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EXTRACTS FROM" PUNCH "& "FUN."

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EXTRACTS FROM" PUNCH "& "FUN." -+- ¡", Mr. Bull to his American Bullies. "J Iloy, I say you two there, kicking Up that row before my shop -Do you want a good sound licking > Both ? If not, you'd better stop.. i Peg away at one another, ;ji|, ) ,'i If you choose such fools to be: n't. But leave me alone; don't bother, ,f "e' Bullyrag, and worry me i; Into your confounded quarrel M-. ,v' Let myself be dragged I'll not r. l j By you, fighting for a Morrill <• • ■•■} Tariff; or your slavery lot What I want to do with either v.-■ Is impartially to trade: iiv.r Nonsense I will stand from neither Past the bounds of gasconade. You, North, roaring, raving, yelling, Hold your jaw, you booby, do; What, dy'e threaten me for selling Arms to South as well as you ? South, at me don't bawl and bellow, That won't make me take your part; So you just be off, young fellow: Now, you noisy chap, too, start To be called names, 'tis unpleasant; Words, however, break no bones I control myself at present; ■ But beware of throwing stones! I won't have my windows broken, H Mind, you brawlers, what I say, See this stick, a striking token; Cut your own, or civil stay. ATSTOTHEK WATER-LOO.—Col. Cruikshank's Corps, the 48th Middlesex, or Temperance Volunteers, were observed not long since marching solemnly to the sound of pipes (not tobacco pipes, for they are total abstainers) and drums and trumpets in a terrific shower of rain. There can be no doubt that each of the so-called teatotallers must have taken several drops on this occasion. The gallant wet-eran who led them ought to have known better than to have made such a water-colour exhibition of his corps. We have no desire, after the damp that was cast on them, to decry the regiment's valour—we simply question the wisdom of such a parade—twenty-four rank and file, not in- cluding the band, or the colonel, or the colonel's cele- brated groggy charger Of course, in case of invasion, the twenty-four teatotallers would draw-like pumps -in the defence of their country. A MAN OF LETTERS.—Old Abe has been penning such an epistle It is difficult to guess how he came to be trusted with a pen and ink. His friends might have been sure he would have committed himself, as well as what he had to say, to writing. He has managed to put his webbed foot" into it, with a vengeance. The funniest part "of his letter is the finish. Let us be quite sober," he says. Well, it would be better to be sober, for it is a double evil when a man is drunk as well as a fool. VARlUM ET MUTABILE.—Woman is always a variable and changeable thing. Our authority for this statement is pretty widely known, and as a particular 'example to this general rule, we give the following re- markable instance :—The other day a young lady, whose antipathy to all dangerous gymnastic exhi- bitions is proverbial among her own immediate friends, actually made a speech on the tight rope. AGGRAVATED ASSAULT.—Violence appears to be the order of the day. Only last week a nurseryman was charged, at the instance of the Society for the Pre- vention of Cruelty, with striking some young gera- niums, the property of his master. Strange to say, he was discharged, although in his defence he admitted having just about that time slipt into" the green- house. BOUND TO ADORE.-—-We are repeatedly told that "Love laughs at Locksmiths." It is true to a turn, for there are instances on the legal books of Cupid not only laughing at the locksmith, but actually taking his pick of all the wards in Chancery. NOTE BY A KITCHEN DRESSER.—In the days of clock-pattern'd stockings, their wearers always went on tick. A NOTE FROM THE SCALES OF JUSTICE. — A concert-singer having murdered a tune, subsequently tried his voice, and with ease acquitted himself. A. BARBAROUS KACE.—When rival 'buses run over people in their competition. FANCY FAIRS."—The ever-varying fares of our street cabs. AMERICAN POLITICAL CAPITAL.-Abuse of Eng- land.

RIOT NEAR GUILDFORD.

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