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AGHICULTUBI. ?

HINTS UFO 1ST G-A-RDENIBTQ.

SPORTS AND PASTIMES.

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ALLEGED FORGERIES TO UPWARDS…

DOUBLE MURDER AT BATLEY, NEAR…

FACTS AND FACETIJE.

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FACTS AND FACETIJE. Cunning is nothing else but the fool's substitute for wisdom. When is an author moat like a puppy ? When he carries his tale with him. Why is a woman's tongue like a planet ? Because nothing short of the power that created it, is able to stop it in its course. What is the difference between a bad governess and a good one? One guides miss, the other mis- guides. "Bob, is that dog a hunter?" "No; he's half hunter and half setter—he hunts bones when he's hungry, and sets by the fire when he's satisfied." An original way of an3wering two questions at a time:—"Here, Biddy, my darlint, what's the time o'night, and where's the paraty pudding?" "It's eight, sir." Most tragic actors, however anxious to make a Bfinsation, would rather see the tiers full of eyes than the eyes full of tears. I wish," said a son of Erin, I could find the place where men don't die, that I might go and end my days there." The present fashion of bonnets—a lady drosses first and then puts on her bonnet. The bonnet is now completely an after-thought. A young dandy, who sported an enormous moustache, asked a lady what she thought of his looks. Why," said she, you look as if you had swallowed a squirrel, and left the tail sticking out of your moMi" Dean Swift once said that Providence showed how little it thought of riohes by the fools whom it permitted to possess wealth. Lever, In one of his stories, tells of a dashing indi- vidual who boiled his hams in sherry wine, whereat an honest Hibernian exclaimed, I wish I were a pig in them times J" A young lady who was rebuked by her mother, for kissing her intended, justified herself by quoting the passage, Whatsoever ye would that men should do unto you, do ye even eo unto them." It seems," observed one dandy to another at a party, that they give no supper to-night;" to which the other replied, "Then I stop my expenses and coolly took off his new pair of white kids. Miss Languish sent for her doctor one morning express, she was so ill. She had had such an awful dream. She had dreamt that she saw her grand- father, who had been dead for ten years. Medicus asked her what she had been eating for supper. Oh only half a mince pie! Well," said he, never exceed that: if you had doveurod the other half you might probably have seen your grandmother." A solicitor, who was remarkable for the length and sharpness of his nose, once told a lady that if she did not immediately settle a matter in dispute, he would file a bill against her. Indeed, sir," said the iady, there is no necessity for you to file your bill I m sure, for it is sharp enough already." A junior counsel, at Manchester Assizes the other day, was objecting to a case being remitted from Baron Bramwell's court to that of Mr. Justice Smith, and said that as the senior counsel was absent, he (the junior) might have to speak against time for two or three hours. The Baron coolly remarked, "Very well; if you have to speak three hours, go and make your speech. Thank God I shall not be there to hear it! CHARADES. My first is a name which belongs to renown Though it blackens the pages of history down My second's a nickname applied to a free Jolly fellow who often is ploughing the sea; My whole is an instrument pleasant to hear, When handled by beauty one loves to be near. Guy-tar (Guitar). My first is all black, and extracted from coal; My second, as also a part of my whole, Alike does belong to the fuel we've named, And yet each represents a sailor well famed, Whilst to double the words as best you may please, There's a name for a wife that her husband doth tease, Tar-tar. During a recent conjuring performance of Herr Basch, at Koenigsberg, a gentleman rose in the body of the hall and addressed the conjuror as follows- "Herr Basch, your next trick, as I see from the pro- gramme, is to make any person disappear who is pointed out to you. There sits my runaway spouse with her paramour. Pray make them disappear." rhe lady turned alternately pale and red, and the couple left, amid the roaring laughter of the' public. — — The Australian mail brings intelligence of the death of old Fisherman, one of the most popular, stoutest, and gamest horses that ever trod the British turf. In his best day, Fisherman's name was as familiar in our mouths as household words. His splendid double victory in the Ascot Cup, and his many successes in Queen's Plates, rendered him afl general^ a favourite as Caller Ou, and when "old Fish s winning number was displayed the populace were always most enthusiastic. Some few years since he was purchased by Mr. Fisher, an Australian breeder of eminence, and exported to the colony, where he recently died, after a few days' illness. Wells, the tamous horseman, was most usually identified with Fisherman, the two being arcades arnbo for year?; atio. the son of Heron was consecutively the property of Mr. Halford, Mr. T. Parr, and Mr. F. Higgins, but was more closely associated in our memories with the Wantage "puce and white."