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-----.-.----ffll AND HUMOUR.

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ffll AND HUMOUR. Jlissme men—Bad marksmen. Aiways Awake—A vessel's track. How to get flesh-Steal a side of beef. A PLAIN-DEUING man-One who sells thenC HE popular diet for gymnasts-Tarn-overs: Cliz-kr out-of-door breakfast-A roll on the grass I JaergEN ^"Hor Business is Looking Up—Astrono do B faDs, does it ever get up again? 0 COurse It an^ advertises 'Hame and cigars—smoket, an<* unsmokod. 'k 11--kRF.R wants to know what is the greatest knea< Of the hour.. vnv" 0;me that will brings tears to your eyes—i Volume of smoke. r,, f0MI; men cannot stand prosperity. Others nevei u chance to try. to Produce a telling effect—Communicate 8 et to a woman. tH?X'rFN a woman begins to refuse to tell her asre— ati 8 ? symptom. Ti?^ ">AT was the most honest bet that was ever made I he mpha-bet. A bEAn HEN is better than a live one she will laj vvberever you put her. J 01 may very properly take a man's word, but d< nl)L stoal his dictionary. ir ft ?UNTRY ^a^rdresser of our acquaintance says he u thfl head man of the town. iiito four, you can't,' as the shoemaker mildly SUggested to a lady customer. cJF; yo" Set. much «in the Sun,' take an ex- U!1 -ion to Ramham. 1 APTER reading (A Midsummer Nights Dream,' look out for < The Tempest.' Ir a young lady does not know I the sweetest thing in "onnets, show-er. hot;')?j n°wly-mado widower, gravely, 'I am \fied that she took a sudden cold.' *„ ABOUT the greatest tail-bearer I know,' said the lner s boy, 1 is our old peacock.' b OXL Y a small percentage of men love their glass, bu every mother's daughter dotes on hers. ii ^*EVEI1 talk to a farmer with the toothache about e product of his broad and fertile achers. things go off in a hurry—an arrow dismissed 0rn a bow, and a beau dismissed by a belle. eh'tt e^ei-ly head nurse in an institution for lifJren, calls herself queen of the bawl-room.' I STAND corrected,' as the boy said who was too Sore, after a thrashing, to sit down in comfort. -To the impecunious it may be mentioned that they can gonerally get tick' from a clock in good erder. < use^ 9n p' railwav signifies danger, and says ■' It is the same thing displayed on a man's nose. SAID she, Now tell me all you saw at the circus.' Saw? Sawdust,' was the comprehensive reply. IN'] I AT is the difference between a hungry man and glutton P One longs to eat, and the other eats too long, 0 ^Vhatis that which lives In the winter, dies in the auniiv.er, and alway grows with the roots upward ? n icicle. When are the clouds like jockeys ? When they hold the rains. Why is a sailor's hand like the sky at QlghtBecause it's tarry. R asper being told he looked seedy, and asked what u-.ness he was In, replied, The hardware business ook at my wardrobe.' A. CORONER'S verdict reads thus: The deceased came •j uis death by excessive drinking, producing apo- plexy in the minds of the jury.' i he miser who hoarded his money in avasesnil e did it because he believed in the saying, Urn you; money before you spend it.' We had shortcake for tea,' said a little girl to a i^tle boy. So had we,' he answered, so short that didn't get a bit of it.' SHARKS won't bite a swimmer who keeps his legs In motion. If you can keep kicking longer than a 8bark can keep waiting, you'll be all right. It is the opinion of Miss-that males are of no ?°count from the time ladies stop kissing them as bifants till they kiss them again as lovers. Some wretch has the audacity to remark that the ^es deck their hats with flowers in memory of the lnen who have been killed by milliners' bills. One of the most unexpected and spirit-drooping things is to borrow an umbrella and find the pro wetor's name indelibly attached to the handle. t A country paper says: A child was run over by ^fcgon three years old, and cross-eyed, with knick* Shockers on, which never spoke afterwards.' An old bachelor at a wedding feast had the heart- iness to offer the following toast:—* Marriage— -he gate through which the happy lover leaves h-' triebinted regions and returns to earth.' A. wmow intending to succeed her husband in the Management of an hotel, advertised that I the hotel "III be kept by the widow of the former landlord, ho died last summer on a new and improved plan.' 'Do you think a little temper a bad thing in a Oman ?' asked a young lady of her lover. Certainly Roy he replied; on the contrary, it is a very good and she should be careful never to lose it.' 1 -octor,' said an old lady, 'do you believe in ( 6'iosts ? Do you believe that the dead ever actually ( *alk on this earth ?' 'No doubt of it, madam,' an-1 < *^ered the doctor; 'I've repeatedly heard the Dead ] ^arch in Saul.' How many people have gone to destruction over i pose terrible Falls!' said a gentleman to a temperance i Jfccturer at Niagara. A great many more have been i ~estroyed by the little cask-aids,' responded the tee- 5 ^taller. i About three million pins are made every day in ] his country, but let a young fellow dig one into his ] while measuring a girl's waist some moonlight 1 ^'ght in the interests of science, and he never thinks 1 Of the other two million and odd. 1 ( A man suffering from the gout was explaining to a 0 friend that his doctor did not permit him to eat sweet ^°'atoes, fruits, farinaceous vegetables, or drink ale wine. Well,' exclaimed the friend, why do you an°ther doctor ?' 1 -ecturer said that black-eyed women never *°ved so fondly as blue-eyed women do, whereupon an old ruffian in the audienco muttered, That's the < 'ecret of my wife's never loving me after I gave her black eye as much as she did before.' A wag wishing to bother a homoeopathic physician ^d, Doctor, how would you apply your theory of ^ke cure3 like' to a case of fatigue ?' Easily plough,' replied the doctor. 'When you're tired You always get rest by retiring, don't you ?' A young man, having been turned out of doors by J118 sweetheart's father, being asked if he didn't in- ,end to resent the insult, said, No 1 did feel a (j ^tle put out at the time, but I'm of a forgiving die- *°sition. Besides, I married the girl the next day.' "The relationship of a man and a woman in rainy "The relationship of a man and a woman in rainy father is easily discovered. If they arc lovers, the will have all of the umbrella, and a man won't a fig how wet he gets buf if they are married,! J? ■18 just the opposite. Marriage makes the diffe"- that is all. I A little five-year-old boy was asked by a lady,ra days since, for a kiss. He immediately com- Phed, but the lady, seeing the little fellow (brew his across his lips, remarked, 'Ah, but you are lobbing it off.' No, I ain't,' was the quick rejoinder;; rubbing it in.' A rich family named Hill suddenly became poor,! a poverty-stricken family in the same town: *^ned Valley as suddenly becoming rich, the editor i* the village paper remarked that it was interesting *° observe, in;the mutations of time, how the Hillf retimes sink while the Valleys rise.' Do you know,' remarked a rather fast youth th< ..her day, to a stuttering friend to whom he was: rightly mdebtoil,—' do you know that I intend to J^rry and seitlo down"?' 'I do-don't know any- i about it,' was the reply.^ bu-but I think you ^db-b-better stay single and'set-settle up.' 1. A Japanese husband, it is said, can get a divorce ii j*8 wife disobeys bis mother. A good many married in this country are calling the attentions of theii fathers-in-law to this fact, in the hope that seeing estimation in which the relation is held there. 'By may be induced to emigrate

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THE MOUTH.

A NEW MODE OF FORGING CHEQUES.

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