said he looked as if he had been editing a newspaper. When is iron like a band of robbers ? When it's united to steel. A man, courting a young woman, was interrogated by her father as to his occupation. "I am a paper- hanger upon a large scale," he replied. He married the girl, and turned out to be a bill-sticker. Pa," said a lad to his father, I often read of peo- ple poor but honest; why don't they say rich but honest ? Tut, tut, my son," said the father, no- body would believe them." A sentimental young lady having asked a gentle- man why he did not secure some fond one's company across the ocean of life, replied that he wauld do so, were he certain that said ocean would be Pacific. I A lady walking a few days since on the prome- nade at Brighton asked a sailor whom she met why a ship was called a she ?'' The son of Neptune un- gallantly replied that it was" because the rigging costs so much." A chaplain was once preaching to a class of collegians about the formation of bad habits. Gentle- men," said he, close your ears against bad dis- courses." The scholars immediately clapped their hands to their ears. An enterprising chemist has managed to extract from sausages a powerful tonic, possessing the whole strength of the original bark. He calls it the sulphate of canine. Ma. said a little boy, has aunty got bees in her mouth ?" "No, my dear; why do you ask P 'Cause Captain Jones caught hold of her and said, He was going to take honey from her lips;' and she said, Well, make haste Quin was at a small dinner party. There was a delicious pudding, of which the master of the house begged him to partake. A gentleman had just before helped himself to an immense piece of it. Pray," said Quin, looking first at the gentleman's plate and then at the dish, which is the pudding?" r wonder how they make lucifer matches!" said Mrs. Caudle. The process is very simple," said Mr. Caudle; I once made one." How did you manage it?" "By leading you to the altar." Caudle caught it. A Drop of the Crater."—An Irishman who had returned from Italy, where he had been with his master, was asked in the kitchen, "Yea, then, Pat, 'I what is the lava I hear the master talking about ? Only a drop of the crater," was Pat's reply. EPITAPHS. On a tombstone in Bulford Churchyard :— James Grist, of Bulford, near Salisbury, died April 2, 1742, aged 108 years. These following lines are supposed to be written by himself:— Stop, passenger, until my life you read, The living may get knowledge by the dead. Four times ten years I lived a single life, Four times five years I lived with a wife. Pour times twelve years I lived a widower; In all my time I was not-sick an honr. I from my cradle to my grave have seen Six mighty kings of England, and two Queens. I still lived honest, sober, good, and chaste; Now tired of this mortal life I rest. Strange desolation in my time has been, I have an end of all perfection seen. You see the longest day must have an end, Therefore prepare to follow me, my friend. In the churchyard of the parish of Downton, near Salisbury, there is a gravestone to the memory of Daniel Sheryer, with the following epitaph: — This wprld is like a city full of crooked streets, And Death's the market-place where all men meets. If life was merchandise that men could buy, The rich would live and none but poor would die." This stone appears to have been erected about the year 1784. On a lawyer :— traveller, stop I look down! one lawyer Hookem, 'Neath twenty feet of earth, encased in lead, Hieja.cet; -stra.Rge, his habit ne'er forsook him; When living 'twaa by lies he got his bread, And now when Death has done his work and took him, He lies beneath the soil among the dead." A Rustic Courtship. Oi say, Peggy, how many years be it sin* we begun to keep company to- gether ? Ten or twelve, oi reckon." Ten or twelve! More loike fourteen or sixteen. Whoi, Miss Ailse wur but a babby so hoigh (indicating the height with her hand) runnin' about th' dairy an' tumblin' in th' milk- pans and duck-pond, if a wench nobbut turned her back." "Whoi, what a memory yo' ha', Peggy!" ejaculated Dick, with exulting admiration, oi could na* remember that fur!" Ha! but yo' dinna' get vo'r ears clouted as oi did, sure as eggs, when that big woman as tended th* house that year, fund mea dawdlin' wi' thee instead of mindin' the choild an' sarve mea right too, for th' little un hadn noigh bin drownded." "She was na' drownded, though! an' now she's a foine loss goin' to be wed Oi say, Peggy, if our betters think it toime to get wed afore they ha' known one another's faces twelve months, dunna' yo' think as how we who ha' known each other's moinds more nor them manny years moight venture ? What dost say, loss P Oi dunno," was the low answer from Peggy's lips, whilst her rough fingers twirled the tape ringlets unconsciously. Tha dunno whoi, Peggy, loss, tha dun'! An' Peggy, oi begin to think as how o' shouldn' ha' axed yo' that question manny a year ago An' so, if yo' dunna say nay, oi'll go an' put th' banns oop next Sunday! What dost hay ?" Peggy had not said anything, but she did then squeeze out the words, If thQ, loikes, l>eak."—God's Providence House. Proverbs—Preserved by Joshua .Billings, Esq.—Don't swop with your relashuns unless you kin afford to give them the big end of the trade. Marry young, and, if circumstances require it, often. If you can't git good cloathes and edication too, git the cloathes. Say "How are your" to everybody. Kultivate modesty, but mind and keep a good stock of impudence on hand. Bee charitable—three-cent pieces were made on purpose. It costs more to borry than it does to buy. If a man flatters you. you con kalkor- late he is a rogue, or you are a fule. Keep both your ize open, but don't see morn harlf you notis. If you ioll for fame, go into a graveyard and scratch yourself agm a tume stone. Young man, be more anxus about the pedigree yur going to leave thaa you are about the wun somebody's going to leave you. Sin is like weeds -selfsone and sure to cum. Two lovers, like two armies, generally git along quietly, until they are engaged. The Pope and the Dancer.-A Vienna paper has the following anecdote of Fanny Elssler. Among the trophies of this favourite of Terpsichore is a golden wreath, which has a little history of its own. When Fanny Elssler, in 1847, delighted the Eternal City with her dancing, some of her admirers subscribed the sum of 12,000 lire, which was the sum asked by the jeweller for the intended present—a golden wreath. The wreath was finished and ready to be presented to Elssler, when the conscience of the faithful Catholics was disturbed by the doubt whether such a demonstration might not be distasteful to the Pope. Accordingly it was resolved to consult his Holiness on the matter. Pio Nono answered: "You do not need my consent for what you intend to do; give the wreath to the dancer, if this affords you pleasure; but allow me to remark that you do not seem to have been fortunate in the choice of the keepsake which you have decided upon. I should have preferred a garland, a bouquet, or some- thing of the sort, for I thought till now that wreaths were meant for the head, not for the feet." This shows that the Pope, as little as any other man, can resist the opportunity for making a pun. However, he made atonement for it in giving 4,000 lire to the poor on the day the golden wreath was presented to Fanny Elssler. »

[No title]


ovum K&jysijyuTuis UAKU^JSH.

[No title]